(4) Advanced

Friend, high status male, or outsider: every man must choose one of three romantic strategies to follow. The choice he makes determines the game he runs and the girls he gets.

As I read the fascinating book The Mating Mind by Geoffrey Miller, I continue to have nice highlights and wonderful little insights.

(previous installment: “Males of Every Species Must Learn Game to Mate”)

My latest highlight comes from this passage by Miller, discussing scientific research into primate (including human) mate selection preferences:

Three kinds of female preference have been reported in primates: preferences for high-ranking males capable of protecting females and offspring from other males; preferences for male “friends” that have groomed the female a lot and have been kind to her offspring; and preferences for new males from outside the group, perhaps to avoid genetic inbreeding.

And it’s a good insight and lets us split up the three different types of men women go for and the different ways they get together with those men. We have of course:

• High status “alpha male” type partners

• Kindly “friend zone” type partners

• Outsider “sigma male” type partners

Anyone advising any man on dating will have his preferences about which of these romantic strategies he recommends as the ideal path to follow… but it will always be one of these three.

Today I’d like to have a balanced look at the differences between these three kinds of men a woman will date.

Going out to meet women? The nightlife venue you choose has a big impact on your odds. Meet markets are good for lower level playboys, but at elite levels, selective is where it’s at.

Hey guys, welcome back. Today I’ll discuss night game.

As you know, venue selection is a crucial part of night game. Selecting the wrong venue (whether it’s not suited for you and your game or just a poor choice) will greatly affect your night and may determine whether your night is successful—or not.

I have written plenty on venue selection and calibration, so I will not repeat myself here.

Today I’ll compare the differences between selective clubs and typical “meet markets.” Which places are the best for pick up? I’ll go over the pros and cons of both types.

Many men dislike more selective places because they can be intimidating. Some men perceive that girls are harder to get there. Some of these girls tend to be more beautiful and seem more reserved. They do not seem to openly flirt or show a sexual vibe.

On the other hand, the typical meet markets tend to have a sexual vibe and girls may be more sexually open and willing to flirt. More importantly, the places are far less intimidating.

So, which places are the best? Most guys starting out in night game tend to favor typical meet markets. Beginners usually go to those venues—the same with intermediate guys. We will get to why that is shortly.

Elite night gamers tend to favor selective venues. There are some exceptions to the rule, but generally, the exceptions are good reasons for not sticking to the norm.

When the strategy you’re using with a woman doesn’t work, you can keep trying variations of it… or you can switch things up, & be “strategically flexible.”

Welcome back. In this series, we’ve previously discussed how to calibrate strategically. You can calibrate your technical choices depending on the situation. Many men who start getting good at this tend to apply the wrong technique to the wrong circumstance. They try to smash in a nail with a screwdriver: it works, but it requires extra work, and the results are not as good.

In our last article, we discussed understanding which technique to use and when.

Today’s post covers what to do when a technique does not work on a girl in certain situations. I came across this masterpiece by our own beloved Chase, who posted about this subject on the forums not long ago.

Instead of repeating everything Chase said, I decided to make this post a commentary on Chase’s original post while adding my contributions. All quotations are from Chase’s original post.

A big part of calibration is deploying the right tactics for the right situations. You must be able to tailor the way you talk to girls & what you do with them to contexts.

Hey guys, and welcome back.

Today, I’m continuing on the topic of calibration and will focus on strategic calibration: knowing what technique to use and when. Sometimes what you should do is clear: X happens, so you apply solution A. But sometimes, it is not straightforward, and this is what I will shed some light on with this article.

Calibration is not something you can describe fully with words. It isn’t easy to teach because you can only learn calibration through field experience since it relies on you making calls depending on multiple variables. Nevertheless, I hope this and future posts will facilitate your learning process.

I’ll discuss what strategy you should rely on and when by going through different contexts. Next week, we will discuss how to tackle various forms of resistance and calibrate accordingly. I doubt this post will cover many new techniques for the most seasoned reader. However, it can serve as a recap or shed some new light on current knowledge.

