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It’s an unfortunate fact, but true nonetheless: an overwhelming majority of sexual partners lack substantial knowledge as to what actually turns the other one on.
For one reason or another, most people nowadays are either:
- too ashamed,
- too deluded,
- too identified with being a spectator,
- too obsessed with their self-image, or
- simply too inexperienced
... to be particularly good in bed (the last issue is by far the easiest to remedy).
Yet if you want to be able to take on the role of the “lover” in a girl’s life, amazing sex and the opportunity to be around a man with such an exciting, stimulating presence is what you’re implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) offering the girl you’re seducing.
So in this post, I’d like to share with you some basic ways the lover looks at sex, as well as a handful of techniques that you can immediately start to use to take your sex life to the next level.
However, before we get into the tactical goodies, let’s start out with some clarification as to what good sex is... and is not.
Comments
hard sex
can u suggest something about hard sex. i mean when u r with a new girl ,first time,how to lead the entire scene? I also suffer from performance anxiety..any advice?
And thanks for a good article :)
When you like a girl, you are
When you like a girl, you are probably naturally going to want to be persistent and dominant. Acknowledge this and allow yourself to feel this way without self-policing yourself so much.
There's no one way to lead things -- it just depends where you want to go with her. A lot of people I know who have had performance anxiety mostly were suffering from taking things too seriously, and improved when they started to view the whole thing as play (not in a trivial sense, but in the sense of focusing more on mutual amusement).
If you want to read some more specific tips on getting rid of your performance anxiety for good, check out this article: http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-turned-and-beat-performance-an...
Ethan
Finished
I have noticed that you did not mention the practical applications of harmony, pitch
& timbre, why is that? Will you not mention it? It is only fair after all to finish what you started. Thank you and later days
Rhythm
Hey Ethan, loved this article, truly kick ass! However, I'm new to sex and I wonder if you have any tips on developing good rhythm during sex?
1,2,3,4
Hey there, glad you like it :)
Two tips:
1) Count time in your head. Like...
1 , 2 ,3 ,4
1, 2, 3 ,4
1, 2...
Now, this one won't carry you all the way to mastery (which is why I mentioned Wu Wei in this article), but I personally did find some use in it earlier on.
Also, 128 bpm is a solid rate, if you really want to get into this. It's basically the industry standard for mainstream electronic music nowadays. 128 bpm, 4 to the floor. You could probably look it up and find all sorts of other reasons for it, but I think it mostly has to do with the fact that it's a little bit faster than your usual heart rate, so it gets people more excited, but not so fast that there's a ton of activation energy blocking them from syncing up with it.
2) Find an experienced partner
A lot of the trouble with this type of thing is that it's fairly difficult to talk about coherently, especially since it's so often based in our own subjective experiences.
The best teacher out there is practice. I was lucky -- my first partner was significantly more experienced than me and was also very excited about the prospect of "teaching me everything she knew". This is one of the benefits of having a girlfriend who is more experienced than you.
Ethan
confusion
"Also, 128 bpm is a solid rate, if you really want to get into this. It's basically the industry standard for mainstream electronic music nowadays. 128 bpm, 4 to the floor. "
does it mean if i thrust 128 times per min..that would be a solid rate?
Literally
When I think of bpm I think of the speed of the rhythm. Counting to 128 per minute is definitely NOT what I meant -- LOL.
Like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVZk3XND-_Q
P.S. And to nip future confusion in the bud, nor am I recommending not varying things up.
Grat one.
This is a great post. Definitely one of the best ones!
Thanks -- much appreciated !
Thanks -- much appreciated !
What was the dexterous social
What was the dexterous social situation that turned the girl on so much? seems interesting...
Rushing
Hey Ethan, great article loves it!!!! I'm having a bit of a problem though implementing anything new with my girlfriend. Whenever we start foreplay, she rushes and wants me to start screwing her as in she wants to skip foreplay and get right to sex. When I am I being dominant or teasing her to make her wait, she says something along the lines of we don't have time, or I'm losing my horniness, or hurry up and put it in. After I put it in, I try to do all sorts of things like be dominant try the adapted missionary, the tantric moves, but she kind of just sits there like a dead fish even when I try to tease her and emotionally turn her on. When she gets on top she grinds in till she finishes and then falls asleep. But when I'm on top it will reach a point where she will be like hurry and finish I want to actually do things today. How should I proceed in this situation and get her to enjoy sex and take it slower??
Reframe
Hi Anon,
Assuming you want to keep this girlfriend around, the main issue I'm picking up on is one that isn't just about in the bedroom (though this could potentially be resolved there). It's likely that the power balance of the relationship is not in your favor right now, what with her using you as her dildo and being emotionally detached and all.
Some things that could benefit your situation:
-Act more polarizing around her, not just in the bedroom, but everywhere. (Here's a post on the forum from Chase where he goes into this more deeply: http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=10206)
-Give her reason to suspect she doesn't have "exclusive rights" to your sex, if you think she currently feels that way.
-Be less accommodating
-In the bedroom, don't just be dominant in your actions, but also on a meta level; in your frame. This is part of the value of bondage (like what I talked about in the "Sensory Deprivation" section of this post). It's not only fun, but it also reinforces the frame of you as extremely masculine.
You don't just want to fuck her hard and rough. That's dominant, but it's nothing without also having dominant frames in place for the overarching relationship. Imagine yourself as a massive viking who spends his time chopping wood, building ships, going on raids, and spending most of his time alone in the wilderness. Now from that mindset, picture this girl as one among many girls in your town who whisper about you excitedly whenever you walk by and who all want to domesticate you. You might let one domesticate you eventually if they're good enough cooks, but for now you're happy just being free and independent, and, when you want to, fucking her as the physical embodiment of Thor. (Basically this ;) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxrZzNw9Djk)
Essentially, you want to reframe the relationship so she's the one who is chasing you. Remember, chasing doesn't end the moment you get together -- you need to maintain a space for her to invest in you if you want her to not take you for granted.
Also, be willing to walk away from this relationship. It's easier to start a new relationship with the expectations you want to establish than it is to change one that's been going on for a while now that may already be outdated or broken.
Ethan
Tl:dr If you want her to get more emotionally invested in your sex, act like the kind of guy she couldn't resist acting that way with. Tie her up and blindfold her if you think that'd help -- but that's just one tactic. The overarching frame is what really needs to be transformed. If you can't or if you decide doing so would require too much effort, it may be time to move on.
Thank you
Thanks so much this is wonderful advice. I will work on my frame, and may even start spinning plates again thank you!!
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