Should You Pay for a Date? | Girls Chase

Should You Pay for a Date?

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

pay for a dateIt used to be the way things always were in America: if a man and a woman went on a date, the man paid. No two ways about it.

It's now not quite as ubiquitous as it used to be, but it is still a very common mindset. Many women expect men to pay for the first date. Many men would even feel embarrassed to not pay for the first date. Of course they pay for dates! That's just how it's done, and anything else would be classless and rude.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Zimmer Remmiz's picture

I'm no expert but I feel like that would only be a risk if you weren't making your intentions clear and following all of the other advice on the site, if you aren't moving fast and being at least mildly overt about wanting to hook up, who is paying is probably the least of your worries...

Anonymous's picture

I'd say while interesting this article confuses certain things.

Being female I can say that the reason girls tend to sleep quickly with guys who don't pay is that THEY themselves (the girls) don't see the guy as someone they will invest a lot of time in. So let's just sleep with this guy because I want to have sex but I don't see this guy as boyfriend material. Afterall, he isn't taking me out to a nice dinner. (I am not saying that men need to always pay and yada yada.. but if the first impression about the guy is that he isn't invested in me then..)

And if this girl still becomes your girlfriend you bet she has some codependent or other similar prychological issues. i.e. she slept with you so she feels like you have to now be her boyfriend.

This is good advice if all you want with a girl is sleep with her but if you want something more it's not.

amla's picture

hey chase!
i unnderstand your point...
read your bok thrice.. great stuff man!

but this is actually a tricky part to follow ... but as we all know u r wonderful at everything... i want u to give a post on how to make a girl pay... partially as well as fully,,, that wud b a hamer on the nail,..
and include how to make her pay in order and cash outlets where u make the payment then and there on the counter after making your order..

i would be looking forward for an early post... :)
yours amla

Adam Smith's picture

The reasion I don't pay for more than my share on a first date is, because If I did pay, I would feel Im with a prostitute. I don't like the feeling, Im with a prostitute. What ever you say to convince me its not prostitution, your wrong, because if or not sex is involved the purpose of dating is to find a partner to eventually have sex with, so if your paying it is just prostitionion no droughts about it. If your trying to convince people it's not prostitution, your deluding your self. The sooner money is taking away as a deal maker in the dating game, the sooner people who have been indoctrinated from childhood will realize it is nothing more than white washed prostitionion. Woman and men need to change there attitudes, to prostitution in dating, it should be denounces as disgusting sexial exploitation. When you take the money out of dating, & she goes on a second date, you know she likes you & is not just out for a free meal. If any woman is justifying in any way, that being payed for on a date is necessary & a deal breaker, she has just told the world "Im am a prostitute".
There are plenty of good woman out there, who don't exspect to be paid for on a first date. I ask woman out all the time. If they say yes, I then say on the proviso that, we share the cost, I would say 70% agree to the deal & most of them go out on a second date in which they often ask the me out, because they did not feel pressured on the first date due to being paid for. For the 30% that won't take the deal, they need to be told what they are & where they can go to get a well paid job. People need to be shamed into giving people equal respect & stop justifying sexism.
Too many men these days have become the woman in the relationship, they have let the woman dictate the terms & conditions of dating. If a man is not going to take charge & let woman dictate who pays for the date, when often they earn more than the man, ( yes its not the 50's, woman are now actualy finacialy independant) then your allowing your self to be exsploited as a man. Being a real man is treating a woman fairly and that means as a man you also need to be treated fairly, so that means not being a doormat to a woman who has a deluded sence of entitalment & not being afraid to tell them strait to there face what they are, if they require being paid for.

