Social Commentary | Girls Chase

Social Commentary

Conventional Ideas Beget Conventional Results – How to Go Beyond

conventional ideas conventional results
If you do what ‘they’ do, you get what ‘they’ get – but it may not be what you want. If you want more than conventional, you have to get unconventional.

I was just having coffee with an old friend of mine who recently moved back to town. We were talking about his experiences with dating in a city on the US west coast where he didn’t find the quality of girls that attractive or interesting – for the last couple of years, he’s been longing to move to New York City and start a new journey with more attractive girls. I knew he worked many hours each week and spent little time learning “socially unconventional” paths to meet women.

Learning seduction, game, and pickup is one of those unconventional paths that people dream about but few implement, usually out of fear of social repercussion and shame. Yet, my friend did tell me that he attends meet-up groups, speed dating events, and social mixers to meet women – and didn’t like any of the women he met. He tried to enter new social circles and join activities with like-minded people, and he still didn’t meet a girl he liked.

Conventional dating advice that he followed told him that he should look in these places to find single women he clicked with. Much to his disappointment, after attending many events, he was puzzled as to why he didn’t meet any women he clicked with.

Why did so many people tell him to go to these events to try and find women, he asked? My response to him was pretty straightforward – conventional ideas and solutions lead to conventional results. And that clicked with him immediately.

Recently we had a poster on the Girls Chase forums discussing cold approach pickup – namely, his lack of experience with it. This poster does quite well for himself as it is – he uses a calibrated, sexy, don’t-give-a-damnalpha guy approach in dating apps such as Tinder.

After spending years working on his profile, pictures, message style, and portraying himself as an attractive man on the apps, he tells us that sex with girls who are 6-8s on the scale and who are his type come pretty easy to him.

At this point it’s so easy, he doesn’t even find the desire to pursue these women at times. He’s so good at this game that it started to get boring, and he feels that it’s netted him the highest ROI when coupled with the good pictures and profile he’s put together. He noted that he can go out with and bang an above average looking girl at least every other week – because, according to him, on dating apps the intentions are super clear.

I was in the school of thought that cold approaching was dead or just an overall low return on investment. Lately, I have incorporated so much into my life in regards to dating and women that I don't really have that urge and killer instinct to want to cold approach hot girls. Online dating has spoiled the crap out of me, my hobbies provide opportunities, and social circle game is starting to slowly take off for me. In many ways, I don't need cold approach…

Yet, he also acknowledges that cold approaching is one of the few ways to realistically get the most attractive women on the higher end of the looks scale outside of his lifestyle and social circle game – and that is one of the ceilings in online dating, even though it’s comfortable and men are happy with screwing 7s.

In the past months, I realized that I was getting girls who were solidly above average and cute. Due to hobbies, dating apps, and a host of other things, I noticed that I got quality, but it was not top tier like I wanted. The closer I approached to an 8, the more I realized that only two things were going to give me opportunities: social circle and cold approach.

To my surprise, he used this perspective to justify his lack of effort in learning cold approach, calling it a lottery without the opportunity to get a suitable ROI, and that the apps seemed superior to cold approaching as a result. The argument here was that cold approaching is so out of touch with what other people around us do, that you’d have to be completely clueless socially to only use that method to meet women.

Well, then you have my story. I’ve spent the last 6-8 years (depending on perspective) focusing on learning cold approach dating methods – specifically, day game and approaching women in any environment in New York City, especially on the street, in subways, and coffee shops. I’m consistently able to get several phone numbers a day, several dates a week, and theoretically sleep with almost all the women I go on a date with. The numbers at the moment are quite fascinating – I’ll have more to share on this soon.

From my own perspective, the ROI of cold approaching has far exceeded what I have ever achieved through any other method I’ve tried – whether through social circles, dating apps, online dating, and more. In fact, a couple of years ago I relied heavily on dating apps to meet women – and quit because it was making me lazy about learning cold approach to get the girls of quality I truly wanted. Part of this was about finding a system that works well for what I want; the other part has just been about truly following an unconventional idea.

As Mating Complexity Increases, Do Reproductive Returns Diminish?

mating complexity
Mating gets more complex as our societies become more complex. But as complexity rises, does the law of diminishing (reproductive) returns set in? (image source: Darwin Leo)

Bit of an abstract/sociological article here.

A little more academic than usual, too.

If you'd prefer tactics on dealing with an increasingly complex mating market, see my Game Imbalance Theory series. Otherwise, if you're down for a little academic sociology, let's proceed...

