Why Women Flake: The 5 Things You Can’t Control | Girls Chase

Why Women Flake: The 5 Things You Can’t Control

In "What to Do When Girls Flake", we talked about how to respond to women who are flaking you (i.e., cancelling you or not showing up on dates that you set up), and that you usually should not blame them for this, because flaking is simply something that women do to guys.

What I want to talk about today is why women flake, and hopefully give you some additional insight into the psychology behind this phenomenon, so that you can avoid it, or nip it in the bud more effectively and not have to deal with it so much.

women flake

Many men believe that the best (and the simplest) way to get girls is by taking phone numbers and set up a meet. Such a strategy does work indeed, but frankly it has a lots of cons and it is far from efficient. I will here cover the different reasons for why that is the case.

It should be pointed out that I not saying that you should stop taking numbers, but that you should maybe think twice before playing such a game.

Alek RolstadAbout the Author: Alek Rolstad

Alek Rolstad launched his pickup career at age 14, an early starter and seduction savant. His unique style of game focuses on “sex talk”: a way to make sex the primary topic of conversation. Sex talk lets the user excite girls rapidly, and filter for girls open to fast, raunchy, kinky one-night stands and sex. Alek plans to offer phone coaching to students of Girls Chase soon… Just as soon as he can find somewhere to hold phone calls on sex talk and threesomes where he won’t be shocking his roommates.

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Gentle_Phrases's picture

Hey Alek. Thank you for the article man.I'll keep this in mind next time a girl smiles and gives me her number...then never responds to my messages. On an entirely unrelated note:

Is the model in this article a lady friend of yours/one of the other authors at girls chase? If so...kudos. I've been struggling with Chases' whole "only view girls as cute/someone you'd be interested in talking too" instead of "hot/sexy" thing, although I'm definitely feeling the advantages.

Must suck to be an attractive woman. No dude would talk to her just to say "hi." Then again, private jets are nice. I would love to be a fly on the wall when top caliber girls talk frankly about their dating lives.

What a world.

Alek Rolstad's picture

Thanks for the kind words man.

None of the girls on the photo in my posts are girls I know. all are picture that chase procures (I don't know how - so don't ask me :))

I am not familiar with chases post on how to view women. I prefer seeing women as sexual being who just wants to bang. But again it should be noted that Chase and I are different persons and that there are multiple ways to rome.

Yet I might even agree with his post - I haven't read it.

Try it all and see what works best for you. That's the only thing I can say.

Once you reach a certain skill level (a high skill level) women will tend to be very open with you. Hot women have told me about how much they masturbate while thinking abou sexy men while their boyfriend were away, or admitting to love anal sex (which women rarely admits in public). But again it should be noted that I have been into this since 2007 and been practicing actively my skills.

It takes time but it is worth it :)

Good luck.


hınıslı's picture

Hi. Alek

Have you ever been to turkey ? İstanbul? İf you had I think you couldn't take your eyes from the girls there. I live a typical province like İstanbul in turkey. So my question is that While I am walking in the Street. I see many more girls whose attracts me. They are really beautiful, sweet and sexy( İf this comment can be seen in the screen of girlschase I want to give an information about turkey, here is a mixture country, Last decades girls leave head scarf etc. they are dressed sexy pretty as the western girls) and that makes me looking at them. What can I do while walking on the Street?

Thank you

Gentle_Phrases's picture

Read the Marty's link to his field report on night street game (he's the commenter directly below) for a very good example of what to do

and then browse these two articles:

Night Street approach




Alek Rolstad's picture

Hi thanks for the kind words. We all appreciate getting kudos for our work. I just finished a blog article. It takes 3-4 hours to write one, so once we get good feedback we naturally get motivate to write even more.

I have been to ankara and fucked 2 turkish girls. Cool girls really. They were drunk all the time...

Beside that my opinion on turkey beside having a hot weather, good food and beautiful cities is that women in the big cities are very different from the girls outside.

But also which social background they have matters a lot. Conservative christian or moslem background tend to make them hard to lay. Further rich girls then to be more sexually liberated. Women who goes to clubs then to be rather sexually liberated.

However when it comes to daygame I am not pro. Your question is a little vague.

I suggest you send an email to chase about it. He will probably give you links to multiple blogposts concerning the topic.


Marty's picture

Hey Alek:

Very topical article for me: last weekend I also had an experience where it was a mistake to accept a number, although my reason for being unable to close on the spot was a failure to persist, resulting from my substantially inferior level of skill. You can read full details here: http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3922

I am learning (slowly, the hard way) that accepting a number is unreliable and definitely a far poorer option than taking the extra time to escalate. The lessons you teach in this article are extremely apposite for me.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the girl I met checked three of the boxes you warned of: attention-seeking, drunk and immature. On the other hand, she was clearly interested (enough to kiss), we had built a good connection, and it is very unlikely that she was what you delightfully term "sexually stuck up".

