Why Do Girls Play Games and Lead You On? And What to Do About It | Girls Chase

Why Do Girls Play Games and Lead You On? And What to Do About It

Chase Amante

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girls play gamesYou meet a cute girl; you hit it off; you grab her number; and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks… or maybe ever again.

When you text her to schedule a date… she says she’s busy. When she agrees to meet up with you… she bails out at the last second and leaves you feeling stupid. If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… and then continues to play games when you try to meet up with her!

Have you ever been in this situation? It’s so frustrating! Why do girls play these games? Why can’t they just meet up with you when they say they will? Why do they take 12 hours to text you back?

Today I’m going to use science to explain why women act the way they do in terms of playing coy and stringing you along.

And more importantly: I’m going to show you what you can do to stop it. Onward.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

There are so many flaws with this entire article. First of all, there are dozens of reasons a girl will play games with you, and this is one of them. Most likely you won't know why and sometimes she won't know herself. Playing games is also much different from leading you on. Leading you on means she has absolutely no interest and is doing it for fun.

Why did this girl who liked you lead you on? I doubt it was because she wanted you to invest. Women are just unstable like that. She could have easily changed her mind and back at any given second. While becoming her lover does solve this problem, like you mentioned it's not always possible to seal the deal the first time you meet her. Not all women and men have expiring attraction. That's why your invest less principle works because it can build attraction when you don't deflate it. Investing less is also the opposite of moving fast -- no idea how to make sense of those two statements. Too many other flaws to expand on but this piece is generally unhelpful. I'm also quite sure there's plenty of research contradicting what's presented in the selfish gene. Even so, it wouldn't apply practically because there are hundreds of other important variables that you have not accounted for.

340Breeze's picture

Anon:
Where's your logic?

"Playing games is also much different from leading you on." From the point of view of a man, a woman who leads a man on is playing games..she is making him believe things are not true (that she likes/wants him) and thus he starts investing emotions by feeling things for her which are a waste of time. To most men, that's a game that they don't like to play.

"Not all women and men have expiring attraction." Attraction is like a mathematical function that has a range of values, some low, some high. The exact curve is different for all human beings, but it does not remain as HIGH as it was in the beginning. This is just human nature. Hence why the 'passion' in relationships fade over time and why people must work at relationships for them to last. Hence why girls get bored if their man is too predictable. Or why a woman's attraction fades if a man becomes needy. Novelty wears off. And like the author says, if a girl hasn't already slept with you, most times no matter how much she flirts with you and makes you think she likes you, until your penis does what it is built to do, then she has no allegiance to you at all. And sometimes not even then. When she becomes busy, bored, or lured away by a more able casanova, goodbye to you good sir. Gone are the 1950's when men court women over months. It just doesn't work this way in American cities. Maybe some girls enjoy being courted over months, but I have yet to meet one that needs months to know that she is attracted to a man. Either you make your girl horny FAST or you don't. If you don't then she thinks there is no chemistry (as if this is a reason to discount a man).

"Investing less is also the opposite of moving fast -- no idea how to make sense of those two statements." Anon, If you get a woman into bed FAST(after making her FEEL extremely comfortable appreciated and horny) then you by definition invest less (of your time, energy, emotions and money) than other men who take her out to fancy dinners or listen to her talk for hours PRIOR to even fishing for a kiss. And by definition since you invest less of your time/energy, etc to get her into bed, you are LESS attached to her than you otherwise would be. And this is exactly what you want because the more attached you grow to a woman prior to bedding her, the more emotional you will act around her and if she can have you w/o rewarding you with sex first, then how much of a man are you really? (Remember there are likely other, more challenging men that she has either encountered in the past or is encountering right now. She is comparing you to them!)

Assuming you're dealing with an American woman past her mid 20's, the point is to get this woman as your lover FAST because if she doesn't become your lover SOON, then chances are within the few days after you met her, she will disappear. Period. It's not until you have sex that you can transition her into the role you want her in. But if you're a man w/o options and you chase women that you REALLY want, she will say to herself (if she has any experience) that she can have you anytime she wants... so by default you're not as attractive and CHALLENGING as the man she can't have anytime she wants. So from a competition standpoint why should she choose who she can have instead of working to prove to mr unavailable that he should choose her? Esp if mr. unavailable remains this way after she rewards him with sex?

