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12 Traits All Boring, Unsexy Nice Guys Have in Common

Chase Amante

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nice guysIn “How to Use Astrology with Girls", Balla puts in a request in the comments section:

Yo Chase, I think you should make an article about un sexy friendly guy traits. Like how you mention not to hug because it’s platonic, sending girls pictures/asking, laughing or smiling to much and a few other things guys might not know what they’re doing that are very hard to detect. You just point out all the negative mannerisms and characteristics and tell us what we should do instead. I think it’ll be a great article.

I thought this would be both a fun article to do, and one that hopefully will point out to some guys some harmful thinking they might have going on, and things they’re doing with girls that they’re shooting themselves in the feet with.

So, here goes... 12 traits that all boring, unsexy nice guys have in common.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Bond's picture


Everything you need is on this site.
1. Get your fundamentals handled. Check " How To Attract Women ". Work on ONE fundamental at a time and do your best to master each of them. Really put your heart into it. It's not easy and you've got to be dedicated. But believe me, you won't regret.

2. Read " How To Be A Sexy Man ". Read it 100 times and absorb EVERYTHING from it. This single article from GC changed my whole life.

Follow everything form those 2 articles and you will be very much on the right track, and girls will melt just by being in your presence. Remember, it's not easy. You won't become super sexy overnight. It takes time and effort. I personally took two and a half years to be considered by many girls as " sexy ".

On getting girls, read " How To Get Girls, The Last Post You'll Ever Need ". Literally EVERYTHING is in this post is all you need to get girls. Read, learn and go practice.

Don't give up. Take it from a guy who has been fat, geeky with poor social skills, whom girls gave looks of disgust and never enjoyed talking to. I had all those 12 traits for a long time in my life. I decided to change. Was it easy? Hell no. Things like getting a better physique, sexy facial expressions and not being too nice took a really long time to get.

I decided to change and that's it. And hey, it's not going to be easy. But you've got everything you need to succeed here. Unlike many other guys who have NO clue how to succeed, you have a clear map laid out in front of you. There are PLENTY of other articles on GC other than the ones I suggested to help you get better and better. All you need is some patience, and religious application of what has been said. Remember, get your fundamentals handled as well as your sexiness. And that's only for a start. Read other articles and see your life change.

Good luck. It's not going to be easy. Don't give up. Stick to it long enough to see results. Feel free to ask anything else. I felt compelled to reply as I was EXACTLY like you before, I used to feel the same way.


lady's picture

I don't know why I ended up here but I just love this article! Dear author / nice guys out there: Do you think it's ok to recommend this insightful advice to people who need it or would that be too hurtful? I always end up attracting men with such traits because I'm kind and approachable but I don't feel any attraction towards them at all. I'm sick of being worshipped and looked at puppy-eyed. And most of all I hate having to hurt by telling them that they are valuable, which I think they need to understand, and rejecting them all the time nonetheless.

Jimbo's picture

Just tell them, as a friendly piece of advice, that they should work a little more on how to deal with their romantic interests and direct them here. If you really don't want to hurt their feelings then direct them to this site generally rather than to this particular "you're a boring sexually unattractive nice guy" article, and they'll find their way around and most likely be thankful that you did.

ESP1138's picture

Some points here are bullshit. I am boring yet still I have passion for things. Art, photography, miniature models, music and yes nerd things like Star Trek. The problem is that American women are shallow and consider my interests boring. Funny thing is that people like me are the ones who make your world LESS boring with great visual art, music and even writing entertaining science-fiction for smart readers.

Jimbo's picture

Have you tried approaching nerdy girls or girls with similar interests? I'm sure those wouldn't find your passions boring. On the contrary, they'll admire you if you're really good, prominent, or show creativity in these areas. I'm even surprised regular, non-nerdy girls have found your passion for photography boring. Girls tend to like photographers. You must be presenting yourself or your passions wrong.

James1Horner's picture

Your interests will turn some women on. I know people who literally have no interests, or do, but are boring. Or they have interests that require no skill, like music and films (we all like music and film). Photography and art can be sexy and require a skillset. Meaning you can compete. Your just presuming every women finds it boring. I'm a Sound editor for film. Some people including women are like whoa!! For others it's a yawn fest. The author is pointing out men with no passion and drive for anything remotely interesting, or hobbies with no competitiveness.

