The "How Easy is She?" Post-Sex Dance | Girls Chase

The "How Easy is She?" Post-Sex Dance

Chase Amante

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how easy is she
After sex with a new girl, the real exploration begins. How easy is this girl, anyway? But you’re not the only one with an agenda.

Women are like little detectives. They’re always sleuthing around, poking, prodding, testing, to find out the truth. What is the truth with this man? Who is he really? Is he actually the man he says he is? How does he actually feel about her? Has he changed? Have his feelings toward her changed?

Men, you may have noticed, are far less inquisitive. They figure they’ve got a bead on you, and from that point on they pretty much lose all interest in any further investigations. “Okay, I’ve got her figured out,” a guy says. And then it’s settled; he knows who this chick is. Men do this about women they date and sleep with, but they also do it with their male friends, with their bosses and colleagues, with their business partners, and the like. Once they have somebody figured out, he’s figured out. Any other details they might turn up are likely to be irrelevant.

Today we’re going to talk about a male-female interaction pattern that springs from this dichotomy: the “how easy is she?” post-sex dance.

This is a dance that takes place from immediately after the first time a guy and girl have sex, up to about the point where a woman converts to a regular sex partner of the guy’s. During this dance, the male tries to find out how easy to sleep with a female is, and the female tries to convince the male she’s not that easy.

It’s a fun little game, and a lot more cooperative than you might think, because the two often have similar agendas: the man wants to believe his woman is not that easy, and his woman is happy to help him conclude exactly this.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.



Killer Instinct's picture

I would like to join the boards but my activation email doesn't seem to be coming through. I do have Girlschase membership and a password reset email came through ok.

Not sure where else I can post this. Thanks.

Ah, it has just come through. Problem solved.

JJ's picture

Here is my take. I think its a problem when girls fuck a ton of guys once they have kids (neglectful single mothers) are married (gold digger trophy wife types) are dependent females still living under the same roof as their living procreators or living apart, but off of daddy's allowance. The exceptions being students in college & troubled teens who grew up in inappropriate environments & dont know better. I'd understand for the latter bc they had bad role models & its not exactly their fault. As for 18+ college students that somewhat depend on their parents its ok to have lots of flings, but once graduated & working enough its not acceptable to fuck so often while living w/ fam. I find it repulsive, disrespectful & unprincipled when women with kids fuck guys left & right as if they aren't mothers or wives/daughters parasitically living off partners/parents. I'm supportive of women having a very active sexlife if they're financially self reliant, single, childless & have earned the adult right to fuck w/o owing anyone any justifications for hooking up as much as they desire. So if a woman like I described just now has had "xxx" amount of encounters, it doesn't make her unsavory. I'll admit from experience names are forgotten after a while especially, if it was a one time occurence, it's a bit unsettling, but hey it would be more if it was money owed forgotten. I see nothing wrong w/ a female's partner count being on the higher range so long as its done w/o deceit like behind a partner's back (cheating) or while neglecting offspring for dick (ex:nympho single moms) & when a woman is economically independent too.

Jimbo's picture

I don't think this piece chastises pre- or extra-marital sex in and of itself. It just deals with how some guys (or according to Chase, most guys) could be uncomfortable with their girls' pasts, usually not because they find it immoral, but because of some kind of mix of fear of comparison and having an easier time impressing or controlling an inexperienced girl than an experienced one. They don't want a girl to think, "He's nothing like Steve" mid-sex for instance or when she sees his dick.

Now is this conservatism towards high-count girls warranted or rational? I don't know. I kind of don't care about the partner count whether it's 2 or 200, so I have no dog in this fight. But then again, I'm more of a special case because I'll be marrying first and foremost to have a certain number of kids, a very high one, so anything other than this particular goal, like sex or relationship, comes second. She could be the biggest slut the world has ever born, if she has certain physical traits, an IQ above 90, is young, and is fertile to perpetuate my own traits, she's good to go. Though, again, since I'm probably in the minority male opinion on this issue, you might want to take second opinons.

Which reminds me, a suggestion to Chase would be to make polls or some sort of surveys on different topics, like this one, that way we'd know where the general opinion lies on this or that issue. It could be broken down by age, race, country, etc. Some are very easy to make and embed here with Survey Monkey for instance.

And since I started suggesting, another one would be to add a "report typos" option at the end of each article, because I do come across a few of them pretty regularly.

JJ's picture

Thx for your kind input Jimbo! I realize for most men these insecurities about a females partner count bc they feel threatened by other men & perhaps unsophisticated around women who are cultured & sharp. I mean it's natural to feel self conscious to an extent, bc there are always going to be more attractive, wittier & more enigmatic rivals,but it shouldn't be a crippling fear. After all, competition starts off more exciting, but once the novelty wears off the odds shift & many of us end up on the same playing field. I personally, approve of a guy or girl who has been with numerous partners so long as they are safe practicioners, unattatched yadda yadda. I believe you have to explore & experience in order to learn what you genuinely want. Obviously, we are ever evolving & our desires change, so we don't entirely know what we want at all times. I've witnessed countless inexperienced women spiral down the guttter when temptation is laid out in front of them bc they don't know how to handle it. That's why I would encourage if I had daughters to test the waters & not rush into marriage or pregnancy after the first guy or two they're with bc they'd very likey come to regret it. I'm in the minority too, but I'm upfront. A lot of ppl are hypocrites, I know too many women who preach that other females shouldn't have a significant sexual history, yet they themselves fuck the equivalent of a small city-state's population every year. It is is what it is.

