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Social Commentary

6 Signs You're a Player (Plus 3 Signs You're Not)

what is a player
What is a player? And more importantly, are YOU a player? Will being labeled a player have a bad impact on your dating life, or can the label actually help you?

What is a player?

Many years ago, when I was still a sniveling newbie in the dating scene, I was friends with an amazingly talented seductionist. I’ll call him Chris.

I went to a party with Chris, and a girl I recognized from work looked at me sideways and asked how I knew him. I didn’t tell her we were part of a secret society of pickup artists that met in a rented room we called a “lair” every Sunday and were out that night to practice our approach techniques.

“He’s a friend of a friend,” I replied.

“Well…” she shriveled her nose, “he’s a notorious player.”

I went back to Chris and told him he had the reputation of being a player. “Really? That’s good,” he replied, obviously pleased with the label.

Why would a seducer be pleased about being called a player?

How to Manage Your Friends as You Learn Seduction, Pt. 3: Judgmental Men

manage friends while learning seduction
Sexually ignorant and traditional men tend to judge the sexually liberated. How do you deal with these “white knights”? The same way women do: keep them in the dark.

Welcome to Part 3 of my series on how to manage your male friends as you get better and have more success with women!

In Part 1, we covered how the dumb and clueless man can adversely affect your seductions and your relationships. Most often, these guys are your good friends, and they have good intentions, but they make one or more dumb mistakes around the girls you’re courting or dating that affect her view of you, and you’re left picking up the pieces and dealing with the fallout. These guys see your girl skills as more advanced and easier than they truly are. They think their mistakes are minor and that you’ll quickly recover from them, but often they jeopardize your frame with a woman.

In Part 2, we covered how shady guys befriend you to use your talents with women for their own gain. These guys befriend you under good intentions, then try to steal women away from you. Most times, they simply aren’t good at approaching, so I’ve noticed these guys try to steal sets you’ve already approached, opened, and built good vibes with. A state transfer occurs, and they try to lead her to sex after you’ve already done the hard work.

Now in Part 3, we’ll go over one of the deadliest types of friends to have when you want to get better with women: your judgmental friends.

The Seduction Liminoid: How to Create a Sexual Tension Bubble

liminoid bubble of sexual tension
How do you build a sexual tension bubble with a girl, where you can make your own rules and foster sexual freedom? By harnessing the seductive power of the liminoid.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Last week we discussed the concept of liminality and how it applies to pickup and seduction.

In broad terms, the concept of liminality describes the transitional phase within a society. It's when the status quo is deconstructed, and the new has not yet been institutionalized. This is the phase betwixt and between in the lifespan of society and culture. But this concept can also be applied to humans. We can see liminality as a rite of passage, for instance, during the time from childhood to adulthood.

But the theory doesn't stop there. We've discussed how liminality could apply to seduction, and more interestingly, how it could help us make better sense of certain seduction concepts, namely:

We looked at how seduction is about leaving a girl in a liminal phase (state of limbo) when she is curious about you and your interest level or intentions. Since liminality is the phase betwixt and between, leaving her in a phase when something is happening — but not certain or well-defined — keeps the intrigue and mystery going.

We also saw how seduction ends when this phase ends, as you move away from the liminal phase. We also discussed how keeping her in a liminal phase can keep your relationship going in the long-term.

Another key aspect relates to how a liminal phase is liberating. Since it is betwixt and between, social rules are somewhat broken. Something may be real, while at the same time not “official,” or unknown to the social world.

According to the great anthropologist Victor Turner:

They are dead to the social world, but alive to the asocial world. Many societies make a dichotomy, explicit or implicit, between sacred and profane, cosmos and chaos, order and disorder. In liminality, profane social relations may be discontinued, former rights and obligations are suspended, the social order may seem to have been turned upside down. (Turner, V., Liminal to Liminoid, p. 59)

Today we will discuss the other part of his essay, the liminoid, and how that applies to pickup and seduction.

How to Manage Your Friends as You Learn Seduction, Pt. 2: Shady Men

manage friends while learning seduction
You’ve approached a hot girl and the seduction is going well, then some “friend” of yours swoops in and steals her. Here’s what to watch out for to avoid babe theft.