I'm reading through John Tainter's brilliant The Collapse of Complex Societies. Tainter's premise is civilization (or society, as he prefers to call it) is a problem-solving entity. As a society encounters new problems (like a food shortage or a militaristic neighbor) it adds new layers to itself, to address the problem (more intensive farming, or the training of a better military). These new layers make the society more complex.

As the society becomes more complex (to deal with more problems), it requires more resources. For a while it gets these through conquest or opening up new resource channels. Later it must get them by raising taxes on the population and by controlling more and more of its populace's lives. The further along this process it goes, the greater the demands on the society's support population become, and the smaller the returns on its increasing complexity get. It must demand more and more, to support greater and greater complexity, for less and less return.

As I've read Tainter, it's gotten me thinking about romantic relationships. There are some fascinating trends in dating, mating, and reproduction... trends like:

Anecdotally, the Battle of the Sexes seems to have reached fevered pitch, with many jilted women asking "where all the good men have gone" and many jilted men complaining they didn't go anywhere but were overlooked while these women were too busy "riding the cock carousel" (and now no longer want these "post-wall" women). This is something it's harder to quantify, but I've gone through a fair few newspaper advice columns from the 1880s through the 1950s and don't recall coming across anything close to this level of back-and-forthing between the sexes.

Divorce rates have skyrocketed, even as the availability of sex partners seemingly has too (I can't find much data on historical lifetime sex partners, unfortunately, but I find it hard to believe the average number of lifetime sex partners was "seven" in the 18th and 19th Centuries, as it is now -- though here's an interesting article on changing views on sexuality across the times).

As I looked at all this, I had to wonder: is the ever-increasing complexity of modern dating to blame for dating's shabbier and shabbier results overall for men and women alike?

7 Misconceptions About Pickup and Seduction

Misconceptions About Pickup and Seduction
The seduction community has its share of critics who portray pickup artists as unnatural and manipulative. Here’s why we don’t see it that way.

Remember that classic line from the movie Fight Club? What was the first rule? Oh yeah, don’t talk about Fight Club. And in that movie, almost everyone broke the rule.

The result? The ranks exploded, and they were branded a terrorist organization.

When I first got into pickup, I joined a men’s pickup artist group called the Montreal Lair. It was run by a guy named Cliff who was made Internet-famous by that book The Game. He made me sign a non-disclosure agreement, promising not to talk about the group. “Media has infiltrated us before. We need to protect the identity of our members,” he told me.

Since then pickup artistry has gone mainstream.

Now YouTubers have in-field videos with millions of views. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies, and websites like Girls Chase get millions of readers per month. Yet we hide.

5 Politically-Incorrect but Crucial Signs of a Healthy Relationship (Video)

What makes a healthy relationship?

If you're not familiar with me or Girls Chase, this video might really mess with you.

My idea of what makes a healthy relationship might be seen as toxic by a lot of the world, but seeing as how a lot "mainstream" relationships are actually toxic, why not get another perspective?

So here you go...

Valentine’s Day Survival Tips for All Relationship Types – Even Single

Valentine’s Day Survival Tips
Valentine’s Day tends to throw bombs into relationships, serious and casual. Here’s how to pass the day unscathed – or even pull a new girlfriend from the ashes.

That time of year is coming again – Valentine’s Day! It’s that day that women look forward to all year – or detest when it arrives because they have no one to celebrate with. It’s that day when you can seal a frame with a new girl, or walk away from a relationship gone cold. It’s that day when, if you don’t celebrate enough, you might cause drama; or if you celebrate too much, she loses attraction for you.

It’s also a day that can set the stage for a hedonistic Spring and Summer to come – for men and women alike.

All your relationships can potentially go haywire if you’re not careful to maintain a good frame. As Valentine’s Day approaches, here are some important things to remember this year about how to navigate V-Day. And I'll be discussing how to survive in several relationship types, not just monogamy.

Do Women Lack Agency?

agency [ey-juhn-see]

noun, plural a·gen·cies.

the ability to make your own choices and act independently, free from the influence or pressure of others.

women have agencyThe subject of women's agency is one both feminist circles and the manosphere have debated almost since each movement's inceptions. Although these two movements approach things from different perspectives, and arrive at their conclusions via opposite routes, they both reach the same conclusion: that no, women do not have agency.