Nymous's picture

This is a great tip and honestly, a relief! As a young college student, I'm starting to consider dating often and my budget limitations were a big concern and It was defining my confidence. I was wondering how to make dates fun and inexpensive and this just makes a lot of sense. If anything it is also empowering to women because, like you said, it places them as an equal to yourself! I'm so grateful to you for this (obvious, now) insight, I feel much more confident and ready for love! ha

omar's picture

with all respect to all.. I strongly belive both have to share if the girl like not gonna make different if she pay that way you avoid that she will take advantage of you by going with you few times to luxury restaurant then find other guy she will do same thing she knows well that that she will never take forever out thats why she has to move on to other guy ..if she is good person she will totally understand that you dont want any one take advantage of you and u dont want take advantage of her

MJ's picture

As some of you touched upon, I think the most important thing here is to stop trying to impress her in an artificial way. If you are loaded, then paying doesn't seem like such a grand, formal gesture. Probably the best advice would be to pick a first date that's within your means and really speaks to who you are. That way whoever pays won't matter as much as the time you spend getting to know each other. I think the biggest mistakes I've made are operating under the assumption that I had to try really hard to impress her, but the opposite is true. Of course, I AM trying to impress her, but I do so by making it less about me and more about her. Impress by acting like you're not trying to impress, get it?

Anonymous's picture

I'm a woman who thinks, when meeting a man online, it takes a lot of pressure off to meet at a Starbucks, get there first and pay for my own drink. I have also met at bars and pubs and just ordered water while the man bought his own drink. This is just to see if there's a connection in person. No one wants to feel used. Men for money or women for sex. If I'm dating someone, it's nice if the man treats me to dinner or cooks for me. In return, I like to buy him gifts. Growing up, I witnessed my father act like he owned his partners because he paid for everything. I never wanted to be a housewife solely dependent on a man. I once had a date with a man who was fine with walking around the harbor. I liked talking and getting to know him. Then he suggested a pricey sushi restaurant and asked to split the bill. Now the problem arises when I mention that to female friends, they call him a douche and I start to question any attraction I may have had with him. And be careful with women who are just too interested in becoming friends with benefits. I really wanted a boyfriend and when my "friend" was super disrespectful, it turned me into Shiva the Destroyer. I will never put myself in that situation again and wouldn't wish that wrath on any man. Proceed with caution.

Adam Smith's picture

Calling her X boyfriend a Douche meaning brainless for being fair, by leaving the destination open & splitting the cost. Note he suggested they go out to the sushi restraunt, he did not ask her out, she had the opportunity to suggest somthing more to her liking. Next point she say it is nice for a man to treat her to dinner or cook for her. Is this not the 21st century or are we still in the 1950's, or is she dogmatically enforcing special rights for woman by not allowing equale rights for men. My point is it is also nice for a woman to treat a man out for dinner. This woman uses blackmail in the form of leaving, if he does not conform to her selfish wants for a financial gain in a relationship. This woman wants to be the man in the relationship, dictating all the rules that give her special privilages & financial benefits in the relationship not offered to him. My point is, men feel so exsploited financially by woman because it is much less common for woman to make the offer to treat the man out for dinner. If woman realy respected men they would be treating men with equal kindness & treat men out just as often. If this woman realy wanted to stop splitting costs when going out, then she has a mouth, how about she just pay 100% of the cost of the meal every time they go out. I bet if this man had been treated kindly and paid for, he would have returned the offer next time they went out. This modern man dodged a bullet, from a woman who is only interested in enforcing a set or out dated rules that gives special privilages based on having a vagina. No one had a choice to be born with a penis, so people should not be discriminate against because they have a penis. This woman calling her X a douche, when he had the brains not to pay for a woman who is nothing but a deluded prostitute, exspecting payment in the form of free meals before entering a relationship. Special rights for woman is not exceptable, men just don't want you any more, men would rather be on there own than date a woman that demand special rights. There are plenty of woman who are willing to meet men as equals, so why would we want to be exploited. Even for the desperate men there is plenty of free porn on the Internet, they don't need you anymore either, so not even the desperately men have to pay., so woman need to start treating men fairly (thats means equally) if men are going to have any interest in you at all, because woman are slowly being made redundant.

Anonymous's picture

No man on earth is going to pay my way. I'm sick of you horny f--ks expecting something in return instead of just being a gentleman. I pay my own way and no one can claim I "owe" him anything.

