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Note
before you starting reading: This article is almost 10,000 words
in length, and dives into a lot of material that goes beyond dating,
women, seduction, and relationships. So, you may not want to start in
on this one until you're in a more reflective mood, or have a good
chunk of time to spend reading.
When talking about getting good with women, or about starting businesses, or learning or mastering just about anything, really, you will frequently see me discuss the importance of purpose.
Purpose drives you; it gives you momentum and wings; it aids you in accomplishing things that men more skilled than you or with more raw natural talent than you or even greater imaginations or intellect or willpower than you could never hope to achieve.
Purpose is the great equalizer.
I don't like going to deep into what purpose is though, because that's a complex topic. Everyone is so certain that he has a - or the - "purpose of life" all figured out, and the people standing on high yelling about purpose can be both some of the most inspiring and some of the most maddeningly frustrating people you will ever see or hear.
It's my belief, though, that the major crisis of the West has been its loss of purpose. With the withdraw of religion back into the inky depths of history, the old religions coming to be viewed as no more than quaint relics of a bygone age, Western man has found himself wondering what it is, exactly, that he's working for.
Without purpose, the good times seem like hollow indulgences, and the bad times well nigh unbearable. With purpose, though, the good times are meaningful, and the bad times more so.
So, since we've had a number of readers on here request it, and since it is a topic that influences you intangibly in everything you do - whether that be dating, relationships, business, some sport or art or hobby, or any and all other endeavors - let's have a look at purpose, and see if we can't boil purpose in life down to a few essential elements, like we like to do with everything else.
Comments
Acting on a False Premise.
Wonderful article. Blow my brains out.
Given i had social anxiety, eccentric behaviour which i admire and people admire because it's funny when i suddenly have that extra energy pop out. I have one thing to add to mess with your brains.
Imagining that if you wanted to die so badly, that everything is finish, and you won't remember anything, nothing ever mattered.
I still occasionally do this, I had depression, i believe everyone has some depression, but i guess you would say mine is trying to go overboard. I don't know the feeling but it kinds of snapping you out of sync with what you can handle. We only humans, there's only so much we can do. There's always one level up we can go. The universe is, i would say, crazy. To make it simple, it's "never-ending". Everytime i had those moments, i feel discord, and distorted.
Anyway, the idea you written here on this article about life, sounds like electricity. Everyone uses it, everyone don't understand electricity, but they enjoy it. I wonder if we all never really understand ourselves. Then again, there's always levels to go up, and we don't even know.
Personal thought: I hate men being "pathetic", as in really being "second fiddle" to women, and because women don't want that. Your website is the reason why i feel i can make an influence or change to the world, but i have been putting this to an understanding and realize everyone has a freedom to choose, although i don't want to have this power of knowing to myself.
In fact, i have to come to terms with myself quite recently, I can only "Lead by example". It seems to help me though. Quite content with it. I realize i been acting on a false premise, on a lot of things, including choices of other people. and also with women.
Again, love the article, but believe me when you scare some people off. and you do, with this article. :) Have a good day.
Zac
Leading by Example
Zac-
Sure, I know the "turn out the lights, and nothing matters anymore" thought pattern... I used to have my fair share of depression back in my angst-y teenage years and early 20s. I've been there. The only thing that pulled me out of that was realizing what if I missed out on doing all the things I wanted to do... wouldn't that be silly? Turns out I would have - I've already done pretty much all the things I wanted to do that I thought I never could back then.
Realizing you the need to lead by example is a great realization. You can't force anyone to follow you, really - even if you have an army behind you enforcing your will, you can't force the army to follow you. You can lead by example, or you can find ways to incentivize people (jobs, money, satisfaction, information, training, inspiration, etc.), and sometimes you can use the stick (fear, scare tactics), but people rebel against too much stick - finding ways to lead with either example or carrot almost always works best long term.
Chase
"Scare tactics"
Chase,
a note here on "Scare tactics".
Ricardus, actually mention something like this, in a form of being honest in your relationship but also influence her in a way you want the relationship to be. Article = "Stop Playing Games in Relationships.
It will be cool have an article on "Scare tactics", and why it doesn't work when there is no genuine honest and open communication. Kind of spell being broken if you use "Scare tactics" without genuine honest and open communication with the girl. Expectation setting you would say. :) YOu want to influence the girl, but also she knows that you influencing her.
I realise that form of influence has somewhat work for me in building better relations.
Zac
Post on Scare Tactics
Zac-
Consider it added to the list. Sounds like it'd make for an interesting post.
