Social Commentary | Girls Chase

Social Commentary

Getting Past Player Guilt (and Not Beating Yourself Up Over Casual Sex)

player guilt
As long as you don’t give false expectations, you need not suffer from player guilt. In fact, denying her sex when she wants it is NOT the way to spare her feelings.

If you're a man, you'd be forgiven for getting mixed up by all the mixed messages society sends you about casual sex. You've probably heard all the following:

  • "Casual sex is liberating! We must break the bonds of social restrains on sexuality! Let's enjoy our sexuality, and be free!"

  • "Casual sex results from a power imbalance between men and women. Women are forced to trade sex to men sooner than they want to, in the hopes of securing a relationship. It puts women in a difficult spot where it's easy to get hurt."

  • "Casual sex is one of the most empowering acts a woman can engage in. By embracing her sexuality, a woman can learn to love herself, and stop being dependent on how others think of her."

  • "Casual sex is highly damaging to women, and the casual sex epidemic is doing long-term damage to women's self-esteem and ability to form long-term partnerships."

You're alternately a saint and a devil, a savior and a corrupter for engaging in any intimacy with women you know won't lead to marriage.

Of course, the fact is, humans have sex. And they don't always have sex for marriage. If there are a lot of available sexual partners, many humans will have sex with many of them. This is true regardless of location or era. It is true in the West, and it is true in the East. It is true now, it was true 100 years ago, and it was true 5,000 years ago.

The issue is, if you want to be a player, and you want to feel free to indulge in physical intimacy with women who want to enjoy that intimacy with you, how do you get past any feelings of wrongheadedness about this, or guilt?

Anti-Slut Defense: Why Women Want Sex but Act Like They Don’t

anti-slut defense
For a woman, being promiscuous can be socially devastating, so she employs “anti-slut defense” to maintain a perception of purity, even if she wants to have sex with you.

Hi, guys. Today we will discuss theories of anti-slut defense – a key subject in pickup and seduction.

We’ve discussed anti-slut defense on multiple occasions – covering both what it is, what it looks like, and more importantly, how to deal with it. In this post, we will get theoretical. I will get more detailed into what it is, and especially – where it comes from.

Before we get into that, let’s explain what it is to our new readers. Hopefully it may serve as a recap to those who are more experienced.

How to Stop Sucking and Become a Better Man

becoming a better man
Do you suck? Probably. Is there a way to not suck? Absolutely! These 5 steps will put you on the road to becoming a better man and sucking way less.

How to become a better man. It’s a question very few of us ask, and why would we?

What is a “man,” anyway? What is “better?” Better than what? Because if we don’t define this, then why would we improve upon it?

 

What Does “Better” Mean?

Can a tree become a better tree? Yes – if it grows, it develops flowers, nuts, and fruit, which feed life. Can gold become better gold? If it’s polished, it can be more beautiful; if it’s shaped, more useful (though the latter is subjective, since gold is only useful for people).

So to become a better man, you must grow and improve: physically, spiritually, socially, intellectually, so you may be more beautiful and useful.

Why? Because the stronger, smarter, and more powerful we are – the happier we are. We’re happiest when we’re growing, improving, and useful. If you’re depressed, sad, or angry, then you’re definitely not “better,” since this is a degradation in state (maybe unless you’re in a goth grind-core band).

Bonus: the better you are, the hotter the women you’ll attract.

What Caused the Trust Collapse Between Women and Men?

men women trustA recent article on loneliness exploded to the top of Hacker News (the Reddit-like programming and entrepreneurship newsboard). The article clearly struck a chord. The thrust of the article was that the decline of the family has led to an epidemic of lonely people.

In the comment section below the article, a reader had this to say:

After numerous attempts to find a reasonable/semi-normal female "life-companion" I gave up at 50. I tried to overlook the hostility and conceit they had towards men in general at first, until neurosis and personality disorders would reveal themselves later - if the relationship got that far. I felt like I was in a competition and she was determined to "win".

It's many things, but the enmity and distrust that feminism has caused between men and women is by far the most significant contributor. Men are the "enemy" that must be defeated. Why are the majority of homeless white men? They surrendered.