Anonymous's picture

You know, there's so much I can say about men because you're pretty much all a$$es, but I will leave you insecure idiots with this notion. If you want to go ahead and call all women gold-diggers, then how is that any different from YOU being flesh-diggers? Since that's pretty much ALL you want from women, otherwise this stupid site on how desperate men can get women into bed wouldn't exist. You're all hypocrites and that's why women laugh at you. You all deserve to be taken to the cleaners.

Anonymous's picture

Ugh, typical feminist judgmentalism. Just because we want to have sex with a date does not mean that we only do so for hedonistic reasons. I, for one, seek to attract beautiful, intelligent and kind women for a life of love and companionship, the fact that sex is the most effective road to this is why Chase focuses on it. Furthermore, I'm amused at how you see this site as dedicated to 'hatred of women' when in contrast it is a site dedicated to the glorification of women. Also, how can I hate women? My own mother was one ;)

hor'deouvres's picture

what if when you say "let's split the bill" then the girl says "I didn't bring any money". What then? You have no choice but to pay then.. So what can you do in this situation to still get a good probability of entering the lover zone

sky's picture

Gents, as a lady, if a man takes me on a date and didn't pay that guarantees he falls in my "has no manners and us cheap" category and the date ends there. I find it extremely rude and in poor taste.

Adam Smith's picture

Guess what, you're no lady. Just a self entitled obnoxious freeloader. Any gentleman would consider them selves lucky to have missed a bullet having missed out on getting a second date with you.

Tom_2's picture

Hey all,

You should know that one of the greatest physicists of all time did experiments on the "pay vs. not-pay" conundrum.

What he learned and ehe results of his experiments are described here:

http://scilib.narod.ru/Physics/Feynman/SYJ/en/Joking.htm#TOC_id2528450

So, science says Chase is right.

David Gray's picture

Hi Chase,

Good post right here. I think the women here are misunderstanding the point being made. If there is chemistry & you feel you're having a great time with the guy, why would paying for the date be an issue? Yes, I know girls who think the same way & I've found out that this happens when the guy goes out of his income to impress them. I live by a simple principle: live within your means. I've read your posts about cold reading & least effort a number of times. I know that I have to understand the woman I am dealing with before asking her out on a date. If I sense she's the type who wants to know how much money I can pull out on a date, I won't bother myself asking her out on one.
The women disagreeing with this post are the same women who get worked up when a rich man acts like a jerk because he's throwing money around. Since "dates" seem to be about impressing women & getting them into bed nowadays, I suggest women may want to try something new... Like actually being interesting & fun to be with than just being a pretty face.

Cheers.

Anonymous's picture

One good question to ask is so if a guy pays for the date/spends money on the girl, what does she do with her money, spend it on herself and or deposit her check in the bank!?

Anonymous's picture

Imagine you are George Cloony. Would you let your woman pay?

In the end, there is just one conclusion: you are not rich enough.

For me personally, I recently get rid of a guy who made me pay for my own on our first. There is no way I'm going to see him again or sleep with me, otherwise I'd find myself cheap.

G Schwartz's picture

If women knew what they wanted and said that, we wouldn't have this blog, right?
The very existence of your comment in men's blog indicates you're wrong.
Sorry to brake it ta ya.
But you might have a shot with Clooney.

Quizz25S's picture

I'm a long time lurker, I've wanted to start acting on what I've read on this site for a while but haven't been able to because I was deployed. I've read this before but I forgot about it. Good thing I read it again, because I'm setting up a date with a new girl I met for the first time in quite a while, and I'm trying to do it right the first time. Gotta start somewhere!

Ryan's picture

Who says a first date has to be expensive? That's where a lot of guys go wrong in my opinion. Plan something simple like grabbing ice cream. At most you spend $5. Also there's a great psychology study that deals with ice cream flavor choice and personality. So if a woman gets plain vanilla/chocolate you can tease her for being boring, etc.. Or meet at an outdoor venue where you can walk around, window shop, see free live music, etc..

You know what my first date was with my last girlfriend? We walked around Barnes and Noble chatting and I used elements of the store as conversation starters. She said it was the most fun creative date she'd ever been on and it was free. This is coming from a HOT girl that's used to having expensive dinners, etc.. Creative, simple, and low cost is the way to go on an first date.

