Relationship 101

Something that's been a hot topic on the discussion boards lately has been the subject of buyer's remorse and sex regret, and also more generally women just acting weird after sex happens fast.

As you push the boundaries of what you can achieve with women and seduction, you'll find your time-to-bed reduces rather dramatically, especially once you internalize the concepts of "move faster" and "always be moving forward." What happens as time-to-bed falls, however, is that women's perceptions of you change, and their response to sex with you changes, too.

Whereas had you previously only experienced sleeping with women you'd had prolonged courtships with, and had thus only been sleeping with the women who were most interested in you and with whom you'd already established a deep emotional bond, as you move faster and faster you'll sleep with more and more women who only had a passing interest in you, who didn't develop much of a bond with you, or who even might have slept with you on a whim, but regretted it later.

This introduces a whole lot of variability in the reactions, at least until you get certain things down.

In this article, I'm going to cover why you see everything from sex regret to vanishing women to women trying to regain their celibacy and, hence, sexual power with you after the fact, and how to deal with these various situations to make women feel better, happier, and more comfortable about having shared a wonderful night with you.

Something I've been asked from time to time on this site (most recently in a forum post by one of our members here) is why I don't date girls who club, party, drink, or have "girls' nights out".

The questions you most frequently get about this are:

• Doesn't every girl do these things?

• Who cares if she goes out and does a little drinking? I trust my girl to stay loyal.
  

• Aren't you a hypocrite if you do these things but expect her not to?

• Don't you trust your women to stay faithful to you? I thought you wrote in the article on how to prevent cheating that it was possible to be so great a partner than women wouldn't want to cheat?!

Most of these thoughts come from rather different places than where I come at relationships from, though. These thoughts revolve more around fear of loss, and/or a feeling of helplessness to control for or select against this behavior... neither of which I have.

This article will not be terribly helpful if you're still just starting out on your journey to get good with women, or are intermediate there, because you will not be able to follow it. Real screening is dependent on the ability to say "no," and until you reach the place where you truly have absolute abundance with women, there will always be women where your logic will say, "I'm not so sure about this one..," but your emotions will hit the override button and tell you, "Stop being silly - she's great."

So let's talk about why I recommend steering clear of these kinds of women if you want a stable, healthy relationship that is a boon to your existence, rather than the bane of it.

In "Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women," dehjomz asks the following about the decline of respect in a relationship:

“The problem I've faced is that I've ended up liking certain girls a great deal, but they have turned out to be selfish, cold, domineering, and narcissistic. But they were not that way in the beginning! They were quite charming and submissive and appealing to my emotions...which is why I selected them in the first place.

But unfortunately I've consistently suffered from the 1-year drop. Their charm fades, they become comfortable, and and then the real selfish, arrogant, dramatic, neurotic sides come out. I'm pretty much the same guy all the time...until faced with disrespect. In the beginning they were much more influenced by my words and my power and complied with what I wanted. But after the 1-year drop, they become more dominant, more readily resistant to my power, and instead do whatever they wanted, whenever, without any regard to my emotions. Hence arguments. I've tried everything, and no amount of logic or trying to frame things as "we're a team" works or changes the situation. They just don't care and instead they try to justify their rude behavior instead of showing empathy toward me and understanding why their rude behavior makes me mad and why I cannot tolerate it. They want to get their way, and they could give a fuck less about what they say or do to try and get under my skin. Being calm and ignoring doesn't help because I'm left wondering how this woman could have the audacity to act this way, to me of all people?”

My response was, while this can happen with narcissistic women, yes, it can also happen with any woman - even women untouched by narcissism.

This is not solely a problem with the woman. It's quite often a problem with the relationship.

That is to say, what often happens with men is a general, gradual decline of respect in that relationship, where women come to view a partner they originally saw as powerful, dominant, sexual, and strong, as possessing less and less of these qualities... and more and more of their (distinctly unappealing) opposites.

The relationship falls apart and fails because the woman has stopped respecting the man - even if he hasn't changed a bit.

In the article on actor-observer bias, a reader asks:

“One thing I would like to ask is: could you by way of reply or as an article idea for the future write about how to give a girl an orgasm when she's never had them before? My girl has been with three or so guys before me and has never (not even whilst self-pleasuring) had an orgasm. She says I have gotten the closest and is astonunded at my ability in bed for a first-timer, but no one has been able to quite get her over the edge. I understand about 10% of women have this issue. Is there anything I can do to make her come for the first time?”

Since we just covered how to make a girl orgasm in general last month, I felt this one would make for a good follow up: how do you help her to orgasm if she's never climaxed before?

I've had the pleasure of having been the man who introduced a number of past lovers to their first orgasms from penetrative sex. Some of them had had orgasms in the past before from manual stimulation or from oral sex, but had never climaxed vaginally from a man's penis before.

