When You Should React vs. When You Should Not | Girls Chase

When You Should React vs. When You Should Not

Chase Amante

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Being unreactive to challenging situations is often the strongest option available to you. When a girl is testing you hard, someone is publicly belittling you, or things are just generally going crazy and spiraling out of control, the most nonplussed, nonchalant man typically wins: he shows dominance, control, and unflappability.

when to react

However, sometimes the calm of unreactiveness must be set aside, and situations simply need dealing with.

Sometimes the girl testing you needs to be set straight; sometimes person belittling you needs to be put in his place; sometimes the crazy situation requires you to place both hands on the wheel and make things sane again.

If you react in situations where remaining unreactive is ideal, you violate the Law of Least Effort and appear tryhard; yet, if you fail to react in situations where your reaction is sorely needed, you seem weak, fearful, and indecisive.

That makes things necessarily a bit trickier, because there isn’t a perfect one-size-fits-all response to every situation; sometimes it’s better to not react, other times better to react.

To know which one is called for, you must have a read on the specific situation... and you must be able not to bow to social pressure.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Speaking of reactions, I get some interesting reactions these days.

So my key question is: does increased Confidence = Fear in Others?

As you improved your dominance and confidence (i.e. confident body language, model walk, look at people in their face for 3 or more seconds if they stare at you first), what reactions did you receive?

As I've changed my body language and made a conscious effort to keep my head parallel to the ground, my chest puffed, and walk slower and dress nicer, I've seen something unexpected... FEAR. When people look at me, if I'm in the mood, I make it a habit to look at them dead in their face for at least 2 to 3 seconds without breaking eye contact then I look away to the side. These days, I find much more people looking at me FIRST before I'm even looking at them. This never really used to be the case.

I'm tall and I'm black and it could be that some white asian and latin people in America are more afraid of black men than they used to be (Obama's polarizing presidency, CNN's black in America series, Michael Brown and Ferguson issues, etc), but back when my body language was less confident and more nervous, I never saw the polarizing reactions I that get now. Some women are clearly intrigued by my more confident aura (approach invitations) but some other people are AFRAID!!

Like I just visited California and had a relatively easy time meeting girls of various races, I kept a warm smile on my face most times (since I was in a good mood), and just approached who I wanted to and the receptions were relatively warm and friendly. Much more warm than the east coast. But simultaneously, I also saw "men" that were clearly afraid to be in my presence. Like AFRAID! Like get up and leave when they see my walk by AFRAID. Like hide their phone when I walk by them on the sidewalk (even though I have my own phone out) AFRAID. Like grimace at me and remove their wallets from the pocket that's facing me and put it in the other pocket on the side of their body that's furthest away from me AFRAID. Like visibly shaking AFRAID!! It's a phenomenon that I've never seen in my life until 2014, and it wasn't just California, it happens now too in Washington, DC, although to a lesser degree than my experience in Cali.

It could be that I'm becoming more expert at reading body language, and that this fear that I now can sense in other people was always there but I was oblivious to it (since I was more internally focused than external focused). But it seems to me that this fear that others have of me is more prevalent now than used to be the case. Some people seem to consider me as INTIMIDATING!!! And this fear that I now witness and sense doesn't just happen to me when I'm alone, it also happens even if I'm walking down the street with a good looking and well-dressed woman (doesn't matter her race) on my arm. It tends to happen with the older generation, but also some younger dudes give off negative vibes too.

So my question to you is: can you hypothesize as to why this might be happening, especially since I keep a smile or half a smile on my face most times that I'm out? Has there been a cultural shift with much of white America that they now are instinctively wary of darker skinned dudes? Second, as you improved your own body language over the years did you witness or sense that others were afraid of you? Third, as you spent time seducing women and becoming more able in the seductive arts, did you experience a transformation your ability to process/perceive people's body language? Fourth, any recommendations on how a brother should proceed...nervous people do irrational things sometimes so I'm not trying to get into confrontations.

Fifth, do women have this sense of picking up on the fear in others, and what does that do for seduction? My reaction to other's fear is one of disdain, I can't stand it... especially when it's a man that's doing it. So I can imagine women feel similar...

Scaredofblack's picture

I think you have become more social adept at identifying other people's body language. Most of the time, when I see a black person, (i'm Hispanic) and they do not smile and have a mean face, I think "shit, he is probably violent, might want to steal my wallet, or might kick my ass." But if he has a smile, I think "that guy is a cool guy". Just might thoughts.

Romy's picture

I feel you, man. It happens to me too. I'm a stereotypical white dude with a shaved head and a lean body. Naturally, when I put my chin high, chest forward and walk slowly, I also notice people looking at me in a weird way. I guess dominance and confidence are a double-edged sword. You instill "fear" in others hoping you'll find a girl which will appreciate that quality.