Anonymous's picture

I keep getting friendzoned all the time. I guess stopping being nice starts with NOT paying for the first date. Can you please give me advice on how to bring up the topic of splitting the bill?

Ahem's picture

I'm afraid this won't get you anywhere. Chances are, you're just a bore or not good enough for any girl to sleep/have a relationship with you. 99% your problem is elsewhere, trust me! Read more by Chase and improve your personality.

Anonymous's picture

I still can't believe it's been over 50 years since the sexial revolution & there seems to be a significant percentage of people who consider them selves entitled to free stuff based on what's between there legs. When you consider how many young woman are educationally advantaged over men, i.e. a 60% enrolment advantage at university over men approximately & how many of these woman make more than the average male wage, it don't make sence, they rarely ask men out. I've been asked out once in my life by a woman & she still made an issue on the date, that I should pay for her share.

Anonymous's picture

I love this site and it's general worldview and philosophy. In my experience most advice on here rings true.

I have always followed this "splitting the check" advice in particular for the reasons listed. And it always worked out great with white girls.

But I recently started dating Indian women and hearing some complaints but the girls still went forward with me. But then I lost a beautiful who texted me after the date that she was turned of *specifically* by the fact that I asked her to split the check.

So don't do this with Indian women or other women who come from more conservative cultures. They aren't going to go for it and you might straight up lose them because of it.

Anonymous's picture

Firstly there is no such thing as a traditional woman in a western society. If she has a normal basic education, she has the opportunity to work she can't be from a traditional back ground no matter what country her ancestory is from. What she is doing is cherry picking equale rights & blackmailing you into paying for her, by denying you her relationship based on lack of indirect money exchange. Using gender as an exscuse not to ask men out or split the cost is called SEXISUM. I notice when two female friends go out together from these alleged traditional cultures, they generally split the bill on most occasions. When a man is involved from this background he is obligated to pay no matter what. That attitude towards men is not exceptable, it's totally discrimitory. Discrimination against gender is no different to racism, remember black slavery was once exceptable. You have to condone gender discrimination in the same way. This indian woman was just beutiful on the out side, but very ugly on the inside. You don't want to go out with an ugly woman.

Anonymous's picture

I agree with you that the norms need to change. It absolutely is left over gender discrimination that feminism has no incentive to clean up because it is completely focused on female discrimination and ignores discrimination against males.

But I honestly don't think this woman was actually ugly on the inside. I do in fact think she had a traditional worldview. And within that worldview, men who don't pay for women don't find them *worth* paying for. They don't like them. They don't value them. And that is how she told me I made her feel. Within her emotions, I valued other women enough to pay for them but not her. She never gave me a chance to explain to her that this is what I did with all women. So she was left feeling undervalued and uncared for because that is what she was raised to believe.

Anonymous's picture

Dude I'm Indian. I came to the US when I was 1 back in 1974, but I was raised in a very traditional household. Many Indian people especially girls live a very sheltered life which leads to immaturity and is the reason I often don't date Indian chics.

She didn't even give you a chance to explain and seemed to be more crying over the fact she didn't get her way. Trust me, my sister's the same way. Just greedy. She might have been raised that way, but we're in the 21st Century. She should be able to figure it out.

Anonymous's picture

I agree with you. But sometimes you have to choose between being right and getting into bed with a girl. Like East Asian culture, I'm sure Indian culture will come around to accepting 21st Century norms within the next couple generations of adult women. But, until then, I think this is the price you have to pay if you want to bang an Indian girl.

