Investment | Girls Chase

Investment

The art of involving a woman more deeply in a conversation, an interaction, a date, a seduction, a relationship.

How to be a Hard Target, Pt. I: Dating

hard target dating
In Part I of the series, we look at the hard target dater: the man who can’t be suckered by friend-seekers, flirts, diggers, or climbers.

In the excellent self-defense book Dead or Alive: The Choice is Yours, Geoff Thompson uses the term ‘hard target’ to describe someone who’s a difficult mark for attackers. If you’ve read my article on how to be street smart, you know what I’m talking about (and if you liked that article, you should probably grab Geoff’s book). Essentially, you can turn yourself into someone the bad people just don’t want to mess with.

This article kicks off a three-part series on becoming a hard target not for assault or mugging, but in your romantic and social life. How do you not get suckered by those who seek to sucker?

In each installment of the series, I’ll address a specific social arena where men get duped. The areas we’ll examine are:

  1. Dating: when you first meet a girl, get to know her, and take her out on dates (this article)

  2. Relationships: once you’re already together with a girl, in a romantic relationship with her (next article)

  3. Social Life: non-romantic encounters in the social arena: friends, acquaintances, people with connections (third article)

We’ll take a look at why people will try to bilk you, what kinds of people will do this, and why they try things with some people but not others. And finally, we’ll talk about becoming a hard target these people leave alone, and can’t crack if they try.

Tactics Tuesdays: Giving Gifts and Offering Compliance

giving gifts
You can sometimes do things for girls to make them more compliant. But you must be strategic in this – and you absolutely can’t supplicate.

Note right up front: this post is for somewhat more advanced guys. At least intermediate-on-up. You need to be fine saying no to girls and not have an overwhelming need to please before you’re ready for this technique. Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging yourself with it.

If you’re a regular Girls Chase reader (or if you own my book), you know how important investment is to doing well with girls. It’s a cornerstone of your success with women. If you’re just catching up and need an investment primer, here’s my three-part compliance series, to wet your whistle:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?
  3. How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

In my article on Donald Trump persuasion, Lawliet asks a question about giving compliance to get it:

When we give others compliance, does that increase their compliance in us? In social situations with friends? with meeting girls also? What about in sales? I notice some salesmen help clients do things.

If normally not (ex. Sad shopping guy, helpful guy, horny guy), is there a way to leverage it so it does? I somehow suspect it can (why else would so many guys use it as flirting?), but have not decrypt the key yet (they use it in the wrong way).

Some examples would be great! (love to hear your ancedotals stories)

Just my theory,
Lawliet

So, yes – this is absolutely a thing.

In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini cites the example of giving free stuff (like a flower) to ask for a donation, a tactic which started at the airport with the Hare Krishnas – which if you’re too young to remember this scourge on American airports, as I am, you can still see preserved historically in the movie Airplane!:

The thing the Airplane! clip shows you is that this tactic is often pretty grating.

The thing it doesn’t tell you – and that Cialdini talks about – is that it can be (and in the case of the Hare Krishnas, it was) extremely effective.

Yet before you go running off to use it in your seductions, we have a few things to discuss about it, first.

To Be a Fuckboy or Not to Be a Fuckboy

how to be a fuckboy
The fuckboy: a guy who offers little more to women than excitement and sex... Yet whom girls keep coming back to, even if they say the hate him.

“Am I fuckboy?” I ask.

She laughs hysterically over the phone. “Oh yeah, for sure!”

I laugh. I expected this answer, as I’ve heard it from pretty much every other girl I’ve asked.

“You know what, actually,” she interjects, “I would say you’re a fuckboy, but you’re a little bit different. You’re definitely an asshole, but I don’t think you’re a fuckboy. I think it’s because you’re honest. You don’t trick girls. You are pretty straightforward about what you want.”

She’s a smart girl and one of the most loyal and devoted lovers I’ve ever had, so her opinion is more nuanced and, frankly, more important than the other women’s.

Whether through extended social circles or very long and frank discussions about my hobbies, philosophies, and the kindness that I show to friends, family, strangers, and lovers, it seems only those who spend a good amount of time with me have seen the lover beneath the fuckboy.

Yet, most won’t see that. To the majority of those I meet in life, I will be labeled a fuckboy and described as sexist, misogynist, disrespectful to women, and all sorts of nasty things.

I accept these labels if only to spit on those people. Anger and hatred is usually a sign you’re doing something right.

To explore then whether the fuckboy life is right for you, I want you to ask yourself a very simple question after reading this article.