Welcome back to my series about how to manage your circle of friends as you get better with women! It’s one of the most aggravating problems men face as they increase their skillset and get with more higher-quality women. They eventually realize they’ll need to upgrade their group of male friends to follow their progress.

In Part 1, we talked about how many men are unfortunately clueless or dumb when it comes to women. Their lack of knowledge can make things awkward if you’re trying to do something with your girl, like maintaining a solid frame. With clueless and dumb friends, one split second mistake can affect you and your woman for months. The clueless friend will either downplay their actions or can’t fathom why their actions could have a serious impact. After all, they are typically hanging out with friends for the good times and will do nothing to impact their stake in the game.

Today we cover a more serious type of male friend: the conniving and shady friend, who uses you as a crutch to get the woman you are gaming. Shady friends often use the powerful tool of state transference to take a girl you approached, gamed, or even slept with and dated to twist the situation and get her for himself. As you can imagine, things can get ugly.

Liminality and Seduction: Inside the Bubble of Sexual Tension

liminality bubble of seduction
Have you ever been in a sexual bubble with someone, seemingly separated from the outside world and free to make your own rules? Liminal space is the seducer’s Shangri-La.

Today I will share a bit of an abstract concept. It’s inspired me often in my analysis and overall understanding of pickup and seduction. Hopefully the reason why will become clear by the second half of this post, where I’ll show an applied example.

This concept is called “liminality” and comes from social theory, or more precisely from anthropology. It’s also used in psychology and sociology, as well as social philosophy.

Anthropologist Arnold van Gennep coined liminality, but anthropologist Victor Turner perfected it. Turner has written multiple texts on the subject, but I would consider his "Liminal to Liminoid, in Play, Flow, and Ritual: An Essay in Comparative Symbology" to be the flagship study.

I will not go into great detail about the theory for the sake of keeping this article concise and on point, but in my academic career, I‘ve been often inspired by Turner's concept of liminoid spaces (see my post on the secret society).

How to Manage Your Friends as You Learn Seduction, Pt. 1: Clueless Men

manage friends while learning seduction
Your buddies have your best interests at heart, but they can inadvertently sabotage your efforts with women if they’re clueless about pickup and seduction.

Your male friends can have an impact on your encounters with women and how they transpire. As you get more experienced with women, a skill you need to learn is how to manage male friends. Unfortunately, sometimes your male friends can be the biggest impediment to your seductions. As you see your results increase, you have to be selective about the guys you hang out with, go out with, pick up women with, and share information with.

As you learn how pickup and seduction work, you’ll start to get with more women, but not all your male friends will have YOUR interests with women at heart. Perhaps they view you as a man without these traits, or they just haven't seen that side of you. Maybe they DO view you as such a man and just want a piece of it for themselves. You’ll start to see that other men will make mistakes around you that affect your frame with women. They might try to use your skills and leads for their own benefit, or they could judge your actions as amoral and shame you.

All these situations with your male friends can destroy the hard work you’ve put into with one woman, a series of women, or girls you’re dating with some stability.

There are four different types of guys we’ll talk about in this 4-part series:

  1. Clueless Men
  2. Shady Men
  3. Judgmental Men
  4. Dead Weight Men

In each article, I’ll share how best to deal with each type and what you can do as you become better with women.

Let’s start today with dumb and clueless men.

Does the Perfect Partner or Relationship Exist?

perfect partnerI suspect this is more an American problem... in part because I haven't seen it so much outside of America, and in part because America is a nation with people uniquely fixated on "I should get what I want -- all of what I want."

However, there is a certain expectation that a perfect partner and/or relationship should be achievable.

To put that into specific terms:

  • It should be possible to find a partner who shares all the same interests as you

  • It should be possible to find a partner who wants time together when you want it, and to be alone when you want to be alone

  • It should be possible to find a partner with the same love language as you, so you are always happy with her ways of showing affection and she is always happy with yours

  • It should be possible to find a partner who always communicates in exactly the way that works best with you, so you always know what the issue is and never encounter drama

  • It should be possible to find a partner whose sex drive exactly matches yours, so the sex is never too little, and never too much

  • It should be possible to find a partner who's fine to do all the chores that you don't want to do

  • It should be possible to find a partner who has all your other requirements, wrapped up into one: your looks requirements, physique requirements, height requirements, intellect requirements, personality requirements, social life requirements. All wrapped up in one

  • It should be possible to find a partner who wants exactly what you want from the relationship (more closeness or just a little closeness; one child or two children or ten children or no children; to live a lavish lifestyle, or to live a minimalist one). And that, should you change your preferences at some point, she will change her preferences at the same time, or nearly so, and the two of you won't grow apart

  • It should be possible to find a partner who is always pleasing and rarely irritating, and never, ever, ever causes a fuss

The perfect partner, and the perfect relationship.

