Social Commentary | Girls Chase

Social Commentary

My Truth About Women (And How Most Guys Have It Wrong) Part 1

truth about women

Hey guys. Currently I am writing down my life story from 2007 to today. Doing so, I got immersed in the past and revisited some great moments: crazy stories, amazing women, and all my great revelations about women and the art of seduction.

I also had some good flashbacks from the old mASF (Moderated Alt.Seduction.Fast) boards, the pickup community forum that used to be its main home, hosting all the big names in seduction.

I had joined this community in 2007 at the age of 15. I quickly skimmed through it. Being so young, I was a fast learner. But I also had little life experience, which seemed to be a curse, but it also forced me to think on my own. No experience meant no bias. So, I was always open to seeing the world differently.

I will take credit for being one of the pioneers to introduce "sex talk" not as a necessity to escalate the process into sex, but as a tool for creating attraction and compliance. By this, I mean:

Upon learning how to do these things, one could get laid with a much higher consistency. This was a different approach than what most guys were doing. I was getting plenty of followers, and many older members enjoyed my new, fresh ideas. But these concepts were also prone to criticism for contradicting the current beliefs back then, which included “Don’t verbalize sex.”

Nevertheless, the administrator of the mASF, Formhandle, invited me to join the elite forum called Masterminds, which was available to the public for reading, but where only selected members could post (Chase and Cody were also members).

What I’m sharing today is a remake of my first post there from early 2009 when I was 17. I’ll fix the spelling and may rephrase bad formulations. I'll also include clarifying "notes from the present" to show how my thinking has evolved.

So, here is part 1 of 2 of the remake of the old mASF article that was lost after its decline. Enjoy.

In an Age of Connectivity, Maintain Your Privacy

just you and her
In the Internet age, everyone's cavalier about privacy. But now that people are routinely smeared, fired, and jailed for what they share online, should you still be so cavalier?

Right now, everyone's aware of how little privacy everybody else has in the Internet age.

We're all aware of it, but few of us care. Most people are actually pretty cavalier about their privacy.

Most people are on social media. A lot of people want to be big on social media. Pictures of their lives, videos, and so on. They want to blow up and get all those sweet, transitory thumbs up from random people.

Trading privacy for social approval is an attractive prospect when you are younger. I did it; a lot of people do it.

There is an important thing to understand about privacy though, and it is that the stuff you put out there to help you (by making you look cool, giving you a stage to stand on, and the like) can also come back to bite you.

It is important, especially while you're in your more self-focused, self-aggrandizing period of life (typically your teens and early-to-mid-twenties) to do everything with privacy in mind.

Don't Listen to Those Who Say "No Sex on the First Date"

first date sex
She’s not that kind of girl? Well, here’s a pro tip: all girls are that kind of girl. Those who say first date sex shouldn’t happen usually have ulterior motives.

I’m always surprised when men believe sex on the first date is unlikely, unnecessary, impossible, or even wrong.

I’m never surprised when women have this belief.

You see, when you spend many years with an enlightened view of women (like I and the contributors on Girls Chase have), it becomes your norm. Old and misguided beliefs you lost years ago or never had seem strange and foreign.

Sometimes men say they “want to take it slow” with a girl because they want something serious, or they might mention that she’s being a slut because she has sex on the first date. They might even say she’s a whore despite not sleeping with him on the first date. When I see this, I know that they are entangled in the Madonna-Whore complex, which is where this false belief originates. It’s the root of wrong views about quick sex.

Men lose so much from this ignorance.

However, when a woman says it, she has everything to gain and little to lose.

To understand why women pretend to believe that “sex can’t happen on the first date” and why men fall for the lie, we will go through what motivations a man or woman might have for holding this wrong view.

In the sense of good and bad, it has very little to do with morality and instead is about the morality of status-gaining and control, and mate-screening.

Women rightly want what is best for them. They want the best man they can get. If we start with this simple premise, everything about the idea of “not having sex on the first date” becomes translucent. We see an innocent idea as something much more.

When you see this idea for what it is, you will wake up to a new view of women.

It is a liberating view.

You will walk around the world as a hunter, knowing that you can screw any girl, and I mean any girl on the first date.

I don’t care if she’s a Queen or just thinks she is one on Instagram, you can slay her on the first date.

Now, why might a man believe this romantically pernicious idea?