Anonymous's picture

I think you're noticing more fear in other people more, now than before, simply because your awareness of how you perceive the world has changed. You said it yourself: You used to walk around with your head down, impervious to your surroundings. Of course, we mustn't be quick to dismiss other factors, such as the fear of the black man, in large part instilled by the media. Watching the news, you would think blacks commit almost all of the crime we hear about. Yet, check the FBI crime stats and you will find that blacks only account for 25% of all arrests!

As an Asian man, I too fear blacks. Truth be told, if I saw you walking down the street towards me, wearing a knit cap and padded jacket, strutting like a thug, I would, given the opportunity, walk on the other side of the street. After all, why take the chance of having to shoot in self defense when I can avoid the situation alltogether? (I carry, legally of course!)

Yet, if I envision a white or Asian man wearing the exact same clothing, I would not give it a second thought. When you also hear of Asians being targeted for robberies by blacks and Hispanics, you cannot help but be paranoid. Case in point is the recent spate of strong-arm robberies taking place in the Bay Area targeting Indians.

Getting back on track with your question, when I first started on my own journey my perception definitely changed. When I was figuring out how to do the sexy walk, I was very self conscious. It's been a couple of years now, and I don't get nervous anymore strutting my stuff. In fact, I get excited whenever I see a pretty girl and make sure I strut my stuff even more, thinking at the very least I can get her very wet and give her something to think about when she masturbates.

I have also been working out. So, I am not the stereotypical nerdy and scrawny Asian that most people assume when they look at me. In large part, I have chosen to cultivate my own statue of David. I am also a warrior, quite profficient at hand-to-hand combat and firearms. When you live a certain lifestyle, people just start looking at you differently, wishing that they too can be just like you. So, that look of fear you are getting may be in part related to this.

In the end the problem is largely other people. What you are telling us from your post is that you are really more concerned about what other people think of you than what you think about yourself, which is a lot more important. I too fall in that trap, more often than I care to admit.

In your case, because you are black you believe that most people are fearful of you. This goes back to the media spoon-feeding people shit. I have similar beliefs, that I am asexual and have low sexual market value. Subsequently, I talk myself out of approaching way more than I like. The thing to do is to shift your perception of the world by rewriting the faulty paradigm you were given. Really write it out rather than just think about it in your head. When you write it out, you force yourself to be really specific--with laser focus--on what you really want. Do this daily for at least 30 days. You will soon find yourself erasing the bullshit of the media and replacing it with what you truly want, a vision based on knowing and understanding, a vision that others such as Chase has already lived and you know to be entirely possible so long as you keep the course despite any challenges that pop up along the way.

Take care.

Anonymous's picture

Hey anon, thanks for your insights. I agree with some of your points, but I'd like to respond to two of them:

You say that I am "more concerned about what other people think of you than what you think about yourself, which is a lot more important."

I've focused a little more in recent days on some other people's reactions to me; but it's from a research perspective, rather than being preoccupied with being liked (or not). My aim is to better understand the environments that I'm in, it's just how my mind works. So I'm on a perpetual quest to understand phenomena that I observe when I'm in certain environments...it's the scientist in me.

You also say that "because you are black you believe that most people are fearful of you. This goes back to the media spoon-feeding people shit."

My conclusion is NOT something that comes from the media. I don't need to watch TV to observe certain people's behavior/reactions to my presence when I am walking down the street or I go to certain public spaces. I've realized that as my body language became more confident, and that I've slowed down my walk, and that I keep my head parallel to the ground, that certain people seemed to take an interest in my presence whenever I would enter certain venues/environments. I had no reason to conclude that ALL or ANY of this interest was FEAR per se. It could have been curiosity or desire. I honestly didn't know why people would stare at me...but they did.

What led me to the conclusion that certain people felt FEAR in my presence had nothing to do with TV and the media. Instead it was people's resulting body language after they saw me: the nervous looks, the gripping of purses, the hiding of phones, the shortness of breath and can't make/keep eye contact with me when I speak to certain people, the awkwardness of certain conversation and the fact that a small percentage people seemed very uncomfortable and wanted to STOP talking to someone they didn't know, the fact that couple people nearly fainted when they turned around and saw my confident stance behind of them, the fact that certain "men" would take their wallets out of their pockets in my presence and put it in a different pocket and keep their hands in their pocket as I walk by on the street, even with women (white/latin) on my arm.

