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Ever find yourself talking to a really cute girl, and have her start acting bored and distracted?
You probably began scrambling hard to try and get her interested again. And, if you succeeded, you likely felt like you'd won a crucial victory, and you felt like things with this girl were now stronger than ever. You'd been on the brink, and recovered.
You also probably were very careful to keep her interested after that, and stay on topics she'd find engaging, and off topics she wouldn't like. You worked harder to make things work, and likely came to value her more highly than you do other women who never seemed bored with you.
I want to work on getting you doing the same thing now with women. We've talked about nonverbal communication before here; this is another piece of the nonverbal puzzle. In this post, I'm going to show you how you can use boredom and the bored look to keep women off of bad topics and on good ones, and make them pay more attention and invest more in your conversations.
This is a strategy that women use all the time. So let's even the odds a little bit and get you using it too.
Comments
Hey Chase, Great article. One
Hey Chase,
Great article. One of my friends does this often, yet he doesn't do it during conversations like you talked about. Instead he does it often when not talking to girls and it gets them to approach him? Why is that?
Re: Hey Chase, Great article. One
Howdy Mike,
The bored look is great for getting you opened, yeah. If you're somewhere by yourself, or your friends are all off doing something, throwing a bored, blasé expression on your face and just staring off into space, rotating your eyes to a different part of the room every so often, and kind of sighing boredly from time to time, makes women stop and take notice of you. They tend to start hovering closer and closer so you can talk to them, or they'll open you themselves sometimes.
In my estimation, it works because it does two things. The first is that it clearly demonstrates that unlike all the other lower status guys who are caught up in what's going on around them, excited by things, looking greedily at cute girls, and such things, you're unmoved by all of this, and thus... must be incredibly high status and above it all. Which is very attractive to people (women looking like this often draw men to them as well).
The other thing the bored look does is it makes you seem much more approachable to girls who are in an approaching state-of-mind than the guys who are having a great time, or the super intense guys, or those caught up in discussion or doing something else. A girl sees a bored guy, and figures he's going to love having some company or a distraction, and is a lot less risky to approach than the super excited dancing guy, who might ignore her or think her energy isn't high enough, or the sad depressed guy, who's going to make her feel bad.
The bored looking high status-y guy is approachable and attractive, which works out to be a winning combination a heck of a lot of time.
Ever think about trying your pal's approach out yourself? Miming the people around you who are doing this thing or that thing successful is a great way to pick up powerful new skills and abilities. Definitely worth a shot if you haven't tried it.
Chase
When it works, it's so easy...
I agree with Chase.
I was at a party last week and it was past the three hour stay. I begin to sit there by myself holding onto my drink and playing with my phone.
Trust me, there's alot of girls not getting enough of what they want, off and on the dancefloor. Seeing someone like me that's comfortable in his own skin and not caring got me a girl and a two others on the move.
It was actually a test, to see how many people I can draw without moving.
An guess what? Got seven people with a group photo and I was still sitting in my seat :)
What if a you start to use
What if a you start to use the expression... and the lady confronts you on it?
"What am I boring you?" with some acid to their voice or other combative initiative tone.
Say no
Say no, in the most blatantly bored tone you can muster, pause, then look at her sideways and let a cheeky/sly grin spread across your face.
She'll laugh and respond with something like "I AM boring you!" or "You ASSHOLE!" followed by "Well what do YOU want to talk about then?"
That's my experience of it.
Try it and see :)
When someone else is talking to her
Hey Chase,
I've been reading your articles for a short while now and have learn't more from you than I could ever have expected. I'm endlessly impressed with how you not just give us valuable techniques we can use in the field but also explain the thinking behind these techniques and develop in us an understanding of women and the human mind in general. An understanding which we can then apply to new or unexpected situations and use to develop our own theories and techniques for others to benefit from, which (I think) is what you intended.