It's a sentiment that seems to be bursting out of the stitches among more and more people. Women express similar sentiments as often as men -- this isn't a purely male issue.

At the core of it, the real center of the issue, is the cultural phenomenon of 'trust collapse'.

The great tragedy of our time is this breakdown in trust between the people... and, particular to this website's mission, the breakdown in trust between the sexes. When the sexes trust each other, anything is possible. When they do not, society comes undone at the seams.

The sexes have battled throughout history; a little tension is nothing new. Yet rarely does the fight grow as embittered as it's today become.

Today more and more women are distrustful toward men. They worry there are rapists behind every tree. They opine that women are paid less than men (and thus, implicitly undervalued). They jump when a stranger approaches, or chide men not to walk up to them in the first place. At the same time, they wonder where the good men have gone, and instruct men that now that they are ready to marry, it's time for those men to be ready too.

Just as women's trust in men has crumbled, so too has men's in women. Many men fear false accusations of harassment (described as "sometimes just a different perspective" in this article), false accusations of sexual assault, or false accusations of rape. Men with good careers walk on eggshells around female colleagues, wary not to become easy prey for unscrupulous corporate climbers (all a woman has to do is say a man did something to her, the same way the football player feigns injury to penalize his opponent and benefit his own team). Many men fear the power women wield in marriage courts, and the loss of their children and assets and lives in the event of a divorce. Some swear off marriage under current Western law; others swear off dating entirely. In a recent 'sexual harassment backlash' survey by the very feminist Lean In organization, 60% of male managers report now being uncomfortable mentoring, working alone with, or socializing outside of work with female employees.

While not everyone has caught it as bad as the more sensitive (and paranoid) among us, everyone has felt it to some extent. And plenty have felt it to large extent... between 2008 and 2018, a mere 10 year gap, the number of 18-29 year old men not having sex in America rocketed up from 10% of them to a whopping 28%.

As the relations between the sexes have increasingly frayed, more and more individuals have come out as preferring their own same sex instead. That number increased by 17% in only four years, between 2012 and 2016. Among millennials, in 2012, 5.8% were homosexual; just four years later, in 2016, a full 7.3% were out of the closet (so much for the ol' "only 1-2% of the population is gay" chestnut you used to hear, huh?). And the fertility rate in the U.S. hits new all-time lows pretty much every year.

How do make heads or tails of all this?

What is happening to the mating market in the West?

Is there any sense we can make of this at all, or is it all just a bunch of unfathomable deep civilizational processes, layers beneath layers, impossible to peel back?

Well, we're going to peel the layers back. And we'll see if we can arrive at an understanding of just what's afoot in all these tremors we've felt in the modern mating market.

Fortunately, there are white polished stones that lead the way us to follow. Let's see where those stones lead.

The Game Never Ends

seduction game goes on
Cherish the grind, the journey of achieving your goals. Enjoy the struggle and hope it never ends, because your worst fear should be having everything you desire.

Many years ago, I lamented my lack of ability to attract 9s and 10s. I posted about this on a forum, and a black ex-pimp dating coach named “Player Supreme” made a podcast about it. He gave me a great insight that nobody else could or would say.

“You’re not 9 and 10 material.”

Ouch.

His advice was simple. Stop studying, go to the gym, lift, increase my income, and lower my standards.

That’s not what Tony Robbins would say!

Well, I went to the gym, but I never got huge. I started my own business, and I’m still not rich. I have really great game but still can’t get 9s and 10s with the consistency of a Vampire or Rock Star.

But my life is pretty great in comparison to that guy who just wanted to bang a 9. Been there, done that – many times. And the only aspect of this journey I can correlate to this is age and experience. The more you play, the better you get.

But you know, looking back, what he was saying makes perfect sense. If you want a 9, become a 9. (Side note: we all know there’s no such thing as a 10.)

Player Supreme was saying not to chase the girls who are out of your league, but rather become the guy who is out of their league, and combine that with game.

Now my goals are much simpler. I want:

Check, check, check, and check.

So enough about me. Let's talk about how you can set standards – realistic standards – to help you achieve your goals?

