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Time and energy can be wasted on non-receptive girls, or by
over-gaming receptive ones. Economize your dating by distinguishing
between Reds, Yellows, and Greens.
With so many women to choose from in the world and so many women to approach, how the heck does a guy manage to filter through them faster and more efficiently, and become more effective in the mating game?
A lot of guys starting out spend a lot of time cold approaching in day game and night game, trying to learn their ladders for how to get women and identify the receptive ones from the girls who just aren’t interested.
Unfortunately, what also happens when learning is that a guy gets discouraged by rejection because he takes the response of a single woman far too personally.
Especially for newbies and virgins, a single rejection can be devastating, especially if it’s a type of girl he strongly aspires to get.
However, it’s not wise to take the opinion of one woman – or even a few women – seriously. This is because there are three categories of women out there in the world:
- Women for whom you are exactly their type
- Women for whom you might be their type, but they’re not sure
- Women for whom you are absolutely not their type
Being a woman’s type or not is fairly binary – after all, attraction is binary – but women also have preconceived notions about men based on their appearance, fundamentals, and behavior.
In short, women have preferences, but you can also short circuit their preferences by creating desire.
Comments
Questions
Elaborate on how/why an ex girlfriend who once used to be a green turn into a red? What can a guy do to avoid this from happening, and what should he do once she becomes a red?
Does a woman who exhibits some cluster B traits (or at least victim mentality) that was once SUPER excited by a guy (i.e., wanted to marry him, wanted to have his kids, had tons of amazing sex) but after neglect, abuse, etc., is now COLD (and holding a grudge) and has gone no-contact truly lose ALL attraction and "love" for the guy? Or will she always maintain some level of attraction for him?
Green to Red
Hi Curious,
Honestly, the situation you describe is not ideal for a man, and usually not much can be done. By the time an ex-girlfriend who used to be a Green has turned into a Red, it's usually too late. What you're basically describing is another form of How to Get an Ex Girlfriend back, and we have two articles here that I'll link you to which explain that:
Long story short, a girl who used to be Green as a girlfriend will turn into a Red ex-girlfriend because something the guy did did not fit into her or their mutual plan for the future. Sometimes it's the guy not giving her the relationship structure she wants, sometimes it's the guy just being a really shitty boyfriend (either needy Beta or too aggressive/possessive Alpha), and sometimes it's an attainability issue for the guy.
As for your second question, the answer to that ALSO depends on the guy. Typically Cluster B women are extremely bi-polar in nature, which means that they easily flip from resenting a guy, being cold and grudging with no contact, to pining for him and "loving" him like she's never loved anyone else, according to her. I've actually dated one or two Cluster B women early in my dating life, and while those were rollercoaster experiences, they did teach me a hell of a lot about women and what to avoid moving forward. Yes, these girls do always maintain some level of attraction for a guy, but it's definitely not healthy for the guy nor for the girl - because these girls THRIVE on having unrealistic expectations and then behaving accordingly when they're not met, yet flip back to pining for those, over and over again.
Judging by your questions, it seems like you're more on the newer side to dating, in mentality. My suggestion to you is to go meet more women, date more women, and get more experience. It may take 1-2 years, and will probably be difficult and painful at times, but in the long term will help you much more and be FAR more satisfying than trying to convert Red ex-girlfriends back to Greens, or trying to make things work with Cluster B women. For the latter category things usually don't work out with them anyways, and they end up single well into their 40's.
What if I never find greens
Varoon, what if I never actually run into a green?...I honestly can't think back of any time where a girl has shown green signs. For the most part, it has been straight up reds that aren't ever receptive from the beginning....the strange thing is that I've worked very hard on my fundamentals: I'm in the best shape of my life, I hired an image consultant to update my wardrobe, ect but it still has not seemed to matter to these stuck-up cold bitches I meet. It's like there's only so much a guy can do.
I know you'll probably say just go practice more and get dates...but that's the thing, how am I supposed to get to know girls and date if they're not even receptive to the damn openers in the first place ??? I feel like I'm a normal/cool guy who has his shit together has never said anything creepy/weird, but still I can never seem to find a green light. It's like I can't even calibrate to see what I'm doing wrong if they've never given a chance to talk in the first place. I really can't understand it...I feel like I should be meeting greens but it just never happens, I'm at a loss for words. Maybe I've just had the worst luck possibly meeting the wrong kinds of girls ?
More Than Meets The Eye
Ryan,
I think in your case we need to know more information. How are you dressing? How is your voice and vibe? What kind of approaches are you doing, and where, and how? With what kinds of girls? Where do you live? What is happening in all these approaches? How are you calibrating to the girl?
