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We are born into a world that doesn’t expect much out of us. Just be average, fit in, blend with the crowd, and you will be all right. This is fine if you want to be an average Joe with an average Jane by his side living an average life, but it is not so fine if you want more than this.
Yet you may have a tough time breaking out of the “mold” these low expectations place you in. From an early age we are all trained to expect average things of ourselves. Lifting one’s sights to see what is truly achievable takes work.
Having low expectations placed on you sucks.
However, when you are a kid there is nothing you can do about it except “grow up”, so you end up agonizing on this desire to change during what should be one of the most care free periods of your life.
We get crammed into school systems, graded like we must perform a service adequately, and pushed into the social confines of routine. We are left to drift away into obscurity until we grow up, and at that point it seems too late to change anything. The system that supposedly is meant to make us match expectations instead lulls us away from the best ways to exceed them.
Comments
Thank You
Well done. Inspiring read.
...
Interesting read...
It does relive pressure overall and it does help me relax in a more efficient way. Something of which i have maybe a real problem to begin with.
Although it is something different, perhaps Cody you can help me a bit ?
I`ve been implementing all the right posture and walking material on this site, and i have received some negative critics from my closest relatives.
Mainly they say that i have been walking like i own the street with my shoulders broadened, my chest puffed out, although i try not to go overboard with my walk that way.
They have also noticed that my shoulders and arm movement is to stiff and also when i sit down it looks to the other person that i do posturing...
I have noticed before that sometimes when i sit down i have my fist clutched down hard and i don`t know the apparent reason...
I become to stiff i guess..
So what i am asking is, what should i do about this ?
How should i change this stiffness and more importantly how do i become more relaxed and effortless...
I`ve re-read all the other articles on this one, i just can`t seem to shake this stiffness off...
Or maybe i am not doing posing or overconfident walking at all, it is just my relatives view of my changed style ....
What are your thoughts on this one Cody ?
Yeah, try not to pay
Yeah, try not to pay attention to family. Move out/away if you can, they tend to be very discouraging towards independence, I'm not sure why but they are lazy and don't want the "problems" a family member "succeeding" brings so they'll shoot you down to try to retain a feeling of control.
Thats the first thing. Regarding "stiffness" I used to practice "ugly" postures to help me loosen up. Any point I felt insecure about I'd push it out into view. Your body naturally kind of pulls things back into "order", it can either make stiff movements stiffer, or you can use it to make awkward/ugly things get into the natural flow of your body (and make you seem more comfortable in your skin).
The best posture changes come from within though man.
When I learnt to dance, or have a fighting stance, it is the "correct things" that make you all tense, UNTIL you find out the right emotional lever that helps it become effortless.
In martial arts I point above a guys head, and it keeps my hands up, or I put my palm towards his face for a second.
In dancing I stop, and feel the music, until I WANT to move with the music and that gives me this want to expand out and I fill my dance with that expansiveness.
When it comes to women, I do what FEELS good. And I move in ways that heighten the experience or express emotions I know will affect people the right way. Like I might trail my hand against a wall, open up to the sun, or take in a big breath, raise my arms and lower them as I breath out.
There are two types of bodylanguage, cradling and arching, use both, not just arching. Cowboys cradle, fighters cradle, yoga people arch and cradle, so open your mind.
Thanks, Cody!
This article really made it.. I read through it and I could feel it :)
Well, for me it's a little bit different - as I started school, I got good grades all the time and expectations where huge, but still I seemed not one of them, because I was "different" as they expected me to be like them, but they couldn't fit me in their molds. Good for me.
Fun factor is really forgotten in educational systems and people are more given of "how to" instead of "why" and they choose other activities where at leas they fell "why" - even unproductive ones.
Yeah, releasing past BS (BullShit I suppose) is crucial, but many people feel like they're betraying their "true self" and becoming "somebody else". Joy from opening eyes? That's why girls want man to come and make their lives fresh, as they're taught mostly to avoid controlling their lives as the man should do it.
About all those who will "beg and scream to stay in mediocrity" stuff, I see guys around me when I get good grades - "That rooster/dumb man got it, and I didn't, what a faggot he is!", but this is only just a case of non-creators trashing our efforts.
It would be crazy to let others to control our lives completely, how much they think about us? Not much, and even if they did it twice, how cares, they care about us only as much as we are relevant to their current needs, and that's all. It may seem painful, but we can't take anything personally.
