Emotions | Girls Chase


The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

Getting Past Hookup Detachment

Chase Amante's picture
hookup detachmentYou’re hooking up with girls but it just feels so… empty. What’s the source of this hollowness? Have you outgrown hookups? Are women just too shallow? Actually… it’s something ELSE.

Once you’ve put the work in to climb from unsuccessful with women to more and more successful, a funny thing can happen.

It begins as elation at your success: you’re doing it! You’re picking up girls! You’re having one-night stands!

You feel pride, because you’ve finally made it. You’re living the lifestyle you saw on TV or in the movies and imagined yourself living, but that always used to seem so out-of-reach.

Then you pick up another girl. Then another.

Something starts to bother you. It’s that… you just don’t feel a connection to any of these girls.

They’re just strangers you talk to, say/do the right things with, then have meaningless sex you don’t even enjoy all that much with. Then they leave. Maybe you could see them again after… but you don’t much want to.

You start to feel sour about the whole thing. Perhaps you’re picking up the wrong girls. Perhaps picking up in general is not really the right fit for you. In the back of your head you realized you were hoping for magical connections and memorable experiences, but you’re just not getting that, and you wonder if maybe it’s even possible to get with women… maybe it isn’t.

What you’re experiencing is something we might call ‘hookup detachment’: you’re hooking up, but you just don’t feel connected to any of these girls.

So what do you do?

To Get Girls, You Have to Really Like Them

Chase Amante's picture
woman riding on man's backMen who don’t do well with women think worse of women. And men who think worse of women do worse with women. How do you escape this cycle and get results? By learning to really LIKE women.

Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of guys struggling with bitterness and alienation toward women trying to cold approach, only to fail.

This failure confirms and deepens their bitterness and alienation toward women. It’s sad.

Easing a Guilty Conscience After Breaking a Girl's Heart

Chase Amante's picture
woman crying and man looking sadIf you’ve broken a girl’s heart, it’s easy to feel guilty. There are reasons not to let that feeling linger, though, because all things mend – broken hearts included.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated", reader 90210 comments:


I had a wonderful two years relationshp with this amazing girl. We eventually broke up after a big fight and ended on good terms.

I got hold of her journal (we had a shared Google account, I think she forgot about it)

And what I read broke my heart. I saw the relationship from her perspective. All her hopes and dreams on me. She was convinced I was the one. She wanted to marry me and have kids together. Our fights hurt her deeply and she used the journal as an escape.

I saw her raw, unfiltered thoughts. How she thought I was the greatest guy she's ever met. How she was not sure about how serious I was with the relationship. How she would do anything for me. How she would be my greatest supporter in my mission. How she was so madly in love with me that she couldn't stop thinking about me.

She never told me about the marriage thing nor did I set the wrong expectations.

But I gave her the best relationship she's ever had. She never failed to mention it. She invester so much in that relationship. The gifts she gave me were so expensive that I had to swerve by my no gift policy.

She's a great gal but not a perfect girl, if you know what I mean. Focussing on pick up and bringing more beautiful girls in my life is something I really want. So the breakup worked in my favour.

She hasn't chased me down. While we ended on good terms, she's still very cold and distant.

But I just can't shake this feeling of sadness for her. That I might have broken her hopes of finding a decent guy.

I feel so much regret for unknowingly leading her on. I feel so much regret for giving her hopes and then shattering that promise of a shared future.

At this point, if I could pair her up with a guy suitable for her, who would give her what she wants and make her happy, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I just want her to be happy.

I know she isn't in my life anymore and I'm not responsible for her life choices. But she is such an amazing person, she did so much for me, I'm filled with so much pain and regret for what happened.

I certainly commiserate.

I've gone through the same thing (repeatedly).

It's gut-wrenching to see a girl you care about with a broken heart after you leave.

I've even done what 90210 talks about, working to fix past lovers up with guys I think are a match for them, to get them smiling again (and ease my troubled conscience).

Not every guy goes through this.

Maybe women don't attach to you too strongly. Perhaps your relationships end before they can get that deep. Or you might regularly leave your women on equal terms, the investment balance in the relationship never having become all that lopsided.

However, if you have experienced being a heartbreaker, you have probably also experienced the guilt that comes with it -- and the soul-searching that guilt kicks off:

  • "Did I do something wrong?"

  • "Have I ruined romance for her?"

  • "Am I just not cut out for relationships?"

It's more common than you might think, people with troubled consciences over relationships they left where the other partner was hurt and pining for them. There are a lot of folks who swear off relationships to greater or lesser extent as a result of this.

You just don't want to be causing that kind of hurt; you don't want to have that kind of responsibility for someone else's feelings.

Well today, we're going to look at how to ease the heartbreaker's troubled conscience -- and what duty you have to a broken-hearted ex, plus whether you really need to swear off relationships (or not).

Seducing Women to Sex vs. Guarding Daughters from Sex

Chase Amante's picture
lovers vs. daughtersHow can a seducer view sleeping with women as morally correct… while knowing he likely wouldn’t want his daughter to sleep around? A deep dive into sexual morality.

