GIRLS CHASE MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
• Unlimited access to GirlsChase.com
When
does no mean no? As the lines
of consent increasingly blur, today’s men find themselves caught in a
sexual Catch-22.
You’re somewhere private with a girl... kissing, caressing, running hands on one another’s bodies. And then you go to lift her shirt up.
“No,” she says.
It’s not a firm ‘no’. It’s more of an “I’m not quite ready” no. Or so
you think.
But... Well, you might be wrong. You’re not quite sure.
You don’t want to be that guy who pushes her too far and makes her do something she doesn’t want to.
She isn’t a child, of course. She’s an adult like you. She has agency; her choices are hers.
Yet you want to be a force for good... not regret.
On top of this, you’re terrified of a girl crying rape... You realize 43,000 men have false allegations of rape made against them in the U.S. every year. Most of those cases get thrown out, but often only after tens of thousands in legal fees.
It’s the Salem witch-hunt of the 2010s. And you do not want to be the accused yelling “More weight.” You don’t want your life cindered for nothing.
Yet sex resistance
is part and parcel to sex with American girls. If you have intercourse
in America, you will encounter this. It is what girls from here do.
So what exactly should you do? And when does ‘no’ actually mean ‘no’?
Comments
Great article
Hey Chase,
Great article as usual. I was wondering if you could squeeze it in, if you can touch on the rise of Thirs Wave Feminism, and where you think it could be heading to, and how it could effect us men in the community. This article reminded me a lot of that.
To give my two cents on " rape culture" I think we do have one, but it's the other side of the coin that what TWFs would have you believe. I believe the rape culture is like you said above... Anything can be rape to them.
Anyway, thanks for what you do man. For real.
DM
Third Wave Feminism: A Defensive Ideology
DM-
Have you seen these two articles by me?:
My theory in a nutshell is Western men and women have been heavily coddled by a materialistic society that bombards them with "You are special" messages, originating with PR / advertising, designed to mold them into consumers ("Wow, XYZ product says I'm special and I should buy XYZ product!"), and this message gets repeated so much that everyone else picks it up and it's become engrained in the culture. Then they meet each other and fly into narcissistic rage that others aren't recognizing them as special (and that these others expect to be treated as special themselves, instead of treating you as special).
Then on top of that, school and workplaces are now coed and desegregated by sex, which forces women to become competitors with men. That encourages women to masculinize and, to a large extent, because they're competing with men on men's turf, it puts them at a disadvantage and leads to a lot of frustration. Also leads to many irked women encouraging men to be more like women, effectively reducing their effectiveness as competitors in the job and social market (just as groups always encourage their competitors to do things that will harm their own competitiveness).
The original feminsits were about equal rights for women in the workplace and the ability to do whatever you wanted sexually or romantically, free from judgment. Third wave feminism contains a much larger element devoted to the control of men, the silencing of speech, and a rise of authoritarian thinking that seems to be the result of feminism having moved from fringe group (at the start), to successful movement (in the middle), to, now, entrenched establishment culture attempting to silence its opponents and clamp down on dissent. So it's actually following the normal process any ideology goes through:
Once an ideology becomes the status quo, there's nothing more for it to gain, so it shifts from 'conquer' to 'defend', which is what feminism is predominantly devoted to today. Now that it is the status quo, it must defend its supremacy against alternate ideologies that address different problems. Because the original problems feminism rose to remedy for the most part no longer exist, it's forced to amplify tiny problems into huge ones to keep up the appearance of the ideology still being necessary and to attempt to drown out the realer, more pressing problems that opposing ideologies seek to address. That's why you see things like a moral panic / witch-hunt around 'rape culture' - the only way feminism remains a dominant ideology in a world in which it's accomplished its objectives is to turn men into boogeymen.
Chase
Rape culture in Brazil
Hey Chase, what a coincidence that you made a post about this today.
Was thinking about it today, specially because of a recent case here in Brazil involving a young singer. He said something like the following (out of context) to a female interviewer: ''you're pretty hot, i'd bnng you very hard''. And now he's everywhere on the news and everyone's advocating for him to be arrested for what he said.
