How Men Lose Women: They Overreact | Girls Chase

How Men Lose Women: They Overreact

lose womenImagine this scenario, if you will.

A man goes out with a woman, and everything feels like it is going great. She’s totally into him, smiles at everything he says, and follows his lead. Then, at some point during the interaction, she does something that completely catches him off guard.

Maybe she refuses a request in an attempt to test him.

Maybe she decides that going home with him wouldn’t be a good idea, and she protests at such an idea.

Maybe she puts up last minute resistance and leaves him wondering what in the world he needs to do to get past it.

All of the previous scenarios include a defining moment, because these men are unsure of how to proceed with unforeseen challenges.

These defining moments are the points in conversation where most men lose women. They are lost at what to do in such a scenario, and effectively scrape their minds to find a strategy to blow past that which is in the way of their goals.

… And when each strategy just doesn’t work out, what do they do? They lose power, and begin to panic. The loss of power causes them to become moody, belligerent, and bitter, because they just aren’t getting what they want with women.

Overreactions like this happen all the time. They are one of the primary destroyers of an interaction which otherwise may have been going along quite well, but were utterly destroyed when the leader (that’s you) ran into a roadblock. The smooth, seductive mask is lifted, and you are left angry at finding yourself unable to get to where you wanted to get to.

Ross LeonAbout the Author: Ross Leon

Ross Leon is a member of the Girls Chase Forums and an occasional contributor to Girls Chase. His focus is on body building, relationships, and personal self-development.

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Sam2's picture

This is such a topical article for me.

The number of women I have lost due to loss of my nerve at crucial points of my interactions with women is for sure a double-digit one.

Observing myself I noticed that overreacting is based on a defeatist/victim mentality according to which "the Universe conspires with the girl, so as not to get what I want as a man". It is a flawed mental model and a very self-destructive one. The truth is the woman wants what we, men, want exactly the same. She just hopes that we will make it happen against the odds. She just wants to be completely blameless for her own seduction.

A note on persistence: The hotter and bitchier the woman is, the less green lights will give you. In fact, her only "green light" is if she remains in your place without her suggesting that you should leave. Her mere presence is all you need to keep persisting. Ignore all testy behaviour on her part and simply focus on the fact that she keeps staying there with you.

Ross Leon's picture

Hey Sam,

Yeah, women with low attainability definitely give significantly less green lights or signs. With persistence, I almost always tend to assume that if she is sticking around and still has he body language addressed on me, she wants to stick around.

A lot of guys won't see her verbally interested and immediately shut down, because there's a hot woman standing in front of them that they know if out of their league. These guys go into auto-rejection and overreact pretty fast.

Anonymous's picture

Hi guys.

I was wondering if you guys can do an article on how to find a job? The thing of the matter is I have been trying to leave this shitty, small town that I currently work in, but with no luck. My town is one of those towns Chase wrote about that has an absolute lack of women. If I go out of town (a 2+ hour drive), I see more women in a day than I do a lifetime here in this town.

Getting back to the matter at hand. I've had a handful of face-to-face interviews but always seem to bomb here. I don't know if it's the constant frustration of defeat that's gotten to me and shows at these interviews without me even realizing it. Or something else. I wish I could find out what it is! The other thing that I think makes it hard is I am trying to relocate to a city some 1600 miles away. I read that most employers are looking for someone local, so I have that against me (I think!)

So, please guys! I'd love to hear some tips that you have personally used to be able to land a job and relocate. The lack of girls here is starting to take its toll on my personal life, mental health, and the inability to land a job triply stings.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I'll let Chase and the other author's know.

Just Dave

PUA-Learner's picture

First, let me say that this was a great article from Ross Leon I will try to not do these things.

I actually wanted to ask Chase this, but everybody can answer,do we have some articles about connections or contacts here and how to build these? What I mean is, like friends but in a more useful way and how "connections" can benefit ones life and maybe even to find the "right" girl or something like that. They would even be good for business but I find they can make ones life easier.


