Social Commentary | Girls Chase

Social Commentary

How to Build a Harem, Pt 7: The Ethics of Non-Transparency

ethics of non-transparency
In a non-monogamous relationship, is it ethical to keep your partners in the dark about each other? Let’s explore the reasons why it is – for you and for them.

Girls Chase reader Damien asked me a question about a relationship he had with a woman that lasted two years in a non-monogamous setup. He noted that his girlfriend was mostly drama-free and easy to manage, which is the way it should be.

However, Damien also mentioned that he felt like he was lying to her at times by withholding information about what he was doing with other girls. I thought this was an interesting topic to explore in the context of this system and non-monogamy in general.

Damien writes:

“I had a non-monogamous relationship for two years where I ran things exactly like described in this article, but it always felt like I was lying to the girl (even though I was just not telling her the details). Also, that girl was low-drama and easy to manage.

So, should a man tell his partner about all his activities, or is it better for him to protect his partner by withholding certain information that he knows could be harmful to their relationship? It’s a tough question, one that is worthy of an article because it’s the central concept of understanding how the harem system works – and all implicit systems.

We’re going to explore the ethics and philosophy behind the harem system. As you’ll see, the system was not designed to enable men to lie to women – quite the opposite. It was designed to protect and sustain women and to look out for their interests.

It’s a non-monogamous system, so it does largely cater to men. After all, it’s an innate male desire to have sex with many different partners, and there’s no getting around that. For women, the system holds a different promise, and most of it is dependent on the man.

Even monogamous guys who have been with the same woman in a loving relationship for many years feel a desire for other kinds of pussy. Not every guy gives in to their desires, but I do know many men and women in monogamous setups who do, which might make it the most dishonest agreement of all. It’s not just men that have a desire to sleep around. Often, women share the same level of horniness as men – or even more so.

Emotionally, women always desire to be with the strongest man in the pool and seek commitment and security with that man exclusively. Sexuality, however, can be very different.

Most times, a woman won’t cheat on her man or even consider sleeping with other men if she’s sexually satisfied by her main partner, because there’s no reason for her to. With this in mind, let’s talk about the implications of the system.

The Myth of "The One": Is There Really Just One Person Out There for You?

only one the one
The myth of only one The One out there for you comes from hormones and Hollywood. The truth is, there is more than one soul mate for you.

In my article on how women express interest, Bruhaha asked:

"Hey Chase, of recent I was in a heated debate with a religious friend of mine. He holds the view that there is only one girl for every guy in this world and vice versa. I argued that if that were the case, then every widower that remarries is doing a great injustice to the rest of his fellows. This is b'se he would be encroaching on other people's ones. And that the church should actually publicly denounce the holding of such ceremonies in order to be considerate to the rest of the population so that they can have a perfect shot at their ones also. That's when it struck me that you have never actually covered this issue before. I hope sometime to come, when you feel like it, it would really be cool to have your perspective on this issue. I would suggest you entitle it "Debunking the myth of the One", if you don't mind of course. Carpet diem!"

And he's right, I haven't addressed it on here, at least not in article form. I've discussed it a bit in comments over the years... but no standalone article on the subject.

So let's get one up.

Three things we should talk about with 'soul mates' and 'The One':

  1. Are there people you match better with than others?
  2. Is there only one truly perfect match?
  3. Are soul mates drawn toward each other?

All are interesting questions. We'll explore all today.

The Dark Side of Hedonism and the Party Lifestyle

dark side of hedonism and partying
Sometimes the party ends too soon… the booze ran dry, the music stopped, the cops were called, or the darkness gobbled you up and swallowed you whole.

Pleasure is beautiful. It fills us with rapture and excitement. Even the prospect of pleasure imbues us with energy. We want to feel.

Pleasure wasn’t demonized by the Buddha, only the attachment to it, which is why he recommended the pleasures that come from meditation instead. Jhanas (meditative states) don’t have a double-edged structure like the pleasures of the flesh and mind do – yes, thinking and day-dreaming are in the same category as bodily pleasures, at least with respect to their addictive qualities.