Tactics Tuesdays: Getting Free of Local Dating Norms

dating norms
Every group or society has norms it expects members to follow. These norms extend to dating and romance as well. But what if you aren't from the same norm group?

I've done quite a bit of travel and lived in a variety of places, all very different from each other, with people who were all quite different too. Everywhere I have gone, I have encountered many men who told me the women in whatever city or country I was in were 'traditional' and 'hard to get anywhere with'. Often I would have men telling me this after I had already quickly slept with several normal, local women, with normal dating histories (not wild party girls, sluts, or 'exceptions to the rule'). I never want to rub it in a guy's face, so usually I will just say "Well, the girls here seem pretty normal and not too uptight to me."

I am not the only guy this happens to. Everywhere I've lived or traveled for any good amount of time, for every 10 guys I meet who tell me the women there are 'difficult' or 'traditional', I'll meet at least one man who tells me the women there are unbelievably easy. Often these guys sleep with multiple new women a week, oblivious to the guys who spend months or years without girlfriends or lays.

I could spend 10 posts unpacking the differences between the 'girls here are hard to get' guys and the 'girls here are so easy' guys... and in many ways, this website is devoted to just this mission.

Today though, I want to talk about one specific wrinkle of the successful guys' success: playing dumb on dating norms.

How Boys Become Men in the Modern World

how boys become men
There isn’t a single event or ritual that can make you a man, yet many believe there is – and that they’ve missed it. Becoming a man has always been a process of choices.

I’ve heard time and time again on the internet that “guys aren’t becoming men these days,” so it might be important to address this idea.

I want to help illuminate what parts of this statement are wrong, what parts are deceptive, and what parts are correct.

First off, let me say there has never been a perfect time to exist and there probably never will be, so let’s not look at this statement too seriously. Instead, we will do a better job of looking at each part as we reflect on the true way a boy can become a man in today’s world.

Sow Your Wild Oats! College Wasn’t Your Only Chance

sow your wild oats
College is touted as THE place to sow your wild oats, so guys who didn’t get it done then feel they missed out forever. But nothing could be further from the truth!

I wrote an April Fools’ Day article this year that focused on college – a “what if” theme meant to be satirical but has its roots in peoples’ desires to relive the college experience. We often get posters on the boards (and ironically, across many different forums on other social skills websites, too) who lament about not having a proper college experience that is dream-like à la the movies.

This could include being part of a fraternity, being able to day drink constantly while being one of the most popular kids in school and always having access to hot girls with little to no effort. The focus is being part of a social group and a “brotherhood” dedicated to having some wild experiences. While it’s true that college is a truly liberating time in life, I firmly believe that a lack of experience in college doesn’t hinder your successes later in life.

What was shocking to me is how many people took that article seriously, then really pondered what it would be like to relive college and do it all over again. Thinking about it more myself, I realized a greater thought – that every single guy needs to get their “wild side” out of their system sometime in their life. In other words, every guy needs to sow his wild oats. Guys that don’t do this seem to think they’ve somehow missed out on life, and thus hold a lot of regrets about where they were and what they have to do to recover.

However, this isn’t meant to be anything that advocates being a victim. You might not realize it, but it’s never too late to start doing something – anything – as long as you’re still alive and physically healthy, breathing, and capable. As we’ll see, it’s never too late for a guy to sow his wild oats.

Is It Easy to Get Laid... Or Is It Hard?

is getting laid easy or hard
Depending on who you talk to or the forums you read, you’ll find guys who say getting laid is hard, while others insist it’s easy. Here’s the real low-down on that.

Is getting laid hard? It’s a commonly asked question, and I see a lot of disagreements regarding this on the forums. For some reason, many guys are also curious about how easy or hard it is to meet women.

Practically speaking, this question does not really lead you anywhere, as the answer will not impact results much.

But what I will try to do in this post is to give you an objective view (which will not be easy) on how hard meeting women and getting laid really is. This is just an opinion from someone who has practiced for 12 years, going out consistently and meeting many different women in different circumstances and places.

First, let’s talk about some subjective factors at play.