The media doesn't speak about these kind of reactions but certain members of the American population do get them from other people every day of the week. It's perpetual and all around some of us, like the Matrix. I'm assuming people don't respond this way to you and that if they did, you'd wonder why they do it just like I am. I've been black ALL my life, and never felt nor cared whether or not whites/asians/latinos were afraid of me... I wasn't paying attention to people I didn't want to speak to. But as my confidence has increased, as my social anxiety has waned, and as I've freed up mental resources to be more externally focused on my environments, and as I have an increased desire in striking up convo with strangers (many times no motive other than to just to shoot the shit), I've started observing certain fearful behaviors in others that didn't seem to exist before. It's become alot more intense, to me, in 2014. Almost extreme. But it's not everybody that reacts this way, most don't react at all, but some do, and those that do react some of their reactions are good while others are fearful.

So I'm questioning whether this fear has always there or whether it's correlated to an increased display of confidence, or if it's correlated to some cultural shift in America or something else. Understanding is key to success. I agree with you that it's best to laser focus on what I really want out of life. Other people's opinion of me (positive or negative) won't stop me from expending the effort necessary to achieve my goals or to stop me in fear of going places where others might fear me.

But these reactions that I'm now sensing in others are a new phenomenon to me, one I haven't perceived in its intensity until 2014. It's akin to seeing for the first time and trying to make sense of the world without knowing the underlying meaning. One might say who cares? What difference does it make, since at the end of the day success is very much about expending the right kind of persistent effort and providing the right kind of value to others.

But I'm forever curious and many times in life, there's nothing new under the sun and someone somewhere has probably walked in similar shoes that I'm walking in. So I'd like to know if other seducers experience(d) an increase in fear in others as their displayed confidence levels increased, and if so, what have they done about it?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Anon, here's my two cents. As you become more socially aware you realize a lot f the overlying social hierarchies that are in place. Stereotypes exist for a reason, because a lot of people conform to them. As a result, people become lazy with how they treat people. It's rare to find someone who actually wants to know who you truly are, they would rather take shortcuts and judge you based on how you look. It's how the world is, and it's why this site recommends you work on your fundamentals all the time. The majority of fundamentals you deal with are based primarily on appearance. Fashion sense, body language, body type, facial hair and hair style, facial expressions. All these relate to how the world perceives you.

Of course, while you can improve your standing in some areas, there are some where you're just at a disadvantage at birth. Primarily height and race. There are pros and cons to this. To people who are attracted to your race, you get instant attraction. And then you have people who have negative stereotypes ingrained into their brain, or are just basically racist. These people can come around if you work on them, but generally I don't bother unless I have to for some reason, usually work related.

For you, as a black person, you see people reacting to who they think you are. This is perfectly natural. I can give you my experiences as an Asian male to provide a differing experience. Do you think fear is better than not being taken seriously?

As an Asian male, you primarily have to deal with being emasculated. In general, you are not taken as seriously as you should be based on how socially adroit you are, on first impressions. This means that you must spend more time interacting with people. I can tell you that the way people treat me after knowing me for a few weeks is DRASTICALLY different to how they responded to me when first meeting me, and days after that. You are seen as an easy target for tooling, so guys will do it. After the first few attempts they realize they're just hanging themselves by their own noose.

In general, Asian girls react very positively to a socially calibrated Asian male, primarily because it's rare. The media brainwashes too many Asian-American men into asexual emasculated beings. They react and conform to how people expect them to react. I can tell you in my experiences that white girls are universally skeptical whenever I approach them, with a few positive responses being ones that are into Asian culture. While this is useful (I can approach white girls whenever I want a challenge), it means that there's a disproportionate amount of effort I have to exert to lay white women based on how attracted to them I am. As a result, I don't really go for them that often. Funnily enough though, the higher up in social standing you go the more positively you are treated. I assume this is because in the higher echelons that white women have been exposed to more people that break their stereotypes and they're more open minded and intelligent.

I'm sure you get similar reactions by white women. The ones who are interested are ones who are attracted to black males, so you will get instant attraction from the onset from these women. The average white women will probably be skeptical, fearful, or just auto-reject you. Whereas for me the average white women starts off dismissive or skeptical.

To answer your question, the fear in people's eyes is how they react to black people. It's not a jab at you personally. Don't think you're doing anything wrong at all, because you're not. You're just finally paying attention to social mannerisms and seeing the world for what it truly is. It's not all that pretty, but in order to navigate it successfully you have to find out your inherent strengths and work with them. You can't change the world's perceptions on your own. All you have to do is expose yourself to as many people as possible and have them realize that hey, you do not conform to these stereotypes. And then they'll treat other people of your race better. That's how I deal with it.

Anonymous's picture

Great break down of how to stay unreactive. Reminds me of the deep article of the nice guy and why he is the way he is a couple of weeks ago. And how to command women with audio. Can you do one like that again, so we can hear it and get a deeper understanding? Thanks

Condor's picture

I say, "Nice work Chase."