Chase
I'm only approaching 21 but
I'm only approaching 21 but the way I see life is:
-live life to the fullest, do what's gonna make you happy
cause when you're 70 you'll regret far more no doing something than you'll regret doing it
you only have one shot at living, so don't waste it not being as happy as you can be
whatever makes you happy - do that and lead you life in the direction you want it to take:
if it'd be having a career or like me just traveling the world, finding love and having kids and being happy every day..
just do it if it'll make you happy
Life to the Fullest
Ico-
Absolutely.
In studies of regrets, the findings consistently point to humans regretting far more the things they didn't do than the things they did. When we try things and they don't work out - well, at least we know. It's when we don't try them, and we have to spend the rest of our lives wondering, "What if I did?" that we really go mad with regret.
Chase
Great article Chase, very
Great article Chase, very insightful. Why aren't on Oprah yet! I think you should write a hard copy book, myself and many people would read it and I think it would definitely get more people reading your material which would be good for humanity :)
Oprah
Daniel-
Thanks for the vote of confidence! I was working on a book to publish mainstream last year, but I put it on ice temporarily because it made all the publishing agents I sent it to skittish, and I needed to run this site here. At 4 wordy articles a week, I'm essentially at max productive capacity, at least for the down cycle I'm in productively right now (the site upgrade took a fair bit out of me).
I hope to have a few more writers on here contributing in a month or two, and at that point I might be able to take enough of a breather to work on some other sides of the business / publishing, etc. We'll just have to see how things play out...
Chase
I'm happy with one article a week - now go work on that book
Just a friendly reminder ^
xoxo
Your steel-willed woman
Something else...
...,this is. Really deep thoughts going on here. I spent a lot of time asking similar questions. My answers were similar as well, though the way you boiled it down to denying definite death convinced me that it really is that.
I spent countless hours lamenting over the state of matters with people and how they are. How the world is. Then found out that won't do it. Afterwards, started looking at it, how you called it, structural point of view. I formed opinions on the possible reasons, but that wouldn't suffice for me as well. I found peace ( and still do) only with realizing, that all I can do is to do what I believe is right to me and what is in my power.
Then work on maximizing that power and using it to follow my cause further. And I do not see much more to it than that, at least at this moment. Though the needs pyramid you mentioned here got me thinking about this in more detail. One hardly can achieve something substantial when he is troubled with whether he will survive the next day. And it does not even have to be at that level. Paying rent can be just as troublesome.
Anyways, the whole idea of following a purpose is a risk. My view on it is that many people would actually attempt to follow their calling and thought about it, but are afraid to fail. That's why I completely agree with your last sentence, it has the whole point of this all in it.
I am not certain at all, if my plans will work, but I am getting more convinced every day that I sure as hell gonna try. What would my time here be anyways if I spent it doing stuff I do not believe being worth it.
And now, I better get some sleep so I can do something for life tomorrow. Ain't no working on goals without energy as you reminded me here :)
L.
That Fear of Failure
Lanoa-
Yes, absolutely - that fear of failure looms large for most people. What happens if I give it my all, and it's still not enough? That's the point when you find out that you just don't have what it takes. Maybe it's better not to find that out, and to let yourself always believe that you have "potential" or you "could do it," instead.
The thing most people never realize is, once you start doing something, give it your all, and have it not work out, it's never really over until you actually give up. Some of the largest, most prestigious companies in existence right now reached moments where it looked like they just needed to shut down and sell themselves off piece by piece, and many of the biggest stars in entertainment faced similar moments, where it seemed like it was time to throw the towel in because they were never going to make it big. Coming face-to-face with failure does break some people, but some other people it only serves to strengthen their resolve, and propel them on to eventual (and sometimes substantial) success.
Chase
WOW
Astounding artical Chase. This one really has me thinking. This artical could not have been written at a better time for I have been thinking about my own purpose and what I want to do with my life. Before I started reading your material I was running through life with uncertainty and no sense of hope. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my future, and no hope for my future, as in love, relationships, career ect. Untill I read your material I was going to school to become a teacher, just because it was something to do. Now I have found my passion in psychology and socialology, So I am pursuing a career in that preferaly a therapist (relationship therapist). I have found what I want to do and I am going to work hard to do it. Acomplished the girlfriend goal ;) now on to the next.
I am always eager for every artical. keep on keepin on.
Cheers, The Tool
Psychology and Sociology
Tool-
I'm humbled this stuff's had as big an effect as it's had for you. Glad that things are still going well with the girlfriend... takes a load off your shoulders to have that handled and be able to move onto the next goal, I know.
Very cool to hear about the sociology and psychology direction. Relationship therapist could be fun, especially if you can really tear apart people relationships, spot the problems, and help them get those back on track again. Few things are as endlessly surprising and intriguing as other people's relationships...
Chase
You just explained how sexual suppression creates suffering.