She gave me full details of her place of employment, as well as her study schedule and location, and I wonder whether I should meet her unexpectedly one evening as she finishes either of these and make my case in person, since text is clearly failing. I believe I have enough self-assurance and authoritativeness not to come across as a creeper/stalker by doing this! :) Your opinion would interest me.

And just so you don't think I've gotten overly hung up, I have opened a further eight girls since I met her; don't get the impression I'm obsessed!

Thanks Alek!


gifatron's picture

Do NOT unexpectedly meet up with her. Next her. As he said in the article, don't continue to text her if it isn't working. Just forget about her. Move on.

Alek Rolstad's picture

Glad the article was useful to you.

Do not meet her up at her workplace or anywere else for that matter without appointing with her. Not only is it needy but also very creepy.

You can alway try and learn the hard way if you like :)

Your girls seems rather interested as she gave multiple indicators that she was rather attracted:
"She gave me full details of her place of employment, as well as her study schedule and location, "

I suggest you keep sending messages and appoint a meeting. If she becomes to attention seeking freeze her out for a week and re-engage. If nothing changes, just move :)


Ben's picture

I would prefer if the author of this article just stuck to the messsage and let that speak for itself. It seemed that he was trying to convince us what a cassonava he was, I mean c'mon in the first two paragraphs he's already hyping his own skills up with lines like this:

"I couldn't finish her off there that night."

"So I took her number, left the bar and went to a club. At the club I had a good time and managed to lay another sweet girl."

Just let your message do the talking, if it's good we'll all be getting better with the ladies, talk is cheap and we all know this. The proof is in the pudding.

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hi Ben... your point has been noted. I will try to avoid such introductions in the future.

The reason I liked to write such an introduction is to deliver a more personal messages.

Sadly it is a fact that many seduction bloggs out there just rent proffesional marketers to the writing for them. These marketters are good at writing but they sadly have no experience with what they write about. They are just good at formulating themselves.

My desire is to often convey that I am actually a real person, who like you is interested in pick up and seduction, who like you still wants to learn, and who like you often goes out with the purpose of meeting women.

Yet I will keep your point in mind. Maybe I should just shorten up such introductions.

On bragging, I respect that you dislike such points. however in my opinion, I perceive this place as a place where we discuss how to have sex with women. I therefore believe hat mentioning that we are actually having sex pretty much fits with the concept.

Many people on the forum who are here to learn talks about their experience with women, both good and bad. I see therefore no reasons for why not the writers should do so. At times I have also mentioned episodes where women directly rejected me. I think such information enhances the vibe of this place as it is very on-topic of what we write about. It is natural that a man who gives advices to other men about how to get laid should get laid himself and talk about it.

But I still think you have a valid point which is that i could have said the following differently. I could have formulated it differently.

Also I do not see anything "braggish" with the first line. I just told people why I took a number - as most of the rest of the orginal posts says "do not take numbers from girls". It would be incongruent with the rest of the message if I didnt mention the following.


Ben's picture

This is actually a really good article, many good points, I just didn't like how it started out about the author bragging about his skills, proof is in the pudding bro ;)

Tomas's picture

I just want to add a something you cannot control. It is actually funny that things like this may destroy potential relationship.
It can happen that a negative event comes into the girl's life just before you are to meet, something like death of a pet or car accident or illness and so on. This is also the reason why she cancels the date. But you communicate with her throughout the time around that event. Now, the cancelled date with you and communication with you is linked to the negative event and she stops feeling positively when thinking about you. Game over.


Alek Rolstad's picture

Good points but mentioned stuff like "care accidents" or "death in familly" would have been a little too extreme don't you think? :)

I would put the following into the cathegory of "mood change", becuase what happens when women faces such events is that it changes her mood (into a negative one sadly).

But you are completly right - such events have truly a negative effect on the lady.

Good points.


david's picture

Another common bad luck that you cannot do anything about is following. Online dating, a woman has 4 dates a week. The first date is with you. But something happens, like her mother needing something urgently, so she has to cancel the date. She is very sorry and makes a counter offer, but she is free only after that week (because of other dates planned). Now, the week goes over and she texts you: I am sorry, I have already found someone else since then... And you feel like a total idiot. She didn't find you just because her mother needed help on the day of your date.