I'm a student and haven't yet been able to afford your E-book yet so you can imagine my excitement at finally seeing an opportunity to contribute and make some repayment for everything I've learn't from you and Ricardus. So here goes:
Imagine you are somewhere social speaking alone with a girl -it could be a bar or a party- and a friend of yours approaches and asks you something. Despite yourself he manages to engage you and the conversation gets a little carried away. Fast forward a few minutes and you turn back to the girl to see she has been sitting there awkwardly the whole time waiting for you to get back to her.
What goes through your head?
This happened to me some time ago and while I certainly felt bad (with good reason!) I also found myself immediately losing a lot of respect for her. This in turn quickly led to me losing my interest in her. Now to turn the tables.
How many times have you met a girl somewhere and had everything go well, then she's been drawn into a conversation as you stand there dumbly wondering what to do?
Afterwards she might have apologised sincerely and resumed where you left off. However, if the conversation carried on more than a couple of minutes -by her preference or not- it's likely she too lost respect for you. More importantly, you missed out on a valuable opportunity to turn a bad situation into a good one. Now, it would be unreasonable to expect that interruptions will never happen, and when they do the bored look is a good way to respond. But when these interruptions start to drag out, and the boredom risks turning to annoyance, what would any truly high status person do?
They would find something better to do!
A high status person values their time far too much to waste it sitting around doing nothing. So they find a valuable way to occupy their time. What I propose is this. The next time an interruption starts to drag on, turn away and strike up a conversation with someone else. If no one is close enough walk away and do the same thing. Here are the reasons why:
1 It shows off your social savvy. Chase has said before that women are attracted to socially skilled men. Nothing says socially skilled like being able start an engaging conversation with a stranger off the bat the moment you begin to get bored.
2 It gets her chasing you. In order to get your attention again, rather than just turn back to you like she would if you were just sitting there waiting, she has to reengage you. If you don't let her interrupt you it also makes her wait until you've finished what you're saying to do so. Additionally, if you've wondered off she has to go looking for you to then do the above. All significant investment on her part.
3 It weeds out the time wasters. The only girls that will bother to do the above are those that are genuinely interested in you. Furthermore turning away from an interruption to see that you've had no trouble keeping yourself entertained can sufficiently impress a girl that even one that would have otherwise wasted your time might take a real interest in you.
4 It stops resentment. The annoyance that would eventually replace the boredom can quickly become resentment at being made to wait. I know I've felt as much before. And what we feel on the inside often shows on the outside. This bitterness could easily destroy a potential relationship. If however, you stopped this at the boredom and went on to have a great conversation you would have nothing to feel resentful about. Problem solved.
5 It gets her respect. If you have refused to waste your time waiting for her to finish she will see that you value your time highly and will begin to respect it more herself. In future she will be far more hesitant to get roped in to a conversation while with you.
6 You have fun. You have a nice conversation AND you get the girl. Wasn't this all mean't to be fun?
There have been many times when I've walked away from a girl only to have her come and find me well over an hour later with her interest not at all diminished. These times I've carried on as if nothing happened. It's important not to show any resentment to her. You weren't punishing her for wasting your time by walking away and talking to a group of cute girls. You were making the most of the night and being the sociable and friendly creature that you are. And if you end up going home with the person you chose to speak to, all the better. Try it and see how it works for you.
Hope it helps.
Chase, you not only teach us how to become more successful with women but also work hard to further our advancement as human beings. And that is something I believe every educational institution should aspire to.
Feel free to use any of what I have written as you please and if this somehow ends up contributing to a future article and a quote from here brings you another thousand customers know that I would still be in your debt.
Dearest regards,
Endswell
bored look not working
The bored look is not working. I try it a lot. I don't do clubs, so I try only in daygame, bars, coffe shop, mall and it doesn't work.
Maybe I don't know how to be bored. But that will be really stupid.
I never get a positive reaction from bored look.
Indeed this does not work. It
Indeed this does not work. It's silly to even think that it can. Because women approach men maybe 2% of the time. give me a break. You're just writing to be writing.
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