Why to NOT Meet Girls on Facebook | Girls Chase

Why to NOT Meet Girls on Facebook

In the post on indirect game, Franco comments, in part:

Maintaining a good personal Facebook or Social Networking appearance. I think this would require a blog post (or maybe even a series of blog posts), but interacting with women on Facebook (whether directly or indirectly through posts/pictures) is a big part of the way individuals connect and socialize with each other today. Do you have knowledge or advice in this area?

If you're under 30 (or maybe even OVER 30, too) and you're living in the early 21st century, you've probably thought about how great it'd be if you could just meet girls on Facebook.

I mean... you can browse through profiles... pick the HOTTEST girls you see... send them a message... and then, if they write BACK - suddenly now you've got a new potential girlfriend or lover!

It's easy!

meet girls on facebook

In a digital age, what better way is there to meet girls for the technically-inclined than to just find them on the Internet and send them a message? I've done it myself - and I'll be the first to tell you, I've met a few gorgeous women off of Facebook.

It works!

But there's one thing all the posts, articles, teachers, and guides that propose to teach you how to find girls on Facebook don't cover... and that is that it's way more work than meeting girls in real life, your odds of success are way lower, and it takes way more time.

Let me take you through my own personal adventures with Facebook - and why I ultimately decided to close my account and never log on again.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Balla's picture

Hey chase, I would like you to explain this cute but not ready thing to me please because I feel like this is my only problem. My thing is basically this, I get a lot of girls I just don't get to the next level. I'm there but I'm not IN THERE you feel me. Like I said in person I'm like a star to them but when it comes to hang out or even reply to a text I have a hard time. I use everything you preach to almost an exact T. But the intimacy is where I'm having trouble at. I move fast, get numbers,deep dive,flirt,touch,show interest,dont chase. But it's Not working for me. Can you please explain in as much detail as you can about how to solve this problem. I have your products, read your website, have so much confidence in myself, and make myself look the best I can. Im getting frustrated and I'm really in shock that I'm not sleeping with these girls because I know I can do this and it should be so. Thank you chase, just give me a reply so I can know if you read it.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Balla,

I'll take a crack at it in a post. That's a hard one... I spent maybe even a few years on that plateau myself, trying to make my pickups work in spite of it. A lot of it relates to how experienced women judge you as being relative to themselves, and a lot of that is based on a bunch of tiny things you're doing. Age plays into this, too.

For instance, an American 24 year old girl with lots of experience with men tends to consider herself sharper in the social arena than 99% of American 24 year old men... they're "cute-but-not-ready" right from the start unless they quickly prove otherwise.

One thing you can do right now that helps is not talking about your age, or telling women you're older than you are (assuming you're reasonably young, or meeting women who are your age or older).

But I'll look to get an article up on that soon that goes a lot more in-depth on that one.


Anonymous's picture

Deleting my facebook.

Also question, when should the response "I know" (or similar) be used?

For example, I've used it like so:

Girl: I only went to coffee with you because I thought you were cute
Me: I know. *smirk*

or... instead of over-providing good feelings, I use it like this sometimes

Girl: You know.. you don't have to stick around..
Me: I know. *continue conversation*

I tend to get good responses to these, but are there better alternatives? How do you guys use it?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

"I know" is prideful, which women find attractive (they have studies on this), but it's also a conversation-killer and mildly punishes a girl for good behavior (e.g., she compliments you, then gets smacked down somewhat with a prideful comment). Do it too much and you can put girls into auto-rejection.

But there's another risk, too: if a compliment is somewhat patronizing - and the compliments you shared are a bit this - the girl's actually signaling that she feels somewhat in-control and safe around you, which is the opposite of what you want. And when you get those kinds of comments, you want to respond by gently shooting them down and throwing some confusion the girl's way... so she stops feeling in-charge.

A better way to respond to comments is to either self-deprecate if they're things you want to really stick in her mind, e.g.:

Girl: Wow, you're pretty smart.

Guy: I've just got a good memory. It makes people think I'm smart.


Girl: It's amazing what you've been able to accomplish.

Guy: Well, I've had more opportunities than most. I think anyone could do the same things as me if presented with the same opportunities.

or, if they're compliments that come across more like the girl is saying something to you that she wouldn't dare say to a strong, sexy guy, you want to either throw the compliment right back at her, or turn it around into a challenge or chase frame. e.g.:

Girl: I only went to coffee with you because I thought you were cute.