Anonymous's picture

I've dated many indian chicks & they pay there own share. I've been to Indoneasia, Thailand & they still pay a reasonable share, even thought they were very poor, obviously I go where they can afford to go. Obviously some Indian woman don't value the man enough to pay, but persionaly I don't let woman get away with treating me as being of less value to them & it works, No matter the culture. If you consider your self of less value than a woman, than bend to there blackmail. I don't think it looks manly if your such a wimp that you would allow another adult human to treat you as a second class citizen to them based on what's between there legs. If your that desperate to have to beg & pay, then you don't have any value as a man, as this girl don't want you, as your not good enough for her. She is just using you for what she can get out of you, free entertainment & the possibility of sex but with no obligation. Because as a man you have no value in the mind of this woman, you come across as a weak & desperate. If you come across to a woman as strong & fair, you will get much further than coming across as weak, desperate & of no value. Men have lost there balls, & have let woman of equal economic standing walk all over them, You need to get some balls & exspect fairness, while treating them fairly. It realy makes me sick, that today's men consider them selves to have so little value & no balls. You need to be a man, & not a mouse. What are you to allow your self to be so disrespected as a man. It seems that these woman have the balls to control you in an area that is clearly unfair & turned you into a weakling with no balls to stand up for your self, that's sick. How do you look at your self in the mirror. I want you to become a man, you need to get some value, get your balls back & have the guts to dismiss any woman that don't treat you with equal respect & value. When you do what I say, you will get a much more valuble woman than what your attracted too, just a woman acting like a prostitute but without the honesty to admit being one. Be honest what's the value of a woman who acts like that. She is more a liability than an asset, not some one you would want to marry, specially with divorce settlements favouring woman with custody & property setlments.

Anonymous's picture

Listen man, you haven't been following: I already tried "being a man" and "standing up for myself". That is exactly the attitude that lost me the second date with her. It didn't somehow magically make her attracted to me. It just made her feel unvalued and think I was an asshole.

Some people just have that wiring. Note everyone. I was on a date with another (younger) Indian woman last night and she paid the entire tab wile I was in the bathroom. It had nothing to do with me "having balls". She just came from a younger generation that values equality. I was the same confident, masculine man with both women.

These older women just came of age with a different set of values. And if you want to sleep with them, you have to work with those values. Period. No amount of dick swinging is going to make them think any differently of you other than thinking you are an asshole.

Anonymous's picture

You missed out on one second date with one woman, so what, why should you care about some one who treats you like trash, not worthy of treating you with equal respect. If she did not exspect being paid for & you had paid for her then she would be of value, but the fact is she expects to be paid for, and that is the reasion she has no value. A prostitute has more value than her, because at least there honest enough to admit what they are one, this woman lies about her profession.
You should not be exspecting 100% success with every woman you go out with, who do you thing you are, ELVIS or something, and even he had hoards of woman lined up at the gate of his home in Beverly Hills for some action, he never paid for dates to get laid from his groupies, he just opened the gate & let them in, while these same girls would tell there boyfriends O I'm a good girl & let there desperate boyfriends spend money on them for no return.
You should be dating at least 4 or 5 different woman every month until you find the right one. Why aren't you rejecting them on a second dates when they don't meat your value. This woman did you a favour, she failed your test, & text you the failed results, it saved you the time to reject her. Some woman will reject you & others you will reject them, that's fair. What's not fair is letting them walk all over you like trash, then concerning your self that trash rejected you, that comes across as very desperate & that reduces your value. You need to stop looking at woman as just money for sex exchange & start looking at woman as a package. Being good in bed is just one part of that package, being kind & considerate is an even more important part of that package. When your going out on a date, she is interviewing you & your interviewing her, your getting to know each other, some woman will fail & some will pass. The smart ones will knock a man back, when they see you are willing to do desperate acts just to get sex from some one who treats you poorly. If a woman sees a man who can afford to pay, not pay, she going to think, he's not just after one thing, he wants quality, she's going to work harder to get that type of man, she going to want to have sex with you, as you then represent a quality man, over the sleazy man who will do any desperate act to get laid.
My guess is, if you had paid for this Indian leach, you would have got no action, because she would have claimed she was O a good girl & that makes her even worse than a dishonest prostitute, she is not only that but a fraudster as well, because she did not come up with the goods you 100% exspect on a second date, but this same woman would have screwed a man of substantial economic resorses over you, because she is what she demonstrators to be.

Atheist Indian's picture

Do not mourn over the loss of a 'chance' with a girl who expected you to provide for her; you got rid of a behenji gold digger lurking in the veil of conservative values. These type of women are emotionally juvenile and a financial liability in an LTR.