From the feminist side of things, here's a "veteran advocate, activist and educator" who pushes for "genuine sexual liberation and self-acceptance for women" (bio) who declares most women have no sexual agency. And here's the World Bank, a global financial institute and progressive spearhead organization (which has "promote gender equality" as one of its signature 'development goals'; it's also focused on, for instance, fighting manmade global warming), claiming that "girls and boys, and later women and men, have unequal capacity to exercise agency."

The consensus among feminists and other progressives is that women are deficient in agency. The reason they're deficient, feminists and progressives tell us, is because oppressive patriarchal systems and brutish, insensitive men sideline women from decision making -- even within their own lives.

The manosphere side arrives at the same conclusion as progressives and feminists -- that women are lacking in agency -- yet deduce this from a different set of clues. In the manosphere, examples of depraved, seemingly immoral behavior by women and the reliance of much of the modern female lifestyle on contraceptives, as well as the dearth of women who aspire to "higher values" as opposed to men, are pointed to when making the case that "[a] woman’s lack of agency is something neither to celebrate, nor despise. It is something to accept."

The consensus among red pill and manosphere thinkers, just like feminists and progressives, is that women are deficient in agency. The reason they're deficient, red pill and manosphere thinkers tell us, is because they are simply biologically incapable of freeing their decision-making from emotions, from accepting blame for mistakes they've made, or from hewing to any ideals higher than the most base, primitive necessary to run a life in a society.

It would seem that, while feminist, progressive, red pill, and manosphere thinkers might argue about the source, they all agree on the outcome: women lack agency.

So it might appear the debate is settled. Now we're just arguing about who's to blame: Mother Nature, or outdated, patriarchal men.

But I have another perspective on female agency.

Because I've seen all the things these thinkers talk about. I've also seen a lot of other things. And I've spent a lot of time up close with women, digging deep into their thinking and behavior beyond what they are even typically consciously aware of themselves doing, and beyond what most outside analysts believe they are doing too.

It's led me to the conclusion that women do not lack agency at all. Not in the feminist way, and not in the manosphere way, at least.

Instead, women beguile -- something they're exceptionally good at -- as part of how they act with agency in the world.

A woman uses the cloak of lack of agency as part of her real agency. Feminists further the agenda because it furthers theirs; male progressives and manosphere men alike push this female agenda (coming at it from different start points) because they buy it and believe the performance.

But a performance is what it is.

14 Ways Social Control Is Used on You

Social Control
For civilization to thrive, is social control a necessity? Perhaps, but we must be mindful of people and groups who seek to manipulate us to our detriment.

Social control. It sounds very 1984-ish, doesn’t it?

It is, in some ways. In others, it’s natural and understandable.

It's something that is always pulling at you – the social equivalent of gravity. Even from long distances, it has an effect.

And it comes from everyone.

When we think of “social control,” we get the idea that there’s some monolithic, maleficent force specifically targeting us and trying to get us to bend.

It is not so simple.

Yes, there are diverse and powerful organizations which are trying to control you. It could be a news station, a top-followed Instagram account, a religious body, or a government.

Those organizations include individuals, all of whom have personal agendas, both hidden and open.

Those people may all pledge allegiance to a common goal, but even then, the purity of their commitment to the group and their interpretation of that group’s goal may differ, person to person.

If a group of people aligns tightly with a singular goal, or at least the messages they deliver (e.g., a news station’s regular broadcasts) echo this singular goal or plan, the effectiveness of that social control is heightened.

Given your life experiences, and by doing some imaginative math about how many different groups are trying to control you, it is clear that you are being pulled in many directions.

The way I see it, even more confusing is that none of these groups are evil or good.

Of course, you have a moral stance and will judge various influences as good, neutral, or evil, but from a bird’s eye view, there is simply an array of consequences that occur because of your actions and everyone else’s actions.

I’m not here to moralize, but I am here to argue from the point of this website’s goals. There are social controls that inhibit your sexual freedom and ability as a man to forge his destiny.

I’m here to point out some of the biggest influences that attempt to control you, as I believe them antithetical to the goal of having a free and abundant position in the sexual marketplace.

There are hundreds of influences being thrust upon you every day, but here are 14 of the most powerful social controls that I believe you should be aware of and resist, as they inhibit your ability to be the best man you can be.

These social controls try to do one thing: convince you to adopt a belief.

If they can convince you that X is bad and Y is good, then you will follow their agenda or reinforce their worldview. It’s that simple.