It sounds to me like you haven't yet found a good strategy that works well with your personality and style. About the worst thing anyone can do is doing something over and over again that fails over and over again. The best thing you can do to start growing and getting past your sticking point is to be disciplined in your learning, and in trying new methods and game styles, to shake out of this pattern. Clearly whatever you're doing now isn't working in your favor, so it's going to be best for you to change things up and try new things - openers, locations, approaches, fundamentals, game styles...maybe you'll find something that suits you better.
Here's a good article to read to help support you:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-get-past-sticking-point
Also check out my podcast with Franco on discipline, which talks all about changing variables to get better results:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/franco-lombardi-learning-pickup-takes...
https://www.girlschase.com/content/franco-lombardi-learning-pickup-takes...
In my experience, those greens come in quick spurts most of the time - I'll be grinding, grinding, and grinding (often failing repeatedly) for weeks and months, when all of a sudden after thing several new things a new winning pattern emerges, and all of a sudden I'm flooded with women. Often after feeling saturated, I go on a calm streak and the process starts again. So, even if the greens aren't coming now, they do show up quickly when the stars align.
Keep in mind that women are like water - they fit whatever cup you put them in. So you have to make that cup as a man - and it can be the stuck up cold bitch cup, or it can be the sweet silly and cute kitten cup ;).
Yeah the strange thing I
Yeah the strange thing I really can't for the life of me figure out why I'm getting no receptions, since like I said as far as fundamentals I've worked as hard as I possibly could that I really don't think there's much else I can do to improve the fundamental things. Even though I haven't any positive things happen, I feel I can step back enough to know that I don't give off a nervous/weird/creepy vide either. I have the vibe of a relaxed/cool James Bond-type persona because that's what I like and feel comfortable with (I'm not the loud/extroverted party type guy) but they still don't seem to give a shit.
The whole "the woman will adapt to the man" advice is at best, a myth. And I don't know where these BS myths come from. For years I really thought and bought into that they were "sweet kittens" but it still didn't change anything, and they still weren't sweet. It's kind of like the saying : "It takes 2 to tango"...but if the other person is just not willing then there's nothing the guy can do at that point.
To your first point, you may
To your first point, you may need to change your vibe and game style, and your fundamentals, to be congruent with whatever you're trying to present. I remember having this issue, but I'll describe what it looked like for me. My personality is naturally more relaxed and "Mr. Cool," and that's just how I am. I noticed in developing my game that, as a result of my natural personality, things like sex talk and very aggressive "party style" game methods didn't work as well for me as being very smooth, calm, vibe based, and focusing more on compliance and investment from women. So, I calibrated my game to suit my strengths and reduce my weaknesses.
At any rate, until you admit to yourself that 1. there is a problem, and 2. that it's fixable if you find the issue and fix it, then nothing will really change for you. But, you can keep whining about the issues until eternity ;).
To your second point, it's not a BS myth, as I've experienced exactly the opposite as have other ladies-men. So, I'd say that you still have a lot to learn as far as women go, and you're at choice now whether you want to learn it, or whether you want to resist learning it!
Reds
I think most women are naturally red not yellow otherwise this site wouldn't exist (just like countless of other sites as well). I mean it's not possible to have a shot with like every 2nd woman you meet even if you invest enough unless you are very good looking. Women are looking for the best male possible, especially the better looking they are (even ugly women have standards).
To meet greens you will have to approach as many women as possible anyway and even then, you need to have a certain attractivness. That's why they are millions of singles around the world. There was a study done in Germany that said there were 14 Mio german singles and that almost 2 Mio german men go to brothels each day!! That's all you need to know.
RE: Reds
BMonana -
could you please put the link of this study in here. I would be very interested in it because I want to know how to interpret the number of 14 Million singles and what exactly was the subject of examination. If it would be sinlge households then I must say not every man or woman in a single household is single and backwards not every man or woman living in household with several persons is in a relationship (e.g. grown up children still living with their parents is very common).
And the second number is the 2 Million men who go to prostitutes. I believe there are a lot of men among them who are married or in a long time relationship.
Moreover there are some advises here on this site you have to adapt to your region you are living in. E.g. in Germany the conversational atmosphere is more cool, more distant so be careful with teasing or making compliments for example. Smiling is also not the special field of Germans so you have probably looking for mixed or weak signals for an approach invitation.
But a lot of advices given here work everywhere also in Germany and above all what Chase and the other guys try to ram into you: fundamentals, fundamentals and fundamentels again.
T
Hi man,
Hi man,
I had situations where women were “green” and had preconceived notions about me all in check, however nothing happened. Later on I figured out what were the obstacles, eg. one had a boyfriend she had no feelings for, but she could not go for me cause she was afraid if things don’t work out, she will not be able to revert back to him, another one had her mother disapproved seeing me, etc. Anyways, these girls’ attraction turned to hate, and I kinda got the feeling that “I was to blame since I wasn’t able to solve her problem”! WTF?!
Any thoughts?
Thanks!
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