Guy: You know what's funny?

Girl: What?

Guy: That's the only reason I went to coffee with you too.

(use that on a girl with lower self-esteem who's trying a bit too hard to get you), or

Girl: I only went to coffee with you because I thought you were cute.

Guy: Geez... girls are always trying to flatter their way into my pants.

(use that on a girl with higher self-esteem who's being nice-but-patronizing).

Regarding, "You know... you don't have to stick around," that's a challenge, but depending on the context, it can actually be a challenge a girl uses when she WANTS you to escalate things and is trying to gauge your interest. If it's a normal challenge (e.g., you just met her and she's effectively saying, "Shoo!"), you've got to decide if you want to hang in there anyway or gracefully exit from a girl who isn't interested. Your options:

Girl: You know... you don't have to stick around.

Guy: I admire your coyness. So then I was... [story continues]

(that's if you're going to plow ahead regardless of disinterest... often doesn't work, though), or

Girl: You know... you don't have to stick around.

Guy: Would you like me to go?

This one is an escalation gambit where you're forcing the girl to choose between either really committing to talking with you and being with you, or outright asking you to leave. She'll try to evade giving you a straight answer, and you'll refuse to let up until you get one. So she'll say, "I just mean, if you want to go, you should go," and you'll say, "Well, I'm enjoying talking with you, at least for now. But if the enjoyment is solely on this side of the table, you should let me know now, because otherwise I'm just going to monopolize your entire night thinking you're having a blast with charming old me."

Then she knows what the stakes are and chooses either to see you go or see you stay.

If it's later in the interaction and you know she wants you and she says something like that, she's asking you to give her a sign that you like her and escalate. So your response should be:

Girl: You know... you don't have to stick around.

Guy: [slowly, sexy] But then I'd miss out on enjoying your company.

Girl: I'm enjoying your company too.

Guy: You know, we've both been here too long. Let's get out of here and go grab a nightcap.

And then you take her home.


Anonymous's picture

Thanks, this helps a lot with fine tuning my conversationalist skills. It's the little stuff here and there that tends to bug me, because I've hammered down on the fundamentals (to the point where girls stutter when I say hi, or get approached daily).

Could we get some articles on fine tuning? Or some conversation examples?

Zac's picture

i'm glad your post are always direct to the point, you keep it warmth, elaborate your story, relate it to the audience. You point out what is real and happening in this world and not just some gimmick or any mambo jumbo stuff. I think it's really cool to have a mentor that's level headed, but sure does he enjoy his women and stuff which i'm sure you do. HAHA! It relates to me how i been doing this subconsciously for the past few years. Almost all your article, i just could not understand how and why women turn cold or auto reject me, even in front of their BOYFRIENDS. Yea it's crazy. then how you tell a lot about emphasizing fundamentals first, and be a natural and also have a systematic road to be a great lover. Your articles just put everything in place for me to steer on. :) If u come to Singapore, we shall run around town, shall we? :D Thanks man.

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Zac,

Thanks for the kind words, man. Very excellent that the tone of the content is hitting right for you and you're getting the message loud and clear: it's all about your fundamentals. Advanced seduction techniques mean squat if your posture is poor and eye contact lacking and voice tone is flat. Amazing how much that fundamental stuff makes the world go 'round.

It's been about 4 years since I was last in Singapore, but it's a good town, for sure. Very dense (I like that), and packed with legions of beautiful women (I like that too). It's a bonus that they all speak English!

It gets hard keeping track of who's in what city, but if I think I'll be there, I'll try to remember to drop a note on the blog about it for you (or anyone in town there who wants to meet up) to get in touch!


Zac's picture

Sounds great. It's a bit ambitious comment here for me to put it. but anything is possible. :D Hope you have a great day.

Franco's picture

I guess I'm getting to know you pretty well... I actually anticipated a lot of what you wrote here, haha.

I agree with a lot of what you've posted here, and I definitely think Facebook is not the way to go to meet women. When I asked my original question, I actually wasn't even implying that guys should try to meet women on Facebook -- in fact, I think it's an absolutely terrible idea. I'm glad that you posted this, though, because I do see guys out there commenting on countless status updates of an individual girl they are interested in (especially the "damsel-in-distress" type posts) where he puts her on a pedestal by saying that "she deserves better" or that "she should be around her 'real' friends in life."

I think I just had an epiphany. Facebook is a breeding ground for White Knights!