To make you aware of social control, I will explain what “they” try to make you believe, the motivation behind that attempt at social control; I'll provide examples of who will try to convince you of this control. As you’ll see, “they” can’t actually stop you from doing what you want, and in most cases, they can only convince you – through shame and fear – how to act.

How to Avoid the Dating Pitfalls of Being a Good-Looking Guy

Avoid the Pitfalls of Being Good Looking
Good-looking men face particular challenges in pickup. How do you compensate when a woman acts weird around you or thinks you’re too cocky or out of her league?

Hey guys! Welcome back.

So, my two previous articles have been focused on debunking the idea that looks are the primary factor in success with women.

I have presented many different arguments for why looks are not that important. I’ve also given examples on how good looks can backfire, referring to the pitfalls and difficulties good-looking guys face.

And I think this was a good subject to cover. It is helpful for not-so-good-looking guys to understand the effects of looks and the place they have in pickup and seduction – and that looks are NOT everything.

The pitfalls good-looking men face is something VERY rarely discussed, and I believe it was a beneficial discussion. Admittedly, however, I have realized that in my last post where I covered the pitfalls and the difficulties good-looking men face, there was more of a pessimistic tone. As a matter of fact, it was far less than optimistic, and at the cost of convincing less-good-looking guys that being is was not always a good thing, I have probably left the good-looking guys feeling bad. The previous posts may in fact have generated negative beliefs about good-looking guys.

The truth is, being good looking has its benefits, but also its pitfalls. And like everything else in pickup, it is all a matter of calibration. If you are good looking, or even more importantly, good looking to her, you must calibrate accordingly.

So, to enjoy these benefits, you will have to know how to play properly, and this is what this post is about. Now, pickup in general is the same for everyone, and you mostly will have to calibrate according to the girl. However, this post can help you adjust your game to who you are.

Women Are Attracted to Men Who Show Sexual Desire

women are attracted to sexual desire
It’s a misconception that women are not attracted to aggressive men. The truth: women go nuts for aggressive men who show their sexual desire in the right way.

Have you ever noticed how well some guys do with women? If you’re a nice guy, you might see these dudes and wonder what makes them so special, and why women like them so much. Maybe you’ve seen them at nightclubs with a stunner in heels, or maybe you’ve seen your natural friend pull girls over and over again.

The chances are that – even though I’m not talking about one specific man – you can still picture the kind of dominant, masculine, and ultimately aggressive guy that I’m talking about.

A key reason these guys get women is because they show their desire. At a very basic level, any guy who wants a girl must show his desire towards her. A girl may throw indicators of interest and other signals towards a guy, but if he doesn’t show his desire, girls often move on.

There’s another key facet here that separates the average guy from the guy who actually succeeds often. Naturals, players, and men who know how the game works understand that it is actually their aggressiveness that distinguishes them from most men. That aggressiveness – their willingness to take risks with women and go after what they want – draws women into their world.

Aggressive guys get girls more often. If you’re gaming and you want women, you must show the women around you aggressive desire, and go after them aggressively.

Does Having Good Looks Come with Disadvantages?

Good Looks Come with Disadvantages
To combat the myth that “looks are all that matter” for getting laid, we examine several disadvantages of good looks you’ve likely never considered.

Hey, guys! Welcome back.

If last week’s post where we discussed the importance of looks in pickup did not convince you that looks actually are far from being one of the most important aspects in meeting women, then this post is for you.

So let’s quickly recap. Last week we discussed how good looks can:

  • Help you give a good first impression and get the ball rolling for you. This is key because you need to start somewhere, but a start is just a start. Much more than some basic early game flirting is required to get the girl.

  • Good looks allow a woman to accept and rationalize her attraction to you – however, there are other key factors that can help you achieve this.

  • Good looks are far from being a game winner, but really bad looks is a game killer.

  • In regards to the point above, better looks can be achieved. Most guys can reach the minimum threshold. Today we will discuss some other aspects of looks that you may not have considered.

To me, good looks is just another parameter one must adjust to. Same goes for average looks and bad looks. Personally, I have had times where I did not care about my looks, and even got fat. However, I presently spend lot more time getting in shape, dressing well, and taking good care of my hair and trimming my facial hair.

No matter what phase I was going through, I had an equal amount of lays. However, keep in mind that when I was less good looking, I had to “work” harder to convince girls to give me a shot, and the hooking phase was harder. But once in, getting the girl was not that much more difficult.

But wait! That’s not to say that good looks do not make it easier for you. In fact, I definitely got more hooks when I wasn’t fat… so appearance and looks are important.