Anonymous's picture

I know its not popular here at all but how to deal with older women. Ive met a fabulous 40 year old and how are they different? Are they more or less gamey? Please tell me.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, I really liked this article, it's something I've been wondering about for a while now. One question it didn't answer though is how to respond if the attacker insists on their comment. For example, let's take the comment from your article:

Girl: So, are you looking for something serious right now?

Guy: non reactive response

Girl: (laughs) Ok, but are you?

Guy: non reactive response

Girl: Why don't you want to say? Are you hiding something?

Maybe this is a bad example, but the point is, oftentimes, it seems like if she persists hard enough, and I continue to dismiss it, it looks like I'm trying to hide something. Which quickly goes from mysterious/intriguing to creepy.

A couple unrelated questions personal to me:
1. I'm in college at the moment, and I'm having a hard time figuring out logistics. My room is no good because I have 3 roomates. Her place typically is the same situation. I've concluded that the ideal location would be my car. The problem is, I'm unsure of how to get my car in a secluded place with her in it. Cause, if we go to my car we're probably driving to or from our date (not sure why else what other plausible reason I could give her for going there). Our date is probably going to be in a public place. So, without first driving somewhere more secluded AFTER our date (something for which there is no plausible deniability), I don't see her going for it. I was wondering how would I address this issue.

Moreover, even when we are in a secluded place in my car, how do I escalate? If we're sitting in the front, there is too much space between our bodies because of the compartment for me to make it to seem like it just "happened" (I would have to go from kissing her to pulling her over it, or jumping over it myself, which seems unnatural). So, the backseat would be ideal. But, once again, I can't think of plausible deniability for why we would be in the back seat to begin with.

2. Does persistence over text work? I've been doing a lot of online dating, and a lot of the times, it's difficult to persist because she can't see my voice tone/body launguage.

For example, earlier today, I was was setting up a Tinder date with this girl, and she invited me to come to her place for drinks. She then changed her mind saying she has a party to go to, and that she wants to just get coffee earlier in the day (obviously, this is a huge step down, and makes my job exponentially harder).

I feel like persisting in this situation wouldn't work because she's never met me, has less social pressure to reply (texting vs talking), and she has an excuse I can't easily overcome (asking her to not go to a party for a guy she's never met is a really hard pitch to sell!) As a result, I saw no option but to comply. Any advice on what I should have done, and on persistence over online dating/text overall?

I

Anonymous's picture

Wow impressive. You have a real strength for breaking down social dynamics. My question is, how to deal with situations where people make 'sneak attacks'. Several times I have been caught off guard by people who seem friendly and a normal conversation partner, but then slip in attacks, usually without any warning, change in tone etc.

Also, any tips for introverts because its not easily and generally introverts have measured consistent conversations where the back and forth is pretty 'predictable' in a sense. any sneak attack usually falls outside that frame, comes as a shock as such and makes them feel awkward.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, I have mostly heard you talking about movies.You mostly recommend James Bond movies for inspiration like, how He(James) seduces beautiful women and get laid. You also recommend for getting a sexy voice like George Clooney.

I want to ask you that
Which movie your website visitors should watch for inspiration in order to :-

1. Get their style handled.
2. Look more dominant.
3. Handle their facial expressions?

Thank You.

Anonymous's picture

The thing about intrigue is that I can't tell whether I should give information away or not. Like when I respond in "what is X" or "are you going to do Y" or going to places, my actions or etc., I always recognize these questions and I feel so hesitant about giving out information that might burn out my intrigue. Thus I really want to know how to respond in those information giving out scenarios, what kinds of information that are comfortable giving out, and what do I do when I tried to divert the question but am asked about that same question once again.

MT's picture

I had the leader of the group accuse me of being a player/user/manipulator in a dead-serious tone.
I did not react to it at all because I felt I didn't owe him an explanation as he didn't even the courtesy to ask for my part of the story. He had zero intention of being constructive with me there.

I looked around and not many people were attending him, let alone involving themselves.
I thought his attack had actually botched and that no reaction was required.
One moment later the whole group starts closing themselves off to me.
And now he's finding any chance he gets to make me look even worse and to try exclude me from the group.

I often find myself so surprised by such a backstab that I feel paralyzed and at a loss for words.
The beautiful reactions you wrote up in this article: I simply cannot conjure them in the heat of the moment.
I'm too much in shock by the mere fact that someone is deliberately trying to assassinate my character like that. It does not compute. I'm way too much in F&F to answer to that effectively.

So how does one deal with the actual alpha of the group when they see you as a threat and are out for blood?
I'll be going there soon and I can feel it in my bones that he's going to try something like that again.

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