Why Vulnerability Makes You More Attractive to Women | Girls Chase

Why Vulnerability Makes You More Attractive to Women

vulnerabilityA while back I wrote a post on connecting with people. There, I touched on why vulnerability works to connect people from a psychological standpoint and laid the foundation for why it works on women.

But I wanted to expand on why exactly vulnerability makes you more attractive to women.

You see, vulnerability must be used correctly. It isn’t a prescription or excuse to start spilling your guts. So today I’m going to talk about how to use vulnerability effectively and what frames you must maintain in order to maximize your attractiveness to the fairer sex.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.


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Alcaeus's picture

Vulnerability, calibration, conversational leadership. Awww... Simply beautiful.

This article resonated so well with me that I had to show my appreciation, because for the most part, I was the same way in middle/high school.

I deep dove others to cover up my own insecurities.

I feel you.

And just as you stated. At the heart of every healthy social relationship is vulnerability. You have to give to get, which in turn forms a honest connection.

Thank you Colt (This is one of my favorite posts to date)

J's picture

Hey guys i know this is wayy left field for this article but i was wondering, what makes people rascist and hate another race so much and act like their more superior than the other races. I was looking at some youtube comments (i know a bad place to see comments) and the comments are just so filled with hate regardless of race. Its so sad now that if I click on a fight video or anything relating to violence or even comedy, I can expect racist comments on videos. What do you guys think makes racism so present. I feel like its just getting stronger and stronger, Thanks for any imput guys have a good Night!!!

David Riley's picture

Hey J,

Racism is learned from people's family, friends, or their culture. People can also develop prejudices from bad interactions with prior groups of people. Now whenever they interact with a member of that group, they will judge off a prior experience. The media also doesn't help either because it showcases a lot of negativity from each group. As far as the family factor goes people will avoid interacting with another group of people so they don't get disowned from their families. This applies much more to women because they rely on their families more than men do. Ultimately, people act behave a certain way even if they don't agree with it so they can fit in.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

One of the things my dating coach impressed upon me was to share something personal about myself when I'd approach a woman to make small talk and feel her out as a prospective date.

And for the longest time I had difficulty doing this, even after my intense coaching sessions. It finally dawned on me that this was due to having lousy childhood in which my grandfather constantly verbally and mentally abused me for his own sadistic enjoyment. He'd constantly make me feel useless and inadequate. Every little thing I'd ask him would be greeted with utter annoyance, because he basically hated my guts. He'd always pick dinner time while I was trying to enjoy a meal to go off on me in front of other people. And for the longest time, I would sit there quietly while he got his rocks off this way.

Because of this, I learned to keep things to myself because if I did say anything I'd only be greeted with more belittling and verbal torment. I still recall one time I had just showered, and I was warming myself up with the heater. He came home a bit early that day and surprised me. I knew I was going to get shit for turning on the heater, but I didn't think he would blow things way out of proportion. He yelled at me for wasting electricity. I told him I was fucking cold and he didn't like this at all. The man was a fucking asshole. He got his son to drive all the way over and yell at me, for the next 10 minutes.

Colt, we all have our own demons. Yours was the feeling of inferiority from being looked down by rich, entitled snobs that never earned anything in their lives. Mine was an assholes called my grandfather. Years after his passing, I would still reel from his sadistic nature. I was suffering from acid reflux disease for several years. The doctor ruled out everything medical and said I simply had too much acid. One day, I came to this epiphany: I had associated eating--something that was supposed to be enjoyable and pleasurable--with stress, purely because of this man who chose dinner time of all times to go off on me.

I'd eventually gotten over this, but only some 15 years after his passing. Over time, I learned forgiveness and did forgive the guy. It was freeing! Getting here though was very hard. And as a side-effect of my forgiveness, I started to become more open to people, something that once took me months, even years, to do so.

I wish I had the guts all those years ago to stand up to him. I would have had my ass kicked royally (I'm Asian) but, man, it would have been worth it.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

Dealing with family members can indeed be tough and I also accept that people do deal with their own demons. To take it to the next level, I believe that if people don't confront their demons it affects different areas of their life. They possibly won't be able to connect better with people or won't be able to focus during work. Facing your demons and fears is indeed hard, but I believe it is very rewarding. Some people just have to accept their short comings.

One of my demons was trusting people from being lied to and betrayed during points of my life. This kept me from having very fulfilling relationships with people. Fortunately enough for me, I learned to open up to people and share things when necessary. I began to let go of the fear of being judge and really began to embrace myself as a person. It really helped learn about various groups of people on a more personal level. Interactions for me stop feeling forced and began to feel natural. I got more comfortable with being around people and trusting those who deserved trust more. Anyway great topic and thanks for sharing.

Take care,

Just Dave

anonimos's picture

should you show vulnerability before sleeping with a girl or after?..i may have skip reading an article that was something about this...

David Riley's picture

Hey Anonimos,

Experience: From a personal perspective, when I was being vulnerable with a girl before sleeping with her it didn't hurt my chances. It only showed how much more rounded of a person I was. Now I will say that I never sought to over do it. I would use it in moderation to further build a connection between the two of us.

Article Link: Being Vulnerable The article where Chase goes really in depth about the concept

Hope that Helps!

Just Dave

kami's picture

This is one of the most well-written articles I've read on here in a long time. Your word usage, paragraph flow, and tone are marvelous, Colt. Keep up the good work. Hopefully, everyone on the GirlsChase team steps up their writing game after reading this comment. I only see consistent good writing from Chase and Colt. Better writing equals better communication which for a website like this equals better comprehension of the information you all are giving out. Best to everyone. I've learned a lot reading these articles over the years. I am a fan.

islander's picture

I believe that vulnerability and personal details should be peeled off in layers. If a girl wants to know more about me, I'll let her work at me and make her feel like she's solving a mystery. Maybe cause I've found I want girls who actually want to make more of an investment in me than I do in them. There are precious few girls I've ever met that made me want to know more about them. It seems like more and more girls these days are flaky, self-absorbed sluts. The more experience I get with approaching and gaming girls, the more jaded and bitter I get. But every once in a while, I see some cute, well-dressed girl walking around and I just say "screw this" and go approach her. That usually gets me going back onto the approaching kick. And so the game/disillusionment cycle continues and perpetuates itself....

Modern Savage's picture

Colt, nicely done. I share with you a similar circumstance, background, heritage, experience and even... name?!! And what you have written here distills in to a cogent narrative, over 20 years of introspection into my experience of America social dynamic. Some of these things, I figured out in my 20's, others took longer, while some are a revelation. You are a real student of the art.

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