(1) Beginner

After one year of practicing day game, and 14 lays from it, forum member James D. shares his 15 key insights about meeting girls during the daytime.

This post, shared by forum member James D, originally appeared here.

I began Chase's approach 4 girls a day challenge on April 9th, 2023.

That was one year ago already!

Thought I'd share some insights from my own experience.

This won't be anything new. Everything say I say has probably been mentioned on the site before.

That said, everyone's experience will differ and you might find something useful in mine.

Reward girls to encourage helpful behavior you like. Punish them to discourage unhelpful behavior you dislike. Do both to make your love life much easier.

Note: this is an old post of mine that guys liked a lot from back in the mASF days. It dates to around mid-2007… so if you notice any stylistic differences here, well, this is coming from a younger and less polished me.

Whether during the initial pickup or in a relationship of any kind with a chick, rewarding and punishing is crucial. A lot of guys will make the mistake of trying to alleviate bad behavior by kissing up to a girl, trying to distract her, or going overboard and getting angry or reactive. None of these are the correct solution for maintaining both your value and your attainability in the interaction or relationship.

Most guys in the pickup community who are successful at picking up girls recognize the importance of rewarding and punishing during the pickup: if you don't punish bad behavior, she will think you are a pushover, lose interest, and blow you out. If you reward good behavior, she will try harder to make you happy and hopefully the night will end with a romp in the sack. Where a lot of guys drop the ball later on is in the relationship stage.

The fact is, most of the guys you will talk to simply don't think of their relationships in terms of mapping a girl to behave the way they want. But it can be done, and it's not terribly difficult - and it will make your relationships that much more enjoyable, supportive, and strong.

So here's a challenge: begin looking at your relationships in these terms. Everything your girl does can be interpreted as either good behavior or bad behavior. If you like what she is doing, you MUST reward her, or else she will likely stop doing it, forget about it, or just think you don't care. If on the other hand you DON'T like what she is doing, you must punish her, or she will keep doing it and lose respect for you all the way.

Studies show men are the more romantic sex. Why is this so? What’s the reason? And is there anything you can do to avoid falling head over heels?

Commenting on a recent article, a reader asks:

Why are men the romantic sex Chase?

I wasn’t going to ask this, but sometimes I actually think of a few girls that I used to like, then have to snap myself out of it and tell myself that they aren't even thinking about you and we didn’t even get together.

Pathetic.

Anyway, why are men like that, and better yet, how do you become unromantic?

I’ve noticed that girls that I liked a lot I could never get for some reason.

I would get all these stupid fantasies in my head and it never worked out.

So, I’d really like to not do that ever again and control my mind and emotions at all times.

Thanks

Scientific research has shown that men are more romantic. In particular, men are more likely to subscribe more strongly and more universally to the following beliefs than women are:

• One chooses a partner based on love.
• Love conquers all.
• True love lasts forever.

Men are also more likely to idealize their female partners than their female partners are them. How big is the difference? Well, it’s actually not massive. On average, the study found men to be 6% more romantic than women are.

Before you think we’re making mountains out of molehills though, there’s more research that finds discrepancies between male and female romanticism. A 2013 survey of 100,000 individuals found men were 71% more likely than women were to report having experienced love at first sight. A 2010 study found that men are more prone to falling in love “if they tended to overestimate women’s sexual interest and highly valued physical attractiveness in potential partners.” Translation: horny guys who prioritize women’s looks and assume attraction tend to be more likely to fall in love.

Finally, anyone who’s gone through a rough breakup can tell you how common it is for women to seemingly shut off their emotions toward a man at breakup time. If she truly loved you, how could she do that to you – to the connection you had, you wonder?

This article examines why men tend toward being more romantic, falling in love faster, pining away unrequitedly, and hanging onto women long after they’ve moved on. We’ll ask whether this is a good or a bad thing – and whether (if bad) there’s anything you can do about it.

When you go out to pick up girls, sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you fail. How do you extract the lessons from that? One way is via post-field diagnostics.

Hey guys, welcome back.

Last week, I discussed calibration and provided key questions you should ask in-field so that you understand how you are doing. Many of my students don't lack material, or an understanding of their material but they struggle with delivery, how to calibrate it, and, more importantly, how those pieces fit together.

Knowing what to do, why, and how to proceed after delivering your material will help you understand why she is reacting the way she is, and you'll know how to respond. You'll know which questions to ask next. This should be your priority if you are a beginner and truly want to learn pickup. Ditto for intermediate guys, who may already know what they are doing. Pros likely know the answers to these questions and understand what they are doing, but if you are a pro reading this blog, you already know that you are always looking for more tips to increase your skills.