But anyway, if I was to give any advice to people trying to bed a girl who they've happened to add on Facebook before actually bedding her, my advice would be to do absolutely nothing. The only girls that I've slept with who I was friends with on Facebook first were the ones who eventually commented on one of my status updates asking to hang out because it "seems like we have X in common!" or that she "loves to do Y! Let's do it together some time!" One minor pro to Facebook is that, if she's interested enough, Facebook is probably the easiest place for her to be "brave" and make a very subtle hint to get together. Just make sure to take action quickly once you've piqued her interested!

With that being said, Chase, maybe you can elaborate further for me. The interactions that I am more interested in on Facebook are with the girls that turn into multi-month-long flings or relationships. I've noticed that, as soon as I've slept with a girl, it is usually her mission to find out as much as she can about me, and this has often included adding me on Facebook.

Now I know that your opinion is just to get rid of Facebook in general because your friends on there aren't really your friends, but this is probably the one section where I disagree. I've often reconnected or partied with friends that have randomly hit me up on Facebook that I definitely NEVER would have heard from again had they not been "friends" with me on there in the first place. Sometimes they've even given me their phone number right then if I didn't already have it and we would end up connecting more in the future if we found out that we got along well. It really depends on how you use Facebook... I've been an avid Facebook user for a long time, and I definitely do not see myself deleting my account any time soon -- even for the sake of picking up women. I am sure there are many people that feel the same way.

For those of us who want to maintain a Facebook profile and be "in a relationship" or in long flings with girls that have added us on Facebook, how should we interact with them? I know you may not have experience here, but my guess would be to allow "your girl" to post whatever she wants to post, but keep your Facebook profile rather quiet on your end. Posting pictures of you two together or making status updates about how "wonderful" or "amazing" she is would seem to set expectations that you will always do this or, even worse, put her on a pedastal. This is how I view it, but if you have any views on this type of situation, feel free to share. =)

Thanks for the quick reply with this article!

- Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Franco,

You anticipated a lot of it, huh... Am I that predictable? :)

Good point on Facebook serving as a white knight breeding ground. A lot of women use it as an orbiter recruiting tool, too... when you push for quick contact info with a girl you really haven't "connected" with in-person, a lot of times she'll counter trading phone numbers with you with asking you if you have Facebook. I do get a certain small satisfaction out of the expression on these girls faces when you say "no"... it's such an integral part of their lives, they can't understand how you can NOT have Facebook.

It's even better when you're dating a girl who does this to guys (and most Western women do, these days). It's a kind of anti-submission device... she so used to being able to add most men she meets into her Facebook orbit, when you're not on there and you're an important person in her life, it's a noticeable absence.

I can understand Facebook having some utility; I'm not the ultimate authority on the medium, I was just on it for a couple of years. You might have a different usage pattern than I do. I'm also a lot less interested in general socializing with friends, social circles, etc., than most people these days... the more "different" your life gets, the less you have in common with most of the people you've met along the way, and you start focusing on other things like goals and projects rather than hanging out and shooting the breeze.

A secondary reason I took down my Facebook profile was drama prevention. Even after I disable wall posts on my Facebook, girls would still get into small-scale wars commenting on my status updates trying to one-up each other telling me I was sexy or they wanted me or that they loved me and their family members said "hi" and all kinds of dramatic things. This was pretty bad for maintaing relationships. It looks really cool on the Facebook page, but it's not so cool when you're dealing with frequent dramatic flare ups with the women in your life.

I'd keep quiet on your end, yeah. If she wants to post stuff, it's okay; it actually serves to intrigue and attract the girls who are interested in you, because they'll notice things going up with you tagged in them on girls' profiles, but nothing going up on your profile. That implies that the relationship is very important to the girl, but not terribly so to you... which means you're already preselected, but might still be ripe for the picking.

Of course, your strategy of waiting for the girls to come to you works best here... if you chase a girl on Facebook, and she sees another girl is chasing you, it makes that girl look low value by default (she's over you, you're over her, so that girl is lower value than she is and thus not a good measure for how preselected you are). If you don't do any chasing, she won't know how she stacks up to that other girl, and might even suspect the other girl outranks her, thus increasing your desirability (you're desired by a higher ranking female than her).


