Pickup

Note from Chase: This is a guest post by my friend Mark Manson over at Postmasculine. Mark's just released an inventive new book titled Escape Plan: Ditch the Rat Race and Discover the World, and to mark the occasion he's put together a "dream trip contest" the likes of which you usually only see on well-funded TV gameshows, with him flying the winner out to a chosen dream destination and Mark footing the bill for flights and lodging. Details if you're interested on the Escape Plan page.

To promote his new book and the idea of ditching the rat race and escaping wherever you want in the world, Mark's assembled this post on his travels picking up women in foreign countries just for us here at Girls Chase. Onward.

I have been fortunate enough the past few years to not only travel all over the world, but to do it as a young, single man. I’ve spent more than my fair share of time pursuing the women of foreign countries. In fact, I can say that it’s become one of the most interesting and exciting ways to acquaint myself with a new culture.

When men back home hear my stories, a lot of them make the assumption that meeting and dating women in these cultures is easy. They figure I’m a young American and so women must throw themselves at me wherever I go. They think that just because I’m from a rich country and I’m white, that women throw themselves at me wherever I go.

Not the case.

The truth is that meeting women while traveling gets a bit complicated. It presents a set of extreme circumstances and there are a lot more variables to deal with.

There are language barriers, cultural barriers, racial stereotypes, logistical conundrums, and not to mention you’re in a totally unfamiliar place and don’t know a single person.

It’s not always easy. But it can be exciting as hell.

Here’s a brief breakdown of the major factors one needs to be aware of when traveling to a new country as a single man. It IS possible to have some amazing sexual experiences with foreign women, and in many cases, these experiences can be far more exciting or enjoyable than the ones you have with women back home.

But you have to know what you’re doing.

Hey guys –

It’s been almost a year since I started working with my good friend Chase (wow, time flies) – and it has been an incredibly busy year. And while I’ve dropped about 150,000 words of 10 years’ experience in picking up women on the blog, I haven’t always had time to get back to everyone who wrote in with questions or comments.

It’s time to remedy that… I really appreciate all your feedback, it lets me know how we can bring more value to you and it’s also great to know that our work is really helping people out – so thanks for all the comments, even and especially the ones who just stopped by to let us know how much this blog has helped them out. That’s fantastic and part of what makes this work so incredibly gratifying.

Now, I just went back over all the comments you have left on my posts, and I am going to get all the questions answered that I think every reader will be able to benefit from. That means I won’t be answering questions about “this one special girl,” unless my advice in the situation is broadly applicable and will be useful to other readers as well. But there have been a lot of very smart questions that I thought were very interesting and worth having a closer look at for everyone.

We’re starting off the series with a follow-up to the post on going out alone, with more on going stag and going out by yourself. This is one of the best ways to meet new women, but it’s also a scary and unusual one for most newer guys - it’s a worthy place to kick off this new series, in other words.

Furthermore, I will be answering comments on this series – either directly, or if the questions are very involved, in future blog posts – so now is the time to let me know what you’re struggling with. Of course I won’t be able to go into the same depth as we do in our phone coaching program, but if we can get some of the more pressing problems solved for ya and take your dating life to the next level right here and right now, then I’ll say we’ll have achieved our goal! So feel free to hit reply and post your question.

Onwards!

I’ve had a few guys ask me recently about the instant date, one of which is a comment I address further on down in this post.

And the point I’ve been making here repeatedly is… instant dates are good where applicable.

But you don’t need them to pick up girls.

Let me start at the beginning though.

Remember the post on getting your sexy vibe, where on the day I had a date with the virgin, but she had to leave early because her brother needed a ride?

Well, the good thing about dating multiple women is that you’re never empty-handed… no matter what happens.

And after the first girl had left, I found myself alone in my apartment, and not yet ready for my evening to be over… chatting to some of my girls on Facebook, to see who would be up for some spontaneous naughtiness.