To be a fuckboy? Or not to be a fuckboy?

That is the question.

But first…

How Much Should You Do for a Girlfriend? The Investment Scales

do for a girlfriend
What’s the right amount to do for a girl you date? How do you know if you invest too much or too little? Two measures: boredom and neglect.

Commenting on my article “Early Boyfriend Distinction – She Helps You vs. You Help Her”, a reader asks (emphasis added):

Thanks for another insight article especially about how “dynamics” really work and that as long as you can handle situations in the right dynamics, you can break the rules or at least not follow them strictly. Which brings back to a question I have in terms of giving help to a girl. So just a little background, I’m currently dating an au pair, who is considered a foreigner in this country. So I have helped her with a lot of things such as improving her English, help her with application for status extension/change, plus a number of non-fun items, even though after those items we have fun and sleep together as much as I want. So more of an early boyfriend status. So my question is am i doing too much to help her, have you done an article in terms of when offering help to your girlfriend, what is the right amount or how to gauge when to help and when not to help and just let her do it on her own?

Getting the right balance on how much to do for a girlfriend is an issue for more intermediate daters on up. When many men start out, they pay no attention to a girl’s investment in them, and instead throw as much investment as they can at her to try to woo her. Once they realize this hurts them with her instead of helps, they begin to scale it back. Except, here, they often go too far. How do you get the balance of your investment right, so you do not make her feel either over- or undervalued?

First off, if you’re unfamiliar with the concepts of investment/compliance, or you need a refresher, be sure you’ve read these articles:

Also read the article linked to at the start of this installment. It discusses the crucial questions of “who’s doing what for whom” in terms of the pre-sex courtship.

Having read those, though, you’re likely still left with one tangled up question: how do I know when I’ve invested too much or too little in her?

There’s not an easy answer to this question, but I’ll do my best to prune some of the vines off it for you here and give you a formula you can work with.

Tactics Tuesdays: Early Boyfriend Distinction – She Helps You vs. You Help Her

she helps you
You shouldn’t join a girl’s shopping expedition for a date. So why’s it okay to invite her along while YOU shop? The difference is the dynamic.

In my article on The “Help Run Some Errands” Date, Lawliet questions whether having a girl come help you on dates doesn’t set too much of a boyfriend frame.

As we’ve talked about before, you very much do not want to be the early boyfriend. If you act like her boyfriend before you sleep with her, you will almost never sleep with her. We’ve even talked about the misfortune that fell one poor man who decided it’d be a good idea to take a girlfriend of mine shopping and go around holding her bags for her.

So why, then, would I turn around and propose you take girls shopping with you?

Have I flipped my gourd?

Gone stark mad?

No, don’t worry. If this distinction confuses you, it won’t for long.

That’s because in today’s article, we’re going to draw a line between what happens when you help her versus when she helps you.

When She Picks You, It’s Vital She Feels It’s Her Choice

In my article on how to take girls off their “scripts” (i.e., having them abandon whatever they’re doing or trying to do, and have them come be with you on your terms instead), a reader commented on a point of confusion:

Moreover, you’ve even written an entire article on “disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend”. But in this [article on taking girls off their scripts], you suggest that its best to make clear what you actually want (even if that is to be her boyfriend).

I understand his confusion. I should stress before we proceed that a big part of my approach with girls is to be inscrutable: I throw off conflicting signals so a girl can’t nail me down. Just when she thinks I’m a hookup-only guy, I ooze a little romance and her brain starts going crazy. “I thought this guy just wanted to hook up,” she thinks, “and yet he’s so romantic! Maybe it could be something more? What’s going on?! I can’t figure him out!”

This is the same type of mixed signaling you see characters like Simon in The Saint and Juan Antonio in Vicky Cristina Barcelona use (and that’s where I got it from, guys like this):

James Bond uses it a lot in his films. Christian Grey uses it. Every Byronic hero does, more or less. She thinks she knows what this guy is about... And then she doesn’t know what this guy is about. He’s so confusing. What is he about?

At some point, you have to let her figure out what it is you want though, and that’s the kind of ‘clarity’ I meant in the scripts article. She has to be reasonably certain that, “Okay, I think this guy wants to hook up with me,” or, “I think he wants to really date me.” The reason you want her to figure this out is because you want her to start imagining it. If before she was only in single-and-carefree mode, and you want her to be your girlfriend, she needs to think about becoming your girlfriend first.