Anonymous's picture

Chase, this is a brilliant post. I know you draw a distinction between Facebook and online dating but it seems your arguments against using Facebook are applicable to any virtual world/website in general. One of the best reasons to NOT have Facebook is that it makes you more mysterious, less available- thus more sexy. Especially in the 18-22 college age range, not having a Facebook absolutely makes you stand out with the people.. in a good way ;)

- anon

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

True to an extent. The things on looks and photos are cross-platform, and true for both Facebook AND online dating.

Online dating's a somewhat better medium for meeting women than Facebook is... there are fewer distractions (primarily just other men on there competing for her attention, but most of them don't know what they're doing), and you've got a higher success rate just simply because if she's ON there, you already know she wants to meet somebody. It's much more efficient to use.

You can also find different online dating "environments"... e.g., when I was just starting out with online dating, I found a website that offered women free accounts and men $50 accounts. Well, there were pages and pages of girls who were active on there, some of them extremely cute, but only a few men willing to pay $50 to join a smaller online dating site. Because I was pretty much the only guy on there with decent pictures and good game, I had the pick of the litter among the girls on that site and took some very attractive, and very memorable (if a little crazy) lovers off of there (sadly, it's a defunct site now, and everybody's left it... just spambots on there the last time I checked a few years back).

You're right on how big not making a Facebook account makes you stand out among 18 to 22 year olders... that was primarily the demographic I was thinking of when referring to the wide-eyed, mouth-agape stare you get when you tell some women you don't have Facebook. Because Facebook is her social life, it's sort of like telling her you don't date. It just breaks her logic and she can't compute why anyone WOULDN'T date... and then she wants to know what you do instead.


Richard's picture

Hey Chase, great article! You must be some sort of magician because you always post a specific article for whatever questions I have at any given time. This one for example, I've been over the discussion boards talking about Facebook, and here's an article. Anyway, down to the grit. I'm keeping my Facebook for one reason, there is only one girl I'm interested in, and I want to try to get her number, or establish a date (id prefer the number atm), and if I get it, I'm severing my connections to Facebook. That being said, she's grounded until next Saturday (she's 18, as am I), like you said street game is totally different than cyber game, what would be the best way to get her number?

Thomas's picture

Thank you so much Chase, for helping me realize the truth about facebook. Over the last few days I realized that I am truly a sensitive individual, but that my lack of rationalization skills makes it hard for me to not only explain problems to others, but for me to even understand why I feel a certain way (in this case, negativity) about something, if it's subtle enough.

You REALLY put a logical perspective on this facebook problem for me. I'm am SO glad that I read this post today, and not next month. I'll be deactivating my account shortly.

Thankyou again.

P.S. You should do a post on marijuana use and game !

Paul96's picture

Would it lower my perceived social value I meet a girl in real life and she wants to add me on facebook and I say I don't have one? Wouldn't it make me a social outcast like all her friends would have facebook. Personally I have a terrible profile and if a girl saw it she would think "what a looser"

jlf's picture

I would have to disagree with your statement "you can meet way more of them in a way shorter amount of time with way less work in real life via day game." I would disagree, because with Facebook, you have a lot more control over your environment. With day game, not only do you have to block off the time to actually do it, but you have to go to the right spots, at the perfect time. With Facebook, you can message girls while multi-tasking (watching TV, being at work, etc). Plus, you can see more 8's, 9's, in 10 minutes by doing a search than you probably will in one full week of day game. Now, do you have a better shot with a girl you met in the street than one you randomly messaged on Facebook? Probably yes, but to say that daygame is less work than Facebook is not really accurate IMO

Jiron's picture

People shouldn't be using Facebook to meet women, to begin with. Women don't use it primarily as a tool to meet men, so random messages from other men can be creepy for them.

However, Facebook is an excellent way for you to showcase your lifestyle and personality to people that you meet on dating sites/offline. If you aren't using it, you are missing out ultimately. The whole thing about referring women to your Facebook and letting it do ALL the work for you, that's just being lazy. And for some unknown reason, a lot of men who get into the seduction game are incredibly lazy at working for what they want. They still want the pick-up lines, or the magic words that make a woman wet, instead of actually putting in the hard work and becoming a better man. You still need to do a follow up, talk to the woman and arrange a date... not unlike meeting them in person, getting their number and texting them.

In response to JLF's comment above (who probably wouldn't see this at all), having more control over the Facebook environment is an illusion. Facebook has made it difficult for you simply because they shifted all random messages from non-friends into a different folder, and not notify you if you receive a message from a random stranger. That in itself already stops messages from possibly being read at all. You'd have so much more luck with online dating sites instead.

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