Some had never climaxed at all.

As her lover, this is always the most satisfying way to make her climax. It's the most powerful, it's the only one that's mutual (as she's climaxing, so can you), and there's nothing that makes you feel like a man or her feel like you are one than making her writhe with sexual delight with your manhood, rather than your finger or tongue.

But how do you succeed at making a girl orgasm from sex where other men have failed?

Yesterday, a friend of mine got married in Bali. The friend was my roommate in college, a partner of mine in three (failed) businesses, and someone I'd spent countless hours on the phone and in person dispensing "people" advice to (friendships, relationships, being a better manager), and receiving business and financial advice from. We'd traveled together on a number of different trips around the world, and I'd spent plenty of time crashing at his places and he'd spent plenty of time crashing at mine. Both of us have told one another (me grudgingly, since I'm not fond of emotional displays) at various times over the years that we were each others' best friends, and he'd told me many times that whenever he got married, he wanted me as his best man.

I attended his wedding, at a huge, beautiful private villa complex and grounds overlooking the ocean, with palm trees and sculpted pools and large gray monkeys running about on the roofs. In the reception I was seated at the farthest corner of the farthest table from the bride and groom. I was not asked to be the best man or a groomsman. I understand why.

His bride doesn't like me - I thought she wasn't good enough for him, and counseled him against her; he told her as much... and she felt betrayed that when I'd stayed at their apartment and she'd shown me about town and been a great host (while my friend was out of the country), I told him about her running out and disappearing for a long day with a male friend immediately after a big, blow-up fight they had over the phone in the apartment, and offered to find out if she was going, or would go, behind his back. She's told him repeatedly that she hates me. And I can't really blame her... were our positions reversed, I imagine I'd feel the same way.

The message at the wedding was clear enough. I was tucked away in a corner to be as invisible (and cause as little trouble) as possible. I respected that message, and stayed out of the way. I kept to my corner most of the night, long after everyone else at the table had left for the bar or the dance floor, and only joined the rest of the party toward the end of the evening, when the wait staff stopped coming around and the only way to get a drink was to go up to the front of the grounds.

I wasn't asked to make a speech - that duty fell to my friend's brother, and to a guy he'd recently met now serving as a groomsman - but if I had been, here's the one I would have made.

I just had a conversation with a friend where he mentioned having a casual girlfriend of his giving him some drama and deliberately (and clearly intentionally) trying to get under his skin at the end of a normal night for the two of them.

What's a normal night look like?

• She comes over to his place

• They sit down to have some dinner

• After dinner, they get in bed and watch a movie

• After the movie, before nodding off to sleep, they have sex

In this case, my friend's girl started being resistant to sex after the movie, then asking him if he was annoyed, trying to get a rise out of him. Eventually she ended up leaving without sex occurring (normally, not something you want happening too much).

At first, I cringed... but then I realized, hey wait a minute; that's what my routine used to look like with casual and serious girlfriends alike back in the day too.

The main problem with this? It doesn't turn on your girlfriend... in fact, it's something of a turn off.

Nowadays, I structure my evenings with girlfriends very differently; and if you want women going crazy for you (instead of playing annoying drama head games with you), I suggest you make some tweaks too.

I've had men ask me to write about my methods on how to make a girl orgasm since 2007, when I first mentioned the results I get with sex online... and I've always declined to write them.

I didn't mind sharing what I did to pick up a girl. That's just a process.

But sex... that's an experience. And I've somewhat jealously guarded how to create the kind of experience I like creating for women through sex.

My goals with sex were the same as my goals with seduction: sex to me should be

1. Powerfully effective,
2. Efficient to execute, and
3. Easy to do

Once I started working on getting sex down as a skill, I was able to give girls relatively hard orgasms within 10 or 15 minutes, on average. I gradually cut this down to about 5 to 10 minutes or so.

And right away, I was stacking powerful multiple orgasms from penetrative vaginal sex, one after another - the holy grail of sex performance for most men.

All those other guys out there were talking about giving girls orgasms with their hands or mouths... I laughed at that. I was giving them orgasms with ME.

And I didn't want to talk about it... because sex is the great differentiator. If everybody else knows how to do what I know how to do in the sack, well, all those rip-roaring orgasms I just gave her aren't really anything all that special... she can go get that from anybody.

But what I've realized over the years is, no matter how clear you make something for someone, no matter how simply you present it to him... if it requires even a little bit of work, most men are unlikely to ever use it.

If you use these techniques with the women you sleep with, it will change sex, women, and relationships for you forever.

But most men are never going to bother.

So, fears of getting out-competed by men using my own techniques against me set aside, I'm going to share with you how you can make girls orgasm hard, fast, and multiple times, using nothing but your member - and a little bit of work.