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

This isn't a rant, complaining, or anything, but this is how I really feel, the thoughts i have everyday, even tho I go out and pick up still. It's a nagging feeling I want to stop.

Lately I've been feeling extremely insecure about my age, especially this year for some reason.

I just feel so old, I worry about not being as good in sports as I used to be, as muscular, I even worry about ed, I wanna fuck these hoes for a long time.

I know I'm not old, but I feel old when I'm picking up.

I feel no one picks up girls unless they are already pretty good with girls after doing it in their younger years.

Every time I go out I always worry about looking like an old creepy guy, even though Im not really old.

Then there's this forum I visit, it's mostly about everything, but there are many guys talking down on men being older with younger women. And these are black men saying a guys a creep of he's 35 and she's 19. A few disagree, but it's crazy, a lot of guys talk shit about older men with younger women, they even say you need money or you're a pervert, etc. The girls talk shit too.

I know you said to not worry about them, but it's hard not to because I'm still getting the basics down with pick up.

I have doubts and I always feel so old, people are surprised at my age when they find out, they ssy they didnt know i was that old, and some say I should start a family.

I feel old walking around trying to pick up girls, I feel they'll think I'm old too.

Then when I go out I see all of these girls with under 21 bands at the club, I feel old as shit.

I feel I can't date around, have fun, and have sex with tons of girls like I could have when I was younger.

You know what I mean, like going over to different girls house and fuckin them, chillin, you know younger guy shit. I feel they'll expect you to do more than that because you're older .

I also feel girls expect more from me too because of my age.

I never tell anyone what I'm doing tho.

The reason I'm tripping is because I never felt like this. Last year I didn't feel old, now all I think about is how old i am, and worry about old people problems.

I really really didn't want to write this because I know I say it from time to time, but I don't tell anyone else, and I keep it bottled inside me.

To be honest I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not old and weird for picking up chicks at my age.

1. Is starting out with picking up women at my age norrmal with guys you've worked with before, or know personally ?

I feel guys do this at an earlier age and are done, and I'm the old dude just getting started.

2. I always have these negative thoughts, " I'm too old and it's too late to do this, that I should settle down and stop wasting my time. I missed my chance when I was younger, guys your age don't go out and approach women, only young guys chase tail, you should be focus on other things, girls don't want you because you're old, etc."

I go through these thoughts 24/7, when I get up, do what I do during the day, when I go to sleep, all I think about, and this depressing.

I can't get girls with these negative thoughts in my head when I'm picking up.
How can I just stop feeling like this or thinking like this, and continue with my life and doing what I want to do not giving a fuck? And realizing that I'm not too old for this?!

Thank you so much for everything Chase!

SZ's picture

Besides girls, it's like people don't respect older people as well, younger people look at you as some old ass man, when you're barely older than they are.

People seem to always start out with their careers when they're very young, like rappers now are all like 18-23, that's who everyone listens to, one rapper said, if you're over 25 you're an old ass dude, the problem is since he's saying that, people who listen to him will feel the same way and call them old too.

I see these Instagram hoes, all showing how young they are all in their early 20s making hella money, getting hella likes, I don't see many older girls in their 20s.

A lot of bloggers start in their 20s also.

People that are online personalities are all in their early 20s or teens. They even call themselves old and they're still in their 20s.

People don't care if you're older and have a nice car or a nice house when you're older, they care when you're in your early 20s. You're supposed to have those things when you're older, when you're younger people respect you more.

If you don't have your shit together by your mid twenties you're looked at as worthless. All I see and hear is if you're in your mid 20s, you can't live at home, must have this type of car, make this much money, can't go to the club, etc.

They act like once you reach a certain age, you can't struggle at all, it's like they expect everything to be in your possession once you reach a certain age.

Like who doesn't want a nice house, or a nice car. You think people don't want those things?

People just look down on you because you're older, no matter what age. It's like it's not normal to do fun things at an older age. There is no respect for older people at all, when people know how old you are you are looked at different.

People talk about age, from being a rapper, being an online personality, dating girls, pretty much anything and it isn't fair at all to be treated or looked at with so much disrespect. Even if you're a little bit older.

It's like if you're over 23, then you can't be great because no one will respect you because of your age.

Jobs also discriminate too.

I don't understand how i am supposed to be happy and not think bad about myself with this bullshit going on, this is all I hear and read every single day, online and offline.

It's like if you're old why try to be anything great, it's too late.

Chase Amante's picture


You have an incredible, sustained long-term fixation on / insecurity about age.

There's nothing I can say that can help. I've answered all your questions on age dozens of times already.