A lot of Indian men have this complex that women are so 'hard to get' that they have to compromise on their principles and dance around hoops to get laid (even where the possibility of getting laid is very distance for the amount of effort expended, like a prudish (desi) woman who insists that she will only 'give sex after marriage').

Jess's picture

If you ask someone out on a date and then tell them to split the bill , expect to kill your chances because looking cheap and inconsiderate is not attractive. If someone knows their self worth, then interacting with someone that comes off rude really will not be acceptable. Sorry this blogger spewed bad advice to anyone that is seeking a genuine , caring relationship.

Anonymous's picture

If one gender rarely asks the other gender out, is it fair for one gender to be paying almost all the time based on your rules. Female friends almost always split the bill with each other, why should SEXISUM exsploiting men finacialy be considered romantic.
If your a woman would you find it romantic to have some one leach off you all night on almost every first date off your entire life. Romance means sharing & caring, many men have never been asked out in there entire life, & often when they do get asked out, there still exspected to pay. It should not be gender bias. Men don't mind paying for there girlfriends occasionaly, but for men to be exspected to pay based on your rules of who asks pays, is quite insulting to men, when this romantic caring & sharing is rarely shown towards men from woman on a first date. Romance should be based on both genders displaying sharing, caring & that means woman need to show that caring just as much as men by sponsoring men financialy on a date. So if I'm on a date, splitting the bill should be the default setting, so long as both of you had a choice of destination, & it is affordable for both. So having to ask some one to spit the bill is ridicules, that's the default setting, it should be a fight for both to want to pay for each other. If a woman does not think she should be paying on a first date, she has no value, if she did not offer to pay on the date, I would tell her to pay her share, because there would be no way I would be going out with her again if she exspected a free night out & did not show me she cared about me by leaching off me all night. I must say most modern woman today offer to pay a share, that shows responsibility & as a man you should except there offer, because some of these woman are actually doing the reach & are not genuinely caring & romantic. There is nothing wrong with telling a woman you preffer to split a bill on a first date, if she don't think sharing is more romantic than exsploiting, than she is not worth having.

Mike 's picture

First of all I truely want to thank Chase for his insightful and incredibly honest article.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and please Keep it up mate :)

Now to all the haters who are butthurt about the thruth : JUST shut up, if you don't like the article, you don't have to read it and you have absolutely no reason at all to be so butthurt.

Afterall you didn't have pay ANYTHING to read it, so stop being a bunch of whiny Bitches with deep seated pain in their arses and start to have a life!

Yours sincerely Mike

NYC's picture

Context: Guy living in New York.
1- Sex and the fact to pay for a girl are NOT related in any way. it's about how the date goes and the charm/mutual liking that you have.
2- Why would you need to pay for a girl every time? We both work, we both have the same lifestyle, we are both equal and life is expensive nowadays. Plus dating is very casual and you date zillion girls with nothing happening afterwards. Same for girls. So why would you need to have 1000$ of your salary spent with no meaning? I just don't get it. Unless you don't care about saving and having plans for the future.
3- I understand that long time ago women did not work or make important amounts of money, but nowadays women have the same education/jobs as men and sometimes they even make more money than men.
3- Yes i understand why some girls prefer or don't mind that the guy pays - it's because they are enjoying their time "free of charge" :) why change that, right?
4- So let's be equal - life is expensive - and let's split the check and focus on enjoying our time. Plus the guy would have other possibilities for dates instead of focusing on cheap solutions.

Female Anon's picture

I thought this was just me, but for some reason, everyone dances around this topic.

Maybe I'm super materialistic, but you know, I haven't talked to one woman ever who didn't at least want the guy to offer to foot the check.

Now that doesn't mean using them, but if I'm splitting everything with a man and they wonder why they're not at the top of my list, it's probably because I'm doing a side by side comparisons.

I mean it's not always a competition, but if there is someone super generous, and someone who is the same but not as generous, who would be the better partner??