What to do and when to do it has been covered in the past, for instance:

• Posts about venue calibration: what strategies to use in different venues with varying social dynamics. Should you opt for social proof-based game? Verbal game? Non-verbal game? Physical plus light verbal game? It depends on the venue. This information should serve as THE starting point in your overall strategic assessment (keep in mind that events may cause you to change strategy as your outing progresses).

• • Calibrate to the Venue: The 3 Styles of Night Game

   

  • How Screening Game (Sniper Game) Compares to Traditional Game

   

  • Picking Up Girls at Night Is Different from Day, Pt. 2: Strategies Unique to Night Game

• Posts about factors to focus on at different interaction phases. For instance, during the early phases, you should focus on opening successfully, hooking, and finally isolating. This post covers more on this dimension and builds on things we’ve discussed in the past (although we will go more in-depth today).

She broke your heart before. But now she wants to get back. Should you do it? Here are 9 reasons why you should NOT get back together with an ex-girlfriend.

I’ve authored several immensely popular articles on how to get a girl back and how to get your girlfriend back. Both of these articles have been read millions of times apiece.

Nevertheless, I have consistently made my opinion on the topic clear over the years: do not take your ex-girlfriend back. Just don’t do it.

People being what they are, of course, there’ve probably been many more men desperately putting the strategies I share in those articles to use than there are considering the reasons to NOT use them. What can I say… people hate that feeling of “losing stuff.” Ex-girlfriends included.

Commenting on my article about easing your own guilty conscience after you break a girl’s heart, reader yseult asks about what reasons there are to not take an ex-girlfriend back:

Chase,

Could you write an article on the reasons not to get back with an ex-girlfriend?

I know you've written a lot on the subject already, usually emphasizing that there's always a better girl out there, so there's no need to get back the ex.

But could you explore the bad things that happen when you get back with an ex, other than limiting yourself from more beautiful women?

Like, if you get back together, is it as magical as it was?

How about if she's been with other men in between, does it affect how she perceives you? Does she submit as she used to?

I'm asking from a perspetive of a guy who's wonderful girlfriend broke up with him on the grounds that her mom will never accept a brown guy (kazkahs can be racist)

I agreed and moved on.

But now she contacted me again. She says she misses what we had, the guy she's seeing now is nothing compared to what we had. Basically, I was the best guy she's ever been with (and actually executed all of the points in your article quite naturally)

It was a blast to be with her. I do miss her.

But I also have a gut feeling it won't work.

yseult’s gut feeling is most likely right – it probably won’t work.

But gut feelings can be hard to listen to when powerful primal urges are dragging you back toward something your gut is telling you is best avoided.

To better arm you to listen to your gut – instead of your sex drive, scarcity, or loneliness – I’m going to lay out the nine (9) most important reasons to not take back an ex-girlfriend (or ex-wife, for that matter).

Sometimes girls brag. But not always for the same reason. How can you tell WHY she’s bragging… and what the appropriate response to that is?

Most of the time you probably think of bragging as being a male behavior.

Most of the time you’d be right.

Sometimes, though, it isn’t. Sometimes girls brag, too.

There are different reasons why women will do it, and while we’ll discuss those, we aren’t overly concerned with them here today.

Instead, what we’re concerned with today is something different:

What to do when a girl brags to you.

When you want to invite a woman home, but the situation is dicey, rather than risk big and go direct, use the lower risk alternative: invite her home indirectly.

There comes a time in every seduction where you must complete the seduction.

You have to be able to get together with a girl, somewhere private, where the two of you can get intimate.

If you can’t do this, all your efforts are for naught: she won’t end up with you. Sooner or later, she’ll meet someone else who can get her alone, and she will end up with him.

Thus, in many ways, the pull is one of the most crucial parts of a seduction.

It’s not without risk, either. If you try to pull a girl who isn’t ready, she’ll say “no”, and then you need to decide whether to persist (and risk running into a wall of negative compliance) or back off (and risk going backward in the seduction and losing all your momentum with her).

Sometimes you’ll be in situations where a girl has various things going on, and asking her too directly looks tone deaf, but not asking her risks her getting pulled away by the other things going on, and you losing the girl.

How do you handle such fraught scenarios, and pull off pulls despite the risks?

With indirect pulls – an under-the-radar way of both checking a girl’s willingness to go somewhere private with you and get her thinking the pull was in part or in whole her idea.