In Donald Trump’s master class on deal making, The Art of the Deal, Trump often
mentions his use of provisional commitments as he assembles
deals. For example, he may agree to purchase a given piece of real
estate, contingent on him getting regulatory approval for what he wants
to build there, being able to purchase an extended lease for the
property the real estate sits on, etc. That means that if he can get
these things, he gets the deal. If he can’t, the deal is off, and he
doesn’t lose anything, or loses very little.
You might think this is just something you’d use in business and
legal situations. “My client is willing to testify, contingent upon him
Yet the provisional commitment has a slew of uses in the romantic
and social arenas as well – assuming you’re not afraid to negotiate
with the women you’d like to bed.
In the excellent self-defense book Dead
or Alive: The Choice is Yours, Geoff Thompson uses the term
‘hard target’ to describe someone who’s a difficult mark for attackers.
If you’ve read my article on how to be street smart, you know
what I’m talking about (and if you liked that article, you should
probably grab Geoff’s book). Essentially, you can turn yourself into
someone the bad people just don’t want to mess with.
This article kicks off a three-part series on becoming a hard target
not for assault or mugging, but in your romantic and social life. How
do you not get suckered by those who seek to sucker?
In each installment of the series, I’ll address a specific social
arena where men get duped. The areas we’ll examine
Dating: when you first
meet a girl, get to know her, and take her out on dates (this article)
you’re already together with a girl, in a romantic relationship with
her (next article)
non-romantic encounters in the social arena: friends, acquaintances,
people with connections (third article)
We’ll take a look at why people will try to bilk you, what kinds of
people will do this, and why they try things with some people but not
others. And finally, we’ll talk about becoming a hard target these
people leave alone, and can’t crack if they try.
You can sometimes do things for girls to make them more
you must be strategic in this – and you absolutely can’t supplicate.
Note right up front: this post is for somewhat more advanced guys.
At least intermediate-on-up. You need to be fine saying no to girls and
not have an overwhelming need to please before you’re ready for this
technique. Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging yourself with
If you’re a regular Girls Chase reader (or if you own my
book), you know how important investment is to doing well
with girls. It’s a cornerstone of your success with women. If you’re
just catching up and need an investment primer, here’s my three-part
compliance series, to wet your whistle:
we give others compliance, does that increase their compliance in us?
In social situations with friends? with meeting girls also? What about
in sales? I notice some salesmen help clients do things.
If normally not (ex. Sad shopping guy, helpful guy, horny guy), is
there a way to leverage it so it does? I somehow suspect it can (why
else would so many guys use it as flirting?), but have not decrypt the
key yet (they use it in the wrong way).
Some examples would be great! (love to hear your ancedotals
Just my theory,
So, yes – this is absolutely a thing.
In his book Influence,
Robert Cialdini cites the example of giving free stuff (like a flower)
to ask for a donation, a tactic which started at the airport with the
Hare Krishnas – which if you’re too young to remember this scourge on
American airports, as I am, you can still see preserved historically in
the movie Airplane!:
The thing the Airplane!
clip shows you is that this tactic is often pretty grating.
The thing it doesn’t tell
you – and that Cialdini talks about – is that it can be (and in the case of the Hare Krishnas, it was) extremely effective.
Yet before you go running off to use it in your seductions, we have
a few things to discuss about it, first.
The fuckboy: a guy who offers little more to women than
excitement and sex... Yet whom girls keep coming back to, even if they
say the hate him.
“Am I fuckboy?” I ask.
She laughs hysterically over the phone. “Oh yeah, for sure!”
I laugh. I expected this answer, as I’ve heard it from pretty much
every other girl I’ve asked.
“You know what, actually,” she interjects, “I would say you’re a
fuckboy, but you’re a little bit different. You’re definitely an
asshole, but I don’t think you’re a fuckboy. I think it’s
you’re honest. You don’t trick girls. You are pretty straightforward
about what you want.”
She’s a smart girl and one of the most loyal and devoted lovers I’ve
ever had, so her opinion is more nuanced and, frankly, more important
than the other women’s.
Whether through extended social circles or very
long and frank
discussions about my hobbies, philosophies, and the kindness that I
show to friends, family, strangers, and lovers, it seems only those who
spend a good amount of time with me have seen the lover beneath the
Yet, most won’t see that. To the majority of those I meet in life, I
will be labeled a fuckboy and described as sexist, misogynist,
disrespectful to women, and all sorts of nasty things.
I accept these labels if only to spit on those people. Anger and
hatred is usually a sign you’re doing something right.