They come and go, but they’re propped up on nothing but concentration and discernment. When they go, they don’t crash. Pleasures of the mind and flesh, however, can bring crashes – minor and grand.

Too many drinks can turn into a fight, a car accident, or drowning in your own vomit. Too much sex can turn into an unwanted pregnancy, a disease, or a hurtful situation (e.g., ruining a relationship). Too many hard drugs can kill you by their own hand or tempt you into taking yourself out of the game.

Every action has consequences. Many times, you will be safe, but it only takes one situation to end it all. What I want to do with this article is open your mind to the dark side of hedonism. There is a light side, and it is beautiful, but that part is easy to see. The hard part is facing the darkness and still smiling.

Does Good Seduction Game Actually Work to Attract Women?

does seduction game attract women
Does having good game impact whether a girl will be attracted to you? Short answer: yes, if she allows it to. A few key factors influence whether or not she will.

It’s newbie question time!

Hi, Tony.

I’m very curious about predictable patterns you’ve noticed in women’s behavior that they exhibit immediately after you act a certain way towards them or use certain techniques on them at the right time. For example, after you pass their screens, get past their resistance, or qualify them at the right time, they stop controlling some of their attraction for you.

Their compliance threshold increases and they’re overall more open to moving forward with you. Just how much does this compliance threshold increase on average, and how long do you have to take advantage of it before it decreases? And have you noticed women saying relatively the same thing during this time? Do they actively try to build similarity with you? 

Hope that made sense. Thanks for taking questions!

Okay, I’m going to break this down from nerd-speak into plain English.

“I’m very curious about predictable patterns you’ve noticed in women’s behavior that they exhibit immediately after you act a certain way towards them or use certain techniques on them at the right time.

Translation: “Does game actually work?”

Yes, it does, if the woman allows it to. There must be some minuscule amount of attraction locked away deep in her heart. It may have alarm bells, locked doors, and security guards. If this is the case, it’s your job as the seducer to break in and steal it.

People as Their Alignments: Evil, Neutral, and Good

moral alignnment
We each fall somewhere on the 9-sided moral alignment die. Lawful Good, Chaotic Neutral, Neutral Evil… where do you fall, and how does it impact things?

This should be a fun article. Or even an insightful one... depends how much you like personality tests.

... but most of us like personality tests, don't we?

And this one's a fairly useful one, as far as personality tests go.

A recent study discovered six 'dark' traits (egoism, narcissism, Machiavellianism, sadism, psychopathy, and spitefulness) all stem from the same underlying 'dark core'... something the researchers dubbed 'the Dark Factor of Personality'. The result is that if you have one dark trait, you are likely to have others -- because they all come from that same dark center.

Over the last few years I've thought a lot about dark and light. I discussed the phenomenon of younger 'dark' guys who reform when older in "The Civilized Man." I talked about the choice between goodness and wickedness in "The Good King." And I went in-depth on some of the research into the 'light side' of personality in "Be the Lightbringer: Dating and the Sublime Benefits of Positivity." And of course, aside from these, we've always urged you to do right by women and other people, and avoid bitterness yourself... as much for your own sake as for others'.

The seduction space can serve as a magnet for dark characters... even if most of the men in it are neutral- or light-oriented. The dark characters rarely reach levels of prominence within the community -- whether it's more because their methods repel the non-dark men too much, or they just don't care to help/teach other men enough to carve out a niche, I couldn't say. But there are guys like this who become instructors, or rise to this or that level of prominence within seduction communities... sometimes concealing their dark side, sometimes wearing it on their sleeves.

One of the reasons I won't teach 'dark side tech' -- things like reverse supplication, sexual power reversal, one-sided monogamy, taming/dependency, or the infamous October Man sequence --is the existence of 'dark-side' guys within the community (all the non-dark guys who'd cause damage purely by accident are the other part of the reason). If everyone was light-side, we could perhaps talk about this stuff and trust most guys to use it responsibly... but not everyone is, so this stuff stays tucked away under lock and key.

Why do people have these different dispositions? How different are the dispositions anyway -- are people just a little different from one another, or are the differences BIG? And how do these differences come about in the first place?

