Girls in Groups: How to Tell Who’s a Leader or a Follower | Girls Chase

Girls in Groups: How to Tell Who’s a Leader or a Follower

Chase Amante

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When you’re approaching girls in groups, one of the most vital tasks you have ahead of you is to quickly ferret out who is the leader of the group, and who are the followers.

girls in groups

If you can tell who the leader is, you know how to proceed with courting the girl you like. If you don’t know who the leader is, it’s easy to mess this up, have all the girls bail on you, and end up standing around wondering what the heck happened.

You’ll tend to develop a natural instinct for discerning the group leader from the other girls in the group as you gain more exposure, so if you’re a veteran of bar/club game or social circle pickup, you’ll probably find you intuitively know which girls the leaders are soon into an interaction (or even before you say hello).

So if that’s you, this article may be a little basic for you... though I’d encourage you to tune in for the later two installments in this 3-part series, which will focus on picking up followers (one article) and picking up leaders (another article), for some important process distinctions.

If you’re just beginning to dip your toes into meeting women in non-solo situations (e.g., she’s not some girl you’ve approached on the street all by her lonesome), this guide will be just the thing to help you understand who’s who in the girl groups you meet.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



ChandlerBing's picture

Hey Chase,

In the shopping/grocery store article, you said no deep-diving girls right then & there caz it's awkward, so after opening girls (indirect-direct like you mentioned), what do I talk about to build rapport?

So I start talking about what's in her cart & stuff like that. Maybe throw in a joke if I the situation plays itself that way.

And you've mentioned playful banter in other approach articles, but I'm a beginner & not comfortable enough in these situations to do that yet + I come across as more edgy/intriguing than a more-talkative guy anyhow. More importantly, I feel like I need some amount of deep diving/rapport building if I want to get to her to come out on a date w/ me later, like some sort of connection feel, & to do it w/o moving her to a sit down place.

Is it fine to lightly deep dive, like deep diving that sort of arises from the conversation naturally, say grocery store ---> talk about what we're looking at ---> do you cook xx or w/ xx ---> you cook a lot, where else do you spend a lot of your time? Or say shopping at a store --> shopping for xx ---> that's interesting, we talk about xx ---> you like xx, what else do you like?. So light deep diving that comes from somewhat natural transitions so she feels a bit connected? Five minutes in that scenario feels just enough too.

Also if I come across more lower in value, like I dress nice, have strong posture & solid-but-not-yet-great fundamentals but I'm a fugly-looking guy, what I can do to kind of mitigate an initial value imbalance perception from her? Some girls seem into me sort right off the bat, so i'm thinking this isn't really in play for them, right or no? I also only tend to stick to naturally cute girls (from article you wrote) as those are the ones most into me + there are lots of them since I live in suburbs.

Thanks again - ChandlerBing

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, of course, perfectly fine to engage in light conversation and light screening with a girl you’ve approached on the street or grocery. Deep diving is primarily about teasing out her deep goals, dreams, and motivations (thus the ‘deep’), and that’s the bit that’s usually going to be incongruent for a first meet standing up. If you take her to sit down somewhere and chat and make it a proper date, it’s fine then, of course.

I’d try not to worry too much about looks, one, since you can’t much control it, and two, since everyone has wildly different opinions. Even among men, guys will look at various girls and one guy will say oh my God she’s hot, and the other guy will say are you kidding? You couldn’t pay me to shag her, and men are the more visual sex. For women, much of it has to do with how you come in, how you present yourself, initial confidence, dominance, if you’re a personality match with what she looks for, etc. Women (people) also have certain ‘looks’ they go for and stay fairly consistent with… most people, if you look at their dating histories, will tend to have one or two different looks they usually go for (e.g., maybe a girl really likes men with long faces and slightly goofy expressions… maybe a guy consistently goes for girls with really boxy jawlines. Etc.). So there’s that element of non-control you have there – maybe you just look like her type, maybe you don’t.

Anyway, if you’re worried about looks, continue to shore up your fundamentals and make sure you’ve developed your personality into a confident, charming, and attractive one, and you’ll have no value imbalances to speak of.


Jake Simmons's picture

Hey Chase, I was just wondering if this all applies the same with daygame cold approaches?

Chase Amante's picture


If you approach girls in groups (say, at the mall, or the beach), then yes, it absolutely applies.

If you approach women one-on-one though, as you’ll commonly find them on the street and many other places by day, it’s largely irrelevant, since she’s not going to be looking to anyone but you or her when it comes to decisions, status, etc.


Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Great article on leader and follower!
I can't wait to see the rest since I often see girls in two at the mall.
I of course, go up straight away and open the one I like.
They feel pressure (their friend there, how should I respond to this guy?) but of course, if she likes us (attractive fundamnetals), we're fine.

I'm sure there's more advanced trickets we can do with her friend to lever her on our side, and make things go smoother with our seduction, but bro says, "Focus on basics" so I'll do that first. Anyway, can't wait!

Speaking of which, I think I already commented here but I don't see it, though could be me getting more forgetful lately and thought I did.
I hypothesize that the more a person become social and active in their life, the more forgetful they get. Who knows :) The price to pay I guess.