One thing the author didn't touch on that I would like a better explanation on tho is why do so many American girls act like men are a commodity to them? If the man isn't the lover and fast then why do they disappear, or act as if they can order you around? Why do they get cocky? 1950's girls didn't do it so why do 21st century American women do it? Girls from other parts of the world (who are more sexually confident) help you out sometimes...they give you more than enough of a hint to move things along. But alot of American girls just sit there and say/do nothing and expect you as a man to be BOLD and make ALL the right moves and provide them with plausible deniability (they 'try' to say no but I was too strong)... I have had to really up my carefree dominance and boldness here in America to have more success, which isn't a bad thing. It's actually liberating, but I think it's just that alot of these girls are chasing good feelings and if you fail to make them FEEL exactly the way they want to FEEL (or better than they expected) then goodbye! But WHY?? Does anyone know WHY??

Also, the author didn't mention in this article, but women read cosmopolitan and other garbage that reinforce acting coy and playing hard (if not impossible) to get. They somehow think that this stuff generates attraction and gets men to invest more. Might be true for guys who really really likes a girl, but if you are the perfect lover, then much of this information means nothing at all when girls come into contact with that fast moving, smooth operating seducer who effortlessly passes their 'tests'. Because he just generates such strong emotions that girls are thrown off-balance (butterflies). The point is to dazzle these girls (appearing effortlessly of course) so they are momentarily separated emotionally from their other suitors to give you just enough of a window to capitalize on the attraction if you so choose.

"There are hundreds of other important variables that you have not accounted for." Name 10.

Cheers,

340Breeze.

Alex Litt's picture

"All women need equality in the animal kingdom" but three sentences before she says that men were numerous and their lives therefore didn't matter. Life balances itself out. Everything women are doing in society now to get extra rights and to deright men "manspreading, splaining, death to the 'patriarchy'" ect. Its delusional and based in no part on logic. WAH MY SPARKLY NICE SMELLING SHAMPOO COSTS MORE THAN STRAIGHT CHEMICALS! PINK TAX WAHHH! PATRIARCHY!

JD's picture

Hey Colt,

When you call her and she doesn't pick up, how long do you wait to call her again? Do you call her again at all? The reason I ask this is because in my age/intelligence group EVERYBODY is so goddamn insecure while I (thanks to this site) come off as the most secure person there is. So these girls will generally be pretty nervous to even talk to me, which is good of course, but I can imagine them thinking that calling me is too scary. Any thoughts?

Cheers, JD

Author
Colt Williams's picture

JD,

I'm glad that you feel so confident! I would say leave her a confident voicemail telling her to call you back and try calling her a couple days later. If she doesn't respond, keep going and meet some new women.

All the best,
Colt

MisterX's picture

Colt, I've read most of your posts and I'm reading that you do most of the exact things that Chase says are not to be done, like:"
- being the life of the party and "bringing the energy of the dance floor"

- making out with a girl 3 minutes after meeting her - and letting all the sexual tension disappear

- basically being the makeout-party-guy that girls dance with and make out with but never go home with.

I mean Chase wrote and entire article on why you should not do those things that you do, if you want to take a girl home and sleep with her.

What's all that about, Colt?

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Mister X,

In terms of your point about dancing and bringing the energy, that is true. And let me explain a bit more to clarify your understandable skepticism.

I absolutely dance and bring the energy. Why? Because I started practicing dance when I was a kid. And I have had serious dance training for over 10 years -- from long days in the studio, to crews to professional performance. And I usually like to stay humble about this sort of thing, because that's just how I am. But for the sake of clarity, when I walk into a bar or club, and I start dancing/bringing the energy, I'm one of the best people in the venue. And I don't do it because it's about getting women. I do it because it's something I truly enjoy.

And I almost always get approached by *at least* a handful of girls, if not more. But, it's not the girls who approach me that are relevant. I use that as preselection for the girls who are watching this happen. Because when you have a guy who's dancing/bringing the energy and legitimately doesn't need the approval of any girl getting approached by several girls, it makes it far easier to approach women. You're already preselected, you've shown value in an indirect way, you're socially validated, and your social momentum is already spiked.

