Should You Ever Date a Girl with Baggage? The SMV Discussion | Girls Chase

Should You Ever Date a Girl with Baggage? The SMV Discussion

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

girl with baggage
Every girl has baggage. But should you date one with a lot of baggage... And how do you deal with baggage a girlfriend brings into your relationships?

Commenting on my article about starting a relationship with a new girlfriend, a reader named Arik writes:

Hi Chase,

I’ve been gaming for a while and defintively gotten amazing things from it in all areas of my life. I met a girl that I really like and would like to move foward with her. She has had a bad experience with getting cheated on and feels scared of going through that again.I met her through cold approach. She is scared of me doing this all the time. If she were to find out that I do and flirt with girls boldy like that daily, it will definitively hurt her bad. I dont want stuff like that in my conciense I already talked to her about my intentions with her and pretty much following your points. Nothing official yet but clearly the ‘we can see other people until then’ wont fly well. At the same time, I know that if I stop approaching and doing game, just like with he gym, my gains will be gone and that will drive her away. I’ve seen it so many times happen to others. I am not sure how to handle this, since this is the first girl I want to push things with from game. All this time I’ve been focused on getting good and refusing to settle with girls I met. You talked briefly on ideas of how to handle this, but If you could elaborate further, I would greatly appreciate it .


First, a few notes directly to Arik’s situation. If a girl is adamant that you don’t approach other women, and you assure her you won’t, you’ve made a choice. You could lie and do it anyway... whether you are comfortable with that or want to deal with the fallout from it is a personal decision. That said, you can still flirt with women in your day-to-day life, sans cold approach... that will maintain some degree of abundance (albeit not to the level that taking things farther along with women will).

That said, what we’ll focus on in this article is not the question of Arik’s comment but rather one that occurs to me based on the situation he details. It’s that of ‘women with baggage’ – for example, this girl who’s been cheated on... and fears a repeat. Should you date a girl with baggage... and how do you manage it if you do?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for the baggage analysis ! It's been discussed in forum and among relationships and commonly the answer is "No" for easier life and less drama. However, it is refreshing to see you lay it out in detail for both sides.

So much to read and so much I need to digest. Thank you :)

I came across a weird phenomenon lately, and love to hear your opinion;)

I have 3 questions, but I've divided it up, so it's not so longwinded for you to read.

I appreciate your time for these comments!

Second Question:
This is something I've noticed commonly with girls who have baggage or are fairly experienced with dating. They're not new and won't blindly follow the more experienced guy (submissive). Have a bit of a feisty in them.

How would you handle girls like those in general? The rebellous ones

Example of things they do is when she calls your game out

and we know that "we try not to talk about game with women".
Making this a weird thing to handle. I try to be coy and improv (by playing along and twisting the frame) but it feels like the accusation "You're a player aren't you" there seems to be no right answer.

"You're playing hard to get aren't you"
This one I haven't thought of a witty banter reply to say back to.

"Your playing hard to get act is cute. I like it"
This one I somewhat know how to reply to because she's still chasing, and tries to not upset me by softening her comment with her interest.

But the whole mix of attainability issues come up if we reply with likewise "Thank you" or "It's not hard to in this situation" could be a hit.

"You are such a tease!"

"You are a player" or "How many times have you said that to a girl?"

And finally, this one is most common for me
"You're elusive / mysterious"

Like how on earth do we reply to all of these tests?
Would love to hear your approach and concept on why :)

Also can you give some other examples too YOU personally experienced on getting called out and how you formulated an answer for these tests?

Would help a lot thanks!

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.


SZ's picture

Had a couple questions Chase,

1. How do you enjoy the process of anything ? I hate the grind and want to get where I have to get soon.

How do I enjoy the process of building skills, getting girls, building muscles, making money, etc?

2. What if you tell a girl to come over to you and she doesn't ? This is a girl I talked to already at the club and  she said no. Should I go to her ? Or should I just forget her? She showed a lot of attraction, but didn't come to me. 

This is a question for all girls.

3. What should u do if you're at the club and a girl is flirting with you heavy and showing so much attention, even telling her guy and girlfriends she wants to talk to you, and even ask you to come over to her, but she has a dude all over her and she's showing him attention dancing on him etc?

To me it seems like something to make the guy jealous, but I don't know what I should have done because she was showing that guy too much attention.

4. Should u ever pay to get some pussy? If the going gets tough should you just say fuck it and just pay? Or should we stay strong ?

5. What is massive action and how should it look? How much time should be put in for anything we do with massive action ?

6. Being a loner, how to make it cool tto do things alone? Like eat, go to the movies, clubs, etc ? Should we not do this too much? I don't have friends like that.

7. What would you do in my exact position right now when it comes to income ? I won't be done with school for another 3 or more years or I might drop out and go to trade school, idk and need money now to get an apartment, car, etc. And my credit looks like shit too.

Basically school is out the question because I can't wait 3 or more years. Bills need to be paid as well.

What kind of job would you get right now? And I'm guessing you would learn a skill to get more money and freelance on the side? I haven't started any skills because I have been focusing on school, but I'm thinking of focusing on that.

Please let me know what would be your 6 month to a year plan to make some money to afford a decent living starting from scratch with your money making knowledge that you already have.

8. How do you feel about boxing as a fighting skill? I love it and I would learn Krav maga or bjj after.

Also how long should we train in each skill?



SZ's picture

So I was listening to a guy who gives out dating and lifestyle advice.

He says that you can't fuck a lot of women while working on your business on the side and working a full time job.

He pretty much says it's not possible to fuck 20-50+ women a year while working a 9-5, going to the gym, and working on a side business which takes at least 4-6 hours a day.

He said weekends are your only time to get women and go on dates because if you want to fuck a lot of women you need to go on dates, go to the club everyday and you can't focus on your side business while doing it.

Now I do agree because it does take a lot of time and effort and I do remember you saying to scale back on things if I want money or women.

I was curious if there was a way to be able to do all of these things and still get to my woman goal quickly. I'm mostly talking about learning skills then work on a business.

I want both badly, I want to do both, but I don't know how I could.

Only thing I could ask you is how did you do it when you were a consultant ?

I know you had to sleep with less women than if you didn't work, but weren't you sleeping with a lot of women during your few years as a consultant ? Isn't that where you got all if your skills and created girls chase during those years when you were working ?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't those years you were working the years where you started really succeeding? 

So how did you pull it off Chase during those times where you worked as a consultant, went out 4-5 days a week to pick up, and wrote girls chase on the side ?

I really want to sleep with a lot of girls so I can focus on other things. I think about that so much, as well as money.

I don't want to get any older or let time pass anymore without me going hard with women or let anymore time pass without making any decent money.

I'd appreciate it if you could recommend if there was a way I could just focus on both somehow so I can stop thinking about women so much and to feel comfortable where I need to be with them.

Should I just stick to online dates? Should I work on a side business/skills less than dates ?

I know one has to be less, but I'm just trying to make it be balanced enough.


John1980's picture

Sacrifice your side job, hobby and even gym. You can do both if leave the rest. You can go to the bar Thursday and to the clubs the week ends. You can daygame during lunch break and organise dates week evenings, at home or transportation go on tinder. Good luck!

Add new comment

The Latest from