It should be possible... should it?

Because many relationships end due to what we could ultimately boil down to this one consideration: "She just wasn't perfect enough."

My Truth About Women (And How Most Guys Have It Wrong) Part 2

truth about women

Hey guys, and welcome back.

Here’s part two of a remake of my old mASF article from 2009. In this polemic, I reflect on the current state of affairs in the community, and my challenge of the dogma of the time. I decided to remake it not only for nostalgic purposes but also because many thoughts are still valid today.

Of course, I’ve discovered other things as I grew older and more experienced. I also got some ideas wrong then. To make up for this, I will add my “current day” notes in italics.

Part 1 discussed pickup, street pickup, clubs, and my views. This time, I reflect on women, what they want, and what they are like.

I really challenge the current paradigm, and you can see how the perspective of the new paradigm (the school of sexual game) gives alternative explanations and theories. Although it had its flaws (which I will mention in my present-day remarks), it did explain much about value: being high value and communicating value. In my opinion, the sexual game perspective was better, and I still believe it is. It was not perfect then, but I think I’ve managed to explain its many flaws.

Enjoy!

My Truth About Women (And How Most Guys Have It Wrong) Part 1

truth about women

Hey guys. Currently I am writing down my life story from 2007 to today. Doing so, I got immersed in the past and revisited some great moments: crazy stories, amazing women, and all my great revelations about women and the art of seduction.

I also had some good flashbacks from the old mASF (Moderated Alt.Seduction.Fast) boards, the pickup community forum that used to be its main home, hosting all the big names in seduction.

I had joined this community in 2007 at the age of 15. I quickly skimmed through it. Being so young, I was a fast learner. But I also had little life experience, which seemed to be a curse, but it also forced me to think on my own. No experience meant no bias. So, I was always open to seeing the world differently.

I will take credit for being one of the pioneers to introduce "sex talk" not as a necessity to escalate the process into sex, but as a tool for creating attraction and compliance. By this, I mean:

Upon learning how to do these things, one could get laid with a much higher consistency. This was a different approach than what most guys were doing. I was getting plenty of followers, and many older members enjoyed my new, fresh ideas. But these concepts were also prone to criticism for contradicting the current beliefs back then, which included “Don’t verbalize sex.”

Nevertheless, the administrator of the mASF, Formhandle, invited me to join the elite forum called Masterminds, which was available to the public for reading, but where only selected members could post (Chase and Cody were also members).

What I’m sharing today is a remake of my first post there from early 2009 when I was 17. I’ll fix the spelling and may rephrase bad formulations. I'll also include clarifying "notes from the present" to show how my thinking has evolved.

So, here is part 1 of 2 of the remake of the old mASF article that was lost after its decline. Enjoy.

In an Age of Connectivity, Maintain Your Privacy

just you and her
In the Internet age, everyone's cavalier about privacy. But now that people are routinely smeared, fired, and jailed for what they share online, should you still be so cavalier?

Right now, everyone's aware of how little privacy everybody else has in the Internet age.

We're all aware of it, but few of us care. Most people are actually pretty cavalier about their privacy.

Most people are on social media. A lot of people want to be big on social media. Pictures of their lives, videos, and so on. They want to blow up and get all those sweet, transitory thumbs up from random people.

Trading privacy for social approval is an attractive prospect when you are younger. I did it; a lot of people do it.

There is an important thing to understand about privacy though, and it is that the stuff you put out there to help you (by making you look cool, giving you a stage to stand on, and the like) can also come back to bite you.

It is important, especially while you're in your more self-focused, self-aggrandizing period of life (typically your teens and early-to-mid-twenties) to do everything with privacy in mind.