Should You Flake on Her First? Well, There Are 5 Pros and 3 Cons | Girls Chase

Should You Flake on Her First? Well, There Are 5 Pros and 3 Cons

Chase Amante

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flake on her first
It's an old tactic, but you may not have tried it. Should you flake on your date first… before she flakes on you? There are 5 good reasons to… yet 3 cons to keep in mind.

There's an old flake-reduction tactic I first learned about 14 years ago.

The tactic is simple: you flake on her first.

This guy who told me about it mentioned he'd flaked first on his last six dates. Then he rescheduled his meets with them. Each of the six jumped into bed with him on Date #1. None of his dates flaked on him back.

He was still testing it out, he said, and couldn't confirm it was an always-reliable technique... but the early signs looked promising.

I filed that away mentally as an interesting anecdote, but not something I was bold enough to try at the time. At the time, I was only just starting out. I still needed to worry about getting dates in the first place... I was not in a place to start flaking on those dates.

1.5 years and a fair bit of romantic progress later, I had a date with a very attractive girl. However, I also had a lot of things going on. And I forgot the date. I was at a trendy upscale nightclub with a friend, and in the midst of talking to new girls, forgot I had one I was supposed to meet up with that night already.

Well, my date messaged. I saw the message, realized I'd forgotten the date, and told her I wasn't coming. Then she called. I had to awkwardly apologize and tell her I'd forgotten I'd promised my friend we'd hang out.

"So... you're not coming?" she asked again.

"Yeah... I'm sorry, I can't tonight," I said.

"... okay," she said.

I apologized again, and hung up. I felt really bad.

The next day I texted her, apologized again, and offered to reschedule. She accepted.

A few days later I met up with her. She was more or less ready to go already when I arrived. We had a few drinks at the bar, she was super flirtatious, then I pulled her. Two hours into the date I shagged her. We went a few rounds, and she was super sweet to me after.

I was... surprised how it played out, to say the least. "I thought she'd want nothing to do with me after I forgot our date," I thought.

Then I remembered that instructor's experiments 1.5 years earlier. 'Flake on her first' had worked for me, just as it had for him. And I definitely wasn't advanced at that point yet, either.

Maybe it wasn't such a challenging tactic to pull off, after all.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Xander's picture

Hi Chase,
This article came at right time. I wanted to ask on forum about more techniques for preventing flakes. I am interested if there is something more that guy can do to prevent flakes from girls that are „on fence“, unsure about guy from whatever reason or not that attracted and get „buyer’s remorse effect“? It happened to me a lot of times I grabed a contact info, scheduled a date and then they would flake or try to due to „buyer’s remorse“.

Xander's picture

As it is written in article "However, there are a lot of women with a general instinct of, "Mmm, I'm not SUPER excited for this date. I'm going to flake on this one, and if he still pursues it maybe I'll come out for the next one."" Literally the same thing happened to me. Girl previously flaked despite all my efforts to bring her on date. Before I texted her again to propose another date she removed me from social media. She still got my message where I proposed date and asked why she deleted me. She wrote me that she deleted me because I did't text her after first flake. I told her that I do not often text people who don't want to see me in person. She told me we meet on strange way (I cold approached her and people here usually meet through social circle) and needed to know more about me. To be honest, we had a lot of personal conversation when we meet so I don't fully believe in this excuse.
Now I am not sure if girls with this mentality really deserve to be texted more? After all what guy get for his texting? I think that is greater chance to be categorized as orbiter that she will want to see him.
Stay safe,

Kaiderman's picture

My friend is a ladder climber and I don’t know how to handle him. I read your article on passive aggression and though it was informative, it doesn’t really help with this case of blatant aggression.

I know this is a website geared towards picking up girls but i need help in my all-guys social circle.
In my social circle the main way we hang out is through playing video games online and I’m pretty much the most respected person in the group. And when we play, i’m usually one of the best at so he doesn’t challenge me.

But recently, we started playing “Valorant” and I’m overall better than him but there are some matches where he does substantially better than I do.

Whenever he sees that he’s doing better than me, he starts ordering me around and giving unsolicited advice in the presence of our peers to clumsily paint himself as the “leader” or “teacher” in an attempt to climb.

And when I make a relatively small mistake, he goes ballistic. He starts yelling and calling me trash at the game in an obvious ladder climbing maneuver to cultivate a “parent and child” dynamic. Me not being better than him at something for once has made me seem “beatable”

These encounters in turn have encouraged him to challenge me in other things, although I shut him down pretty easily elsewhere. He even sometimes brings up how bad I am in Valorant in irrelevant situations.

I need help because I simply do not know how to handle challenges like these where there is actually some truth to his harsh words.

Anonymous 's picture

Hey Chase, do you think it's kind of necessary to have a one sided-relationship in order to have a better one? How do you know she won't cheat behind your back, or hold bad emotions since you're still seeing other women?

And when girls you date threaten you, are those girls considered crazy girls? How do you put the fear in them to respect you and have them not do anything bad to you?


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