You are absolutely right about our lower brains policing our brains above. You just explained how sexual repression is so destructive to our souls. At the beginning of high school I was a bit shy but ended up making plenty of friends by my tenth grade. I transferred junior year and was a little shy then. Towards the end of my junior year I decided to become more outgoing and meet my emotional needs. In the first half of my senior year, I was pretty happy and content, and decided I should finally find a girlfriend, a desire I was sick of repressing with masturbation. I was delusional and believed I should succeed because I was nice and I worked out plenty. I got absolutely rejected by this nice girl who I was way too attracted to (she was a shy excited girl). I had such a hard time getting over her, because although I had low skill I actually was picky about quality, I could tell the difference between beautiful and feminine vs hot girls. My friends would tease me and tell me to just hook up with one of the cum depositories at my school, and I was absolutely outraged at the thought.
Looking back I see that rejection and my inability to fulfill my sexual need started a total meltdown. My hope of my sexual needs being fulfilled vanished, and my reptile brain urged me to try harder. My social skills deteriorated, I became needy and willing to please, my reptile brain begging for any scrap that might come its way. I remember trying way harder to get someone to like me, and failing. When I discovered PUA, all hell broke loose in my mind. I hated women and refused to be friends with most of them because friends means no chance of sex and being looked down upon. Everything became sex sex sex, as if I was an 11 year old discovering it for the first time. My reptile brain ended up eventually overpowering my emotional needs, screw friendship and intimacy, sex is all you need to think about! I grew distant and even began having a hard time holding conversations, I had to will myself to do things I loved, exciting things like rock climbing and hiking and camping became a chore and boring. My appreciation for piano evaporated into space and i haven't played piano in years, even though I want to, but my cravings for sex and excitement sucked out my emotions. My starving reptile brain removed emotion from everything but sex and made me an empty shell of a person with porn addiction.
I now definitely respect sex as a "need" I used to believe in propaganda that you can wait, and it caused my reptile brain to take over my body and suck the color out of my life even though I resolved most of my issues and was on my way to being content, this just destroyed just about everything. Your brain at a very primal level just begins to lose its purpose as it feels its genes will never pass out. I've even thought about doing the world a favor and ridding the gene pool from me but thanks to you, I can now take care of this need and finally begin to recover emotion and tend to those needs. Keep fighting the good fight Chase, I bet you've saved plenty of men by showing them you can fight for what you want (in this case women) and that you don't need to play Russian Roulette with the chambers full.
Sexual Repression
NeoPrince-
Absolutely. You also touched on the interesting phenomenon of when your expectations for what you should be able to achieve don't match up with what you're actually able to achieve - i.e., when you see yourself as a nice, attractive guy who should be able to get a nice, attractive girl, but the nice, attractive girl says "no" and all your friends push you toward a girl who's decidedly less desirable from her and below what you see as your standards.
This actually seems to be a protective measure as well - men who are less successful with women actually tend to be more picky, not less, because the less successful a man is with girls, the more he starts to feel like whatever girl he ends up with is going to be "The One," because it'll have been such a Herculean feat to get her he won't want to have to try to find someone else after that. In that way, your ego is protecting you from ending up with a girl you'll get too attached to who is beneath the caliber of what you want for yourself long-term.
I'm glad to hear you're on the road to taking back control of your needs and life, Prince. A lot of it's just going to be getting more practice in - the more women you meet, talk to, interact with, have conversations with, trade numbers with, get dates with, sleep with, and have relationships with, the more this neediness recedes and eventually disappears altogether, and leaves you free to do all the other things with your life you'd love to be doing.
Chase
Making girls feeling easy?
Hey Chase, this was an absolute mind boggling article, gave a new perspective to things. Anyway, recently I went on a date to a local bar, Cafe 210 in State College if you know it. We stayed there had a few drinks and then I pulled her back to my place. I then made my move. I had her shirt and bra off, and then refused to take her pants off, and I tried everything to get them off but failed. She had the vibe that she was trying not to be slutty/easy, and was could tell she was experienced. This has happened several times to me with other girls. Im assuming I'm in BF territory, but any advice on making girls not feel slutty/easy would be great.
Girls Feeling Too Easy
Anon-
Sure, I remember Cafe 210. Not so great for picking up, but the place itself was pretty cool. I could see that being a good date spot!
I have a fair amount of tips on last minute resistance in general right here:
How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours
For girls feeling too easy in general, I'll make a note to do a proper post on it. One I've used in the past before to good effect is waiting until girls start protesting about things being too fast, and then saying, "You know how most guys move really slow to get girls in bed, and then once they get the girl in bed the sex happens really fast and then it's over? I do things the opposite."
And then stare for a few seconds, and then go back to escalating things passionately.
