Does She Want You as a Boyfriend... or Something Else? | Girls Chase

Does She Want You as a Boyfriend... or Something Else?

Chase Amante

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In the piece on how to treat a woman, a reader shared a tale of having a wonderful date with a girl, ending it by holding hands with her as they walked together, her talking excitedly... only for things to fall apart and her get suddenly uncomfortable when they arrived at his place. He then commented this:

I am in my 40s, well-paid mid-level manager in a prestigious organization. Most of the women I meet are around 25. Even if I don't tell them what I am doing for a living, they just can tell where I stand. The problem I face quite often is "this guy is not in my league, therefore he must be just playing". Can't tease too much, must be careful to show not too high value, and sometimes the move fast approach back fires, as described above.

does she want a boyfriend

Thus enters the status dynamic: the man who is sufficiently high status compared to the girl that she does not want to just sleep with him quickly and one-and-done him, but who is not so high status that he can ask for whatever he wants with her and get it.

He is, in other words, ideal husband material - or, to put it differently, a whole lot more valuable to her as a long-term prospect than a simple fling.

Something I've called, for a long time, the boyfriend dilemma.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Damian 's picture

Hey chase ! I wanted to ask you I met this girl at a bar and had sex with her the first night. I have been seeing her ever since having sex and going on dates. I really like her and she likes me as well my question is i don't know where I stand with her and want to know the status of our relationship should I ask her to know if we are just hooking up or boyfriend girlfriend or an exclusive relationships should I bring it. Up or not ?! We've been seeing each other for 2 months ???

Jimbo's picture

Chase you said she'll almost always peg as boyfriend if you were lower-status than she was. Why? I would've thought it'd be the opposite: girls like to have relationships with high-status guys but wouldn't mind having flings with losers, janitors and the like.

Jimbo's picture

"But there are some situations where women are nearly always going to immediately peg you as a boyfriend candidate:

- When they believe they're higher social status than you are"

But why though? Doesn't really make sense. Wouldn't she rather pair up with a guy who's higher-status than she is?

Eman's picture

Hi. It really is wierd that so much years have passed since humanity was born and we still do not understand each other. Of course noone is ideal but to claim we only want bedroom stuff is extra nonsense. Woman use mind games to test man. And man has also reasons why he does this or that. If one thing science and religion teaches us - everything happens for a reason that can be explained.


I find it absolutely frustrating when men talk about women and sex.

First of all, yes, a lot of women get offered sex. But all sex is not GOOD or even GREAT sex.

Furthermore, most women don't even like the size (man's private part) of the guy she is sleeping with.

So please note, that just because a lot of men offer women sex, a woman might only enjoy sex maybe with 1 guy she meets out of a dozen... this is why research even shows that many women can't even orgasm.

So I hate to be so harsh, but when you consider all the bad sex out there and all the men who may not have the "size" you want, then yes a lot of women would definitely take a guy who is good in bed over husband material if the husband material is not good in bed, for example.

Jimbo's picture

That's fair enough. Wanting to be sexually satisfied is a legitimate expectation from any sexual partner.

With that said, I'm curious as to where you draw the line of satisfactory size (length x girth). I reckon it's above average, but I'd still like to hear your numbers to see if I make the cut.


Let me explain my first comment and then answer your question best I can. I have what seems like the opposite problem than posted on this forum. I meet plenty of men that want to start relationships with me. I don't find any men that want one night stands/passionate nights with me.

I have noticed that when I first meet a guy I am often hypersexualized, UNTIL, he finds out who I am and what family I come from. I come from a pretty well connected family and for some reason the guy who may have even said sexual things to me to begin with (just meeting me), now becomes formal and begins to traditionally court me. It's literally insane. I don't know if they are scared to just have a one night stand with me or to do friends with benefits... I don't know. I've only slept with men I've been in a relationship with, because it just has worked out that way. And because I have not slept with them before beginning a relationship, I do not know what they are like in bed until way into knowing them... which can be a horrible thing if you don't like things in bed with them...

I have tried not giving guys I meet my last name when we first meet, or giving vague answers to family/work related questions, but then I can come across as dishonest and they probe more, but in my mind, if all a guy wants is sex, why does he care?! That's the crazy part.

In addition, the men I've dated have looked amazing on paper/in person, and I think that when I meet a new guy and he finds out who I've been in a relationship with in the past, I think he becomes competitive with my past in a weird way and again I guess isn't going to settle for just sex and wants to become a part of my life like the last guy.