I would say that this rape culture thing here in Brazil is not as bad as in the US of A but it's definitely noticeable even though people have this ''sexual freedom'' perception from our country... not entirely true.
Re: Rape Culture in Brazil
Rodrigo-
Ah, that's unfortunate. The way I see it, societies can respond one of several ways toward men making their desires known to women in lewd ways:
#2 is obviously the most balanced response. It's just words, who cares? But societies have agendas they want to enforce, so they will usually lean toward either #1 (scold her) or #3 (scold him).
The study I quoted was done back in 1992... a full 24 years ago. I'm sure Brazil's changed a lot since then. If there's widespread moral panic over a man making a lewd comment to a woman, then it's clearly shifted toward #3.
Chase
Chase, this article reminded me of Brock Turner
Dear Chase, your article reminded me of Brock Turner, the Stanford kid who had NO CRIMINAL BACKGROUND and slept with a drunk girl and now he needs to face 3 months of incarceration and needed to register as a Sex Offender
Here is his info:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brock_Turner
Brock Turner
Danny-
Yeah, the Brock Turner case. Impossible to know the full story there because the only thing ANYBODY knows (including the girl and the guy involved) are the end points:
They left a party together, both drunk and making out, and stumbled off together, presumably to go fool around
A pair of bicyclists found him fingering her in an alleyway, her passed out, him utterly blitzed, came over yelling at him, spooked him, and he tried to run
Here're some details from the police report, which you've got to read before jumping to conclusions. Most folks just read a few media hit pieces and decide the guy needs his head cut off.
Several conclusions we can probably draw from the details known:
The girl went to a frat party, drank like a fish, and left the party with the guy, holding hands with him and kissing. There are witnesses to this part.
At some point, they laid down on the ground together and kissed on the ground. My suspicion is she probably started feeling woozy and said she wanted to sit/lay down, and he got down with her and they kissed while she was on the ground. Another possibility is they just found a place they wanted to get it on and laid down together there, but given how drunk she was and the fact she passed out I'd bet on her getting woozy and wanting to sit.
Either way, the girl's conscious when she gets on the ground and the guy starts to kiss her. At some point before the bicyclists get there, she passes out. When does she pass out? Nobody knows. How long after she passed out did he realize she was passed out, or did he even realize it? Nobody knows.
He may have photographed her breast and sent it to his buddies. If he did, that'd seem to indicate he a.) had realized she was passed out, and b.) had no intention of raping her. If you're going to take pictures of a drunk person in a compromised position, it's usually because they've passed out and you think it's funny ("Lol, I was kissing her boobs and she passed out, look at this!"). And if you're going to rape an unconscious girl, you don't send photographic evidence to your friends.
It's really an ambiguous case, since you have no idea when the girl passed out, and all you know is they were kissing (she's awake), he fingered her (was she awake or not?), and then some guys found him (she was passed out).
I don't know what happened between when they left and when the bicyclists found her, and the only thing anyone has to go off of is the kid's own statement. The judge convicted him of three felonies for this and he spends three months in prison, then stepped down after pressure for being too light on him. Three felonies mean his life is largely over. He'll change his name and work as an electrician in a small town or something just to get away from it all. And depending on what prison he goes to he may experience a lot more 'actual' rape than what this girl did.
The media exploited this and convicted this kid in the court of public opinion as soon as it got wind of something it thought it could run with, just like Duke, UVA, and a myriad of other rape cases where it invariably turns out the media got it wrong and went on its usual digital lynching of someone accused of phallic witchcraft. And who's going to defend him? He's accused of rape at the height of rape hysteria. You don't defend someone accused of communist sympathies during the Red Scare. You just keep your mouth shut and hope it doesn't happen to you.
I feel bad for the girl, too. Everyone piled on and told her she was a victim of rape, and she's going to buy that, believe it, and carry it around with her forever. She is a victim now. Instead of walking away going, "Lol, I made out with some guy while drunk, he fingered me, and I passed out in an alley, haha," now she's going to consider herself some low value assault victim because that's what everybody tells her she is. I've seen how girls who believe themselves to be victims behave, and it's absolutely destructive, both to their own lives and to those of the folks around them.