Anonymous's picture

This blog is pathetic. American guys will be extinct soon with such thinking, you can't provide, you wont's extend your genes. -Foreign girl living in the states and Not dating any of these cheapskates :P

Lover not a fighter's picture

Very funny, a self entitled princess who pays nothing, using sexist threats of blackmail to exploit provisions from others, calling guys who pay 100% of there own share, a cheapskate.
It still amazes me what type of delusional mentality these people have, to gladly except the American freedoms of equal rights for them selves but deny equal rights for others. Maybe they should go live in the Middle East, see what it's like to be a slave to men & see if they realy want sexisum to come back into the United states.
P.S. I'm happly married with two children & we split the bill on our first date. So there goes your theory.

Neill's picture

Thanks, Everyone. I am a slow reader and it has taken me a couple days to read all of your comments, but I have learned from everyone and I feel privileged to have witnessed this spirited debate. In the past I have always paid and I'm always in the friend zone. But having read some of Chase's other posts I now think it is because I was advised by my mother when I was a young man to be friends with women and it would become love. I now suspect this was bad advice.

z23's picture

It's amazing how often this tactic works. 99% of the time the girl will buy me a drink and love it because it's so different than all the other guys trying to "buy her off" with free drinks. The other night a girl was laughing with me back at her place because they guy she was talking to before me bought her five drinks (over hours!), then she bought me one drink and ended up back at home 30m later with me.

Chase's methods are just so unique and potent to women it's simply amazing. He has such a keen insight into the female mind. I always thought of myself as the biggest loser with women and now they can't seem to get enough of me. ESPECIALLY disqualifying myself as a boyfriend candidate, which is exactly what this article correlates with. And then almost inevitably they become hooked and start thinking along relationship lines. It's like they say, guys chase sex women chase relationships. That motto wouldn't become so well known if there wasn't at least some shred of truth behind it.

I laugh so much at myself considering the weak pathetic man I used to be. Now it's like child's play and honestly I'm really just a beginner at best and still make so many mistakes. It's seemingly counter intuitive tactics like this that really hit home.

Johnny Boy's picture

I think women should offer up. They want equality, but can't have it both ways. Any woman who doesn't pay or at least offers to cover her half comes across as someone seeking a "sugar daddy". Like the women in this dating catastrophe:

http://blogs.davelozinski.com/dating/dating-women-and-dating-games-part-13

Like seriously, not even bringing your wallet on a date?!

Anonymous's picture

While this sounds like information I'd definitely use if I was going to fancy dinners with a girl or am seeing a girl already(lots of dates), is this really that important when it comes to just drinks or coffee? I'd rather play it safe and lay down a few $ than turn my date off for splitting hairs; is this really that critical to making someone feel attraction for you?

Jon  Man 's picture

Well it is important. Firstly drinks & a coffee for two people is probably $30.00. Now when you consider Internet dating is a numbers game, many dates without any success. Quite often woman go out on two or tree dates a week for years, for free with many men giving giving nothing in return. Say $30.00 per coffee drink date times three dates a week times 52 weeks a year, that adds up to $4,680.00 a year. Secondly in the main dating demographic, single never married people under 30 with no children, in this group because woman are more likely to have a university degree, woman out earn men as in this artical below. http://content.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2015274,00.html
Thirdly please tell me what percentage of these woman on the 156 dates in one year, would want to pay for the total cost of every drinks & coffee date they go out on. My guess is none.
So what your telling me, just because you are unfortunate enough to be born with a penis, you should subsidise the income of some one who earns more than you because there lucky enough to be born with a vagina that pays there bills for absolutely no benefit to the penis.
Fourthly if you pay your just going to come across as one of the many desperadoes that pay for woman & get nothing in return. If you do get something from your date, your more likely to get abused or disrespected than get what you want from a woman that don't even present her self well, probably some one that resembles a beached whale with tattoos.
No man or woman deserves a free ride anymore, where living in the 21st century, not the Stone Age. By saying you should splash out for some one who you know statistic is unlikely to do the same for you, your putting your self down to below there level or a second class citize. I Persionaly won't put up with hypergamy from woman, so I exspect them to meet me as equals on any dates & that means they pay there own share on all initial dates, so they can earn respect from me as I earn respect for them.

