Social Commentary | Page 3 | Girls Chase

Social Commentary

Tactics Tuesdays: Getting Free of Local Dating Norms

dating norms
Every group or society has norms it expects members to follow. These norms extend to dating and romance as well. But what if you aren't from the same norm group?

I've done quite a bit of travel and lived in a variety of places, all very different from each other, with people who were all quite different too. Everywhere I have gone, I have encountered many men who told me the women in whatever city or country I was in were 'traditional' and 'hard to get anywhere with'. Often I would have men telling me this after I had already quickly slept with several normal, local women, with normal dating histories (not wild party girls, sluts, or 'exceptions to the rule'). I never want to rub it in a guy's face, so usually I will just say "Well, the girls here seem pretty normal and not too uptight to me."

I am not the only guy this happens to. Everywhere I've lived or traveled for any good amount of time, for every 10 guys I meet who tell me the women there are 'difficult' or 'traditional', I'll meet at least one man who tells me the women there are unbelievably easy. Often these guys sleep with multiple new women a week, oblivious to the guys who spend months or years without girlfriends or lays.

I could spend 10 posts unpacking the differences between the 'girls here are hard to get' guys and the 'girls here are so easy' guys... and in many ways, this website is devoted to just this mission.

Today though, I want to talk about one specific wrinkle of the successful guys' success: playing dumb on dating norms.

How Boys Become Men in the Modern World

how boys become men
There isn’t a single event or ritual that can make you a man, yet many believe there is – and that they’ve missed it. Becoming a man has always been a process of choices.

I’ve heard time and time again on the internet that “guys aren’t becoming men these days,” so it might be important to address this idea.

I want to help illuminate what parts of this statement are wrong, what parts are deceptive, and what parts are correct.

First off, let me say there has never been a perfect time to exist and there probably never will be, so let’s not look at this statement too seriously. Instead, we will do a better job of looking at each part as we reflect on the true way a boy can become a man in today’s world.

Sow Your Wild Oats! College Wasn’t Your Only Chance

sow your wild oats
College is touted as THE place to sow your wild oats, so guys who didn’t get it done then feel they missed out forever. But nothing could be further from the truth!

I wrote an April Fools’ Day article this year that focused on college – a “what if” theme meant to be satirical but has its roots in peoples’ desires to relive the college experience. We often get posters on the boards (and ironically, across many different forums on other social skills websites, too) who lament about not having a proper college experience that is dream-like à la the movies.

This could include being part of a fraternity, being able to day drink constantly while being one of the most popular kids in school and always having access to hot girls with little to no effort. The focus is being part of a social group and a “brotherhood” dedicated to having some wild experiences. While it’s true that college is a truly liberating time in life, I firmly believe that a lack of experience in college doesn’t hinder your successes later in life.

What was shocking to me is how many people took that article seriously, then really pondered what it would be like to relive college and do it all over again. Thinking about it more myself, I realized a greater thought – that every single guy needs to get their “wild side” out of their system sometime in their life. In other words, every guy needs to sow his wild oats. Guys that don’t do this seem to think they’ve somehow missed out on life, and thus hold a lot of regrets about where they were and what they have to do to recover.

However, this isn’t meant to be anything that advocates being a victim. You might not realize it, but it’s never too late to start doing something – anything – as long as you’re still alive and physically healthy, breathing, and capable. As we’ll see, it’s never too late for a guy to sow his wild oats.

Is It Easy to Get Laid... Or Is It Hard?

is getting laid easy or hard
Depending on who you talk to or the forums you read, you’ll find guys who say getting laid is hard, while others insist it’s easy. Here’s the real low-down on that.

Is getting laid hard? It’s a commonly asked question, and I see a lot of disagreements regarding this on the forums. For some reason, many guys are also curious about how easy or hard it is to meet women.

Practically speaking, this question does not really lead you anywhere, as the answer will not impact results much.

But what I will try to do in this post is to give you an objective view (which will not be easy) on how hard meeting women and getting laid really is. This is just an opinion from someone who has practiced for 12 years, going out consistently and meeting many different women in different circumstances and places.

First, let’s talk about some subjective factors at play.

