(1) Beginner

‘Jumping around’ in conversation after opening is a common problem for men chatting up new women. The simple way to avoid this mistake? Singular flow.

This post by Richard originally appeared on our forum here.

Hey gentleman, I've kept a journal of my daily pickups, though they've slimmed recently because I'm getting more involved with a single girl rather than many. Anyway, I was reviewing my journal, and I noticed my success increase when I started to implement something I personally call SINGULAR FLOW.

I define this as: Following up an opening with a question that directly relates to the opening, environment, or reaction by the girl.

In seduction, it is said you must “leave her better than you found her.” But is this really meant or is it just marketing tripe? How do you leave a girl better off?

Anyone who’s spent any time in the seduction community has come across this phrase sooner or later: “leave her better than you found her.”

Newer guys can be skeptical of it. “That’s just marketing talk,” they say. “It’s something to brand seduction as more mainstream friendly.”

Or they might argue that the phrase is a “cope”, as seducers pursuing their nefarious ends are forced to justify their own guilt for plucking a nubile girl’s flower without next taking her to wed.

One newly joined member of our forum (who has been bouncing around arguing with everyone about everything) had this to say about the phrase:

The "leave her better off than you found her" thinking is just dumb and false. Just some train of thought prob concocted by some marketer to counter act the cognitive dissonance nice guys may feel at the thought of picking up women. It paints women as damsels in distress that need your rescuing as if. Fact is she'll be worst off bc she'll be a little older and a little looser after you're done with her.

Wow!

In a single paragraph, he managed to insult:

• The originator of the phrase as a cynical marketer

• The targets of the phrase as conflicted, gullible rubes

• Women as inexorably falling in value with each passing partner and every passing minute (reality check: while it is not my personal preference, tons and tons of guys go for higher count and older chicks. We also have men come onto Girls Chase complaining that now, in their 50s or 60s, women their own age are still too picky and will not date them. “The Wall” does not actually hit anywhere near as hard as red pill manosphere guys tend to want to believe it does)

Anyway, I’ll bet this guy’s a real gas at parties!

Is he right though, is “leave her better than you found her” mere cynical marketing tripe, or a phrase concocted to allay the player guilt nice guys experience seducing but not committing to girls?

Or is this mantra something else?

Singles running clubs are kind of the rage right now. You’re outdoors, you’re not online, you’re forced to put your phone away… but do they get you dates?

I always have folks ask me for fresh ideas about where to go to meet new people and get dates. Frankly, everyone’s pretty sick of online these days and ready to focus on real life again. (we’ve got some folks who are still killing it on apps, but… a lot of readers are over it)

We have plenty of articles on Girls Chase recommending various places you can go to meet people and get dates in the real world. Here is one such example. In fact, we have an entire section of the website dedicated to the topic.

However, one phenomenon we have not previously covered is run clubs. In particular, singles run clubs. I think it’s worth covering: what are singles run clubs, and should you bother joining a running club just to get dates?

Why is it so hard for you to talk to girls? There’s more than one reason men struggle to approach girls. From anxiety to trauma, the causes vary – as do the solutions.

This post written by COCPORN and edited by Carousal originally appeared on our forum here.

This is a draft. I want this to be a helpful article over time, please contribute. This article draws on information from Levine and Berceli, and makes assumptions that they’re right. I’m looking for more clearly defined stages and overall correctness. I hope this can help diagnose problems and make it easier to prescribe the correct remedies for different situations.

A personal note from me to you: If you decide to comment or answer to this, reflect on where you’re currently at personally in terms of opening.

Carousel: This is a post written by COCPORN in 2014. Much of it is still valid. I have made comments some places with my 2020 understanding of the topic. The topic is that AA is not just one thing, hence there is a lot of confusion about what it is on how to solve it. Note that this is advanced material, so please take time to try to understand us before you disagree. Also please read THIS thread explaining TRE and other therapies before you read this post, otherwise you won't understand the terminology.

Intention: To create a helpful tool for escaping problems related to approaching. This tool will work by identifying the stages of approach problems and presenting solutions to them. At this point there might not be solutions to all stages. I’ll try to present the solutions I’ve personally seen for the different stages. I’ll also try to theorize around some solutions to different stages, but these will be clearly marked. I’m not necessarily looking for new techniques with this article, old and proven methods are welcome as suggestions to solving the different stages of approach problems.

Problem: People have problems approaching. These problems range from deeply rooted to superficial. Even without deeply rooted problems related to approaching, there often seems to emerge a pattern of avoidance or forceful exposure.

Carousel: This is why you see so much disagreement on causes and remedies to AA - people are in different stages and some of the more advanced guys may never have even been in the worst stages described here, while the hardcases have only been in the worst stages. Of course these guys will have zero understanding of each other both in terms of perception of the problem and devising an useful solution. I have personally gone through all of them so I can relate to most of the perspectives.

Half of young women spend 3+ hours a day on social media. But what about you – must you be on social media if you hope to get girls?

The other day, a forum member posted a video of social media influencer Michael Sartain talking about (among other things) the crucial importance of social media to getting girls:

I only watched the first 10 minutes or so. However, in that 10 minutes, Sartain makes a number of strident (one might say absolutist) claims about how social media is the present and future of socializing. He suggests that if you’re not using social media you’re a dinosaur who’s been left behind socially. You can’t have a social life without social media and you’re not going to get girls without social media, Sartain submits.

Longtime Girls Chase readers will know I find this position silly. But I haven’t discussed it in-depth in over a decade. Since then, a number of new social media platforms have emerged. People are every bit as crazy about social media now as they were when I first wrote on it, and you will still find social media mavens like Sartain harping on about the pivotal importance of social media to one’s friendships, love life, and career.

So, has anything changed?

Has social media indeed taken over in the dozen years since I last wrote on it – and made those not all-in on social media ancient relics which time forgot?

Guys can make meeting new women a lot more complicated than it needs to be. Whether you need to build momentum or just get into a social mood, start by making an approach.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Today’s post is beginner-friendly and may benefit intermediate players (and even pros).

It covers an in-field philosophy that has helped me tremendously.

It’s one thing what game looks like on paper and quite another how it unfolds in real life. Sometimes, all those openings and windows you see the pros talk about may be less apparent in the field when you are out there doing it. The scenarios described here may not look the same when you are out.

Is it because my setting is different than yours? That may be true, but it’s rarely the cause. The primary reason is that you often do not see openings. Why? You might be so stressed that your attention is elsewhere. Your attention may be inward, reflecting on your mood, or you could be distracted by something irrelevant. Perhaps you are unable to decipher the openings.

The opportunities are ripe for the picking, but you are simply not seeing them.

Or you may not see them clearly.

Perhaps the problem is that you have not created those openings.

The result? You may begin to stress, feel anxious, demoralized, and demotivated.

This in-field stress happens in both night and day game but is more prevalent in night game. It’s partly due to the intimidating nature of night game (cool looking dudes, intimidating bouncers, chaos, many hot, dolled up girls). In day game, it could be due to approach anxiety. But you will experience far less chaos during the day, making it easier to see openings and opportunities.