3 Essential Tips for Online Dating Message and Email Writing | Girls Chase

3 Essential Tips for Online Dating Message and Email Writing

online dating message
  1. Keep it short,
  2. Help her think, and
  3. Walk a mile in her shoes.

I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning. But I want to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment.

I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first.

This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. A very well-spoken and clearly an educated guy, he sent me a message detailing a situation with a girl he knew... and boy, was it detailed. I mean, it was long. Really long.

I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then... I'd get no response.

There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today. The basic gist of today's post is, basically, that this -- what we're about to talk about -- is how you write online dating messages and emails that don't get ignored... and, in fact, get you exactly what you want: responses, phone numbers, dates, and success.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Kash's picture

Does this article apply to social websites such as Facebook, twitter, etc?

BFJ's picture

Just found this article from last year and as much as I like and and plan to give the ideas some play time my experience has been pretty different. I think most of it is your pictures and a little luck but I'll report back if I'm proved wrong after trying your ideas. All the women that I picked-up on line were caught with humor, nothing else has worked. An Irish woman included that she missed men with an Irish accent - I sent a quick message that said "I can totally fake an Irish accent you should hear it!" - two year relationship, another said she was looking for men over 45. 43 at the time I sent her a message that just said, I'll be 45 in a couple of years, you should wait for me" - had a date the next night. Go figure.

jason gray's picture

So I met a girl online, we exchanged a few great emails over the day, she would reply right within an hour or so and had a good connection going.
I asked her what she did for work and she responded with something about being a numbers person and asked what I do..
charming and witty as I am I took this opportunity to say, if your a number girl how about you give me your's and i can tell you about my construction business over the phone
she responded with something along the lines of awesome as you are not comfortable yet maybe later..after we got get to know one another.

i then emiled her a message with 3 things:
1 a cleverly worded joke about how i like that she didn't fall me trying to get her number there, knowing my humor and the pervious messages thats not the problem i don't think
2 told her about my job
3 changed the subject to something other then my job. so top 5 tv show's.Problem is I rushed and forgot to ask her to tell me her's and she never responded.

what should i do, wait it out a more couple days or email her bringing up something else or lastly move on. don't really want to cus of all the girl i've met so far she the only interesting one

Anonymous's picture

She's already over you. Your first mistake was backing down. If she says no, you must reciprocate, not explain away and sacrifice your integrity in the process. It only makes her lose respect for you, as weird as it sounds since you were answering her questions and complying to her guidelines. It's more the process than the actual subject of the conversation. I believe it's been compared to dancing. Somebody has to lead, and if she was the type to do so, she would have started to after you offered.

che's picture

hi chase,

discovered your site a month or two ago, wish i'd discovered it 20 years ago! or at least 5 years ago when i first heard about 'pickup' ...

are you still based in beijing? if yes, then you may well be familiar with a smartphone app, Wechat, which can be used to search for and chat with other users. i guess it's like a combination of MSN messenger and sms text messaging.

this could be a valuable tool for meeting girls. i've had varying results with my experiments but i'm having a hard time. haven't managed to meet someone face to face yet.

i have no problem with text messages- keep them, short, don't try to build rapport and focus on arranging a meet, but that's with people you already met face-to-face, or dated already ...
how can we go about creating attraction and comfort with a girl using this new medium?

perhaps you could write a post about this? thanks ...

couple more things - what's the situation with coaching? i'm in shanghai and may be interested.
if you're ever in shanghai i'll buy you a beer,


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