Conventional Ideas Beget Conventional Results – How to Go Beyond

conventional ideas conventional results
If you do what ‘they’ do, you get what ‘they’ get – but it may not be what you want. If you want more than conventional, you have to get unconventional.

I was just having coffee with an old friend of mine who recently moved back to town. We were talking about his experiences with dating in a city on the US west coast where he didn’t find the quality of girls that attractive or interesting – for the last couple of years, he’s been longing to move to New York City and start a new journey with more attractive girls. I knew he worked many hours each week and spent little time learning “socially unconventional” paths to meet women.

Learning seduction, game, and pickup is one of those unconventional paths that people dream about but few implement, usually out of fear of social repercussion and shame. Yet, my friend did tell me that he attends meet-up groups, speed dating events, and social mixers to meet women – and didn’t like any of the women he met. He tried to enter new social circles and join activities with like-minded people, and he still didn’t meet a girl he liked.

Conventional dating advice that he followed told him that he should look in these places to find single women he clicked with. Much to his disappointment, after attending many events, he was puzzled as to why he didn’t meet any women he clicked with.

Why did so many people tell him to go to these events to try and find women, he asked? My response to him was pretty straightforward – conventional ideas and solutions lead to conventional results. And that clicked with him immediately.

Recently we had a poster on the Girls Chase forums discussing cold approach pickup – namely, his lack of experience with it. This poster does quite well for himself as it is – he uses a calibrated, sexy, don’t-give-a-damnalpha guy approach in dating apps such as Tinder.

After spending years working on his profile, pictures, message style, and portraying himself as an attractive man on the apps, he tells us that sex with girls who are 6-8s on the scale and who are his type come pretty easy to him.

At this point it’s so easy, he doesn’t even find the desire to pursue these women at times. He’s so good at this game that it started to get boring, and he feels that it’s netted him the highest ROI when coupled with the good pictures and profile he’s put together. He noted that he can go out with and bang an above average looking girl at least every other week – because, according to him, on dating apps the intentions are super clear.

I was in the school of thought that cold approaching was dead or just an overall low return on investment. Lately, I have incorporated so much into my life in regards to dating and women that I don't really have that urge and killer instinct to want to cold approach hot girls. Online dating has spoiled the crap out of me, my hobbies provide opportunities, and social circle game is starting to slowly take off for me. In many ways, I don't need cold approach…

Yet, he also acknowledges that cold approaching is one of the few ways to realistically get the most attractive women on the higher end of the looks scale outside of his lifestyle and social circle game – and that is one of the ceilings in online dating, even though it’s comfortable and men are happy with screwing 7s.

In the past months, I realized that I was getting girls who were solidly above average and cute. Due to hobbies, dating apps, and a host of other things, I noticed that I got quality, but it was not top tier like I wanted. The closer I approached to an 8, the more I realized that only two things were going to give me opportunities: social circle and cold approach.

To my surprise, he used this perspective to justify his lack of effort in learning cold approach, calling it a lottery without the opportunity to get a suitable ROI, and that the apps seemed superior to cold approaching as a result. The argument here was that cold approaching is so out of touch with what other people around us do, that you’d have to be completely clueless socially to only use that method to meet women.

Well, then you have my story. I’ve spent the last 6-8 years (depending on perspective) focusing on learning cold approach dating methods – specifically, day game and approaching women in any environment in New York City, especially on the street, in subways, and coffee shops. I’m consistently able to get several phone numbers a day, several dates a week, and theoretically sleep with almost all the women I go on a date with. The numbers at the moment are quite fascinating – I’ll have more to share on this soon.

From my own perspective, the ROI of cold approaching has far exceeded what I have ever achieved through any other method I’ve tried – whether through social circles, dating apps, online dating, and more. In fact, a couple of years ago I relied heavily on dating apps to meet women – and quit because it was making me lazy about learning cold approach to get the girls of quality I truly wanted. Part of this was about finding a system that works well for what I want; the other part has just been about truly following an unconventional idea.

As Mating Complexity Increases, Do Reproductive Returns Diminish?

mating complexity
Mating gets more complex as our societies become more complex. But as complexity rises, does the law of diminishing (reproductive) returns set in? (image source: Darwin Leo)

Bit of an abstract/sociological article here.