On Alek's recent piece showcasing three new sex talk gambits, a reader posted the following provocative comment:

Hello Alek.

I've noticed something about Girls Chase and the seduction community at large.

There seems to be a lot of cognitive bias and intellectual dishonesty in this space Re: "Sluts".

See, in this space we teach that women are human beings just like men and should therefore be free to engage in sex freely w/o judgement.

Additionally, the concept of "high body count" is a non issue to us "lovers" unless seeking an LTR.

However, the facts show that "most" women are NOT in fact built for casual sex. Most high n count women either have personality disorders, histories of child abuse, poor impulse control or high sex drives.

For the most part women barter sex for relationships and constant hookups for the average chick without committment damages her psyche. That's why FWB chicks sometimes get jaded and tired of empty sex.

Here's a thought, if women like sex so much, why cant they hold down an FWB arrangemnt in perpetuity like men would prefer?

Chase has also countered the argument that older seducers do not corrupt younger girls by fucking them young 18/19yo) because women have agency and can think for themselves.

Yet we also go on to say that women are cute little smurfs who need guidance and direction. They aren't the best decision makers particularly when young.

In short all these axioms we have here seem to be rationalisations for "lovers" to be able to fuck girls without suffering from guilt.

And one way I can prove this is to request an article titled "A Letter to my 18yo Daughter" or sth along these lines giving her advice on how to manouver sexual relations as she goes off to start her first year in college.

Would you still tell your daughter that its okay to fuck a smooth talking guy on the first date if she feels the vibe?

Would you still tell her that body count is a social construct used by prudes and puritans? One nightstands are perfectly okay.

Would you still allow her to be fucked by older dudes (30s) while in her first year of college because older man + younger chick is a completely normal thing to do?

I find it hard hard to fully embody the lover archetype because it frequently clashes with the patriach archetype inside me who thinks he might have a daughter one day.

And I understand that this site does not give womens advice because it is a mens site for MEN but in this case saying that might be an easy cop out from addressing the disingenious nature of the things we teach here Re: Women and Sex

Is it possible to be a lover and a patriach without experiencing cognitive dissonance?

Trillion Dollar Question.

I love this question, and I'd love to answer it... so, while it may be addressed to Alek, I'd like to weigh in with my thoughts on it too.

Charisma Breakdown: Russell Brand

Chase Amante's picture
charisma breakdown: russell brandRussell Brand oozes electric charisma, of a very specific archetype: he is the Savior, who will sweep you away from dreary ordinary life to a world of fun, enlightenment, and orgasms.

Ready for another charisma breakdown?

Last time we discussed John Wayne, who exemplifies the 'King' charismatic archetype.

Today we'll be looking at a different charismatic archetype... the Savior. Our Savior will be Russell Brand.

Russell Brand, a Savior?

Oh yes. Russell Brand uses his charisma to lead people toward salvation. It's no fluke he's jumped into the political space, casting light on issues of he believes need leadership and encouraging people to be free (like in his recent short, fun video highlighting the military-industrial complex operating within American news media).

With Brand's beard and long hair, he even looks like a certain famous Savior (and indeed, has his own filmed performance on the subject entitled Messiah Complex).

If we look at how he interacts with women, we'll see that there, too, he embodies the role of the Charismatic Savior.

Let's have a closer look.

Sexual Disgust: How Do You Get Past It (and Should You)?

Chase Amante's picture
sexual disgustSexual disgust can hold back your progress with women or wreak havoc in your relationships. Yet how do you overcome it… and SHOULD you?

A week back, on an article where I discuss a girlfriend who'd been with three men before (two boyfriends + a guy she hoped would be a boyfriend but who turned out to already have a girlfriend, unbeknownst to her), a reader commented:

Chase, I've worked hard for not feeling insecure about the girl's past. What i still do feel though, is disgust. With no intentions of insulting your girlfriend, if i had a girl like that with a past like that I'd feel utter disgust. While that girl may be considered a unicorn in ur country, i feel utter disgust. any tips on overcoming this disgust and being too damning on women??

What he's talking about is sexual disgust.

Sexual disgust is a natural - though not absolutely ubiquitous - phenomenon that occurs among both women and men. You'll see it the most by far with sexually inexperienced individuals; the more sexually experienced someone gets, the less sexual disgust is an issue for him. We'll discuss more on this below.

I want to discuss it with some sensitivity in this article, as any time the topic comes up it tends to provoke polarized responses from all sides. People low in sexual disgust regard as Puritanical those with higher sexual disgust; those high in sexual disgust view as degenerate those with lower sexual disgust.

Instead, in this piece, we'll aim for practicality:

  • What is sexual disgust?
  • Why do people have it?
  • How do you overcome it?
  • Should you overcome it... and if so to what degree?

All, I think, are worthwhile explorations. Let's have a look at each.