It's wise to ask yourself how and what you are doing. The answers allow you to delve into pickup and seduction holistically.

And the way to do it is by post-field diagnostics.

What are post-field diagnostics? You go out, do your best, then think back and analyze what happened when you return home. Try to understand and decipher your interactions to further your understanding of the events you experienced and learn lessons from your outing.

We know that pickup and seduction are skills that require practice. And the more you practice, the better you become.

However, you can practice smart and practice unsmart. Practicing smart involves diagnosing and fine-tuning as you progress. Use each outing to your fullest potential as you learn and grow your skills by calibrating. This is what we will discuss today.

Before I begin, let me state that what I am about to share is not meant for beginners only. Beginners will benefit the most from this information, but all can gain something, including and especially intermediate guys facing a playboy plateau. Experienced guys all perform post-field diagnostics. They may have a different template, and that's fine. They can still find inspiration in the details I share below.

How hard is it to cold approach girls and get success with them – REALLY? Is it impossible… very difficult… or actually easier than many believe?

Commenting on my article “When Girls You Approach Get Distracted”, a reader shares his experiences cold approaching women, stating his observations and saying he finds it a difficult way to meet girls:

Hi Chase,

thank you for clarification on this situation, and on your response, I really appreciate!

Looking down at those interactions, they fuzzled out, and nothing really happened, so I dont know, maybe I mishandled them.

My cold approaches so far have been not very successful (but I,ve been doing them extremely irregularly, maybe 1-2/month). Its because I always try to come in indirect, possibly with a ping, to make everything socially smooth, and also for me to not be so extremely nervous. However, here I struggle with another problem. Basically by coming in socially smooth, I try to avoid rejections at first, my „friendly and harmless“ vibe basically makes it impossible to reject me, but as soon as I start to switch to flirty, I notice immediate rejection (at least friendly rejection). However, I started to feel that all those things are actually secondary. The girl either likes me, or she doesnt like me, and even if she likes me, she sometimes doesnt even know why. I also noticed with all my successful flirts, that it honestly doesnt even matter whether I am shy, sexy, cool, or whatever, but that she likes me nonetheless. Sensing that, I am also much cooler and more relaxed, and behave much more like a natural with her. I simply came to the believe, that there is a certain proportion of girls simply attracted to you, and some are not. I really doubt that there is much „turn-around“ that one can do, without having MUCH more time with a person, that cold approach usually allows (seconds to maximum 1 hour).

So, to sum up, for girls really hooking and GETTING interested in you, cold approach seems to be extremely hard. Of course, if you approach and you are extremely ahead in social status, it might work, but usually, thats not the case if you go for beautiful girls. The very limited time you have in cold approach, the already „weird“ situation that she gets approached randomly (few people do it), and the fact that she has no intersections with your life whatsoever, makes cold approach rather impossible to strike off, if the girl is not interested in you anyways (maybe genetically, or you remind her of her boyfriend/father).

What are your thoughts Chase?

Our reader has some interesting experiences and observations here – on women’s initial reactions to you and on the ability (or inability) to wiggle out of a first impression.

Is he right about the WEIGHT of those first impressions – and is he right that cold approach is “rather impossible to strike off” if the girl isn’t already interested in you, due to genetic compatibility (like scent-based immune genes) / facial similarity / some other intangible characteristic?

When you ask a girl out and she asks for your social media, what do you say if you don’t have one? How do you communicate not being on there to girls?

The other day a reader named Luon Di mentioned in a comment communicating to girls you’re not on social media:

Since then, she has been texting me daily. I try to keep our exchanges brief. We have a date planned in the next week. Early on, I thought I had lost her, after she asked for my social media and then she stopped replying after I answered why I don't have any (there are several reasons). This is becoming a recurring problem every time I meet a girl, and a major factor in why I have lost some very early on, despite me justifying it very reasonably to them. The next day she finally answered, empathetically.

In his case, in this particular incident, it worked out. But I would like to talk about those situations where girls give you pushback, go quiet, or act like it’s “weird.”

First off, I’m not going to write an article on the pros and cons of social media for men. I talked about that way back in 2012 regarding Facebook, and the exact same logic applies today to Instagram, TikTok, you name it. The same dynamics that were and are at play on Facebook then are at play on other social media apps today. The apps change but the dynamics don’t. You can get my opinion on it – then make up your own mind – in that earlier article.

This article is squarely aimed at guys who either are not on social media at all, or prefer not to share their social media with people (i.e., girls) they’ve just met. Maybe their follower counts aren’t all that impressive; or on the other hand maybe they share a lot of stuff on there they don’t want strangers to see.

If that’s you, read on, and we’ll talk about how to make this not a detriment for you with girls, but an actual advantage.