I say all this to say, that I definitely think men put women into different compartments and I need advice on how to keep things light and funny/friends with benefits style at the beginning... I'd actually like to have a one night stand/passionate sex with someone I don't know that well. I can't marry every guy I meet anyway and I definitely don't want a relationship with someone I'm not sexually compatible with...

As for size, I won't get into that. If anything I've noticed men with smaller than average (and even average size) have ego problems and insecurity issues etc., so that usually hinders it before anything else.

Bigger men (down there) have always just come across nicer , more self assured, and just generally more confident and secure which is just overall attractive...

Jimbo's picture

I don't really know what to say about guys wanting to take it slower with you, because most guys I know don't have a problem first sleeping with a girl, and then potentially getting into a relationship. Perhaps you give too much a good girl relationship-y vibe.

Could be due to your family as you say. Hypothetically, if I were to hit it off with Ivanka Trump, I couldn't see myself having someone like that as a fuckbuddy. The sultan's daughter type of thing. Or maybe I would, I don't know. You only realize those things when in the moment.

Try hooking up with dudes outside your circles, from Tinder or something, who don't know about your background, and won't get all formal about it. Another way you could that would be to simply slip in the first conversation that you're not looking for a relationship, that way he knows what to expect and in what direction he should carry things forward.

I do get that you want to test the ride first before you commit to it, or sample the available models before settling with one. As I said, it's a legitimate expectation in my view, but that's also one of my requirements.

If your relationship guy --whom you otherwise may like-- happens to be small, do know that there ways, like exercises and the like, for him to gain up to 2 inches, and also in girth. But it takes some dedication on his part, and at least a year to get there.

Clarification's picture

My main points must not be coming across clear.
Here is my situation:
I meet a guy and he is obviously sexually attracted to me and hits on me and says he wants to have a “casual” thing., I am like okay, sounds great. However, the more we talk (say for example I met on him a train and we have 30 minutes to talk) the more questions he asks. I do not ask very specific questions and I definitely don’t ask questions like where do you work or heck even what do you do because I don’t want those same questions asked back to me.
So when I am asked questions like where do you work/ they literally begin to look shocked, and then they can definitely see that I’m not your average girl because they start wondering how I got the job or whatever else. THIS IS WHEN THEY CHANGE THEIR DEMEANOR. Before they were seeming like they didn’t want anything serious and then after they actually want to go on a date that seems like a freaking interview! And I ironically hate talking about business.
So if they change their demeanor after the questions, does this still mean I give off too good of a good girl vibe?
So what do I do? Do I lie about where I work and went to school so that they can’t automatically see that on some level I’m well-connected?
The ironic thing is that you would think guys wouldn’t care about all these specifics because many times I don’t. I feel like I am actually looking for fun. If a guy is looking for casual, why is he asking where you went to school and where do you work specifically? He must be trying to put you in some category like the above or else why care so much. I’ve even had guys first say they want something casual only to then come back and ask me what both of my parents do – first time meeting! All this and you want something casual?
At the same time, I am not a liar, and I tell the truth but I generally try to dumb down my past NOT because I feel it intimidates them but because I’d rather have a passionate make out session than end up getting asked for a direct contact (I’ve literally had men ask me to forward their resumes to a family member etc).
So this is my delimma, lie and get way more casual encounters so I’m not always forced into dating/waiting for sex until a relationship (which the guy forces) and then discover we are incompatible.
Like I’m dating a guy now, and I can tell he’s holding out on sex until a relationship and I honestly think that if I couldn’t help him professionally we would have had sex on the first day we met. I wanted to lie to him about my last name the first day we met.
Anyways, it’s frustrating to read articles like the above, because men clearly use women to advance their careers (and in many ways it’s easier to do) and there is a long history of men scouting the daughters of prominent older men to get an in at a company or whatever.., I feel like I can only avoid this by lying and I feel lying is unethical… so I am wondering if there are other tips ?

ALSO - if a guy figures out I lied to him, do you think he thinks I think he will be intimidated by a successful woman or that I'm doing what many people do, which is dumb my shit down so I don't meet people out to use me?

Jimbo's picture

Hey, sorry about the delay.

