Are There No Second Chances with Women?
A
reader writes in, asking the following questions:
“”Chase,
I’ve read several of your articles, and I can relate to quite a bit of what you say. However, it seems to me that in your scenarios, the guy is always the one who is at fault. It’s as though the girl is fully functional, prepared to choose who she is interested in and whether or not the guy fits in to one of her categories, I guess robotic in a way. What I’m trying to get at mainly is the no second chance with women idea. Like if you don’t move fast enough she is gone for good. Is it really the case that the guy has to do everything right or else he is out? This perplexes me as we live in a society where equal opportunity for race, genders, and sexuality is at the forefront. In the corporate world and in the military, women are continually given more and more power/leadership/etc. They are no longer viewed as the traditional queen role from what I see. In this respect, why must the guy solely be the one to make things happen fast, take her as his lover before she flees to the next guy, and so on.
Perhaps I have read your writings incorrectly, but your advice (though as I said much of it rings true with me) seems to put the vast majority of the burden on the guy’s shoulders.
Also, let’s say that I screwed it up with a chick. I took her as my lover, but then later decided she was no longer interested. Walked away, realized I made a mistake. Apologized a couple weeks later, she says she has moved on to someone else. Your principles seem to be true here at first, but when she blames me for the fallout, then comes to the bar that night and makes out with me, only to run off and go kiss on some guy’s cheek, and give all sorts of mixed signals thereafter, things get hazy. No second chances, but I’ll make out with you? It just doesn’t click with me that anyone has all of this figured out. Life isn’t black and white, I don’t think.
I would appreciate your reply!””
So, there are a lot of interesting questions and themes in here worth addressing:
- Are there no second chances with women?
- Is it all on the man to make things happen?
- What about equality?
- Why do women send mixed signals?
- Why do women flirt if they don’t want you?
I’m not really going to talk about the other bullets here – I
addressed the “do/should guys REALLY have to do EVERYTHING?” question
here a few weeks ago: “What Role Should Women Play in the Mating
Game?” I’ll throw a quick bone to that one though because I
have a couple more things to say on it you should find interesting. The
third bullet is addressed in that post, and the fourth and fifth in
these two: “Mixed Signals from a Girl: What These Mean”
and “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl.”
Let’s talk about second chances though, because that’s one it seems like a lot of guys want to know about, and it’s worth discussing for sure.
Imagine
this scenario, if you will.
I happened
upon an article entitled “
I was sitting in a cafeteria having a quick bite to eat
the other
day when I saw an elegantly dressed young woman in a long but casual
summer dress stroll in at the far side of the cafeteria, turn about
slowly and elegantly as she assessed her surroundings – perhaps looking
for someone, or perhaps just deciding if there was anywhere here she
wanted something to eat from – before at last turning and walking back
out the door she’d come through again, still with great elegance.
We’ve all asked the question “How can I make the most of
my looks?”,
and today I’m going to tell you a bit about how you can do that without
adjusting your fashion sense or wardrobe.
Remember
that girl you dated in high school? You know, that really
cute one with the seductive laugh who hemmed you all up and then
started acting like a complete loony bird?