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Love seems like the ultimate female obsession. But do girls
actually desire love as much as it seems? The answer is “It depends.”
In my article on dating mistakes, a reader asks about women and love:
“What about girls & wanting to fall in love? I think most women deep down want “true love”, aka to find a sexy, awesome guy who they fall in love w/ (w/ the great sex, & intrigue, mystery & all that).
Love being a strong connection, caring for & bonding, etc. Also society paints it as wife-husband but whatever the label, the concept’s the same: to fall in love w/ an awesome guy & for it to last is what most women want at the core – What do you think of that theory? ”
If you watch a lot of cinema, you’re likely quick to answer, “Of course!”
Love – it makes the world go ‘round. All you need is love. And all the other slogans like that.
Contents
And love is a wonderful thing. It’s a great emotion. It’s an important one, too.
But is it, in the innermost hearts of womankind, truly what the fairer sex seeks?
As you likely know by now, if you’re hoping for the Hollywood party line, this isn’t the site for that. However, before I give you a straight answer, I’d like to explore a little of the science on love with you.
And then we’ll talk about how important it really is to women.
Comments
Thanks man + security question
Thanks for replying to my comment and writing an article on this topic Chase! Cool to see.
Ironically, yesterday I was actually thinking about this & your reply to my comment & so I got thinking. I remembered how in one line in some article you wrote, "Women always love the cool guy" and that seems to pretty hold true in real life & people tend to respect the cool guy which led me to see the cool guy is cool caz he does his own thing, he his own person, he knows who is he, in a theoretical sense. So it's like the "strong man" thing, women love guys who are their own person, a person who can lead themselves, who does what he wants for himself, he's non-reactive, etc. so he's strong/ in it's in who he is. And I can see why women get addicted to strong men. It is just that, almost like an addiction. He makes her feel certain ways - like a girl really - and it's like a tug-pull sort of thing. It's then I linked this concept to your concept of struggle-love in she likes to submit article (thanks for linking). And then I started to get the sexual attraction-submission concept you started. I'm really starting to understand more.
So of the 3 concepts you listed, I understand submission better now & sex, but what specifically do you mean by security? Like how can one walk a mid-line with this, esp for girlfriends/long-term? Caz in your comment reply (http://www.girlschase.com/comment/80339#comment-80339), you talked about the dream of girls of between exciting and safe.
Overall, I feel like I've taken another step forward to a more reality-based view of women/romance. I like from this article that I can see different girls want different things, and I do want a girl(s) who are looking more for love/romance/bonding, but there has to be basics of submission, who I am as a guy, sex, ^security you said in the relationship for things to go well. Gotta get the fundamentals of relationships with girls down essentially.
Appreciate this Chase. This website is a great resource for guys (& girls).
Also a possible tip would be to write an article about all of this girl-stuff, to a certain level is not that hard. From reading Hector's article of cuckoldry/dominance, I know some guys & me certainly a while back who have less experience/less belief in ourselves, that we see ourselves as the guy the girls leave and cheat on. But in reality, if a guy works on himself for a couple years - esp w/ the help of a website like this - , a guy can prob eclipse 80-85% of guys in the dating place and prob doesn't have to worry w/ most girls leaving him/treating him like trash if he can hold his own in a relationship/be a guy pretty much and get her to submit so she can feel like a girl in the relationship and be happy, and so long he doesn't pick girls who are crazy/much higher partner counts/etc. aka picking the right kinds of girls too.
Essentially just taking men who feel bitter/not good enough/not capable enough and showing them that hey it's not that hard. It's about understanding if a guy wants girls and wants something from them, he should see what they want and give them what they want. I feel like you wrote a couple articles similar to this recently but yea just spreading more hope in articles like those that are more advanced would less alienate beginners IMO.
Thanks again for writing this post - SF
RE: one more tip
Also in some articles, it could be helpful to continue to reharp the concept of "different women like different things", just like different people and guys like different things.
A beginner can read one thing about "girls liking this..." in an article and that's the way to do things w/ all women, but in reality, for some things, some women will like that thing, some won't or won't really care.
Like the actors v. bonders article was good to differentiate of how different kinds of girls value different things in their mates. Aside from the fundamentals of attraction, relationships/sex, strong guy, etc. in my opinion, there is no one exact way to get girls, so many different styles and ways which different kinds of girls will respond to, even in relationships, like this article showed.
That concept I feel could be better emphasized in other articles too so it doesn't sometimes feel like a guy HAS to do this or that and all these specific things to get girls, esp w/ beginners, who can take it that way.
Security, Universal Value vs. Specific Value
SanFran-
You're very welcome. Glad to hear how it's all coming together!