Well I guess you answered the question in your self-suggestions. Keep your credentials secret - or just outright lie - when you're just meeting the guy for the first time and you want to speed things up. That way they won't be intimidated or won't want other things from you (like get them a good job) and slow things down.

As to "why" the guys are asking these questions, I think they're just making conversation, small talk. You could simply tell them you don't want to talk about work if they don't mind, and they won't mind, and they'll just change the subject.

I don't see the lying as that unethical so long as you're willing to tell the truth after a few dates should you keep seeing each other.

And finally.. Come on, give a number! I mean seriously, you can't just say most women don't like they man's size (which by extension includes most men) and leave me hanging like that. It's so rare to find a woman who talks candidly about this issue. So please keep your candor and just tell me what range of acceptable size are we talking about here? Don't worry about potentially offending me, I got good size, and even if it's not enough, there are ways to deal with it nowadays. So come on, be nice! :) (and I don't mean lie)



I don’t remember what all I wrote before. However, I did leave out that I’m sexually submissive (oops!). When I said I’ve dated guys I’ve been sexually incompatible with I meant that I am kinky and they are vanilla. I said I have a problem with a guy’s size as code for I have a problem with the fact that most guys I’ve dated aren’t sexually dominant. I used code because a lot of people don’t know about the whole Dom/sub thing and it’s just easier to use the other excuse. My real frustration has been just dating vanilla guys, it does nothing for me. I’d rather eat a cheeseburger, then have sex with a vanilla dude. It’s just not working and I’ve realized that’s been my biggest issue in dating.
So the above is critical because regardless of a guys’ size, whether he’s small or huge, it does nothing for me sexually because he’s not dominant. I am only sexually attracted to true sexually dominant men, not the size of a man. It’s hard to explain. Vanilla sex/penis size does not sexually arouse me. So a man’s size does nothing for me sexually/ I’ve never gotten aroused looking at a man’s junk. I’ve only gotten aroused if I thought a man was a Dom.
So in my previous messages, I really meant that no guy will lay his hands on me because idk they think they’ll get in trouble…they say they aren’t into it… they say I’m too classy for it… they don’t want to do it and I think especially not with me. This has been with men I’ve been in relationships with…obviously I’m not going to give that kind of opportunity to a rando.

Jimbo's picture

Alright, you're not into numbers, that's cool.

The dominant thing, I get it. It's kind of like you tell your girl, "Hey, we're going somewhere." And then she gets herself ready, and you're like "Dress casual!" And then you take her to the woods, tie her up to a tree, and give her the business in whatever way you see fit. And I'm not being rhetorical or anything, you take the Eisenhower highway from Reno, and you stop right at the California border, and on the side you'll find a slope, a hill, then some land, river, train rails, and forest. And you take care her to those pine trees and make good use of her.

As to the "too classy" part, you know, there might be something to it. When that Patrice O'Neal was asked by some woman on how to get her husband to beast on her, he told her to be a hoe. And there is something to it because the things you do to "a sub" are kind of degrading, and you just feel more comfortable and more willing to go to town like that on some bitch you don't hold in high regard, someone you look down on in some way, than on someone you respect, like as you said because she's classy and respectable, or because of her high social standing. I guess that's part of the whole "madonna/whore" dichotomy. I mean why do you think all these chicks in porn look like a bunch of hoes you'd fuck and leave passed out behind a dumpster near some club at night, or others look like bimbo dolls or silly little girls you'd use and abuse?

So I guess it takes two. It takes a guy who has it in him to be dominant first and foremost. I don't know if all do, I guess most do, but maybe of those who do some don't want to end up in trial for second-degree assault or false imprisonment charges. I mean, you never know these days, one second the girl is all hot and bothered getting off on being used and abused, and the second she stops being horny, she's like, "Bitch take me to a trip to Greece or I'll file a complaint that you did all that shit to me that other day. Better be nice!" Yeah, it takes the guy to have it in him. And it also helps if the girl inspires this kind of "mistreatment" from that guy by buying indecent, or "just good for fucking", or vulnerable or "lesser" in some way. Although different men might feel differently about which types of women inspire the most "abuse".


Wow. Let me first say that I’m very sorry to hear about that experience. It sounds traumatic just reading it and I can’t even begin to know what it felt like going through that. No one should have to go through that.
I honestly don’t know what to say. I was not thinking about it from those angles. I just feel really bad if my complaints conjured up painful memories – it was definitely not my intensions. I easily forget that there are evil people out there and I don’t think it’s something you can always protect yourself against. Someone told me that when you meet the right person it will make you glad that everything else didn’t work out.