A reader writes in:

“Hey man been a LONG time since I've emailed you! But I've been keeping up with the site and I love both you and Ricardus advice just awesome all around. The one thing that has INFINITELY thrown me off about the site is the sort of serious tone.

You guys understand pickup so well its scary sometimes lol! But one thing I realized yesterday was how important a bit of playfulness and humor is in pickup.

...

Maybe a post on how to inject playfulness into an interaction, because that is one thing I think that has really helped supercharge my interactions in the past. The ones that I had a playful attitude about were the ones where my success was higher. Whereas when I had this "I'm coming to pick you up" vibe it kind of scared some girls off because they weren't used to that level of directness but I believe if I had that playful side I could have saved the interaction.”

He raises a good point.

I've actually stayed away from talking about how to be playful on here for a long time because being playful is one of those things most guys who are new to learning about getting girls place way too much focus on and overdo.

If you've been through this site, you know there's a strong emphasis here on actively avoiding trying to get yourself making girls laugh all the time and on showing why fun is overrated for making headway with the women you like.

And all this might lead you to believe you ought to be Mister Serious in all of your interactions with women.

But if THAT's the impression you've got, then we've got a little reconditioning to do.

Aarrrrgh procrastination got me.

I had worked very hard to set up my life in a way where I’d have a lot of free time, and all for the explicit purpose of going out to meet new girls… yet there I was, dicking around on the internet, watching movies and chilling with my buddies.

Have you ever had that problem… when you’re busy, you say to yourself: “If only I had the free time to approach more girls!”

But then once you have free time, you somehow get lazy and complacent… until your calendar is suddenly jammed again and you regret not having taken advantage of the golden opportunity you had?

We’re often our own worst enemies, and the reality is that everyone procrastinates… I’m no exception, sometimes. Even Napoleon Hill said he was not entirely free from it… but at the very least, one thing is true: the more you refine your ability to pick up girls, the less you will procrastinate out of fear, and the more it will be out of laziness.

You know for a fact you can go out and get laid with a hot girl in a matter of few days and highly likely, today (and if you don't know that yet, well, that's what this site is for!)… but you first have to beat inertia. You first have to resist calling one of your girlfriends over, and instead make yourself look sharp and hit the town!

Of course once you get going, it’s so much fun that you don’t want to stop… but until you get to that point, you can lose a LOT of time that you will later regret not having made better use of.

In early 2007, back when I was still trying to figure out how to achieve consistent results picking up women in bars and nightclubs, I took some time to look back over the successful pickups I'd had over the past 6 or 7 months to see what common patterns I could pick out among them.

I noticed a few trends: I'd often had a sociable night early on, talking to different people, before meeting a girl. Sometimes I had social proof.

And almost ALL the time... I had preselection.

It blew my mind when I realized it.

Right after I'd end an interaction with an attractive girl who clearly had a good time talking to me, I'd meet the girl I'd end up picking up. Like clockwork. I even started to think that, had the roles been reversed - say, had I met the girls in the reverse order, maybe I would've picked up the other one instead.

Could it be that all you REALLY needed to get girls was preselection and an emphasis on moving fast?

Even to-date, most of my fastest pickups have come after a smattering of preselection to grease the wheels of the coming seduction.

And if you're not using it in YOUR interactions with women... you are sorely missing out, my friend.

Allow me to explain.

“Whatever you do… don’t hook up with the brunette!”

I closed my phone and looked around… how could he possibly have known that I was with this girl… and why was he telling me to keep my hands off her?

Did he know her… and WHAT did he know about her?

I couldn’t think of anything. After all, I hadn’t been introduced to her through my social circle… in fact, that’s not really how I meet girls at ALL; I almost never meet women that way.

I much prefer striking up conversations with total strangers.

No messy politics, no gossip, no social scheming, no drama.

Just me and a girl… and all the exciting things we can find out about each other and experience together.

Breakups are a lot less messy too if you don’t have a lot of friends in common.

But back to the brunette, and back to the “Boots on the Ground” series - here’s how I had met her, and some takeaways you can use TODAY to improve your dating life…