Tactics Tuesdays: Disarming Women

Chase Amante's picture
disarming womenPeople are becoming pricklier, and women are no exception. To succeed with them, you must at times disarm them first. There are 4 different ways to do that.

Lately I've been dealing with disarming.

The concept sprung to mind most recently as I realized more and more of our readers are men stuck in the 'standards zone' -- a place where they cannot get the women they want because they don't meet those women's standards. Rather than disarm their concerns (because I wasn't really treating them as part of our target audience before), I argued with guys that women's standards are not actually high... which of course just makes guys who are of this mind close up and dig into where they already are.

Now, arguing with people obviously is not an effective way to open up communication lines with them.

Arguing is what you do when you want to bludgeon someone, either to make an example of him, or to win him over by sheer force of argument... which usually won't carry much farther than a single interaction, and tends to burn through good will.

The thing is, people across the board are becoming more argumentative -- and that goes for women.

People are more opinionated right now then I've seen them since I've been alive. I wasn't around during the anti-war protests in the 1970s, so maybe it was worse then, but at least in the years since the 1980s this is the most prickly I've seen it.

Women in particular are being dosed with all this propaganda about a 'battle of the sexes' going on.

Not all women are equally susceptible to this programming. Some are very, some are a little, some aren't really at all.

However, you will encounter women who are.

To succeed with these women (or, as a less ambitious goal, to avoid unpleasant encounters!), you must be able to disarm their prickly defenses.

You must, in other words, be able to take them off their guards.

How Driven Must You Be to Succeed at Seduction?

Chase Amante's picture
drivenness and seductionMust you be driven to succeed at seducing women? It depends how far you want to take it. Also discussed: success in other areas of life vs. with women.

I'd like to talk today about 'drive'. Drive to greatness in anything, be that seduction or anything else.

If you don't care about greatness or aren't seeking it in anything, the discussion in this article is moot to you. You don't need to be great to get girls. You can use the material on Girls Chase without needing to be some legendary seducer and still enjoy as much success as you want.

However, we also get guys coming here who want to talk about greatness; so let us talk about that.

I see this issue raised from time to time that asks whether focusing on women is a distraction. Learning to find, approach, talk to, flirt with, ask out, and bed women may be pulling a man off his grander purpose(s), goes the reservation.

There's some truth to this, of course; when you're very focused on women, you won't tend to be focused on whatever else you are doing.

However, there's another truth, which is this: the rate men succeed at seduction has a lot more in common with the rates they succeed at other passions in their lives than it 'takes away' from such things.

Because, you see, there are underlying factors that impact how well a man does and how far he goes in this art... and many of these underlying factors have a great deal of overlap with other areas of that man's interests.

Rather than seduction 'pushing them out', it's more the case that a man who is sufficiently driven will tend to excel in seduction alongside a few other areas of excellence too.

Why Autistic People Struggle with Dating: Mind Blindness

Chase Amante's picture
autism and datingMen with Asperger’s struggle with “social confusion.” Others often behave in ways that seem irrational to them. Why is this so, and is there anything they can do?

I write this article for every guy on the autism spectrum, whether he's on it a little or on it a lot.

I'm not an expert in autism or Asperger's, but I will say this: after coaching social skills for a dozen years on a site that attracts many folks on the spectrum, due to

  1. said folks really needing social skills training, and

  2. this site being more drilled-down and nuanced than any other site (something of particular appeal to autistic folk)...

... well, when it comes to the autism spectrum, I know it when I see it.

I'm going to focus on Asperger's in this piece; that is to say, high functioning folks on the autism spectrum with normal language and intelligence who, nevertheless, have a significant social stumbling block.

I want to lay out some of the (very) common stumbling blocks I see Aspies making, again and again, when they start learning dating, and I want to highlight a missing 'sense' these men have, that they may not realize they're missing, that, at least, the knowledge of its lack can help fill in some blanks for them.

PSA: Don't Chide Girls/Society; Stay Sane

Chase Amante's picture
stay saneWhen things are getting crazy, you can let the crazy get you, or you can keep a cool head. Don’t give in to the weirdness; keep your head screwed on straight.

I am seeing guys increasingly having trouble dealing with some of the social weirdness going on right now.

There are a couple of parallel mass hysterias happening at the moment. Almost everyone has been driven into one or the other of them at this point. That's what hysterias do... they push people to extremes and force them to pick sides.

We have been having guys vent on the forum about women buying into the mass panic. Others are debating whether they should relocate (to avoid lockdowns/lifestyle restrictions) or comply with various measures (or, if not, risk losing their livelihoods). It's rational to have concerns... any time anyone is pushing something on you, trying to force something on you, it's wise to be careful and move prudently.

However, no matter what is going on around you, if all the world's gone mad, even if people are forcing you to do things at gunpoint, whatever it is, you've got to keep a cool head.

You've got to keep a cool head for your own sake, and you've got to keep a cool head for the sake of anyone dependent or reliant on you in any way.

You will find, if you can keep a cool head, things rarely turn out as bad as you fear.