As for the Dom/sub - there are plenty of people that make it work so I am confident I can quickly find someone that shares the same sexual preferences as I do. I'm not sure if I agree with the lesser than, I just think they weren't into BDSM at all which is why they made up excuses. I have my own money - my net worth is higher than every man I've dated. My problem is that I've dated guys who were not sexually compatible to me and were in prolonged relationships with them and I'm not doing that anymore. My dad also told me that most people help people out that they care about so looking back I can't fault my past boyfriends for asking for favors, especially when it took no real effort on my end. Heck, I think I still have an ex that still reaches out to relatives of mine lol...
I think it's just easy to grow resentful in relationships, but I realize now that I'm not resentful and I just want to find someone that I enjoy spending time with and who is sexually compatible with me. I think that's probably most people

I don't believe you should live your life in fear. I don't think that's healthy. Unfortunately there are evil people but there are also a lot of great people.

Need english lessons's picture

OMG after rereading your post I realize you were speaking hypothetically about the charges... whew! I got scarred reading about that stuff and skimmed it assuming it was real. So I had already responded to those messages. I don't like this forum because it takes forever for them to post my response and you can't delete a response so I apologize in advance if you read what I wrote based on my thinking someone actually did that too you...

Yeah I mean I definitely never had those types of issues with any guys. I don't think they would ever think I'd do something like that. I think they moreso through every excuse they could because they just liked things pretty vanilla.

Well, I mean I do prefer taller men which makes it a bit tougher with dating. Most men are shorter and so I definitely get turned on by tall men that are also dominant so that is what can make it harder to date. I also think many men lack general confidence, not saying they have to be confident all the time, but just general confidence goes a long way.

False imprisonment charges sound extreme and I've never heard of someone doing all that for a trip to Greece but then again I'm not in touch with many people and probably grew up in more of a bubble than I realize. I did see a girl make key mark scratches on my cousin's expensive car once. If a woman is calling a man "Bitch" then she probably isn't submissive.

I get the whole madonna/whore paragraph. Again, I think this goes back to sexual compatibility. If a guy doesn't want to be rough with me sexually, for whatever reason, then I would cross him off the list and move on. He's not sexually compatible with me. I don't care why he isn't, if that makes sense.

At the end of the day, we all have needs, and I think it's important to realize that everyone has to compromise. Different people offer up different things, but there is someone out there for everyone.


Jimbo's picture

Hey, that's cool. Yeah, of course, the situation was hypothetical. But you never know, I mean assault laws have no "during sex" or "foreplay" exceptions. I'm sure these feminists who rail against the male gaze want to be treated like little sluts in sexual contexts or when they're aroused, and that they wouldn't mind a slap or two in the face, but when they stop being horny, it's a different story. I'm also sure very few would resort to these types of blackmail to the guy though. It's just something I keep in mind, but it never stopped me from getting rough in reality.

You can't find guys taller than you? What are you, 6'? At least 80% of females I know are shorter than I am.

Here's one thing I'll suggest for your boyfriends. You don't have to frame the whole thing as BDSM outright. One can be dominant and rough but without the BDSM contraptions and names and all. So even though a guy might tell you he's not into leashes and stuff, he might still have it in him to rough it up during sex and make good use of you. It also doesn't mean the girl has to get all skanky or get a rise out of the guy, just saying it helps if she can arouse "the abuser" within the guy.

I was with that dude the other day and there was that girl passing by and he was like "till the break of dawn", and I was like "Yeah.." It's all some rapey connotations, but like that's it. I don't think it extends much further than that. I mean look at this one on that forum, hold on... here. Most her boyfriends couldn't rape her, even consensually. Look at her, she's even BENDING OVER! That's how desperate she is. And yet no one's going for it.

With that said, it's a good mindset you got there on relations. You're either compatible, or go your separate ways, no hard feelings. It's one I have. It's about wanting the same things, or things that complement each other, and of course giving each other boners. I guess that's all compatibility is.