Chase
Alan Watts
Feel free to listen to this video lecture by Alan Watts who is regarded, "one of the greatest philosophers" of our time. It can benefit those who are searching to comprehend their sense of self and purpose. Perhaps, assist you in grasping elements of "Deep Inner Game". There are stellar correlations to Chase's article.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3hVc2hWYxg
Re: Alan Watts
Thanks for the share, Phelwan. I've heard the name before - I'll check him out.
Chase
Female sex drive
hi chase there is something I'm confused about. for quite sometime now my mindset towards women has been that they all want sex but it is the mans responsibility to help her express this(courtesy of Nancy Friday:) .but how can a woman have a sex drive similar to or around the level of men if they are lacking in testerone the hormone responsible for sex drive as regards to men??
Women and Testosterone
Anon-
Women do have testosterone in their bodies, though not as much as men.
Women's sexual desires tend to be centered more around being dominated and being taken. From the (largely anecdotal) things I've seen on gay men, bottoms (the men who receive during gay sex) tend to have lower testosterone levels than tops (then men who are the penetrative partners during gay sex), as well.
My personal theory is that at lower levels of testosterone, you want sex, you just don't want to DO sex... you more want to have it done to you. Whereas at higher levels, you're just driven to aggressively take action and DO sex yourself.
It seems like higher levels of testosterone make you want to be the dominant, while lower levels make you want to be the submissive.
Chase
Hi Chase, I have a quick
Hi Chase,
I have a quick question for you. Recently I followed your classroom pickup advice but I was way too fast. I had only talked to the girl before once and asked her out the second time. I got her number, I told her to save it to which she said yes, but then when I asked her out, she hasnt responded. How should I talk to her in class? Should I try to warm her up in class and ask her out then or text her again? Thanks!
Girl in Class
Jason-
See my reply to you earlier here.
Chase
Interesting Resource to Share With You
Hi Chase,
To begin with, I wanted to say that I love your website! Your posts are some of the best on the Internet, in my humble opinion; personally, "Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls" was very helpful to me.
This article was especially impressive to me. There's actually only one other place I've seen with posts as good as this; it's a community called Less Wrong. Have you heard of it? If not, you definitely should check it out. I wanted to share with you a post from there called "Higher Purpose", http://lesswrong.com/lw/xw/higher_purpose/ . If you want to learn more about Less Wrong (and the amazing purpose behind it), you can see http://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/FAQ .
Best,
James
Less Wrong
James-
Thanks for the compliment! And I'm glad to hear "Can't Stop Thinking About Her" was helpful.
I've had friends recommend Less Wrong to me in the past before, yeah. I just saw one of their posts on Hacker News the other day on don't get offended, which is a particularly interesting topic for me, and one I've explored a lot over the past few years - when is it strategically advantageous to take offense, and when is it not?
The article on higher purpose is interesting. Although, it seems as if the author is equating "purpose" with "saving people"... which many times it is, but not always. Nikola Tesla, for instance, had a purpose of building amazing inventions. I suppose you could argue he's building things that are useful for people - things that people need. There are purer purposes - e.g., one of my personal core purposes is simply to learn as many new and different things as I possibly can. That one's probably party altruism - I become a more useful individual, the more I know how to do - but it's also part competition - life gets easier the more skills you have and abilities you've mastered.
Anyway, yeah. Less Wrong does seem like a rather uniquely high-minded site. It's refreshing to find sites that get above the din of shock tactics news reporting and judgment-laden gender / racial / national / etc. controversies (and surprisingly hard to do... there's a lot of rehashing on the Internet, and a lot less originality than you'd expect - or at least it's not well marketed. Probably because it's a little hard to make creativity and things too far outside the mainstream profitable enough to do them instead of holding down a day job, I'd reckon).
Chase
This is the greatest thing i
This is the greatest thing i have ever read. That is all.
Summary of Purpose of Life article
Hi Chase,
That's an awesome article and full of anecdotes and lessons I'm still trying to grasp the meaning of.
However, the true meaning in this article is to tell us that in order to find a purpose in an individual's life which will propel this individual's into somebody in this world, that individual will have to set a purpose which will bring good to mankind, and have to take into account of satisfying the "Reptilians" and "Emotional" Needs?
Meaning to say, whatever purpose an individual chooses, he or she must not forget to fulfill our human's need as a reptilians and our emotional needs?
LoverBoy
Summary
LoverBoy-
That's the gist of it, yes. You need to satisfy your basal emotional/physiological needs stemming out of your lower brains, and after that aim for at least one of the levels of purpose - offspring, family, town, country, species, kingdom, life, etc. You can branch out in any direction from there - e.g., maybe you see yourself as a Tesla or an Edison, bringing things to mankind that did not previously exist. Or perhaps it's more like someone who's improving how education or sanitation or networking or something else is done in his own town.