To explore then whether the fuckboy life is right for you, I want
you to ask yourself a very simple question after reading this article.
for another insight article especially about how “dynamics” really work
and that as long as you can handle situations in the right dynamics,
you can break the rules or at least not follow them strictly. Which
brings back to a question I have in terms of giving help to a girl. So
just a little background, I’m currently dating an au pair, who is
considered a foreigner in this country. So I have helped her with a lot
of things such as improving her English, help her with application for
status extension/change, plus a number of non-fun items, even though
after those items we have fun and sleep together as much as I want. So
more of an early boyfriend status. So
my question is am i doing too much to help her, have you done an
article in terms of when offering help to your girlfriend, what is the
right amount or how to gauge when to help and when not to help and just
let her do it on her own?”
Getting the right balance on how much to do for a girlfriend is an
more intermediate daters on up. When many men start out, they pay no
attention to a girl’s investment in them, and instead throw as much
investment as they can at her to try to woo her. Once they realize this
hurts them with her instead of helps, they begin to scale it back.
Except, here, they often go too far. How
do you get the balance of your investment right, so you do not make her
feel either over- or undervalued?
First off, if you’re unfamiliar with the concepts of
investment/compliance, or you need a refresher, be sure you’ve read
you’ve even written an entire article on “disqualifying yourself as a
boyfriend”. But in this [article on taking girls off their scripts],
you suggest that its best to make clear what you actually want (even if
that is to be her boyfriend).”
I understand his confusion. I should stress before we
proceed that a big part of my approach with girls is to be inscrutable:
I throw off conflicting signals so a girl can’t nail me down. Just when
she thinks I’m a hookup-only guy, I ooze a little romance and her brain
going crazy. “I thought this guy
just wanted to hook up,” she thinks, “and yet he’s so romantic! Maybe it could
be something more? What’s going on?! I can’t figure him out!”
James Bond uses it a lot in his films. Christian Grey uses it. Every
Byronic hero does, more or
less. She thinks she knows
what this guy is
about... And then she doesn’t know what this guy is about. He’s so
confusing. What is he about?
At some point, you have to let her figure out what it is you want
though, and that’s the kind of ‘clarity’ I meant in the scripts
article. She has to be reasonably certain that, “Okay, I think this guy
wants to hook up with me,” or, “I think he wants to really date me.”
The reason you want her to figure this out is because you want her to
start imagining it. If before she was only in single-and-carefree mode,
and you want her to be your girlfriend, she needs to think about becoming your girlfriend first.
This article is going to be about that. Or at least, some of that.
Therefore, this one won’t be ideal for beginners... Since we’ll be
talking about running, essentially, two kinds of game at the same time:
One part sexy, bad boy hook up guy
But also one part mysterious, inscrutable, romantic guy
You do not tell her you want her as more than
a fling, or even imply it with words. You want her to read between the lines with you.
You usually won’t tell her you want to hook up with her, either (unless
you’re Hector. Or Romanian).
This clarity is all implied... Which means it’s never completely clear.
And the reason you never make it completely clear?
You want her to choose you, and feel the choice is her choice.
Pacing and leading is
a potent neurolinguistic programming (NLP) technique used to first
match someone’s state, then lead her. It’s extremely useful in dating
Ok, so I decided to get into more practical stuff. During the summer
I tend to go out so much more, which motivates me to write about more
Before I jump into it, a caveat: this
post will be most useful for advanced
Sure, as a beginner, there will be a few things in this post
that you will enjoy. That being said, this is not what a novice should
focus on at first – there are fundamentals that are more key
However, if you are an intermediate or even an advanced player, you
should absolutely pay attention.
Today’s topic is pacing and leading,
a very powerful technique that
will allow you to drag people into your reality with little to no
resistance. Pacing and leading is a neuro-linguistic programming
technique that will help increase your chances of dragging people
comfortably into your reality. Most people are not comfortable being
led into a different world, and hence put up their defense mechanism.
Pacing and leading allows you to hook them in, lower their guards, and
smoothly drag them into you world.
This sounds probably super fancy to you who are new to the concept –
and one can make very complicated posts related to this subject. I tend
to see many books (many bad books) covering NLP and related subjects
that are filled with mental masturbation and over-complications. I will
therefore make an understandable, straight-to-the-point post – and you
will see... it is not rocket science after all.
So here is how we will do it in this post. I will:
If you’re a busy guy,
one of the best productivity hacks out there is to invite girls along
with you on errands you otherwise have to run.
I know, how unromantic, right?
Well, not every date is about sweeping her off her feet and being
her Prince Charming.
Sometimes, all it’s about is building the most effective path toward
getting her into bed with you
with as little muss and fuss as possible.
After all, you can charm her all you like once you and her are
Enter the errand date: where a large part of the date is structured
around her helping you run some errands you have to run.
This is a super fun date, for a
reasons... Not the least of which is that it builds in tons of compliance
automatically, immediately positions you as the leader, and keeps the two
of you moving,
which leads to lots of shared experiences in a short amount of time...
The very formula of a structured date, one of our three date templates.
But how are you going to get a girl to come run errands with you?
And won’t she feel insulted? Or think you’re wasting her time?