Female Mind

As you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier adventures.

Another thing that will happen, hopefully, is that your standards will raise for what kind of person you allow into your life. I'm not just talking about women, either: your standards will raise even for male friends and colleagues once you become more confident, find your voice, and begin to stand up for what you believe in.

As your standards increase, and you find yourself being more and more selective about whom you wish to join your reality, you will become more picky. As Chase has written on before, you may even stop dating party girls altogether - a move I wholeheartedly agree with. Sure, they're hot, and yeah, they're fun, but after a while you will begin to want more. You may want more stable relationships, with more grounded women, who can bring more to your life than a shiny new vagina.

And that brings me to the point of today's article. If you truly wish to create amazing relationships with the women in your life, picking up women is only part of the picture. In my opinion, it is equally important to learn how to avoid the types of women who would bring chaos and drama into your kingdom, crumbling your castle with a flick of her capricious wrist.

You meet a cute girl; you hit it off; you grab her number; and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks… or maybe ever again.

When you text her to schedule a date… she says she’s busy. When she agrees to meet up with you… she bails out at the last second and leaves you feeling stupid. If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… and then continues to play games when you try to meet up with her!

Have you ever been in this situation? It’s so frustrating! Why do girls play these games? Why can’t they just meet up with you when they say they will? Why do they take 12 hours to text you back?

Today I’m going to use science to explain why women act the way they do in terms of playing coy and stringing you along.

And more importantly: I’m going to show you what you can do to stop it. Onward.

In "What to Do When Girls Flake", we talked about how to respond to women who are flaking you (i.e., cancelling you or not showing up on dates that you set up), and that you usually should not blame them for this, because flaking is simply something that women do to guys.

What I want to talk about today is why women flake, and hopefully give you some additional insight into the psychology behind this phenomenon, so that you can avoid it, or nip it in the bud more effectively and not have to deal with it so much.

Many men believe that the best (and the simplest) way to get girls is by taking phone numbers and set up a meet. Such a strategy does work indeed, but frankly it has a lots of cons and it is far from efficient. I will here cover the different reasons for why that is the case.

It should be pointed out that I not saying that you should stop taking numbers, but that you should maybe think twice before playing such a game.

In the article on finding the woman you most want, a reader named Alex asks a question about having sex with the women you work with:

“The question is about getting together with girls you work with, I am young guy, working jobs at the mall to save up for school. I feel attraction from a lot of the girls I work with, but want an idea of how to transition it into getting one on ones with them. I want it to go smoothly, because I work with them and would see them frequently. So I don't want strain working relationships, but since I'm there a good amount time, translating this environment into my dating life would be awesome.”

Now here's a question just about every guy has - whether he's working at the mall like Alex, or in a cubicle-filled office building, or working in a school with hot young teachers, or running his own business out of a co-working space where he passes sexy secretaries every day in the hallway or anywhere else a man trades 8 or 9 hours a day for a paycheck and ends up face to face with intriguing women and intractable social dilemmas.

Chase already did a piece on flirting at work; so if you want a more enjoyable workplace environment or to enlist your female colleagues in some engaging, sexy banter, definitely check that one out. Flirting at work is also going to be a key to our strategy for getting to more than just flirting, which I'll go into a little later on.

However, we also promised a follow-up piece on having sex with your colleagues... and getting laid at work.

This is that piece, and I'm going to tell you just how to turn your workmates into bedmates.

Almost one year ago, a commenter named Jo asked a question in "What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her" about stomach butterflies.

Here's what he had to say:

“I've heard many women say they get 'butterflies' around certain men, and that they feel 'nervous' around these guys. Somehow the thought of these guys makes these women's hearts 'flutter' and this seems to be something that (at least some) women want. I don't know if you've ever touched on this or not, but it'd be great to see an article that goes in to the social dynamics and psychology of the 'butterflies' phenomenon.

I haven't thought about this topic very deeply but off the top of my head and without any research I think the occurrence of 'butterflies' is a manifestation of one's anticipation of more good things to come. You don't know exactly what it will be but all you know (subconsciously) is...you want more! It occurs when you really like someone, and because they're unpredictable, you don't know exactly what's coming next. But you do know that usually whatever this person says or does is something that you find delightful and because of that you anticipate more good feelings...

So in the moments between good feelings you subconsciously anticipate experiencing more of them but you don't know exactly how they will manifest themselves, due to the unpredictability of the individual providing the good feelings. This seems to be something that drives some women crazy and they love it when it happens... It's all subconscious of course so they may not be able to tell you exactly WHY they like it so much.

So my question to you is, have you ever encountered this phenomenon of women getting butterflies around you? If so, how do you provide this feeling at will (i.e. what sorts of things a man can do to get women feeling butterflies and anticipation... and how can a man sense that what he's doing in this regard actually working?) It's one thing to try and pick up a girl, it's another thing to make them want to come back for more and more...and be out-of-control when around you...

Look forward to hearing from you...

Thanks.”

The "butterflies in her stomach" (or yours) phenomenon is a pretty common one to love, romance, seduction, and sex. It's a turn of phrase that's used to indicate the feeling of clenched anticipation for something desired one feels deep in one's gut; when she feels it, she's feeling nervous in all the right ways.

Giving girls exactly this feeling is one of the things I recommend you aim to do as much as you possibly can - that is, to give as many butterflies as you can, to as many of the women you meet as you can.

Of course, before you can do that, you've got to know what these butterflies are - and how they come about invading cute girls' stomachs in the first place.

For the article, I am going to refrain from hammering you with numbers and statistics. If you're curious about divorce rates, child custody and alimony, that information is free on the Internet. I encourage you to find and digest it yourself, but that will not be the focus today.

Rather, the topic for today is going to be the two major forms of romantic relationships: monogamous, and non-monogamous.

I will be offering you some insight into how each operates, as well as giving you some ideas about why I personally think that non-monogamy is the way to go. At the end, should some part of this article persuade you to explore non-monogamy, I will also cover how to go about it ethically so that there is no lying, cheating, or drama involved.

What's that, you say? Multiple relationships with no lying or cheating involved? Yep. I've been with more than my fair share of women, and I've never cheated on anyone - nor been cheated on - in my entire life. Ethical non-monogamy is how.

From reading the comment sections of my earlier posts, I saw that many men still do not truly believe that women love sex and seek it sometimes only for the pleasure of raw, primal sex itself.

I can understand why this is hard to grasp, as we often hear women talking so much about how they seek romance and love (and not only sex). We get the idea that women just want a boyfriend who can stimulate their heart... and not so much their loins.

Many men also believe that women are “okay” with having sex, but that women only have sexual intercourse with men in order to reward them for good behaviours.

Well, in my opinion, such beliefs are true... but only partly true. I will explain how women experience mating – what they seek in men and how their sexual behaviour can change drastically according to which men they are interacting with. I will also cover the elementary traits of these different men so that you can become the man you desire to become.

It is recommended but not required that you check out my earlier posts on:

• The secret society
• Sexual framing

By reading these posts you start off with an even better understanding of the concepts laid down in this article. However, for those who haven’t checked them out, I will recap the most crucial elements, as we dive in to how women think about sex and why it’s so that women use sex as a reward for some men... but seek it as their own reward from others.