You will get satisfaction and purpose from that, and the feeling that you are contributing to something greater than yourself and more enduring than yourself - whether what you contribute to truly endures, well, that's something you simply can't know.
If you forget to fulfill your lower urges, what ultimately will end up happening, usually, is that they'll take control and make you fulfill them - meaning that you'll most likely end up sabotaging your higher urges, rather than your lower ones, by ignoring your lower ones. Better to address your basal needs to free yourself to pursue a higher calling as you see fit, than try to sweep those basal needs aside only to have them burst back through and take control and damage or destroy what you're trying to build.
Chase
Objective
The article stuck with me for a few days as I pondered over it's meaning.
I'm someone who hasn't considered 'life after death' much before and I attribute that to my relatively young age and this new perspective has been welcome. I'm someone who loves following successful people's stories and when I am older I will surround myself with them. To do that though I first need to be able to give them value, and I'm still learning that. Your post made it clear to me that in order to get somewhere there must be a clear purpose beyond ones self. This makes perfect sense, I see it in companies everywhere - Apple, Microsoft, Ralph Lauren and most other big businesses. They achieved their goals not by wanting more money but striving for a better purpose. I've started to take mental notes of this.
Moving on.
I want to produce a better me and one of the key aspects that needs changing is my body. I am no means overweight but I want the body that gives me every possible advantage against others. I need to find a purpose beyond just that though that takes care of my reptilian's requests. I'm still shaping it but at the moment I have "I need to output more energy than what is put in my body in order to improve my health and body for future mates, however in order to achieve this I may eat that useless product to quench my craving once a day after school/work". Would something that simple be a good purpose? I may be thinking to much on myself. I want a solid purpose for slimming. It's impossible to go against my emotional wants some times.
Finally onto you, if you don't mind me asking Chase, have you planned for kids? Up until this article I had it decided that I did not want kids for multiple reasons. Did you ever have this feeling and if so did it change?
Sincerely,
Knight
Re: Objective
Knight–
Cool to hear the article sparked off some thinking on purpose.
Even for body-building, if you really want to excel, I think you do best with some higher purpose. Take a look at Arnold Schwarzenegger – getting ripped was really just his ticket out of Austria. His goals were, “Dominate bodybuilding; get to L.A.; dominate Hollywood; get into politics.” From things I’ve heard him say about how they should let naturalized citizens be eligible for the presidency, I’d guess his ultimate goal was something like “be the president.” I don’t know if he has a purpose at his center that’s bigger than himself – his purpose appears to be “be the best,” but there might be something else there too.
You usually don’t hit your highest purpose – Schwarzenegger never made president – but you often hit the ones on the way, because instead of being mythical accomplishments like they are for most (e.g., “dominate bodybuilding” is something most guys would see as almost impossible; Schwarzenegger viewed it as a mandatory first step), they’re mere stepping stones for you. Instead of asking yourself “Can I?” you start asking yourself “How can I?”
Slimming’s a tough thing to get wrapped into your purpose, though if you start thinking of it as, “I want to do X, and people are not going to take me serious with a roll of fat covering up my abs,” then you’re on the right track, and wrapping it into something you want and need to do.
As for kids, emotionally, my feelings have always been “meh” about having children, although I have thought it’d be cool to put together a training regimen for grooming a kid into someone excellent in one skill or another (a la Mozart, Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, etc.). But logically, they seem to both make sense from a purpose point of view, and they seem necessary to control your biological urges from wrangling control of you without warning down the road. I’ve also come to the conclusion that you just don’t maintain long-term relationships with high caliber girls without them – even the ones who profess to not wanting children at first. At some point, there’s always a moment when that changes. I hear a lot of guys in their 20s who claim they’ll never have kids talking about how much work children are, and the expense, etc., but my life philosophy has always been try and prepare yourself as much as possible beforehand, but don’t shrink back from challenge, because you’re going to meet it sooner or later – either on your terms, if you proactively engage it, or on its terms, if you try and avoid it. I’d rather meet challenge on my terms and my turf – kids included.
Chase
Best Article Ever.
Chase man,you just destroyed the question that had been haunting me since i was a little kid.i got to know of the vicious thing known as death quite early,and often was scared to go to sleep wondering whether i will ever wake up again or not.
and you just destroyed the whole perception(or maybe phobia) in just over 10,000 words.
Seriously bro,go and write a book.
And as far as advice on girls is concerned ,i have had a crush on a girl for almost a year now,but i live in a developing country where people having relationships in high- school or colleges is rare and looked down upon.i have no idea whether we would end up in same college or not.
should i ask her out now or wait ? . i am on a talking basis with her but not among her very good friends,will it be a good idea to ask her out on a date?