Both of them are toast. Two dumb young kids who did dumb shit, and the media got involved and wrecked them both, probably for life. Hard not to despise the news organizations over this stuff alone.
Chase
As an American woman, it didn
As an American woman, it didn't take me too long to figure out that when a guy tries to get you to go home with him, he's trying to get sex. One thing that needs to change is women need to wise up about this. Another problem I have realized is that women fail to be assertive enough in their "No." A lot of women are able to be convinced and coerced even though inside they really, really don't want to do anything. I can recall how many times I used to hear, "Well we went back to his place and I didn't want to have sex, and I tried to let him know, but I didn't want to seem like a bitch. I do like him and I didn't want to discourage him." Women are too gullible and they are too docile.
I don't date anymore because I am in a relationship, but if I did, it's no dude, sorry, not going to your place until I am positive I want to have sex and when I say no, I mean it and if I have to say it twice, you won't be seeing me again. I wish more women had this mentality and these boundaries.
Danny, the updates on Brock for today is that he took photos of her breasts and sent them to friend as he was having his way with her unconscious body. He had no criminal background, but he clearly was aware of what he was doing and is a sex offender.
Feminism is for men too
I think the most important thing is to treat women with respect and to actually empathize with them at all stages, rather than focussing solely on getting them into bed. To treat women as actual people rather than sexual commodity. It's important for the new generations of men to recognize that a woman can be in any state of undress, at any point in sexual foreplay, and still reasonably decide that she doesn't want to sex. That's a perfectly valid stance and it's our responsibility to be decent human beings and respect that agency. Hell, as a man, I've been in that position to (e.g. foreplay but no desire for sex) and I'd be pretty pissed off if a woman just decided to go ahead and have sex with me just because we've previously been intimate. Both parties, at any point in the interaction, should be free to exit the interaction, without being coerced. When women say no, they don't want to be *forced* into it. As you rightly pointed out, the strategy has to be re-adjusted, and sometimes defeat just has to be acknowledged. As men, we should all strive to be more compassionate towards the women we court. Abandon the ego-drive man of the past and move towards something more constructive, positive. I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt and you feel disappointed, but that's part of life. Don't get angry, don't lash out. And obviously, if a woman is too drunk to properly give consent, as in the Brock Turner case, then it is our responsibility not to rape them. That much should be obvious.
I also find it unfair to burden women with the expectation of sex should they come back home with you. Wanting to keep hanging out and keep building a connection, without *necessarily* having it end in sex, is perfectly valid.
Thanks again.
this articles remind me, one
this articles remind me, one of my friends that being accused to rape some women! and then I ask him, are you rape her? and he said no! actually, my friends only make her horny, and then leave her alone! and he laugh real hard! but in the morning that girls go to police and make false report! :D
my point, is don't make a girl horny and leave! it could be a serious problems!
by the way, when I ask why he not having sex with the girls that night! he tell me,a girls only a piece of meat that wrap with nice clothes :D lmao! But I have to admit he really good and sleazy with women ! lol,
Scorned Women & False Accusations
Harrist-
Yes, I’ve heard stories like this repeatedly. Guy makes girl horny, she wants to have sex, he decides he doesn’t want to for whatever reason. Next day he’s hit with a false rape charge. There go the next few years of his life + $15K to $100K in attorney fees.
She should never feel like you are rejecting her, is the core lesson here. You must let her down in a way that she feels like it’s her choice, or at least that you haven’t acted to end things unilaterally.
You know the old phrase. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. A false rape accusation is just another risk-free outlet for a scorned woman to get back at a man. Fortunately, most women won’t sink to those depths, but enough will that it pays to be a little extra cautious with how you phrase things and conduct yourself. In addition, it’s also just gentlemanly… there’s no reason to make a girl feel like you’re rejecting her. Even if there’s no risk of her filing false claims against you. Just let her down in a respectful way:
Let a Girl Down the Right Way
Chase
Leave a Comment