How to Control Your Girlfriend or Wife (in a Society that Frowns Upon That)

control girlfriend or wifeThis Yuletide season, at a time of family, let's talk about maintaining a firm, guiding hand on your own relationships, so they do not slip away from you.

Because that is more difficult to do in our day than it has been at many points in history.

First off, let's address this: being 'controlling' in any sort of direct, overt way is completely forbidden in the modern West.

You aren't allowed to be controlling with friends. You aren't allowed to be controlling with employees. You aren't allowed to be controlling with children. And you especially are not allowed to be controlling with women.

Controlling women in any way is viewed at a societal level as the turf of weak, jealous, insecure men, who are unable to inspire devotion, and instead must use coercion.

Being 'controlling' is the domain of uneducated roughnecks, red necks, and ghetto hoods who lack the ability to communicate or empathize, who don't respect women, and who are, or inevitably will be, 'abusers'.

This article is not really about that kind of jealous, insecure attempt to control. Instead, it is about how to manage your girlfriend or wife in a way she benefits from and responds to, that makes your relationship healthier, and that meanwhile attracts as little social opprobrium as possible.

Never Count on a Woman to Change (& Never Think You'll Change Her)

change a womanI talked to a friend recently and told him about a woman I'd dated with a short fuse.

She was in all other respects perfect.

Physically very beautiful. Very smart and highly educated.

Good career. A happy, positive, can-do person, with a charming personality.

More self-improvement-orientated than almost any woman I've met.

However, she had a very short fuse, and various things would set her off.

Once you set her off, she'd fly off into a (self-)righteous rage.

Her rage would last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, then she would calm back down. A little while later she'd be happy again.

This short fuse of hers was inherited. Her father had it. Her elder sister and younger sisters had it. Others in her family did not have it, but those four did. At a family gathering I attended with them, all four set each other off and flew into rages against one another.

The sisters often tried to avoid talking with each other and their parents, solely because of their tendencies to set each other off like that. Everything else about their relationships were fine, but the anger they all boiled over into did not well mix.

I did everything I could, within reason, over the time I dated this girl to cure her of this fuse.

I thought for a while that with proper operant conditioning, I'd break her of her temper.

I was wrong, and nothing I did was a permanent fix.

The friend I mentioned this to is an optimistic guy who is good at approaching new women, but has trouble bedding them and hanging onto them. His relationships never work out. He's one of the 'hard case' guys I know and have talked about before on Girls Chase. It's hard to put your finger on it with him, but there are many little things it often seems like he does not really 'get'.

When I talked about some of the details of this relationship with him, he told me "Well, it sounds like you set up a pattern early on where this type of behavior was acceptable."

He added that it "sounds like you were encouraging this" or "maybe you subtlely like this."

He then admitted he'd dated a few dramatic women before, but "I quickly showed them I wouldn't tolerate that and they stopped doing it."

It was a little pop armchair psychology that on the surface sounds really good. Somebody does something you don't like? Just make it clear it's unacceptable, and she'll stop for good! Don't be weak or invite it back in, and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But, as I told him, people are a lot richer and more complex than this... and you simply wanting a behavior to change, and putting a few behavior modification procedures in place to try to change it, does not ensure you'll get the change you want.

Especially not long-term.

Far from it.

Rather, while you should do what you can to get your woman to change any undesirable behavior she has, you should never count on a woman to change... and you should never think you'll change her.

Everyone Dates Whoever He Needs to Date

you date who you need to date
Every problem, bit of drama, suffering, torment, or heartache in a relationship is necessary... because people date the people they need to date.

I have a pretty good track record predicting how relationships will turn out.

I can tell, fairly reliably (though I'm sometimes wrong... but not a lot) how a partnership will go after a short time around a couple.

It used to aggravate me, some years ago, how when I'd identify an obviously troubled partnership, no one would listen to me and end the thing before it grew worse.

Time and again, dire warnings to friends of how their relationships would turn out came true.

And still, no one listened.

Yet, these days, people disregarding my advice doesn't aggravate me anymore.

If I see someone headed into an obviously troubled relationship, I will warn him off it.

However, if he chooses to pursue it, it no longer bothers me. I'm not a busybody... what someone is doing with his own life isn't my business, unless he wants my input. I usually won't stay as close with a guy going into a troubled relationship against my advice, because of how troubled relationships tend to affect people (i.e., they turn most folks into needy, emotional messes who bog down everyone around them... and it's not my calling in life to be a shoulder to cry on, nor is it a role anyone would want me in anyway. Really, you are better off not having Chase in that role).