Backtowork#summer2018#lastpost's picture

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I’m sure you’ve heard that expression. It’s because it’s true. You hang around broke people, you’ll end up broke.
My hypothetical suggestion to avoid bad situations: stop hanging around women that do not benefit you in real world ways. Not only that, that situation now seems to impact your ability to operate at your highest levels, so someone who goes through that it takes a toll and stops them from achieving other things. I make sure the dollars and cents add up. My dad says, “if it doesn’t make money, it doesn’t make sense.” Money is not everything obviously, but someone has to benefit in real world terms. At the very least they should not jeopardize your entire life, which that kind of stuff could do.
Meghan Markle – she is worth 7+ million and had a double major in theatre and international relations on top of a successful career and married a prince. He did not go and get just anyone off the street. A woman with her own money is never going to want her name broadcast on a public court case talking about her wet panties, I don’t care who assaulted her.
Some men are hang around the type of women that have it in them to be the one threatening false imprisonment charges.
SUCCESSFUL MEN – are hanging around bitches that can teach them something, introduce them to people, expand their horizons…. That’s that type of woman a successful man is attracted too. A smart, successful man would never allow himself to get caught up in a woman who is so broke and desperate to threaten to call the cops, seriously, talk about a potential ivy league degree going down the drain. But like I said, successful smart men wouldn’t have given that type of girl the time of day. Why? Because those type of women don’t make successful and smart men hard. People are drawn to their own kind.
Yes, no one is perfect, but if someone is not having a positive impact on your life in real world value then you simply need to cut them loose. Stop looking at what people say and look at the RESULTS they have. What RESULTS did they help you achieve? Was their any real world mutual benefit? If not, you are wasting your time. Jay-Z says he doesn’t do anything that doesn’t make him money. Think about that. Look at who he’s married too. These are celebrity examples, but you better be damn sure even a man making six figures doesn’t want to lose it.
I’m not perfect, but I can honestly say that the people I’ve dated, we’ve made each other better people. Relationships are not supposed to be filled with belittling each other and all that. Bedroom stuff is one thing, someone trying to put someone in jail is completely different. I believe in total respect outside the bedroom and privacy and decency. You are dating someone and they will see more than they bargained for, so you need to make sure to be intimate with people that have more to lose than to gain by making you look like shit in a humiliating and public way.
Part of growing up means accepting responsibility for what happens to you and part of that includes accepting responsibility for the type of people you let into your life.
Life is all about choices and successful people make good choices on a consistent bases, especially when it comes to who they date.
Imagine had the girl gotten pregnant, hypothetically. Talk about a real shit show!
I am 5’4 and 1 quarter exactly last time I checked.
Now, about your whole horny thing, sounds like you’ve had bad sex. Anyone who has fantastic sex doesn’t go around saying things like once someone stops being horny. I suggest you get laid by a woman who knows what she’s doing and can keep the juices flowing.
Yes, bending over is good for stretching the limbs. If she does that on FB imagine what she does behind the scenes!
I still like vanilla stuff and rough play. I don’t think everything has to be defined by a term. It’s all fluid at the end of the day, but like I said I like rough play and will hash those plans out with the person that matters most.
Yes, I think you are very right about wanting the same things and your definition of compatibility. I also think it’s important to date someone that is not vindictive. Life happens, no one is perfect, and no one needs to go throughout life with a partner they have to think about filing false charges on them every time they slip up. I know I wouldn’t want that. So going forward, try to date someone that has their shit together at least financially and who are not vindictive and who have nothing to gain by embarrassing you regardless of what you do. Plenty of men act like jackasses, but a woman who has an ounce of self-respect isn’t going to blast her past lovers on the net because she’d realize she’s only making herself look bad. Any woman that files sexual anything or harassment anything can kiss her career goodbye plus the guy she lied on, so who in the hell would associate with a woman capable of that. Learn to judge people’s true characters and you can only do that by looking at real world results.
Anyways, unless you have any compelling comments/questions going forward, I’m going to retire from this forum haha. I recently started back working full-time in politics on a consulting gig and it’s beautiful outside so anytime I do get off I’ll probably be trying to enjoy the summer. Hope you do as well and stay busy – that’ll help lessen disturbing thoughts.
Also sorry if I seemed passionate about the above. I have 2 little brothers and one of them had a girl send him nude pics and then had her parents try to threaten him with child porn. All this for nasty ass photos of a flat chest little girl who sent him pictures he didn’t even want. He has a girlfriend and everything but again, shit happens. But I had to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him saying she shouldn’t even have his phone number. I told him to completely ignore her. That girl will have his life fucked up before it even begins.
Never trust a woman that fucks for free. There you go. Some woman sending you nudes for free… who in the hell wants free shit?! Lmfao, You think the UES is giving out condos for free?! Hell no. The only people giving out free pussy are the girls that don’t have good pussy. Free pussy = bad pussy. And by free I don’t mean money I mean …well you know what I mean lol. Why would a woman do that when she could be with someone else in a quality relationship.
These days, you really do have to be careful and not associate with people that can’t help you do shit but get in trouble.