So after I get off the dance floor, I approach girls very normally and escalate with them in a very conventional way -- in the way that Chase outlines for all the readers here. What I actually do *on* the dance floor is just fun and games. And I know that those are just girls in party mode and it doesn't really matter what happens with them anyway.

In terms of the girl from the story, that girl approached me and we had an instant connection. Furthermore, we were both sober and having a very deep conversation. And it was definitely a "love at first sight" moment. And if you've read Chase's post about love at first sight, or you've experienced it yourself, you know that you escalate *as quickly as possible in those situation*.

Otherwise, I'm almost never the guy to randomly make out with girls. I rarely ever do that. Because I know it kills attraction, as you pointed out, unless...you know how to use it. And keep in mind that many of the stories I've told came from a time when I was figuring out what I was doing, so I made a lot of mistakes. And I'm trying to show guys that that's ok. Life is all about making mistakes, but it's about how you respond and what you learn.

Finally, I would reference the adage: "learn the rules to break the rules." Chase has laid out a lot of incredibly helpful tips geared toward guys who are beginners/intermediates for the most part. But you have to keep in mind that every writer on this site has slept with dozens and dozens of women. And just like anything in life, once you know what you're doing, you can break as many rules as you want. Do as I say, not as I do, as it were.

We already have a couple of posts up here on dance floor game. But I may put one up of my own in a field report style, to really outline why this system works so well for me and exactly how it goes, because it really does work for me. It's my biggest go-to for high energy bars/clubs. But, it wouldn't really work for almost anyone else because of my unique background.

Does that help to clarify things? I appreciate the comment and certainly didn't mean to confuse you!

Cheers,
Colt

Ricky jamison's picture

I think the article was the TRUTH!! I have 15 years in The game of Sleeping and seducing women, recently got out of a serious disaster of a relationship and have to start all over again...I personally could never quite figure this one out..Women seem to have us All figured out while we run in circles trying to figure THEM out!! This article specifically points out what's happening between the two sexes and why MOST men are NOT sleeping with women fast.. The boyfriend And friend zone are absolute death for attraction!! And only with experience, knowledge, great fundamentals and an awesome sexual vibe down, will you ever be able to prove this..Whether you believe it to be accurate or not.

Anonymous's picture

I agree with MisterX ,that there are contrasts between what Chase says and Colt says.

I dont think this should be tolerated.
I,as a reader,get pretty confused and dont know who or what to believe and it affects my trust on this site advices.

"Who is right ? Who is wrong ?

Who is less or more skilled ? Who should i listen to? " ...questions going through my mind when i see this thing happen.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

I appreciate your concern, and want confusion to be the last thing you feel when you read pieces here.

First -- if there's any glaring contrast between what Chase says and what I say -- Always Default to Chase. He has much more experience than I do, and can break down any situation from the perspective of a guy of any level.

Second -- Read my long comment response to Mister X

Third -- You have to keep in mind that Chase and I are different people. Chase's style is not the same as my style, or Alek's style, or Peter's style, or Drexel's style, or anyone else's style. We all come from different backgrounds, have different strengths, and look for different things in terms of our women and our seduction. But what doesn't change between any writer/seducer is the process and foundation:

1. Nailing down fundamentals
2. Building attraction
3. Establishing a connection
4. Communicating sexuality
5. Taking girls home/making them hookups/making them girlfriends

And I assure you that the process and foundation is present in every article.

I hope that clears things up, and let me know if you have any further concerns.

Cheers,
Colt

Anonymous's picture

Gee some people really need there hands held around here.. The whole point of having multiple blog posters is to show the variation in pickup. Like jazz music there are no hard rules, but great examples of what can work. Which means everyone has a shot to fundamentally improve themselves. People whining about contradictions are people who are obviously socially inexperienced and probably have not even given this education a proper shot in real life. Get a life!