By pure chance, one day I came across a Dungeons & Dragons 'alignment test'. The test allowed you to sniff out where on the 'alignment scale' you fall... good or evil? Lawful, neutral, or chaotic?

I thought it would be a fun thing to play with. But in fact, it's turned out to be accurate for real people I've used it with, to quite a surprising degree.

How to Be a Gentleman and a Cad

how to be a gentleman and a cad
What does it take to be a gentleman who attracts women? Present yourself well, be respectful, and fulfill her need to be ravaged in the bedroom.

Every good student aims to follow in the footsteps of his mentors. I, therefore, dedicate this article to Chase Amante. It’s my pleasure to stand on the shoulders of a giant and offer my thoughts on what I’ve learned from him about being a gentleman.

In his article on how to be a gentleman, Chase’s main premise is that you can be respectful and treat women well but still bed them quickly. I want to take that a step further and go into detail about how you can be a dirty MF – while also being a gentleman.

Let’s start with threads.

Meeting Girls While Staying Safe in a Paranoid Dating Society

stay safe when dating
It's grown trickier and trickier for bachelor men to navigate the dating world… without getting snared by a scorned woman's revenge. Here's how to stay safe out there.

"Every man is a potential rapist."

So goes the pop culture wisdom sweeping the West right now. 'Rape culture' hysteria has built to a fevered pitch throughout the 2010s, to the point where hiding under every bed, lurking inside every wardrobe, a Rapist lies in wait... eager to pounce on his hapless victim and ravage her with his Weapon of Oppression, the penis.

I try not to go into culture-specific issues too much on Girls Chase. Same with era-specific issues. "This too will pass"; and once it's over people will find it insane and unrelatable. "Was it really that bad?" they will ask.

We've talked about all this stuff on Girls Chase before in different articles. Today's is a bit of a tie-up article though, because as the West hits peak hysteria, Western men's paranoia is peaking as well. I see more and more and more stuff from men who are freaking out that talking to women or sleeping with them is going to land them in a penitentiary, with the 'sex offender' label slapped to their backs forever when they get out.

So let's talk about staying safe meeting girls in a hysterical, paranoid dating society.

What Personality Will Help You Get the Girl

the personality to get the girl
Does your personality determine which types of girls you do best with? Which girls go for what, and what can you do to get the type of girls you want?

Almost every personality type can get girls. Some personalities are more naturally inclined to extroversion and socialization, so they tend to do better than more introverted personalities, but there is also strength in subtlety and grace.

The questions you need to ask yourself when considering who to become are these:

Each personality does well with specific other personalities – usually those that are similar.

As Chase has gone over extensively in One Date and The Dating Artisan (the best dating products on Earth), similarity is one third of what gets a girl into bed (arousal and compliance being the other two).

Note that as I describe these personality traits and women who gravitate towards them, there are always outliers and exceptions. I’ll be speaking in the general sense. In other words, this is how things usually play out, meaning that certain personality types will have “better” chances with particular girl types. I’m not taking the luck factor into account or guys with good enough game to overcome general trends.

For example, if you lean towards introversion, you will be better suited to a certain type of girl. You will do best with shy, less-attractive women. Extroverted guys will also be good with these women if they can lower their guard, but more often than not, these girls tend to gravitate towards introverted guys.

To most guys, of course, they’re not the most desirable of women. If you are an introvert but have great fundamentals, then you can land super-ambitious businesswomen who are fawned over by CEOs and business tycoons. These men are usually extroverts, but there are far more extroverts who are wild party guys than there are extroverted businessmen. The women in question like the extroversion of the party guy but not his comparatively carefree life. He’s not a serious prospect for a girl whose reputation is everything to her and her business.

Of course, there might be an artist who’s amazing with women and will absolutely kill it with ambitious girls, but they will probably gravitate towards a more serious type of guy. These are generalizations for the sake of painting a clear dichotomy, but personality differences reach far beyond the basic dichotomy of extroverted versus introverted.

As I’ve written in my article on girls and their types, you need to be what they want, and sometimes that can be complicated. Despite having a lot of similar features, we are vastly complex beings.