Because you've blown it up to such a huge degree, you have a lot of confirmation bias that revolves around the issue. So anything someone says or does that disputes the "age is less relevant" narrative you shrug off or ignore. Meanwhile, anything someone says or does that reinforces the "age is so, so relevant" narrative you hook onto and inflate.

Age is like anything. There are some people who care about it a lot. There are some people who barely care about it. There are a lot of people along the spectrum somewhere between those two poles. There are some women with an "older guy fetish" who are disgusted by men their age or even a few years younger and only want to date guys 10+ years older than them. There are women with younger guy fetishes who only want to date younger men. Women of all age groups fall into all these categories. Different women are different.

You will find what you look for. If you're convinced every woman cares about age, you'll ignore younger women who are into you or write them off as flukes or assume you misinterpreted their interest. Meanwhile any time a younger girl rejects you you'll say, "There, see? I knew it. They think I'm too old!"

Until you realize the INSECURITY is the problem, and not whether and how much women actually care about age, you'll be stuck dealing with this.

There will always be women who don't like you because you're too young/old/short/fat/skinny/muscular/tall/dark/light/bald/hairy/hairless/whatever. You're too young for one girl and not young enough for another. You're too black for one girl and too white for another. You're too broke for one girl and too much of a poseur for trying to make it to another.

Until you make your peace with that, this is going to keep happening to you:

Moral of the story: try to please everyone, and you will please no one.


Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

I really like your zinger comeback article, still hoping to see your final reveal for the witty banter as having limitless playful material would be a great tool dealing with girls who don't talk much or girls being difficult or pretty much many situations...including the "hard girls" ;)

Namely, I came across one today.

Incidentally, more tools to deal with hard girls would be great:) if you can make an article or list for that, great stuff !

Re: Shy or uninterested? My instincts say shy...

Need some reference points from you for this one.

I sat next to her and was fixated on my phone.
I noticed her seemingly nervous but also trying to catch my attention.
I also couldn't catch her looking as when I look, she looks away quickly.
But I open her anyway with SR and she gave a big smile.

After the opener, I asked about her, what's she up to.
Got to her studies and she didn't seem to know why she's doing science with a "I like it" in a neutral yet unsure tone. I threw in a tease about how my friend didn't change major until he was done...did his due twice!
But yeah, nothing from her.

I let a pause as I focus back on my phone for abit and she waited a minute before putting both earphone back in. Seeing nothing from her, Started her up again and asking about the music she's listening to.
I suspect she's shy as she seem to not be able to hold her eye contact with me as strong as in the beginning the more I deep dive. So I wanted to test her... A small voice inside me whispered, "compliance."

So I asked about her music and asked to get a listen:

Her: Oh it's not that good
Me: Maybe let me take a hear and see
Her: Nah it's not good

I could have added "I'm sure it's not that bad" to be on her side as opposed to have a evaluation frame...
which might also be why she said no if she's shy and worries about how I thought of her...

I have no clue.. I dropped it because I was tired and not in the mood for pulling a Colt's from his "Awkward girls" article (give an energetic playful push and lead with playful content all the way).

I was running out of playful ideas myself when she wasn't giving me things to work with.

Questions Summary:
So, how can we differentiate between shy vs. uninterested?

And what to do afterwards if she is truly shy?

And if Colt's technique (i.e. do the playful role and carry the entire load of conversation) is one of them, how the heck do we generate so much playful stuff?
*wink *wink* Lawliet awaits your witty banter article ;)

Or any other insight on alternative solutions would be great too.

Best regards,

Chase Amante's picture


Get better at asking for compliance.

If a girl is a captive audience, and she's at least somewhat warm/receptive, you should be able to insist harder in a fun and more playful way that she comply: "Oh, come on, I'll be the judge, let me have a listen. Don't be a tunes hog." Facial expressions and body language and tone are all vital here.

Make it fun, make it playful, and insist. If she warms up after she complies, she's into you. If she acts weirded out and annoyed, then she wasn't and was just being sociable.


Robinhood's picture

Hey Chase! How bad, if at all, is it if this post-coital dance starts before sex? She's wayy into me emotionally but no sex yet. How to ask girls about personal information/hidden past when in an intimate moment and shes being open and honest without raising her alarms and making it look like you are using her oxytocin rich state to get information out of her?

How to reconciliate between compliance and dependence? I went a bit too far in compliance with a girl and it kind of fired back in the way that she started taking wayy more care of me than required and trying to do everything for me, killing my agency and ambition in the process. It didnt go that far and i pulled back by identifying the problem. Women dont want to pet you as their baby lol or do they? What was that on her part? A test?

And how to respond when girls (or men for that matter) promise to give/do something for you , say a favor, but fail to deliver? Happened with the same girl. It can be very frustrating as one stops doing that thing on your own and waiting for the favor to happen. Makes you look needy too if you ask again about it.

On ur very interesting big-dealism article... I am going through this big deal-ism and trying to rectify this mentality. Can u do an article on what leads to this? That might lead to more self-awareness and better handling of this. Maybe prevent or minimize the chances of this happening altogether. Does this mentality happens with girls too? Any examples? Thank you.

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