(1) Beginner

A reader doubts why women wait for men to approach them. Is it really because they judge men’s approaches? Or are they just too scared to approach first?

Commenting on my article on girls not wanting you to move slow, a reader took issue with my claim that women vet men based on their approaches.

In particular, he argued that a woman saying she was attracted to a man who made a confident approach was a face-saving lie. The truth, he claimed, was that women simply do not approach men “out of fear and ego.”

Throughout the animal kingdom, among mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fish, insects, and just about every class of animal there is, females await the male approach, and use it to evaluate the male as a prospective mate. They do this because male mate value is difficult to assess, and the male’s success at the courtship ritual – of which the approach is a vital element – is a powerful indicator of the male’s reproductive quality.

An attractive male approach excites the female, and begins the reproductive process. An unattractive male approach dampens the female’s interest, and shuts down reproduction.

But, could human females be an exception to this?

Might they, unlike the females of almost every other species, actually NOT use the male approach to assess, and instead simply not approach males themselves out of ego and fear?

A reader claims our criticisms of neo-direct have given him approach anxiety. Were we wrong to criticize the friend zone and neo-direct?

Commenting on my article on a study about what sort of compliments women respond best to, reader “Anonymous dude” writes:

Maybe guys wouldn't be twiddling their thumbs and stopped approaching women, worried about what to say and how to open if you didn't come up with this arbitrary confusing "neo direct" concept that makes some guys too self conscious and puts them too in their head. Especially when people that you've hired from your own team open "neo direct" not going to name people.

Just saying there may be some validity in this neo direct concept since i've seen this pattern of guys opening women in very simplistic ways and getting sporadic results and eventually plateuing but it's not like you're showing how to approach effectively or what one would look like. Reading about this made me too concerned about whether i'm running ineffective game that's a waste of time that I stopped approaching almost altogether.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term neo-direct, it’s a term I coined two years ago to put a label on the “shoot your shot” philosophy so rampant in modern red pill, man guru advice you see on Youtube, in forums, and everywhere else. Alek Rolstad wrote a proper series on it, “The Trouble with Neo-Direct”, which you can read here.

This simplistic method is the 2020s analogue to the friend zone of the 1990s and 2000s – the conventional wisdom, no-skill-required tack every guy and his brother took and recommended to every other guy to take to try to get women.

What the friend zone was to guys back then, shoot your shot neo-direct is to men today.

But, is there some validity to neo-direct?

Should you ever use it?

And… have I harmed men by opposing it?

When you start seeing a girl, but she’s going out with other guys too, what’s it mean? Does it mean she’s loose… or is this a totally normal thing?

One of those shocking things when you’re newer and first start getting success is the girl you just laid who keeps seeing you but, it turns out, is seeing other guys too.

Is she actually not into you? Is she a big slut? What the heck is going on?

It seems to go against the standard “female dating objective” MO: guys want sex, girls want relationships. Once a girl has sex, she should want a relationship, right? But if she wants a relationship, why would she be hanging out with other dudes still?

Well, there are some reasons why – reasons that may have to do with you, and others that may have to do with her.

Reading and watching material is great for the added tactics and perspectives. But if you truly want success in anything, you must apply yourself at it.

I got an email the other day from a former reader who claims he’s going to stop reading Girls Chase after years of readership because it’s been “extremely negative” for him and nothing he’s read here has “stood out to him.”

I’ve received thousands of emails and messages from men over the years who’ve told me how this site has transformed their lives. I know of what kinds of results guys get when they apply the material. I have also seen guys all across the spectrum, from guys who achieved just okay results, to guys who struggled to get anywhere – and I have seen the patterns among them, too.

When I browsed the email from this unhappy former reader, I saw all the familiar patterns I see among the guys who fail to get results. Namely, he spoke a lot about reading the website, and nothing at all about applying the material.

He did not mention number of women approached, or whether he’s done any approaching at all. He didn’t discuss his experiences deep diving, chase framing, using VAC or SAC, or his encounters during day game or night game (or even online). He didn’t mention owning any of the products (which are designed to streamline and target the learning process) or participating on the forum (which is designed to provide community support).

The entirety of his email was “I read a bunch for years, I didn’t get anything out of it, I’m not reading anymore.” Now, WHY exactly you would read something for years that you got nothing out of, I cannot say (personally, if I’m not getting something out of reading something, I drop that something in about 15 minutes maximum… but maybe that’s just me?).

Regardless, I think it’s worth stressing, just for other readers in a similar boat, the point that if you aren’t applying what you’re reading, you’re probably getting very little of the value out of it has to offer.

You must APPLY what you read to benefit from it.

Girls in groups may seem intimidating. Yet with the right approach, groups of girls can be fun (and romantically productive!). So, put these gambits to use…

Hi guys. I hope you are doing well.

Today I want to continue discussing hooking. Hooking applies to all interactions, whether it’s day or night game. It is prominent in night game, especially heavier forms of hooking. The more complex hooking techniques in night game focus on attention grabs and stimulation. In day game, lighter hooking techniques, such as a few light assumptions, some intrigue, a light story, or rapport questions can do the trick.

In night game, you need more juice. Your hooks must be more stimulating because you are in a competitive environment that is more energized.

Another unique aspect of day game is that you are dealing with groups. Often, groups of three girls are common, but also groups of two (ouch, challenging to deal with for logistical reasons), or sometimes you need to work with bigger groups.

Now this may seem like an extra challenge, but knowing how to deal with groups can benefit you. When you handle a group properly, you can get your girl to like you more and win her friends over, making you appear more attractive and helping with your overall plans.

So, today, I’ll tell you how to hook groups and present gambits that are especially suited for groups.

The gambits do not differ much from my usual hook gambits. I just add a few tweaks. First, I’ll discuss “generalized” group hook techniques and move on to “individualized” group hook gambits.

Girls flee the homes of men with dirty bath & bedrooms. Just how important is it to clean? Very – IF you want to close girls and keep them around, anyway.

This seems like common sense to me, but I’ve always been a neat freak. Probably why I haven’t bothered writing much about this before.

But, if you’re going to invite a girl over, clean your place! Clean your whole pad; clean your bathroom, especially.

If you want my real advice, it is, “Get into a habit of cleaning at least once weekly. Also, clean before you have any company.”

I realize cleaning does not come to every man naturally. But if it doesn’t, it’s an excellent habit to acquire.

Conversation feels flat when it stays impersonal too long. But personalizing conversation can be tricky. These 5 tips let you personalize things SMOOTHLY.

Want to build an emotional connection with someone?

You’re going to need a personal conversation to do that.

Sure, you can debate local politics or the state of Lithuanian culinary arts with your friends and have a nice, stimulating conversation. It won’t create or deepen an emotional bond, though.

Emotional bonds stem from personal topics: those about you, and those about your conversation partner. The more direct and intimate the topic, the deeper the bond you create. Yet even topics that are fairly superficial yet nevertheless still personal to one of the interlocutors do the trick.

This one weird trick (actually, I’ll show you five tricks!) for personalizing your conversations can make such a sea change in the way conversations go for you that you’ll almost never want to talk to people any other way.