Relationship 101

We're in the midst of the gift-giving season, and one of the big questions that comes up this time of year is both whether you ought to buy gifts for a girlfriend - and, if so, what kinds of gifts... and how many?

My phys ed teacher in high school, a guy named Mr. Myers, was known for dumping his girlfriends a few weeks before Christmas because he didn't want to buy them presents - all the boys thought this was hilarious and badass, and the girls thought it was despicable (but still flirted with him anyway). He was one of those assholes who wasn't completely magnetic, but he had this half-sleazy, half-charming way of grinning that told you he probably did all right with the fairer sex regardless.

When I was younger, and a bit more white knight-y, I thought this was just poor behavior of his; "If I had a girlfriend, I'd sure buy her Christmas presents!" I thought to myself.

But when I got a little bit older, and picked up a bit more actual life experience with women, I began to reconsider that position: was it possible that Mr. Myers had a point?

Might it be better to be Scrooge than Santa during the season of holiday cheer and good will toward men?

Reading through posts in the relationship forum, as well as guys' relationship issues elsewhere on the Internet, there appears to be a lot of confusion over how and when to implement what I believe is the single most powerful tool in a man's relationship arsenal:

The NEXT.

Throughout this article, I'm going to provide you with the proper contexts in which to execute a NEXT, which situations make it impossible or ineffective, and how to do it. But first, a definition:

Have you ever been walking through a park with a girl on the first date, and thought about how amazing it would be to take her right then and there… but then kept on walking?

Or, have you ever been out shopping with your girlfriend and thought about getting frisky in the dressing room… but then did nothing?

Well, what if I told you that these were only two of the handful of places that I’ve had sex out in public? And what if I also told you that you could definitely do the same?

And, what if I told you that it was easy to have public sex, without getting caught, as long as you handle your logistics?

Well, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.

Today I’m going to outline a process for having sex in public: how to have the fun, without any of the trouble (well, at least the bad kind). Let’s get to it.

You've finally gotten that beautiful girl you'd been dreaming about being with in bed. Her clothes are off; she's wet, and she's ready. You drop your jeans, lower yourself over her, and go in.

You begin to thrust - in and out, out and in. She feels great; and she moans - you know it feels good for her too.

Then, the unspeakable happens: you'd been hoping to give her an incredible performance...

But instead, your body doesn't listen, and you ejaculate into her inside of minutes... maybe sometimes even seconds.

She's obviously disappointed; you're obviously humiliated. Why does this happen to you? Why can't you just make it stop... and be like one of those stallion-like men in the movies who go for hours and hours?

You know she's rethinking her decision to go to bed with you; even as she tells you it's okay, it's fine, not to worry about it, you know what she's really thinking: He didn't seem like the kind of guy who was going to have this problem... what a let down.

Why does early ejaculation happen - and what can you do to stop it, and how do you learn how to last longer in bed?

As you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier adventures.

Another thing that will happen, hopefully, is that your standards will raise for what kind of person you allow into your life. I'm not just talking about women, either: your standards will raise even for male friends and colleagues once you become more confident, find your voice, and begin to stand up for what you believe in.

As your standards increase, and you find yourself being more and more selective about whom you wish to join your reality, you will become more picky. As Chase has written on before, you may even stop dating party girls altogether - a move I wholeheartedly agree with. Sure, they're hot, and yeah, they're fun, but after a while you will begin to want more. You may want more stable relationships, with more grounded women, who can bring more to your life than a shiny new vagina.

And that brings me to the point of today's article. If you truly wish to create amazing relationships with the women in your life, picking up women is only part of the picture. In my opinion, it is equally important to learn how to avoid the types of women who would bring chaos and drama into your kingdom, crumbling your castle with a flick of her capricious wrist.

For the article, I am going to refrain from hammering you with numbers and statistics. If you're curious about divorce rates, child custody and alimony, that information is free on the Internet. I encourage you to find and digest it yourself, but that will not be the focus today.

Rather, the topic for today is going to be the two major forms of romantic relationships: monogamous, and non-monogamous.

I will be offering you some insight into how each operates, as well as giving you some ideas about why I personally think that non-monogamy is the way to go. At the end, should some part of this article persuade you to explore non-monogamy, I will also cover how to go about it ethically so that there is no lying, cheating, or drama involved.

What's that, you say? Multiple relationships with no lying or cheating involved? Yep. I've been with more than my fair share of women, and I've never cheated on anyone - nor been cheated on - in my entire life. Ethical non-monogamy is how.

As a follow-up to yesterday's article, "What It's Like with a Girl Who's Really In Love", I've put together today's piece on how to create those in-love feelings with the women in your life, where they come from, and how to sustain them.

We already have a great piece on this subject on this website - Ricardus's "How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You", which I'd recommend you read first if you haven't already. It provides the perfect foundation for this article.

That in mind, I want to expand on the topic of making girls fall in love here, and talk about the two different kinds of love: what I call passionate love, and what I call old love.

The two are very different, and each are used for different things.