If yes,any tips on how to ask her out?
Girl in Class
Batman–
Great to hear it. I used to be up late at night with out-there worries as a kid too. Paranoia…
On books – I might at some point. But for now, there are bills to pay… no time, unfortunately, to take the time off needed for something like that. Maybe eventually, though.
On the girl in school – absolutely you should. You only get to live once. If she says “no,” then you’ll know. If you don’t ask, though, you never will, and who knows how long that haunts you for. And she may even just say “yes.”
For the how-to, see these articles:
... although if you're talking a fair bit, you may not even need that much. Just wait until you hit a high point - she's laughing, having a good time - and then tell her the two of you should get some ice cream outside of class sometime. If she says yes, say cool, let's trade cells and we can figure out when a good time is.
Chase
Hey Chase, Been reading for
Hey Chase,
Been reading for a few months but this is my first time commenting. Really just wanted to let you know how big of an impact your articles have had on my life.
Since beginning reading in January, alongside a host of other self-improvement blogs, I can confidently say that every aspect of my life has improved.
I was in a deep depression last year, caused mainly by my victim attitude. I was infatuated with a girl, exactly as described in "Can't stop thinking about her" and "attraction has an expiry date". I was instantly engaged by your relatable writing style and grasp of the physcology surrounding these issues and often it seemed as if you were talking directly at me. I bought your book shortly after and now I'm a new man.
I'm more confident, I dress well, I'm genuine and only expend effort where I want instead of frantically latching onto every conversation.
More specifically, women look at me and flirt with me in ways I'd never have thought possible before. No actual sexual encounters yet (I had surgery that stops me from doing anything of that ilk for 2 months which is a pain) but girls are constantly striking up conversations, holding my hand/rubbing my arms/looking at me with sparkling eyes, and all that jazz. I feel like I'm gushing but this is the first time in my life I've actually felt consistently powerful and in control.
So a really emphatic "Thank you" is in order. You've enriched my life no end, and many other guys' lives to boot. You have a real gift for teaching and communication (I know you worked hard to get it) and I wish you every success in all your endevours to come.
Thanks,
A grateful fan
Changing Paths
AGF–
Appreciate you taking a few moments to share some of the change you’ve seen – it’s very good to hear.
We never quite know how long our ride is going to last, or who we’ll touch or in what ways or what we can do with it while we’re on it. Beating back depression and victim mentality is one of those things that feels great when you’re doing it, but it’s the reverberations down through the rest of your life in the times yet to come you can’t even really predict right now that have the greatest impact of all. All you do today is change the pathway the electrical impulses in your brain go down… but it completely alters the path you go down in life tomorrow.
Props on taking the stuff on this site and the book and the other sites you’ve read and using it to change the path you’re on. So long as you stay focused on progress and building and learning, you’ll get to watch all those old problems become an increasingly distant (and increasingly difficult to relate to) relic of your past. There are plenty of people who read about how to effect change in their lives, but never do – so my credit to you on doing something and changing your own life to get it going in the direction you want it to.
Chase
Nice to see...
Respect for taking this post to the next level. I'm always hesitant to read blogs and websites from the pick up community because a lot of the time it seems so short sighted. I've hung out with Mystery a couple times in LA, and I've read a bunch of dating lit, but quite frankly a lot of these guys haven't really thought much about how to really live a flourishing life. Getting a girl is one thing... an amazing life, with an amazing woman, in an amazing relationship - is quite another.
This post really shows how much perspective you have and that you really do desire the ultimate life has to offer and more importantly... that you're willing to do the work to get there. (Looks like you've been active in responding to your readers too).
Honestly this is the first post of yours that I've read all the way through, and so I can't say much about your advice on women, but so far I'm inclined to read more.
After similarly awaking from my own dogmatic slumbers of youth, I also write articles intended to assist the large mass of people who are leaving religion and are looking for new purpose and direction in life. You can read some of my stuff at http://foundationarete.blogspot.com/
Looking forward to reading more. Peace.
have you looked at......
The arguement of the "uncaused cause?"
Apollo and Dionysiac
Dualism and monism....
interesting subjects
to search up to grasp for arguements against your post. but nonetheless fasinating stuff on here loved it.
hmm
Deep down, i already knew everything here, but this article has helped to reaffirm things in my head. There are a lot of things i could probably say, but my chief wonder is about us possibly developing a fourth brain-type on top of the others. I was thinking it possible to genuinely accept those things that lead to depression in some and maintaining a certain intellectual and spiritual harmony about it. It's difficult to talk about it because this is by virtue of not existing, incomprehensible. I had a vague concept of where this thought would go but it seems I've lost it in the recesses of my brain. Maybe it's a deaire to change how things are (rebel against the truth of this article as it were), but i can't help but feel that there is something we're mising. Not a lack of knowledge, but more like a missing dimension. Imagine our consciousness is only on an x-axis. Its like there is a whole y-axis we don't know about, like real vs. complex numbers. It's kind of that feeling.