Anonymous's picture

Great article, Alek. I appreciate the insights. I currently have a situation related to this topic and I hoping to get your insight. The girl was a former co-worker that used to flirt with me, but since I had a girlfriend at the time, it never really escalated to anything serious. We both eventually left the company and went on our separate lives. Despite currently having no common social circles anymore, she still texts me every once in a while and asks how I'm doing. One day we decided to meet up for dinner (as friends). At that time she asked when my girlfriend and I would marry, I told her that we broke up a few months ago but it was amicable and threw the same question back at her. She was bit evasive with her answer, but I got the impression that things weren't exactly great. A week later she messaged me online and said she broke up with him. She texted me all the details the next day. The conversation ended with me telling her to forget her ex and offered to take her out to a movie and dinner to help her forget. She agreed.
However, she kept cancelling last minute for various reasons but always offers alternatives. She must have cancelled 6-7 times in the span of 3 months. To be fair, though, at least 3 of the cancellations were truly legitimate (twice, the weather a VERY bad and one time she was hospitalized and I visited her instead). I planned to tell her that I liked her once we were able to go out, but it never even came to that. In the last "flake out", she cancelled and asked if we could reschedule for the next day. I agreed. However, the following day, I truly forgot and texted her that evening and told her jokingly that we both forgot to meet up (I figured that she would have at least asked me details on the meet up or if was still on). She said that she thought I was busy and didn't want to bother me (which I was). I eventually told her in that same conversation that I really liked her but all these cancellations must be some sign/fate telling me that we might be better off as just friends. She initially didn't reply, but I assured her that we're still ok and we'd still be friends. She then responded by telling me she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I again assured her that I wasn't hurt and that I was ok with it. And that's how the conversation ended. I haven't had any communication with her since then.
And now my questions:
1. Do you think I missed any window of opportunity that I should have taken. Could I have done something differently to change the outcome?
2. Why do you think she flaked? Was she not just that in to me? Or was it simply attention seeking?
3. I'm truly not bothered with her rejecting me, but I'm more concerned on how I should act around her moving forward. Should I just cut ties with her altogether? Or should I just try to remain friends (since I don't plan on "getting" her anymore, so to speak)?

Any thoughts and insights will be most welcome!

jaycich's picture

This is bull, not the article, the article is spot on, dealing with women is bull. It's like jumping through hoops, while they don't do anything. After 10 flake in a row, I'm pretty tired and kind of jaded. I give up, I can't do this anymore. Just out of curiosity, what do these women do after they've flaked on 100 good matches and got pumped and dumped by 10 guys out of their league?

!anon!'s picture

Yeah, dealing with women can often be a pain in the ass. My suggestion: treat them like overgrown children--most of them behave as if they are--and don't put too much effort into any single one. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you do encounter a woman who behaves like an adult (i.e., one who communicates clearly, one who respects your time, and one who actually does the things she says she'll do), and even if it doesn't work out, you'll likely make a valuable friend out of her. Moreover, by treating the overgrown girlies as self-centered automata, you'll have more casual, nonchalant fun.

You must, of course, have interesting stuff going on in your life and you must *never* allow any female to become a central focus in your life--not unless she *earns* it. *Your* time is valuable.

Chris123456's picture

why can't women just be chill?!

Jared's picture

Alek, thanks for the very informative article. It both reinforces what I'm thinking about women flaking, and adds more detail I never thought of. I came across this article as I'm experiencing continuous flaking from this girl I'm after. We met some weekends ago through a mutual friend. All three of us spent the day out doing some great outdoor activities. Both me and the girl clicked pretty well, so much so that she started texting me immediately after dropping her off at her place. We kept great text conversation going, things were great. Learning from past negative experiences, I decided there was no time like then to get a date arranged. I told her I was going to central town and was grabbing a quick lunch to eat. I invited her to join me, she did not hesitate! We met that Tuesday, ate our pizza, I enjoyed talking, flirting, and laughing with her. I hope she did too. Since that day though, she's been more distant with her texting. She'd take hours longer to respond. I assumed back then that she was still interested but decided to start testing me with the play hard to get game. Treating this as the next great challenge before we could hopefully continue dating and get more connected, I played along and took my time as well responding as well. Some days I was too eager to respond to her, others I developed a "fuck it" attitude and put her on the waiting end of things. Fast forward to today, which is two weeks since the date, she continues sporadically messaging me and seeking my attention, but she hardly budges when I try get us to meet. She's flaked on me twice now, so in return, I flaked on her for a weekend activity she wanted to try out. I told her from thereon that I wasn't going to try set up activities with her anymore and that it would be up to her if she had any interest in me. Whether that was the right or wrong thing to do I'm not sure. I was tied between being more challenging myself, and taking this chance to finally meet on her terms and see if I could escalate. Anyway, today, I'm disillusioned and fed up of playing this text game of superiority. I tried to end it by meeting, she doesn't help out, and I haven't that one time either. I've gone off Facebook for a while where we've been messaging each other. It's a good help and actually helps me stay away from her online presence. But now I am asking myself, should I let it die, take the pain and move on? Or should I keep this waiting game and see if she takes the bait and sets something up? My heart tells me it's the former. My head, depending on the day, drifts between either choice. What do you think? Many thanks!

Joe 's picture

I believe there may be a few a psychological techniques that will assist a man in picking up and hooking up with more woman. But to me it is nothing but a hassle. I work at getting a girl who really likes me and that is that. If they flake or play any type of childish games I write them out of my life. I don't want any woman that is hard or a challenge if we don't have a natural chemistry I will not try to push it. So I am not trying to figure out why a women flaked or was disrespectful I just move on and find a women who is for me 100%.

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