A little more academic than usual, too.

If you'd prefer tactics on dealing with an increasingly complex mating market, see my Game Imbalance Theory series. Otherwise, if you're down for a little academic sociology, let's proceed...

I'm reading through John Tainter's brilliant The Collapse of Complex Societies. Tainter's premise is civilization (or society, as he prefers to call it) is a problem-solving entity. As a society encounters new problems (like a food shortage or a militaristic neighbor) it adds new layers to itself, to address the problem (more intensive farming, or the training of a better military). These new layers make the society more complex.

As the society becomes more complex (to deal with more problems), it requires more resources. For a while it gets these through conquest or opening up new resource channels. Later it must get them by raising taxes on the population and by controlling more and more of its populace's lives. The further along this process it goes, the greater the demands on the society's support population become, and the smaller the returns on its increasing complexity get. It must demand more and more, to support greater and greater complexity, for less and less return.

As I've read Tainter, it's gotten me thinking about romantic relationships. There are some fascinating trends in dating, mating, and reproduction... trends like:

Anecdotally, the Battle of the Sexes seems to have reached fevered pitch, with many jilted women asking "where all the good men have gone" and many jilted men complaining they didn't go anywhere but were overlooked while these women were too busy "riding the cock carousel" (and now no longer want these "post-wall" women). This is something it's harder to quantify, but I've gone through a fair few newspaper advice columns from the 1880s through the 1950s and don't recall coming across anything close to this level of back-and-forthing between the sexes.

Divorce rates have skyrocketed, even as the availability of sex partners seemingly has too (I can't find much data on historical lifetime sex partners, unfortunately, but I find it hard to believe the average number of lifetime sex partners was "seven" in the 18th and 19th Centuries, as it is now -- though here's an interesting article on changing views on sexuality across the times).

As I looked at all this, I had to wonder: is the ever-increasing complexity of modern dating to blame for dating's shabbier and shabbier results overall for men and women alike?

7 Misconceptions About Pickup and Seduction

Misconceptions About Pickup and Seduction
The seduction community has its share of critics who portray pickup artists as unnatural and manipulative. Here’s why we don’t see it that way.

Remember that classic line from the movie Fight Club? What was the first rule? Oh yeah, don’t talk about Fight Club. And in that movie, almost everyone broke the rule.

The result? The ranks exploded, and they were branded a terrorist organization.

When I first got into pickup, I joined a men’s pickup artist group called the Montreal Lair. It was run by a guy named Cliff who was made Internet-famous by that book The Game. He made me sign a non-disclosure agreement, promising not to talk about the group. “Media has infiltrated us before. We need to protect the identity of our members,” he told me.

Since then pickup artistry has gone mainstream.

Now YouTubers have in-field videos with millions of views. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies, and websites like Girls Chase get millions of readers per month. Yet we hide.

5 Politically-Incorrect but Crucial Signs of a Healthy Relationship (Video)

What makes a healthy relationship?

If you're not familiar with me or Girls Chase, this video might really mess with you.

My idea of what makes a healthy relationship might be seen as toxic by a lot of the world, but seeing as how a lot "mainstream" relationships are actually toxic, why not get another perspective?

So here you go...

Valentine’s Day Survival Tips for All Relationship Types – Even Single

Valentine’s Day Survival Tips
Valentine’s Day tends to throw bombs into relationships, serious and casual. Here’s how to pass the day unscathed – or even pull a new girlfriend from the ashes.

That time of year is coming again – Valentine’s Day! It’s that day that women look forward to all year – or detest when it arrives because they have no one to celebrate with. It’s that day when you can seal a frame with a new girl, or walk away from a relationship gone cold. It’s that day when, if you don’t celebrate enough, you might cause drama; or if you celebrate too much, she loses attraction for you.

It’s also a day that can set the stage for a hedonistic Spring and Summer to come – for men and women alike.

All your relationships can potentially go haywire if you’re not careful to maintain a good frame. As Valentine’s Day approaches, here are some important things to remember this year about how to navigate V-Day. And I'll be discussing how to survive in several relationship types, not just monogamy.