Over time, my understanding of why people date the people they do (as well as do the other things they do) has changed.

I stopped viewing people's choices in mates -- even choices that hurt them, and lead them to suffer -- as 'right' or 'wrong' for them.

Instead, now I look at a partnership and say, "What about this partnership makes it what this person engaging in it needs?"

Because that is the real kicker: people only have the relationships they need to have.

The more you learn to look at relationships as people with exactly the people they needed to be with right then, the more even the very troubled relationships you see start to make a lot more sense.

Game-Life Balance

game-life balance
How do you balance game (as in, the art of getting together with women) – and the pursuit of getting better and better at game – with the rest of your life?

On a recent article of mine, Sub-Zero comments to ask about what we might call 'game-life balance':

Hey Chase,

1. I was wondering with going out 3-4 times a week, how do we handle that if we work 9-5?

should we go to the club early and leave at like 1, instead of staying until close around 3ish during weekdays?

then you got to think, what if you take girls home? then who knows how long you'll be out and you'll have work in the morning.

how did you pull it off?

What's the Endgame for a Playboy?

playboy endgame
You won't stay young, wild, and energetic forever. So what happens to the old playboy when age catches up to him? Does he just fade away?

Under my article "Male vs. Female Mating Motivations Laid Bare", a reader comments:

hard question to ask, but it just seems having children or getting married is a no win situation, if she wants to she can put you on child support or divorce you when she feels like it. with that being said is there a way to have kids and not be put on child support? is there a way to not have kids as an older man and not get looked at as weird? I'm actually really interested in the not paying child support part. what's your plan for yourself Chase logically with this stuff? do you plan to have kids and get married? or just have kids? I liked to know your process of what you think older you would do with women.

I feel like making an "Old players never die, they just..." joke, but can't think of a good one.

"They just NEXT away"?

Nah, too obscure.

Well, anyway. The "what's the endgame?" question is a valid one for the modern playboy.

I'm going to skip the child support one, because, well, it's not realistic for most guys. Children are costly, and someone has to pay for them. Women usually can't pay for them themselves (some rich women excepted, but there's problems with targeting rich women to sire offspring with, then peace out, that I won't go into here). If the father won't/can't pay, the burden then falls to society, simply so the child doesn't die or end up scrounging for scraps on the street like what you see in less developed countries. So most societies have laws mandating fathers pay for their own children, to avoid having it come out of everyone else's pockets. There's no way to get around that in most developed societies without just being a straight-up dead-beat dad who knocks chicks up then runs away and hides so they can't collect child support, then runs away and hides again if he's found and hit with back child support payments. Which I guess you could do, but it's trash behavior, and you're hopefully on this site to learn how to improve your life, rather than lead a trashier one.

The child support question aside, that "what's the endgame?" question, now that's an interesting question.

Because, well... it isn't clear what the endgame for most men IS any longer.

Do Not Compare Yourself to Women

women have it easier
"Women have it easier." Well sure, in many ways they do. But YOU are not in competition with women.

There is a thing I have seen online (not so much in real life, but perhaps I'm not socializing with the right guys for it in real life) where guys complain about how easy women have it or how much XYZ thing favors women.

I'll give a few examples of this:

  • "Women don't know anything about how hard it is to approach guys. Men approach THEM! Why do men have to do all the work?"

  • "Dating is all about what the woman wants. Men have to do all the work of planning and wooing and courting a girl. The man has to make all the moves. Then if he messes up, the woman walks! How is any of that fair!"

  • "The law is completely stacked on women's side! If a woman wants to screw a man over, she totally can! As a man, you are a second class citizen!"

Are these things true?

Well yes, they are. Men do have to do all the work of the approach. Men do have to do all the work of the date. Men do get ditched if they mess up with a girl, often (but not always. Girls will cut you some slack if they like you). The law does often favor women (though not quite to the extent most men's rights activists seem to think).

I guess if you are arguing for a change to cultural norms, or the legal system, it might be worthwhile to complain about this stuff and get a movement going.

If you're on Girls Chase though, I assume your primary objective is more success in the world as it exists, and not so much becoming a political activist to try to change the world.

You might well be a political activist too. But that's not why you are here.

If you're here, it's because you want girls.

And if you want girls, stop comparing yourself with girls.