It's awesome feeling when they expect something from you and you just shrug it off, like "what? did you say me anything" and they seem so serious about letting me down, but just a simple "wait what, how did you sleep last night? I talk shit like this only if I didn't sleep an hour for 3 days in a row, you are so cool usually, what happened dude?" and they don't defend, cause I recognize them being cool usually just point out that this behavior is inappropriate and it didn't affect me. Anyone is happier to communicate with happy people, not with whining ones, so I stay on this track of happiness.
"Let them convince" seems to me just a short description of qualifying.
What most men fail is to be unpredictable and by not revealing all your skills and everything about you on silver platter you keep things interesting even in long term relationships.
It's tempting, but never good to be Mr. Perfect solving their problems, cause everyone has to learn to solve them on their own, and becoming valuable is harmful for your as potential lover I suppose.
"Don’t run, just walk as fast as the destination needs you to and go with a good attitude." reminds me of need to keep goals managable and split into smaller parts and say "Today I don't have to go around and be liked by every girl, I just will approach 5 of them and ask those 3 things to keep things interesting". As you don't frighten yourself you can do more.
It's very important to set yourself free and put your life in pursuing amazing things instead of always trying to fit. We are people, not machines and we need fun. One problem of my life that actually fades lately is "feeling alone on that stuff", that my thoughts are only mine and no one see them, so I feel like I can't share amazingness of them, but still, I can, not directly but I can uplift others by being with them and this solves it, as life isn't effort of everyone, that's why jobs exist, so that we created value for everyone, but we don't have to fit in a mold and find our own ways to create value. Let it be providing amazing experiences for girls, but it is still value that not all men will provide (most of them think girls wouldn't be with them if they didn't commit). But we want life to be fun, and this doesn't die even when we're adult or midle-aged (I guess).
Nice thoughts, I agree with
Nice thoughts, I agree with you, you covered a lot there so its hard to respond, but...
- If being different means following how you feel and earnestly working with what works for you, then different is good stuff, always be that way
- Fun factor is forgotten way too often and it really slows education down, it is in order to seem more credible, but in this day and age a lot of people are wise to it and see it as shoddy practice, and they are right to think that way. All great learning is fun, it can be brutal before you learn though, thats life.
- Naysayers are gonna trash you because their hormones are out of wack and they see you as a pill they can swallow to feel better. Its stupid but its true.
- It can be painful to not take things personally, but that pain helps you grow (sometimes it just sucks and in that case just get away).
- Shrugging BS off is a good way to deal with it, it rewards normal behaviour with participation and denies BS behaviour with mental absence
- Learning to help a lover better deal with pain, is far better than solving it for them, because all we can be in life for others is support. Everyone has to break out of dependency sooner or later so if you are doing all the work one day they'll have to shed you
- "as you dont frighten yourself you can do more" nicely put
- We can all feel alone, and you should feel alone sometimes if you do things right (don't lean on everyone else too much) it forces you to toughen up and take on your own problems without being handheld. In time, you can learn to do things alone and it not worry you too much, that is the path to integrity, cuz you are not always going to have support if you are doing extroardinary/uncommon things
Yeah man, enjoy life, thats the biggest thing
Unpredictability
One crazy thought: Let's say I know how to speak Japanese, but don't brag about it because it would be jealousy inducing and image crafting, so unless asked - I won't tell it. And now I get long term girlfriend and didn't say that to her, but one day I would go with her to Japan just as to ordinary tourist journey... Then I would talk with Japanese people like native and don't need to use English all the time, it would be "how didn't you say, you know that language?" kind of shock.
It is good thing or not?
Just got such idea from your description that you shouldn't go and tell everything you can about you in 5 minutes.
Well, you can certainly use
Well, you can certainly use it in that way if you like, if you speak Japanese and its not a big deal you can just let her experience it when you arrive and use it to make her trip extra smooth and fun by going places and doing things she otherwise might not be able to do.
I draw, and write stories, I don't tell people. Sometimes girls see it and gasp.
I have friends who speak the world of me, and reveal stories about me that are pretty intense/amazing displays of character. But I personally never talk about it to people. Sometimes people hear random stories and are amazed by the love and admiration I've left behind somewhere.
Or I am a really good dancer, I don't tell people, I just take them up to dance.
Or even my skill with women, I don't really tell most people. Usually even girls I'm talking to only know I know things because of how I carry myself and how I talk past their BS.
Most people like to treat you like you know very little, because it is what they are used to. I just like to be patient with it. Reveal it in the best way, at the right times, by letting them feel it.
So, yes, I usually underplay how many languages I speak.
SOMETIMES I might really play it up for effect, but most of the time I let people find out.
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