Elizabeth's picture

As a female there are one or two pieces I don't agree with on this article but honestly this is damn spot on! I tend to date this exact type of guy, and as sweet and caring as they are when its over a quick fling is almost necessary. I wish these "nice" guys would realize that girls 1. Want to feel like a damn woman, of course we realize the smooth talking, bad boy just wants in our pants but it's flattering when a guy does it makes us feel sexy hence we want to have sex with them! when all you do is talk about how we feel you make us feel sensitive - sensitivity does not make us want sex. it's good to know you can satisfy my mind but what about body? 2. It's very cute when a guy gets jittery and nervous asking us out honestly that's even hotter than the guy whose smooth talking but letting your fears keep you from asking is not! Women DO want to feel safe. But how safe am I suppose to feel when I intimidate you enough that you can't even speak "would you go out with me" it's 6 words not hard. And I understand it's the modern world women can ask men out and I've done it , the problem? It's NOT just asking you out the first time, it's the second, third, planning activities etc the woman who asks first has to be prepared to ALWAYS make the first move and final say on everything. Which honestly sucks and makes the guy feel more like a ragdoll than a man. 3. The women you want have their own lives if they give you the time of day it's not ALL the time in my day. It's sweet if you are out living your life and send a text you're thinking of us while you're doing something your passionate about says you're just as passionate about us. Spending all your time texting says your passionate about nothing but us, that's not passion that's obsession and desperation. My advice: stay nice, get several hobbies you're passionate about or at least some goals in life, making sexy comments to us pressuring us SLIGHTLY & SUBTELY for sex goes a long way and most importantly get over your fears, find what works for you but grow a set please the worst possible thing we can do I say no, nothing will happen if you don't make it happen!

Jimbo's picture

I know this is two years later. But now that I'm reading it again, that was actually a pretty cool and informative comment, Elizabeth. Thanks for your insights.

Jim T.'s picture

I guess "be yourself" is a myth if you have to do a bunch of phony posturing to get women's attention. For some of us, that just causes irritation with the human race in general. A truly civilized species wouldn't have to play mind games.

The section about competing with other men is also tiresome. What if you just want to not deal with all that crap and enjoy life honestly?

kdizzle's picture

Something totally funny is i used to be that guy but im slowly coming around. Went from wanted to be a good guy and having that ideal family to not giving a fuck about women or their feelings in a dating sence. Its kinda sad :-/. Girls might not want a nice guy but thats ok cause i don't want an attention seeking slute.

James M's picture

This article is written for the modern day Mangina. Women actually don't like sex in comparison to men. Every human being likes sex to some degree, but comparing a woman's sexual interest to that of a man is equivalent to comparing my hockey skills to that of Wayne Gretzky.

A woman's goal in life is to serve her interests and find a man - from time to time - to also serve her interests. Women have no desire or interest to contribute to men, so guys please don't waste your time trying to please a woman. You can't. A woman will constantly pretend as though you have done something wrong so that you push yourself to try harder with her and give her more. They are playing you. Don't be a fool.

I am married, but I also have 2 girlfriends and I have sex with hookers in between. Often times, I will get freebies from hookers and they also occassionally buy me dinner 'off-the-clock'. The secret is to always have a mentality of abundance and never treat a woman any different than you would a man, in terms of how you judge their abilities or status. If a woman is boring or says dumb things, tell her she is boring and talks about dumb shit. Let her know you aren't easily impressed just because she has a vagina between her legs. If she flakes on you and cancels, but then tries to reschedule, you tell her that if she wants another date with you, she pays for dinner, the movie, entertainment park tickets etc. If she does ask you out, tell her to think of something exciting to do and make the plans. You tell her you will pick her up when she has everything planned and set. Let her invest in you.

And if a woman asks you for a 'favour', tell her you expect something in return. If she wants a ride somewhere, tell her you want a bj in return. That way she knows what she is and doesn't get things for free from you. I made my girlfriend buy me a ticket to fly to China to see her. And I dumped her after she complained about having to give me too many bjs.

Then, when her mother died, I told her that her mother is a bitch, just like she is and deserves to die early.

Jimbo's picture

Women do love sex. They're just hardwired to get things from you if they see you have other things to offer.

Btw how's your take-no-shit attitude with women treating you?

Ian's picture

Wait, I have skateboarding and surfing as passions, but if I don't take place in competitions of these sports, I am a beta male? If I skateboard just for fun, and just for the pure love of skateboarding, it makes me a "boring, unsexy nice guy"? I really think that what this page really teaches to guys is to pursue sluts, not nice and mature girls - this if we're assuming that the authors of the text think that there really EXISTS some nice and mature girl in the world. Am I wrong?