Chase Amante's picture

I'll let Colt answer most of these on his own, but on two questions raised involving conflicting-seeming advice I'll address:

  • Dance floor: if you want to just have fun and dance on the dance floor because you're with friends and what the hell, sometimes you will; and if you're a good dancer, sometimes that'll get you approached. Not something you want to rely on exclusively - relying on getting approached to the detriment of doing your own approaching takes things somewhat out of your hands - but if you're a talent, and especially if you've had some good dance instruction (certainly not me, at least not to-date), you can show off and use it to bring moths to flames, in the way Peter describes in "Dance Floor Seduction."

  • Public makeouts: I've put a clarifying post up on these here - I strongly recommend against it for beginners or intermediates, but if you walk the line properly and you're already decent with girls there is a way to do this right: "How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great." Now, I can't tell if Colt was executing exactly properly here; he may have been guilty of being a little too much of the club makeout guy! We'll have to wait for him weigh in here.

I think those were the glaring ones - fellas, let me know if I missed any.

Chase

Brian48's picture

Two questions:
First back to the hair thing. You recommended dude to cut his corn rolls; in your opinion what image does corn rolls present? Im curious b/c I rocked corn rolls and plaits on and off a lot some years back. For that matter, aside from being stylish, what image do the three fades you suggested present? Sophisticated?

And two, I'm quite used to the female bullshit and I'm quick to next a chick whose faking the deal. My friends think I'm too quick and arrogant and that Idgaf. What I cant understand is that my ex girlfriends and girls I've had flings with in the past seem to all have the habit of calling me out the blue, telling me how much they miss me or that they want to catch up (which I'm assuming, right or wrong, for some novelty sex, nothing serious), just for me to set some shit up to meet them, and then have them flake like shit. It got irritating to the point where I started deleting my exes of my Facebook and erasing their numbers out my phone, but about once, twice a month it doesn't fail: I'll get a call or text from one of them talking about they want to link up just to have them bullshit.

I mean wtf is the point? Are they trying to annoy me on purpose?

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Brian,

First, I think cornrows definitely communicate a more hood image. If that's what you're about, then that's fine. But if not, then that's good to know. I think fades communicate style, sophistication, and just generally being a mature man.

Honestly, sometimes girls just want to have that control over you. If they are your exes, girls like knowing that you still really care about them and that they still have that power to have you at their beck and call. I know a girl now who tells her ex-bf about all of the guys who try to get at her just because she enjoys him getting angry/jealous.

But, you also have to keep in mind that women are very fickle. These girls may just text you because they are horny at the moment, but then the feeling fades, so when they're not in the mood when you text them/are supposed to meet up, they just flake.

It's frustrating, I understand, but it's much better to just keep your energy focused on new girls.

-Colt

McCoy's picture

The thing I have come to enjoy the most about Girlschase.com is how Chase Amante, Ricardus Domino and other Instructors as yourself seem to take your own experiences and, after deriving life lessons for yourself, reflect the same to us. I like you guys! Straight to the point! You know that painful-truth saying? you guys do that, and its good because as a man you question yourself,your methods,approaches,game...everything. Many of us lack the stones to just admit our game sucks, or that we keep making rookie mistakes...or that we didn't leave strong enough impressions to matter to the girls we were hitting on. But you guys do! So we learn to be better. However what I cant stress enough, is how REAL you guys are.Thanks a bunch!

CV's picture

First 2 paragraphs is me.

"and she gives you a warm hug or a kiss with those gleaming eyes that say “I can’t wait to see you again.” And then you don’t see her for weeks"

"If you run into her in person, she greets you like you’re the last man on Earth… "

What do I do if I run into her in person and she greets me like l'm the last man on Earth?

KGB's picture

Hey Colt! Great article, but I'm having a troubling pattern of experiences with women that just won't go away.

Grabbing a girl's # has always been easy, but when I text them, they never respond - 8/10 girls do this. Then, when I see them, they they try so hard to get my attention again - even try to figure out my schedule so they can "run into me" - within practical factors (live in the same building, same career, work place, etc)

Problem is, I've moved on. I've tried with a few to text them again to see what happens, but they either throw me a short simple or no response at all. Conclusively, I'm assuming they're playing hard to get or has a "chase me" mentality.

This is happening so often now where I actually tell girls to f**k off now when they won't leave me alone. In response, I always try to take the girl out the same day now, if not, I don't bother grabbing her # anymore.

What do you think of the situation?

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