(1) Beginner

Welcome to May 2024’s Skilled Seducer of the Month interview.

If you pause to approach from fear of what people may think (“She’s too young for him!” “They’re different races!” “He’s too short!”) it’s approach anxiety.

On my article about what to do when girls you approach say you’re too old, TheDude comments:

Hi Chase, your blog will never cease to amaze me. Just when I think I can't learn anything new, I visit the blog and read an article that teaches me something new.

I have a question - how to handle age gap social lashback? My problem is following. I'm in my 30s, smooth with women, phisically attractive, tight fundamentals. I live in a city where I'm quite known (not rock-star famous, but people know me). Most of women in my city are young (19-22). When I see good looking chick across the street, I hesitate to approach.

Why? Because I can't assess her age and I'm afraid she's too young. To assess her age, I need to either scan her before approaching (which is impossible is she's going the other way across the street) or take a risk and open her.

How should I act if after opening I find out she's very young? I don't want labeled as a guy who "harrasses young girls" because of this social lashback.

Age is a common reason men will hesitate to approach.

A girl might be too young for them, they think. Or a woman might be too old for them. People would judge them for it.

There are other reasons a guy might hesitate: a woman might have a boyfriend. She might be busy right now and not want to talk to someone. She might be in a bad mood. She might be an angry feminist who hates men! She might be listening to a song or a podcast she’s really into on her headphones and not want to be disturbed.

She might, she might, she might.

Nevertheless, for all these reasons, no matter how real the trepidation might feel, no matter how seemingly valid the reason to not approach, unless it is a strategic choice, it is still just approach anxiety.

If you go out but you’re not able to pick up girls, why? It’s probably not what you think (looks, money, status, etc.). Instead, it is something ELSE.

I’ve been teaching men how to pick up women for over 15 years now.

Everybody wants to learn to do better. Yet some of the ways we can think about learning actually impede our progress – even while we THINK they HELP!

In the past few weeks, we’ve talked about post-field diagnostics. This is when you analyze your performance after each outing to identify potential problems and come up with solutions. I also recommended that you take time to reflect on what you did right so you can learn from those experiences, too.

It’s easier said than done, so I am sharing one more post to help with your overall diagnostics and train you to become your own coach.

Today, I will cover three typical biases men face when troubleshooting their game and propose solutions.

These biases are very common. I bet that at least one of the three biases concerns you. It will help your game development if you know how and why it happens so that you do not fall for these biases.

First, let’s answer an important question that most may be asking. You will quickly see how this question refers to the biases we will uncover.

After one year of practicing day game, and 14 lays from it, forum member James D. shares his 15 key insights about meeting girls during the daytime.

This post, shared by forum member James D, originally appeared here.

I began Chase's approach 4 girls a day challenge on April 9th, 2023.

That was one year ago already!

Thought I'd share some insights from my own experience.

This won't be anything new. Everything say I say has probably been mentioned on the site before.

That said, everyone's experience will differ and you might find something useful in mine.

Reward girls to encourage helpful behavior you like. Punish them to discourage unhelpful behavior you dislike. Do both to make your love life much easier.

Note: this is an old post of mine that guys liked a lot from back in the mASF days. It dates to around mid-2007… so if you notice any stylistic differences here, well, this is coming from a younger and less polished me.

Whether during the initial pickup or in a relationship of any kind with a chick, rewarding and punishing is crucial. A lot of guys will make the mistake of trying to alleviate bad behavior by kissing up to a girl, trying to distract her, or going overboard and getting angry or reactive. None of these are the correct solution for maintaining both your value and your attainability in the interaction or relationship.

Most guys in the pickup community who are successful at picking up girls recognize the importance of rewarding and punishing during the pickup: if you don't punish bad behavior, she will think you are a pushover, lose interest, and blow you out. If you reward good behavior, she will try harder to make you happy and hopefully the night will end with a romp in the sack. Where a lot of guys drop the ball later on is in the relationship stage.

The fact is, most of the guys you will talk to simply don't think of their relationships in terms of mapping a girl to behave the way they want. But it can be done, and it's not terribly difficult - and it will make your relationships that much more enjoyable, supportive, and strong.

So here's a challenge: begin looking at your relationships in these terms. Everything your girl does can be interpreted as either good behavior or bad behavior. If you like what she is doing, you MUST reward her, or else she will likely stop doing it, forget about it, or just think you don't care. If on the other hand you DON'T like what she is doing, you must punish her, or she will keep doing it and lose respect for you all the way.