izdon'tmesswfolksthataintgotshittolose's picture

But the older I get the more I see why some people are super successful, smart, and rich. It’s because they (a) make better choices than the vast majority of other people, and (b) they do it day in and day out. They are consistent and disciplined. They don’t rely on instant gratification. They make the choices today that will help them 5, 10 years down the line while everyone else is out fucking for free.
I was talking to a guy that said his ex-paid off his student loans. And I thought wow, my little brother got accused of kiddy porn and this other guy is out here getting his student loans paid off and just got into Harvard with mediocre stats. Well there ya go. But I see why she helped that guy, because she knew worse case scenario she’d never turn on the TV and see him charged with some egregious charge and all for what – a 2 dollar hooker wannabe. Atleast go and do this stuff with someone worth it. But then again, someone worth it wouldn’t be threatening kiddie porn. But he will learn, especially when he gets out into the real world.
Choices make us who we are. My little brother is a great person but he’s just the type of person that has to learn the hard way. All I know is I told my little brother, I love you, but hell fuck no my money and time is not going towards your problems. I invest in assests, not liabilities and right now you are a sinking quicker than the titanic.
I just pulled out my money in investing in some friends because after a year, there were making me no money. What you’ll think this is charity? No, you can’t go to Italy on an IOU. When are people going to realize, that they need to produce and turn into assets or at the very least not cost other people frustration. And then they wonder why they are broke and/or unsuccessful. Are you kidding me?!
It’s just sad that people spend their lives learning lessons. But then again I guess the people that are successful really do get stuff x10 because honestly they deserve it. We can all make bad choices, but successful people make good choices consistently and that’s why they deserve all the success they get.

motormouth's picture

Anyways, I can be a motormouth at times, but I will say, I get what you are saying and your concerns and you honestly can never tell. With that said, be glad that something extreme or permanent hasn't happened to you and move on with your life. I can promise you that there are people out there younger and in worse position. Most people can explain most things, but child pornography is something nearly no one can explain. Who in the heck is going to listen to a young man try to explain his potential involvement in what is technically "child pornography"?! SMGDH

As bad as it sounds, being accused of sexual assault is not that bad. Obviously charges are, but many men have been accused of that by a scorn lover and we all know that. It's also common and not shocking so it won't make the front page, but even the accusation of child pornography puts people at ill.

Anyways, I say this all to say that no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse and what doesn't kill you literally will make you stronger.

Jimbo's picture

Hey there! That was quite a rant.

Yeah, you gotta pick your partners wisely, no doubt about that. Especially your long-term ones. Though I'm not sure men find successful women attractive in the "get them hard" sense. I get that a high-status woman is less likely to stir up this kind of trouble, if anything to safeguard her career/public life reputation, because she has more to lose. But that's more a logical thing to consider, and a wise one, which is why men who think solely with their dicks won't always pick up on.

And yeah, if the chick you're with makes you go around thinking she might be filing assault charges any minute, then you're probably not made for each other. Trying to discern how vindictive she is early on is a good way to go about that.

The thing that happened to your brother is pretty much what I had in mind. That girl may have been very free of ill-intent when they started sexing it up. You know, they were chatting, "I'll do this to you.. damn you're hot.. you'll be spanked.. here's a pic of my dick.. what a cutie you are, show me your tit, pls only one" and she ended up doing just that in the heat of the moment. But that's my point, humans are moody beings. When you're aroused or want some dude, you may do things for him or let him do things to you that you'll regret later. And that's probably what happened with that girl.

Of course, if they ask for money or something in return, it clears things up. And I'd much rather have that. Maybe this little underage bitch wanted commitment or something, and he didn't give her that. But the point remains: what she saw as cool at that moment (sending him nudies), she came to regret later, and so she'll try to make him pay by involving authorities in the case (her parents, the justice system, whoever). And that can be worrisome. But yeah, I wouldn't be so worried if the girl was upfront about what she wants in return. That's why I'm for signing contracts (small, simple ones) even for non-marital relationships; everyone knows what's expected of them, and things go smoother that way.