Re: Fundamentals
I gave the muscle thing a try.
But as expected, the best I can do is get toned (not big, but you see some curves, and abs). I either get veins showing I eat more.

Eating more, the fat doesn't go to my arms or other parts strange enough, but right to my belly. Work out more, and get veiny, until I managed to go back to before, and become toned again but they just don't grow big.

Furthermore, my facial hair isn't thick. The best I can grow is thin hair with some sticking assymetrically under my chin or my stash.

Has my journey in fundamentals reached its limits?
I don't know...but I do know is either way, I have nothing to lose and all to gain. :)

Best wishes for you and your new production, bro!

Side note: Do you know words that paint a feeling of "beginning anew" and a breath of fresh air? In general or game related. You have a colorful vocabulary so I thought you can give me some insight on this. I have an idea for something amazing :)

Chase Amante's picture


I can’t advise you on veins popping out as that isn’t something I’ve dealt with. You might try our Health board on the forums, or just hit up a place like

Anyway, there’s always more you can do with fundamentals.

As for pimple-like scars on arms and chest, yeah, don’t worry about it. I have those on my shoulders (they’re called keloids). You can get injections of cortisol into them that break down the scar tissue and flatten them out, though some of them come back. Regardless, you may think they look pretty gross, but in my experience girls don’t really seem to notice or care.


Lawliet's picture

Almost forgot,

Also, I have scars (bumps) from pimples on my arms and chest so another negative for my fundamentals I think? I think cut scars or stitches make a man more attractive (vulnerability - byronic), but pimples,

what's your take on these areas of my fundamental concerns?

KevinL's picture

Hey Chase,

Love these type of articles that provide extra tools for seduction. I have a question for you regarding following up after getting a girl's number. I can't find the answer to this in your articles about texting and setting up dates.

What do you do if you get a girl's number, text her to set up the date, and then she tells you she's not free for the next two weeks. Do you tell *her* to contact *you*? Or do you actually text her back in two weeks?


Chase Amante's picture


If she said that in one of her initial responses, I wouldn’t trust that we had enough back-and-forth established yet to toss the ball in her court and get a response.

So what I’d suggest you do is text back telling her man, that sounds busy, and then say all right then, shoot me a text in 2 weeks when your schedule clears up or I’ll text you and we’ll figure it out then.

By telling her to shoot you a text you place a compliance demand in there, so it doesn’t feel like you’re just doing everything and you’ll be the one to follow up, and you give her permission to follow up herself if she wants to without feeling like she’s chasing (“Well, he told me to text”). At the same time, by saying “Or I’ll text you”, you remove the pressure of the compliance demand in case she fails to comply, and leave the door open for you to text yourself if she doesn’t get back to you.

Then just wait about 2.5 weeks, and if she doesn’t text first shoot her a message telling her you hope she survived her 2 weeks of torture, and schedule the meet.


SZ's picture


I still have time to decide to join a fraternity so I'll think about it.
Is joining a fraternity to get laid a good reason?
or should I just do approaching?

Do I even have a chance if I am not in a frat to get girls?
Do you feel that I will miss out terribly if I decide not to join the?

on fighting, I remember you saying to get better at dealing with confrontation is to be in confrontations.

So you think it's better just to get into them then diffuse them?
How do we get better at that?

kinda confused.

Chase Amante's picture


As good a reason as any.

As for your chances, depends on if you put yourself in position to meet girls and take steps to move things forward with them, escalate, and close. If yes, then yes. If no, then no.

On defusing fights, check out Dead or Alive: The Choice is Yours, by Geoff Thompson.

As for age, I can’t tell you anything different than I already have. If you focus on making yourself exceptional as you age, you’ll have no problem getting younger girls. If you don’t, you’ll have to stick to girls your age or look for younger girls with old guy fetishes / lower standards.

And me personally, being in my 30s is great. I always felt like being in my 20s was like being trapped in purgatory… If you’re under 27 you face a lot more skepticism from girls of all ages. Once I broke 28 I suddenly had a much easier time with women under 25 than I previously did… part of that was no doubt due to improved game and fundamentals, but I do think age and independence helped a fair bit too. Hitting 30 was freedom; I finally reached an age where I didn’t feel like a kid anymore!


SZ's picture

This will be my last comment about what to do in your 30s.

Chase, i read your article about getting younger women as an older man, you said you should have your own business, be retired, or be high up in where you work. I'm almost at that 33 year old point, and I am nowhere near close to that. I do not have any special skills at all, I don't have a business, I am no where near close to retiring, and I am not high up where I work, I don't even have a stable job right now.

What can I do to get younger women when I don't have these things?
is it too late?

What can I do now to get younger women when I don't have those things, and how can I get those things?

also, how has life felt for you in your 30s? do you feel old in any type of way, or bored, or feel like you cant do things you used to do when you were in your 20s?

30s is a big deal for everyone, thanks.

Not your girl's picture

Would love a website like this but then for girls, got anything like that in the making, or any you can recommend?

Thanks x

A-jay's picture

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