But anyway, a lot of this is based off my tired mind trying to comprehend that which, if it existed, would be incomprehensible.
Thanks for the article, as always chase :)
Amante's Wager
"Whether things mean something or they don't, there are plenty of much more pressing things to worry about - because there's always the chance that what you do does mean something." Sounds awfully similar to Pascal's Wager... except this one makes sense ;)
Fuck
Chase-
I've been reading self-imporvement articles online for quite sometime now. I came across your website yesterday reading the Alpha Male article. I noticed some interesting links on this site and started reading articles about pick up. I got to the max amount of reads and for the first time paid money for access to a website. Best dollar I've ever spent. For the past two days I've been constantly reading your articles, always coming across new interesting topics. I have like 10 tabs open of articles I gotta read before I go to sleep haha. Finally found some time to read this article. I'm gonna read it again when I have more time. Just wanted to say, great stuff again, always impressed by your work and the way your mind works. You're an awesome role model. Thanks for the website! Cheers.
Interesting Article!: Several questions....
Heyah Chase!,
First of all, this is my first comment on one of your articles and I must say that you have possibly the greatest self-improvement material I've ever seen on this website.
Onto the questions...
Do you really believe that "legacy building", "passing on your genes", and otherwise just "living after death" seem like a pointless concept? Even for some of the greatest humans of all history like Mozart and DaVinci's work will only be a nice factoid or composition for people to mention in the conversations or enjoy in the future. Of course, neither Mozart and DaVinci will be conscious when praises of them are sung, so it's not like they will actually know if they are famous or not.
On having kids...
I am one of those "young guys" you mention in the article not thinking that I would want kids. Yet you mention that it seems to be biologically imperative for humankind to have offspring. I have considered a vasectomy for various reasons and and I want your take on whether I should get one. In all of your exchanges with fellow seducers, don't you meet fellows who have no kids, no wife and do not plan on having either of them? I am not someone who relishes the notion of "settling down", as I love entertaining the idea of worldwide travel, seducing women, creating music, and finding purpose in my work until the day I die. I find these ideas at odds with settling down and having children, which you mention is a strong biological urge. I also would like to hear your opinion on marriage, as it seems to be a very big risk for a man in the Western world. I am curious about your opinions on these ideas.
Thanks!
The Tupac Thing
Great article. This is a topic almost no one touches (I can't remember when last someone asked me about my purpose in life). The problem about the article is the "analysis" of Tupac's music. Statements like "asks white people for help" reak of the common 'White Saviour' syndrone typically found in Hollywood. Tupac wanted everyone to change (read the lyrics of his song "Changes"). I find statements like those both ignorant and, in this case, frustrating because it ruins an otherwise brilliant article. What a shame.
Re: The Tupac Thing
Pac vacillated quite a bit between different points of view, possibly between his "real" views, and his "stage persona" views - he sometimes said he was singing more about the point of view of guys he knew than from his own perspective... e.g., since he was the one who made it out of the trap, he could talk about life for those who were still in it. He was their spokesperson.
"Changes" was a very pop culture / mainstream song, and geared to be... some of Pac's other, grittier songs present a much different and far less hopeful picture. The changeable nature of his variable view points - sometimes almost Gandhi-like, but other times very grim and finger-pointing and victim-like - make me wonder if he might have been borderline... a lot of the other qualities (impulsiveness, paranoia, idealization/devaluation [he did this with B.I.G., whom he first loved, then hated], talking about feeling empty inside) are all there.
Here's a good example of his "asking white people for help" / blaming them when they failed to give it:
"They Don't Give a Fuck About Us"
I'm seeing it clearer
Hating the picture in the mirror
They claim we inferior
So why the fuck these devils fear ya?
I'm watching my nation die genocide the cause
Expect a blood bath
The aftermath is y'alls
I told ya last album, we need help cause we dying
Give us a chance, help us advance cause we trying
Ignore my whole plea, watching us in disgust
And then they beg when my guns bust
They don't give a fuck about us
I don't know anything about a Hollywood white savior complex, nor am I all that concerned with U.S. racial politics, but Pac in his music very clearly switches back and forth between saying white people are irrelevant and we black people have to focus on us, to saying all of us have to work together, to pointing the finger at whites and saying they're to blame / "the man is holding us down" / asking for help from the whites in power for the blacks ravaged by gang violence and crack cocaine and snapping back in anger when not getting it.
Chase
Chase, Thank you, your
Chase, Thank you, your articles are very helpful.