Agree about the key to success. Yes, it's mostly about discipline, having clear goals, planning ahead, and cutting liabilities from your life.

Child pornography accusations are something serious and I hope he clears his name. I know the girl in question isn't an actual child, but more like an underage teenager. But still, a reputation like that can ruin your life. And it's even more unfair when you're not really a pedophile, just a dude with a libido that got the better of him around some hoe. Which brings me back to men thinking with their dicks.. it took Anthony Weiner down, and also this dude.

Anyway, thanks for your words of encouragement. And all the best to you and your brother!

Jezebel's picture

I’m not understanding where you are coming from. And I also think your constant worry can affect others. If he’s this worried, should I be worried? Oh shit, … what if he/his old girl tries fucking up my shit too… I can be too trusting so sometimes when I meet someone who isn’t it just makes me wonder if they can be trusted
What does she want? Who in the hell knows. I still hear people in their 40s talking about when they grow up…like lol seriously…who really fucking knows what they want with any real accuracy. I think life just happens and things just end up a certain way which can’t be planned. I’m surely not where I planned to be…shit happens and shit changes… all the fucking time
Being moody doesn’t mean someone is going to call the cops or else it would happen all the time. I mean you bring up commitment, but maybe she just wants to be intimate with someone she’s attracted to and trust, doesn’t mean you have to tattoo the bitches name across your forehead
I am confused on your concern, is it that you don’t think the girl can just want you physically? I mean maybe she’s into looks and you’re extremely attractive, doesn’t mean she wants you to be her baby daddy.
I mean girls have needs too lol… You think once it happens she’ll regret it? Welcome to lol – I mean seriously everyone on some level wonders all that stuff, maybe not with the police imagery involved, but everyone has hesitations and insecurities that go through their mind…
I think that you can’t rationalize yourself out of getting to know people. Who knows, maybe it’s just one night, maybe more, who fucking knows? And who can be expected to know…sometimes people just think damn I think this guy is awesome to spend time with, I wonder how my ass would feel if he slapped it… I’d trust someone more if they said they honestly didn’t know what the hell they see in their future…
I mean like you said things get hot and heavy while horny but expecting everyone to know what they want, and to not ever change and all that idk about all that…. Why can’t you just take it a day at a time and realize that no matter what you do shit can happen….
My rant was really about my brother and I shouldn’t have involved you in it. His situation, that you don’t even fully know about, should not be used as a proxy for yours.
You are going to go through tough shit in life, if it’s not shit A it’ll be shit B – like that is not going to be avoided. All you can control is how you respond and how you maintain a support system. If someone gets clingy, say hey, I liked your pussy last week but I don’t like your pussy right now and so I’d rather go see Black Panther , I mean like that’s just life….

Jimbo's picture

Some Ancient Greek philosopher said that every virtue was accompanied by two vices: too much of it, and too little of it. And I might be guilty of the former when it comes to the virtue of caution.

Yeah, I know, I can get too cautious. But that's mostly in my thinking, in my head. In practice, though, I love pussy too much for that to keep me from pursuing it and, indeed, pounding the life out of it.

I think it would be a great thing for both parties to be upfront about what they're looking for right before they hook up for the first time. And by "both parties" I mean the female party. I mean, if a girl told me she wants to have a relationship or some such, I'd respect that, and I might even be up for it if she's my kind and all. If not, the guy can just frankly tell her "I just want to bang your brains out and then call you a cab", and then it's up to her, she knows what she's getting into. Seriously, girls should just ask guys this one more, whether the guy sees this as a one-time thing or a fuckbuddy thing or something more. Not only I wouldn't mind answering this, but it leaves me with a clear conscience and free of worries afterwards.

One of our problems is that prostitution gets demonized, illegal in 49.5 states, like it's this horrible thing. But it's not. It's the most honest thing ever. If I picked up a chick and she was like, "here's my price." Then it's on me to either take it or leave it. And if I do take it, we'll both beast it out guilt-free, even if it's just 20 bucks. But apparently the government - or the society it represents - thinks I shouldn't be allowed to do that lest civilization crumbles.