Anonymous's picture

I get it, some men provide and don't get to even hold your hand. Those men have fallen in the friend zone. You don't fall into the friend zone because you pay or don't pay. You fall their because there was never any attraction or she sees some major character flaw she knows will strain a romantic relationship. Paying only guarantees she will hang out with you, but no guarantee as a lover. If you want a guarantee pay for a prostitute. It's way more than $30.

What happens when the man she isn't attracted to stops paying? Chances are she won't be able to afford to hang out with you him. Even if she can, she may rather save up for a house, investment, or a new bag. Women aren't as sexually driven so the likelihood she would spend money on a man AND want to sleep with him is slim. We spend money on you because we don't want to feel obligated to sleep with you. If anything splitting the bill gives her a huge door of opportunity to leave without feeling bad or obligated. But on the contrary if there was already attraction, she may stick around.

This is a good time to woo her with your generosity as it can only come back with better experiences...assuming it was great sex to begin with.

With all that said, because I am looking for something serious, those casual drunken hook up, rebound days are long gone. This advice would not work. What men don't know is some of us have a three day rule in our head. He has to be able to pay for at least three dates without flinching. Of course being sensitive about his money it can his choice, what he can afford. Any second guessing, will say "I'm not really generous, I'm only doing this to get in your pants." Which can really set him up for failure. But pass this for consecutive dates, and you may find yourself spending a lot of time in the bedroom and kitchen and end up with a wife within months. But if you don't want a wife, tread carefully. Women can be clingy to a good thing.

Here's the thing, when you REALLY like someone it would be natural to lavish everything you have on that other person. Therefore, sometimes when you don't lavish or act generous, it says you don't really like the person. And it affects her response to you subconsciously. Beautiful women often marry not so handsome men because they provide without question. Generosity is a quality, not a set number of events. Many guys pretend to be generous to get something, but over time, you can't hold up the façade. Women are sneaky that will test you with time. Many of you fail, that's why many end up disappointed.

Jon  Man 's picture

No thanks I'm not going to be exsploited as the beta male provider. I don't need to prove my generosity, I'm not a work slave for woman. Some men need to stop there pussy begging, it's becoming an embarrassment. Woman have been stingy on first dates for years, I could not consider my self a man if I let woman get away with this con, that men need to be generous, when woman have all the equal rights of a man but demand or exspect a special entailment to be less responsible than me. I guess these are some men who don't mind having to slave at work for twice the hours woman do, while subsidising the income of woman, so these woman can spend mens generosity on there own selfish wants like a house, a cars & holidays, so the man can slave even harder at work to pay rent, yes & he may end up with sympathy sex as a reward for his stupidity.

Peter smith's picture

Woman have made it clear, they want equal rights. Equal rights also brings equal responsibilities. The problem is woman want equal rights but claim to be traditional when it is advantages to themselves. Woman want an entailment that men don't have. Any so called man that gives in to a self entitled leach is not a real man, he is a wimp who will let this woman walk all over him. Remember there are no excuses why men need to pay anymore. Any man that thinks he is obligated, or feels guilty that he is not paying has just been brainwashed, indoctrinated by society to make modern men a disposable cammodity by woman. Your either a man or a mouse, if you let a modern woman walk all over you & take all the privileges of traditional & none of the responsibilities, your not a man, your just a pathetic little wimp.

Lala's picture

Ha all the guys on here that ask a women to pay on a first date are a joke. We all know guys hate the word "cheap" but that's what you are. Or you can't afford it..let the girl know ahead of time, so she can decide whether your're worth it. I would be so turned off if a guy asked me to go half or pay on first date. Just ew. If you can't afford to pay don't ask the girl out in the first place. I actually embarrassed for the guys on here that keep making excuses for why it's acceptable. What a joke. You are not a real man. Guys with money are hot, it's a basic instinct to want a provider, no ill intent. If you can't be that for the girl then she will find someone else who can provide that stability for her. Lets be real. No girl wants a broke ass. She make money and want her man to contribute as well.

Add new comment

The Latest from GirlsChase.com