This article is going to be about that. Or at least, some of that. Therefore, this one won’t be ideal for beginners... Since we’ll be talking about running, essentially, two kinds of game at the same time:

  1. One part sexy, bad boy hook up guy
  2. But also one part mysterious, inscrutable, romantic guy

You do not tell her you want her as more than a fling, or even imply it with words. You want her to read between the lines with you. You usually won’t tell her you want to hook up with her, either (unless you’re Hector. Or Romanian).

This clarity is all implied... Which means it’s never completely clear.

And the reason you never make it completely clear?

You want her to choose you, and feel the choice is her choice.

Pacing and Leading a Girl on a Date or in Bed

pacing and leading
Pacing and leading is a potent neurolinguistic programming (NLP) technique used to first match someone’s state, then lead her. It’s extremely useful in dating and seduction.

Ok, so I decided to get into more practical stuff. During the summer I tend to go out so much more, which motivates me to write about more practical stuff.

Before I jump into it, a caveat: this post will be most useful for advanced players.

Sure, as a beginner, there will be a few things in this post that you will enjoy. That being said, this is not what a novice should focus on at first – there are fundamentals that are more key to focus on.

However, if you are an intermediate or even an advanced player, you should absolutely pay attention.

Today’s topic is pacing and leading, a very powerful technique that will allow you to drag people into your reality with little to no resistance. Pacing and leading is a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) technique that will help increase your chances of dragging people comfortably into your reality. Most people are not comfortable being led into a different world, and hence put up their defense mechanism. Pacing and leading allows you to hook them in, lower their guards, and smoothly drag them into you world.

This sounds probably super fancy to you who are new to the concept – and one can make very complicated posts related to this subject. I tend to see many books (many bad books) covering NLP and related subjects that are filled with mental masturbation and over-complications. I will therefore make an understandable, straight-to-the-point post – and you will see... it is not rocket science after all.

So here is how we will do it in this post. I will:

  • Cover the mechanism by which this concept works
  • Show different ways of using the technique
  • Share a few examples

What Gets More Girls: The Normal Guy Approach or Pickup?

normal guy approach
Pickup artists study how to get girls... But a lot of PUAs are kinda weird. Is it better to study dating, or to rely on “normal guy game”?

Prelude

This is an article I have been working on since I have started working for Girls Chase. It has been up in my head and I have struggled multiple times to explain this on paper.

Well, here is my first attempt, and my view on normal vs. pickup freak game.

This has been a concept many may find themselves shaking their heads at the pure absurdity of... That someone has broken down something this inconsequential to mere numbers on a graph.

But it is none the less something I thought would make for a good piece (if not perhaps an insufferable one for the wrong readers). So allow me to apologize in advance for my nerdiness.

Tactics Tuesday: The “Help Run Some Errands” Date

errand date
If you’re a busy guy, one of the best productivity hacks out there is to invite girls along with you on errands you otherwise have to run.

I know, how unromantic, right?

Well, not every date is about sweeping her off her feet and being her Prince Charming.

Sometimes, all it’s about is building the most effective path toward getting her into bed with you with as little muss and fuss as possible.

After all, you can charm her all you like once you and her are bedfellows.

Enter the errand date: where a large part of the date is structured around her helping you run some errands you have to run.

This is a super fun date, for a number of reasons... Not the least of which is that it builds in tons of compliance automatically, immediately positions you as the leader, and keeps the two of you moving, which leads to lots of shared experiences in a short amount of time... The very formula of a structured date, one of our three date templates.

But how are you going to get a girl to come run errands with you? And won’t she feel insulted? Or think you’re wasting her time?

Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 4: Boredom

This is the fourth and final installment in my series on why relationships fall apart. The previous three parts you can read here:

  1. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 1: Game-Personality Disconnect
  2. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 2: Long-Term Value Unclear
  3. Why Relationships Fall Apart, Part 3: Stability Issues

In this article, we’ll talk about the last reason relationships will fall apart. That’s boredom. However, because it’s a topic we’ve discussed before, I’m only going to skim over what we’ve previously discussed; therefore, to get the full understanding on the subject, I strongly recommend you read (or reread) these articles first:

Now, in Part 3 of this series, we discussed the difference between men and women when it comes to relationship goals: men want peace, while women want progress.

What happens when a woman feels she’s achieved all she wants or cares to achieve with a man, though? What happens when progress is at an end – not because he is unstable, but because there’s simply nothing more she feels the need to secure with him?

Well, at that point, the challenge is complete; the game is won.

And, much like some game you’re stuck in once you’ve already done everything there is to do with it, there’s nothing left for her to do but feel bored.

bored relationship