Jimbo's picture

Surfing and skateboarding are fun, masculine passions, and most girls find the guys who practice them sexy and interesting regardless of the reasons they have that hobby.

Fex's picture

Excellent article, loved it! I want to address some of its points:

“Nice is the lowest common denominator. Almost everybody is “nice."”

This statement is just wrong. I salute you on your luck interacting with people. But no, a lot of people isn’t nice.

“if you’re a fish and breathe water, you’re automatically out of the running for a human female as a mate. Same deal if you’re antisocial, mean-spirited, and bitter.”

Even more wrong than the previous statement. There are a whole lot of antisocial, mean-spirited and bitter people in relationships everywhere.

“Being nice is a bare minimum requirement, NOT a shining, redeeming, rare, heroic quality.”

I get what you tried to say here, but it’s still a no. Perhaps this is how things should be, but they aren’t for a lot of people. Probably are in an anecdotal level, since you seem to be very intelligent and analitical, thus I infere you’re capable of filtering bad experiences effectively.

“The only reason that men in the West think they ought to get points in the mating game for being nice is that we have a highly feminized culture that attempts to coddle the feelings and emotions of its citizenry, to the extent that people get told growing up by parents, teachers, media, and any and all other authority figures that they are “nice" – it’s a way of giving someone a compliment when there’s nothing else to compliment them on.”

Exactly: “nice guys” are just morons who run their lives as if they're a romantic comedy's character.

“The society we live in does everything within its power to dispel the notion of an unjust world, because people who feel the world is unjust – that the things that happen to us are as much or even more randomness than anything under our control – leads most people to descend into despair, and then the things that really ARE under their control don’t get done.”

This is very, very good, I just want to add up one other factor: a lot of existence’s so called injustices are not random, but deliberately handed to the population by people who are luckier than most trying to maintain their positions. It’s in their highest interest to keep people unaware of the fact they could be better off if the resources had a better distribution.

“All of these men have one thing in common that sets them up to be attractive to women: they’re focused on triumphing over other men.”

I came to realize that this is not entirely necessary. If you don’t like competition, but you’re confident enough to not let that run over your ego and get things done anyway, that’s attractive to a lot of women too.


The Teletubbie analogy? Perfect.


I’m not an expert, and I get this article is targeted for single people, but beware: if you get a woman too comfortable in a relationship, you’re gonna experience a considerable reduction in you sex life. This doesn’t mean you have to be mean in order to get sex; just don’t be furniture. Be yourself and don’t let her take you for granted. Make her do they share in affective exchange, don’t be just giving yourself.


Again, this is true, but not complete. Be aware that there are women out there who will use sex as currency to get other things they want. Like before: be confident and don’t engage in silly games. Be straight.

“’Whoa, I just realized, Amy, Heather, and Jaclyn ALL wanted to sleep with me at various points, and I totally could have had I just led them somewhere private and put the moves on them. They just wanted sex! (and I didn’t give it to them)’”

Been there, done that and, man: what a drag this realization is.

“It’s my hope that this article has served as something of a wake up call, a call to arms or to action, for anyone who might be guilty of some or all of these.”

I commend you for your optimism, and I too hope this helps someone to get his head out of his ass. But hope is hope, there’s no need for empirical basis of any sort.

Bill V.'s picture

What a joke! Don't listen to this guy. Go out, meet women, talk, make mistakes, learn from them, but above all, be true to yourself. If you like "boring" activities like chess or books, who cares? Fon't try to be someone or something you're not, like this web-douche would have you pay for. You may not be a bad-boy or "cool". Maybe you're not attractive, but guess what, so are plenty of wonen, inside and out. Stop wasting your time on trying to "win" the hot chicks and go for compatibility. Believe me, you'll be a lot more confident, and thus, attractive, and happier.

Sgshdbdn's picture

I am so fucked. Lol

Who Cares's picture

You are not the only one lol.

Daniel88's picture

This article is basically saying that if you're nice you're boring and I think that is complete bs. With women you just need to have the balls to not let them make you their bitch. Stand up for yourself and do the things you like to do and you'll meet girls with common interests and similar personalities. You do need to have some sort of life and interests though to keep women entertained to a certain point.

Steve_CA's picture

I prefer foreign-born women or women with conservative values. The ones who are not brainwashed by western culture are chill and easy going. This article pretty much tells you the characteristics​ of the typical mainstream american woman: she thinks she's hot shit, she's entitled, she grew up on magazines and movies telling her she should be treated like a princess or be chased. I see my couple-friends fight over petty shit. Don't get me wrong, there are awesome american women out there, but they are a rarity these days.

