If you want to do something, but you never take action do it...
what is that? It’s a case where you have the interest – but lack the
A friend who has been consulting with me about the dating world
visited me recently for a weekend – and brought some interesting
stories to share. He graduated from college last year and moved to a
new city, landing a prestigious job at a highly respected global firm
with a six-figure starting pay and great benefits (right out of
school!). Basically, he fulfilled the career dream he had since before
college, and now he lives in a beautiful new apartment in a great part
of town, with lots of space and lots of money.
Regarding this side of his life, he’s completely fulfilled – well,
sort of. He likes his life on paper, but after actually speaking to him
about the details, I discovered he feels immersed in soul-killing
consumerism. He liked my tiny, modest apartment with its very human and
soulful feel. Before leaving, he said my vibe had rubbed off on him –
he felt sweeter and more relaxed.
Yet on the dating field, he hasn’t gone on a single date since
moving to his new city. He has been following Girls Chase for almost
two years and has since improved on his
vibe and does cold approach
occasionally. However, he has yet to ask out a girl in his new town.
tells me that he’s waiting to become more fit (he goes to the gym
regularly and is still looking for new clothes) to present himself
better. He’s also working on his fundamentals and is pursuing new
hobbies and meet-ups where he might meet women. He also laments that
there are no women in his area he really
has a desire for. In other
words, he doesn’t find them attractive, so they’re not even worth
approaching or pursuing.
I will note that he did enjoy the look of women in my area – so
location is a factor indeed!
He wanted to know what he could do to start dating women, and I told
him that right now, there’s nothing he can really do, because no matter
what I tell him, he’s not actually going to do it. How did I deduce
this? I told him that in this moment in his life, he doesn’t want to
date or learn to be with women badly enough; his focus is still on
building his career, not learning to attract women.
In fact, his
as it was during college, remains in climbing his career and
making lots of money – a big factor in his choice of city – while he
merely has an interest
in learning about women and dating. I told him
nothing would happen for him until he actually held a real desire to be
with a woman; for now, a sufficient desire doesn’t exist in him. I told
him he’s waiting for a “perfect moment” that will never actually arrive.
What he actually needs to do to make any progress is to get the ball
rolling, but his desire to grow career-wise suffocates that process.
I wanted to break down why things were the way they were for him,
and thus came about the topic of this article. It’s a little abstract
but very useful in deducing people’s intentions.
One of the great life lessons I am getting ever more acquainted with
is that what people say they want or like, and what they actually,
truly want – and what they actually do – are often very different
things. This is what we’re going to talk about today: why these
inconsistencies exist and how they show up.