Anyway, thanks for your insights. And sorry about the late response, been insanely busy lately. I like the genuine self-reflection of "how would my ass feel if he slapped it?" And not to spoil the outcome for you, but if the dude had any red in his blood, I'd say your ass would feel very warm and very sour, but most importantly your inner self would be feel small and diminished and pretty much like A BITCH, a little bitch at the mercy of your slapper, and you'd love that!

Clarification's picture

I honestly don't know what to say. Where you drinking when you wrote that? I definitely can get carried away and rant/say things that don't make sense when I'm drinking arg...

I think back to my original post is that maybe the problem is that people think I'm always interviewing them. Like no joke, I will hear people describe the most random things, like Professor describing their senior thesis and made up data, looking at me as if I know something. I once did a young journalist thing, literally for a week, but I think people think I'm like some secret undercover agent when all I did was a journalist shit youth thingy for a week.

On top of that it's like I just scare people away. I feel like people either treat me like I'm Dr. Phil and will pour their hearts out or they treat me like I'm inspector gagdet like... no'm not that fascinating and this is not the movies

I have an interesting life in some ways but my goodness I just wish I lived a more low-key life and didn't have to deal with people constantly being afraid to be around me - it gets lonely and I'm often misunderstood.

I was hoping I found someone that would take the loneliness and feelings of constantly being misunderstood away, but I guess it's easier to paint someone as a sinner than a saint.

Jimbo's picture

I don't know what you're talking about, or what I said that gave you the impression I was seeing you as a therapist or a high-profile inspector. I was just talking about the need for both parties to upfront about what they want, and that I was cool with the transactional nature of sex and relationships, as it would clear up a lot of misunderstandings and grudges. But it wasn't about you in particular, just a general prescription.

If you don't want people to take you too seriously, then try to just chill and take your own self less seriously, and those around you will probably respond accordingly.

The last part was just about why a good spanking feels good ;)

Hollaback's picture

Okay, I think I am starting to understand what you mean by transaction based relationships and you’re preferring that?
You should tell the girl what you want. Make it clear, what you want with her and then ask her if she can give you what you want, despite your assumptions on what you think she wants/can provide. Then it may not matter that she is unclear/you don’t know her intentions, because if you are extremely clear about what you want from her/with her, she will be forced to agree/disagree and make that clear herself. You will force her to think about her wants in relations to yours and she may end up being okay with something she had never considered. I think you may be implying 2 people should clearly articulate what they want, but everyone is not good at communication and some people find out they want what another person wants after learning about their partner’s wants. Sometimes it takes someone being clear about what they want for the other person to realize what’s going on. For example, some women don’t worry about money and hence a man making 6 figures, would have no impact on their life, so they may not care about his financial situation and only care that they guy is funny, looks like a model, and graduated with a certain threshold of education. Alternatively, you may have a woman that can’t fathom being with a guy seriously without him having a certain income. Some women are gay. I mean there’s all types and you can’t assume you know which type you are dealing with until they tell you point blank. Maybe they were raised in a family that didn’t judge people based on outward appearances or what’s in their bank accounts, you just don’t know.
Everyone is not the same and is not quick to understand things. Communication is hard, especially if someone grew up in a family where, for example, French was the main language or where there are cultural differences etc., The true meaning behind words quickly get lost. So if you are better at communication, which it seems you are, then use that to your advantage in a relationship and make things clear, make it clear what you want, communicate that to the girl and then seek a clear answer from her even if she has to reword/reclarify what she is saying to you.
Try not to make assumptions on what someone is okay with or the type of relationships they prefer, because you may not really know until you ask that person. I think if you have an open and honest conversation with someone about what you want, when you want it, how you want it, then that person will reciprocate. So just sit them down, face to face, and converse your wants.
You may think someone has no money because they work part-time for example, but you would be shortsighted as all income is not held via employment. I am in no way suggesting this is true, for the vast majority it’s not, but again, you will never know how much someone can offer you until you voice what you want and then ask them to start providing it. The quickest way to see if someone is worth their salt, is to simply ask them for what you want and see if they will give it to you. Then you will not have to ponder intentions, you will know.

Jimbo's picture


Yeah, that's pretty much what I meant. Be upfront about what you want. "I want this from you.. what do you want from me?" And you get things cleared up. Like the Greek philosopher said, "Bada-bing bada-boum!" Okay this one was probably Italian.

Anyway, I don't think I disagree with much of what you said. So.. that's that.

Take care of yourself, Clarification/Tiff/Hollaback! ;)

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