The concept of security in relationships is simply "she feels safe in the relationship." Security is one of the four parts of GISS, my relationship model. I don't think I've written too much on security explicitly on here, since I haven't talked about GISS in-depth, but veins of security run through most of my thoughts on relationships here.
The ideal, harmonic relationship has both excitement and safety for girls. Like watching a horror movie (or a mystery thriller) or riding a roller coaster. Nothing bad will actually happen to her, but it still feels exciting and unpredictable. Obviously your relationship doesn't have to be the same kind of heart-pounding excitement as one of these (it'd be weird if it was), but she should experience excitement within the relationship, without feeling insecure.
Noted on the hope-spreading-type article. I try to get those up now and again without repeating myself too much. Guys like 'em, but it's also one of those things where if you write too many of them, they start going, "Yeah, yeah, I got it, I can do anything, be anything, blah blah. So how do I DO it?" Gotta get the article mix right, on imagination vs. implementation!
And on the "different girls like different things" bit, yes. I've tried especially over the last few years to stress this more in my own articles, and will occasionally edit other writers' articles if I notice them veering into "all girls want X" territory (to make the tone more of a "many girls want X" or a "some girls want X, although other girls want Y, and still more girls want Z" thing). It's important to differentiate between core motivations, which women may more or less all share (e.g., all girls, except maybe a few asexual or lesbian butch chicks, want to be made to submit and want to be penetrated, whether they will admit it in polite company or not), versus preferences (like muscle size preferences, face type preferences, if she likes loud guys or quiet guys more, etc.). That's the "universal value vs. specific value" difference - and it is a key difference.
Chase
how to know what they want
Fascinating article. Thank you.
However, how can I figure out what is her innermost needs( like for your GF's case it was health)?? I can use deep dive during courtship phase, but how I know her innermost driver since a lot of people consciously isn't aware themselves what is going on inside them even. Could you please highlight this side of the equation in details. Thank you. :)
How to Know a Girl's Principle Motivation
Subzz-
Great question. It's mostly about paying attention to her, making guesses based on what you pick up from her, then bouncing them off her to see how she reacts.
Most people are not good at telling you what they do care about (most aren't consciously aware), but are very good about telling you what they do not care about. Your first stab at what motivates her most will usually be wrong, or too one dimensional. But her answers help you flesh her drives out more, and get a better working mental model for what she views as most important. Then you can start running events through the strainer of this model and making predictions about how she should react if she really thinks and feels the way you think she does to see how well your model matches the actual woman.
If that sounds a little complicated, it's mostly just: a.) try to get a feel for what's important to her, b.) tell her, "It seems like the most important things to you are X, Y, and Z - is that correct or am I off the mark?", c.) adjust your model, d.) see if your model allows you to predict how she'll react to various events, e.) repeat the process if your predictions fail.
I'll do a post on it with a more fleshed-out process and some examples to make this clearer.
Chase
Got to love Maslow.
Got to love Maslow.
1. Sex
2. some stuff including intimate sex.
3. some more stuff
4. acceptence of facts.
lol :-)
Is it really that bad?
Maslow
Someguy-
Oh yeah! "Facts" are a fascinating area of study. Philosophers have spent all of human history trying to decide what is and isn't fact. Anything you think is a fact, there's almost certainly someone else with a different opinion, who is just as confident he has the truth and you are a fool that you are that you have the truth and he's the fool.
A lot of the more recent talk in psychology centers on the idea that the human neocortex is not built to comprehend 'facts'. Instead, our neocortex is a narrative-construction engine. We want what we want, adopt the belief systems we need to get us to what we want, and then subscribe to 'facts' that support our adopted narratives.
As you go down Maslow's hierarchy, you tend to find people with increasingly warped or narrow views of the world. It's simply what they need to survive where they are right now. It's also why you can't just pluck a guy out of one kind of situation (like, for instance, some guy who's been in a tough, brutal prison for 20 years) and plop him into another completely different situation (like giving him a bunch of money and inviting him to hang out with a bunch of upper middle class yuppies and attend their parties) and expect him to adapt instantly to his new situation without bringing 'facts of life' from his old situation over. The 'facts' these groups know is quite different, because the situations of their lives are different.
The top of the pyramid is basically "I don't have to worry about any of the lower stuff, and am free to explore the world unimpeded and pursue the pursuits of the mind." That leads to very different perspective from the man at the base, struggling to scratch out a patch of earth on which to survive.
Chase
Security
Great article as always. GirlsChase really helped me to improve my life.
Please do an article on how to provide the security you mentioned without being too boring / predictable.
Thanks alot
Re: Security
Denis-
Check out this article... should hit the spot:
Chase
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