Just one question on the topic of religion, is Judiasm one of the religions you researched?
About Universes
"Religion tries to put a cap on these levels by saying, "There is only the Earth and the firmament, and above that there is God, and that's it. God made things; end of story," or, more recently, "There is only the universe, and outside of that there's God, and that's it. God made things; end of story.""
my comment:
alhamdulillahi rabb al-'alameen
praise be to allah lord of universes.
Yeps, al'alameen = universe in plural form.
Great Article
One of the best articles I've seen you write.
I definitely agree that our lives are like Schrödinger's cat. Good analogy. We have meaning without ultimate meaning.
This reminds me of a comment I heard someone jokingly say, "We should all just get together once a year, and just cry and hug each other, because we don't know why we're here."
But I've held this belief of meaning without meaning for so long now that the idea of doing that is funny to me.
I was surprised to see that you went so deep into the idea of multiple universes within and above our own, but you didn't touch on the fact the earth will one day be destroyed when our sun explodes, or that our universe will eventually contract back into a singularity, which I think is most likely given that we're seeing this right now with all matter being sucked into super-massive blacks holes, or the universe will keep expanding and we'll be shredded apart by dark energy.
We could colonize another planet, we'll have to colonize a planet in a different solar system with a sun that still has a long life. Mars will be gone along with the earth when the sun goes. I think that's completely attainable for human beings, given what we've accomplished since the industrial era. But we'll be no match for the end of the universe. No technology can save us.
At the same time, we still have the moment, and we still want to make the best of our lives while we're here.
Even though it seems that there is no ultimate meaning, I'm drawn to a few things Einstein and Nietzche talked about. Einstein said that time is like a film. That all of time exists all at once, just as the film, but we only experience one frame at a time. So all of time exists all at once, making our actions and experiences eternal. And Nietzche's idea of eternal recurrence being the heaviest weight. Meaning that there is only a limited amount of matter in the universe, and since the universe will run eternally it will eventually duplicate itself, in an amount of time that we probably couldn't comprehend. Of course I don't think Nietzche was familiar with quantum physics. For me it's hard to ignore a genius, so when two of the smartest men who ever lived believe that our actions have an eternal impact I want to understand what they're saying. Of course this could just be part of a human being's nature to be desperate to create eternal meaning even when none really exists, and Einstein and Nietzche could be backwards rationalizing to meet a need that they need to have filled.
The meaning of it all
First and foremost, a truly stunning article chase! Some true nuggets of wisdom are in here, thank you for sharing this with all of us. I want to get my hands on Denial of Death!
Now, this is merely from my own speculation and I'd note that I'm still wet behind the ears with life experiences, but I guess its all relative.. Would like to hear your thoughts on this:
The meaning of life, as you point out, keeps on moving exponentially larger and becoming multifaceted... I think that's where the answer lies: There is only Growth and Decay. No matter what subject, idea or object that you decide to contemplate it will always cycle through growth and decay which then inevitably gets replaced by something else, or nothing which is still its own form of something...
The universe grows and expands, if it doesn't, the universe shrinks and decays.. No universe? Well there's still gonna be something even if its nothing or it expands past our three-dimensional existence...
What say you guys?
MattF
God
Well, the Bible does not actually state whether God created only the Earth. It only explain what the people's role is here on Earth. Being a Cristian myself, I heard about a lady who was given a vision by God. In the vision she was in front of a book and God told her to open to the first page. He then infused into her brain the understanding that all that was, is, and will be on this Earth is only that one page of the very thick book of all that God created. There is nothing to the contrary in the Bible.
Faulty hypothesis
Interesting article. However, I feel that a large part of your argument /hypothesis rests on the fact that "religion is dead". Nowadays, many people are converting to other religions (Islam in particular) even with the widespread anti religious arguments and sentiments, and the amount of people that are entering religions is not trivial. I can't imagine that all these people are being fooled.
seriously one of the best articles I have ever read
One of the most thought inducing articles I have read in a long time or maybe ever. This is stuff I think about only when I am super baked, but I am pretty sober right now and am in a state of wonder from what I just read. God bless you for this (or whatever spiritual energy force you believe in), seriously thank you.
-Dan
Life has no intrinsic
Life has no intrinsic meaning. Rather than being a hedonist to delay or ignore the fear of death and the purposeless universe, I revel in it to provide my own purpose and live by my own rules. In fact, while I became a physicalist and skeptic purely out of reason and science, it does satisfy me on an emotional level knowing that we are likely just specific configurations of matter with the capacity to think about thinking, because it gives a sense of freedom to live life without set rules except for acting in ways that will maximize results within society, which for the purposes at hand are learning what beautiful women want in order to enhance their lives and my selfish desires.
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