David Riley's picture

Hey Learner,

Chase touched on this in the article about many small ties and few weak ones

I would also recommend the article on how to master anything

Just Dave

Alex Ljubenov's picture

Hey, guys! I have two questions I would like to ask:

1. Any advice on picking up women at a wedding?
2. Any advice on meeting dutch women?

Thanks and keep up the great work! :)

David Riley's picture

Hey Alex,

I'll let Chase and the other writers know about this for a possible article.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

how do you make a girl feel sexy and special but be less invested in her? do you need to play games to peak her interest or is being a sexy, manly man enough to keep her attracted? doesn't playing games build the self belief that you're not attractive without them?

Ross Leon's picture


Want to make a girl feel sexy and special? Give her mind-blowing orgasms during sex.

If you're talking outside of the bedroom, games are definitely not needed to peak her interest, though flirting can be fun and show a sexy, playful side. And, oftentimes as you will see, investing less in the woman will cause her interest for you to grow, as being the one who is less invested in the relationship will force the other party to chase, because they care more.

In the end, I feel like guys/girls who feel that "playing games" is necessary are those who are trying to force a frame that isn't true. For example, a guy that's not busy at all waiting for a while to text a girl, or a girl flaking on a date to keep the guy interested. These are often signs that the guy/girl wants to be seen a certain way, but hasn't actually obtained the experience to be that way.

This can cause very incongruent frames, as one can profess to be experience with women even though it is blatantly obvious he isn't. This is a major red flag and often results in quite a bit of awkwardness. So yeah, probably best not to play these games and instead seek out the experience.

josip's picture

Very useful article ! Thanks for shering your expiriance.

I had expiriance wher girls flake and I do nothing and be cool and unreactiv with that. And when I see them again they tend to come to me. Becouse I'm cool with fleaking and nonreactive.

Ross Leon's picture

Thanks josip!

Glad to hear that we have similar experiences with women. Most guys think that they have to react... But if a girl flakes on me I'll do something else with my life and pay less attention to her, while still maintaining an air of persistence if I decide to accept her apology as a genuine one. And usually they're more attracted than ever.

blogster's picture

Good article. Some points/questions I'd like to raise.

I can relate to the flip side of this - an ex-girlfriend who pushed for more time together, but was incredibly clingy and would chuck tantrums or would look dejected/shattered the moment I couldn't spend time with her or had to cancel because something important came up. The result was pushing me further and further away from wanting true committment with her; she would then push further and further for more time in a more desperate way and I would continue to back away. The effect was, despite wanting to commit to her, her behaviour and reactions made me increasingly uncomfortable, she effectively became more and more of a stalker and I broke it off. The exact opposite of what she wanted - more time together - eventuated - because I saw behaviour that made me very uncomfortable. So I can appreciate the parallels now.

"Overreacting is the result when you combine two phenomena:

•The lack of control
•The inability to get what one wants"

I would also add:
* mens concept of respect
* male decision making processes
* general unexpectedness

Between men, your word is your bond, generally speaking. Those who don't keep their word, who are all talk no action, who don't follow through, are held in very low regard. It does come a shock when with women, we see see-sawing, flipping flopping and indecisiveness - its viewed as a mark of low character, as someone deliberately jerking us around and makes us most likely to write them off. Men value consistency so this can be very confusing.

Men's decision making processes are also linear which means that over time we assume we are moving towards our goal. Any retrograde steps are unexpected and confusing. Also generally, anything unanticipated is a shock and can cause a reaction male or female.

Some questions:
* how do you determine whether she's jerking you around or is on board, but uncertain? How do you know she's not just doing it for kicks and validation?

* when they genuinely have desire, but uncertainty, leading to indecisiveness or push back, what is going through their minds in such situations? What is pulling them around internally? Knowing would help assist dealing with such moments.

blogster's picture

"For example, we at Girls Chase advocate that men maintain the power in a relationship to ensure attraction. A woman does not become exceedingly moody and belligerent if the man maintains this power as long as he is able to keep her happy with the relationship.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, a woman who is unhappy with her current situation isn’t going to blame her nice guy friend for not providing her with sex, simply because she knows she is the only one who has the power to make such a thing work – but she chooses against it because he is a platonic buddy."

This is the only weak part of the article. saying men have the power of ensuring attraction is really false re-framing - its not a power, its a responsibility, particularly if a man wants to keep a girl interested. And its obvious that a woman wouldn't even care about having sex with a man she's not sexually interested in.

Brian Link's picture

Very useful article, but that last bit sounds like a lose lose situation

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