Mr.Purrrp's picture

Yep, this pretty much describes....chicks that live in western society/first world developed countries. Chicks from non-western countries tend to operate differently due to their upbringing, but definitely more....chill, easygoing and fun.

Chase Rabeta's picture

Spot on comment

Bob's picture

is that when women are knocked up and left by that bad boy, they want one of these types of guys. In my world we call them simps. It's easy fellas. Only go for woman that show true interest in you. Don't ever chase after any woman. If a woman likes you, she likes you. If you have to jump through hoops to get with her, she isn't the one.

James1Hprner's picture

I'm definitely number 12 on the list. When I think back there are a number of girls I liked that did want to date me, not just wanting me for sex but to at least date. It's only obvious much later. Years later I think, man, I could have f***** her! What was I thinking!!! I'm of the age now that the ship with young pretty girls aboard has sailed. Been alone for 11 years and been celibate throughout. If I'm lucky I might meet a spinster who's been married and had her children.

Paul2's picture

I have never asked a woman out and never will because rejection would always be guaranteed. I am beyond in attractive to women (from 0 to 10) so there is no point in dreaming any woman might be interested in me. I'm not scared of rejection - it is guaranteed 100% of the time, so there is no point in even considering approaching - just smiling at a woman would probably cause her to run away in horror.

Chase "Lover" in a foreign language 's picture

Conclusion: women are just basic sluts looking for badass man sluts to make little bad sons of bitches and transform the world in a living hell. Oh wait, we're already there... Shit. Forget everything about being a good human being, just bring out the lion in you. Be devious. Superior. Overcome other men. Triumph. Stick a knife in Chase's back and take his girl. Repeat until enough women are available and desperate for sex. Just like lions. Wait... that was called war??

Jared Oppenneer's picture

Why ya gotta straw man us all? I've learned to enjoy my misery and hatred, and someday it will over flow.

Colin's picture

For one reason...which is #8 on this list. That's me. That's the reason I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I need specific help.

Anonymous's picture

Colin, I'm not Chase, but here's my two cents:

It's never too late.
Sure you might be afraid of being passionate about stuff NOW.
But I'm sure you were not always like this.
What about when you were a child? What occupied most of your thoughts?
And even right now, what are you pretty sure could spark and sustain your interest?

Passion is a gradual, sustained thing. You don't have to be genius-level passionate about stuff, but having a decent passion is indeed very good.
Start now, and you'll be glad you did.

Wether it be sports, art, muscles, money, a mission, or even girls, find a passion, and grind away.

Leave your fears behind, and open up to your true potential

Colin's picture

Maybe it's not too late, but I still don't know where to start. I blame my parents. They wired me to think this way. And my dad ingrained this toxic mentality into my head and continues to do so to this day. It doesn't help that I'm forced to sit around with him regularly and soak up all the pundit propaganda this article talks about, because that's what he is all about, which has spilled into me. The point of #8 of the article, as I read it, was that you have to like competition to be successful with women. I don't know what to do with that. Should I take up a macho sport, and fail miserably? Should I start working out; will that even matter? I'll just quit anyway when I realize how long it takes to get meager results. My therapist doesn't really help me with any of this either. Where do I go to get inspiration and ideas to fix this mess?

Anonymous's picture

It’s hard, but it’s definitely possible. You just have to be ready to leave your past behind and start a new life.

This articles will get you started:

This is the basic stuff, to get you out of the pit, because until you are freed of your limiting mindset, you won’t be able to do much.

Then, you’ll be able to start working from a clean desk.


Jimbo's picture

Dude, playing some nice piece of music with a guitar while oozing talent and art is very attractive. I wrote on that guy in college who played the guitar and was always surrounded by hot chicks here and here.

Don't get stuck on that "conquering other men" too much as the only means of being passionate because I think Chase was being a little hyperbolic there. Just go ahead and get better on your guitar skills. Then play for people in public or semi-public places. Believe me, you'll get some fangirling for it. ;)


Chase Amante's picture


In addition to the great comments you have received... article on this here:

How to Become a Passionate Man

Hope it helps.


Maestro's picture

Passion more about conquering your weaker self and being the best and making your mark than conquering other men at least consciously.

It is a display though I'll give you that but it's deeper than that. It transcends women, other than leaving your genes behind.
As with most men I think the women are nice to have and give you children but you want to be the best you can be for you not others. His mind is on posterity and not women in the big picture.

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