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When I first decided to start tackling women and dating as a skill set to methodically improve at the end of 2004, I went into it with three distinct aims:
- Be a seductive, charming bad boy,
- Constantly test the limits and push to improve, and
- Make women feel special.
I didn't know exactly what I was doing or how my learning curve would look, but I trusted that as I chipped away at learning the ability to do better with women, I would indeed get it down, as I had a diverse array of other skills.
It wasn't until a year later that I found the pick up community. Many parts of it excited me; I couldn't believe there was an entire group of men who'd worked to develop this same skill set too, some much further along than myself. But there was one part that mystified me:
These guys didn't seem to know how to make a girl feel special.
So much of their stuff revolved around spitting out scripted lines and "canned routines" at girls, which I tried, briefly, but tossed aside after only a few weeks. It didn't feel genuine at all, and it wasn't how I wanted my interactions with women to be.
They had lots of great advice, to be sure; studying the findings of these guys who'd already been down the path I'd set myself out on was immensely helpful. But in that one department -- in making girls feel special -- I was pretty sure I had something they didn't.
Comments
I think that only after being
I think that only after being rejected 100 times for being a sexual machine you can allow yourself to be a 'special' machine. In other words without being rejected a lot you'll care too much about girl losing interest when you're making her feel special. After being rejected a lot you actually care less and realize you can lose her at any moment and stop caring too much. Your ego can handle epic fails now.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Re: I think that only after being
Hey M,
Keep in mind that making a girl feel special doesn't necessarily have to mean that you think she's the light of your life.
You can think of it like this: if you meet a guy at a bar, and really get to talking to him, you can get him telling you his dreams and really encourage him to go after them and make him feel like he's met someone who actually gets him and appreciates him for the guy he is -- which, yeah, you do. But if he then shakes your hand, stands up, and walks out of the bar and you never see him again and never find out if he started that coffee stand you told him he ought to finally get going and start up, you won't be upset, because even though you treated him like a unique, special guy, he wasn't someone you absolutely felt you needed to hang onto.
I'd say work on making people feel special and on being able to deal with rejection simultaneously. I prioritized making girls feel special even back when it was a big blow to my ego when girls walked away from me. At this point, I've been rejected so many times and accepted so many times that my ego remains largely unmoved regardless the outcome -- and yeah, that does make it easier.
But I'm glad I started trying to make girls feel special from the outset, back when every rejection was a crushing blow. Because that meant that, by the time rejection stopped being a problem, making girls feel special ALSO wasn't a problem -- and then I could really rock and roll.
Chase
Question on keeping people off bad topics
Hi chase,
There are a few people I know who no matter how happy they are at the time during a conversation, they eventually start to head towards previous trauma/events. I want to be able to hear them out and genuinely sympathetic to what they experienced. So my question is, when I can see that a conversation is headed to a bad area, how can you steer the discussion to avoid that path? So many times it has happened where a person starts talking, I can see where it's going and I cannot do anything to direct it somewhere better. I want to have positive conversations that bring out the best in people.
Big fan!
Steven
Re: Thread cutting
Hey Steven,
There's a technique called "thread cutting" you can use to do this. I go into it pretty extensively in my book, but yeah, I guess I haven't talked about it on here. Hmm, thought I had.
Well, I might get a post up on it at some point should I remember, but the quick and dirty on it is you can take a word out of the last sentence or two the other person's just uttered, and embark on a new thread.
So, if she says, "God, my sister is so annoying! Every time I talk to her, she hassles me about family events. I can't stand it."
You'd say, "Ah yeah, that's no good. Family events are a big deal in my family too; our last one was held at a park nearby, and all was well and good until a huge rain cloud decided to dump its contents all over our family gathering. Well, we'll probably remember that one forever!"
Pretty simple, but pretty powerful to use to get conversations back on track in a hurry.
Best,
Chase
Hey was just wondering how
Hey was just wondering how you bring back up a girls confidence and trust in you. Recently i broke up with my old GF and i liked this other girl and she told me id better be over the other girl and i lied to her and told her i was, but a few days later i broke out and said i wasnt and kinda went and talked to the other girl again, and when my girl i liked now was mad at me and said she thaught she could trust me. So what would i do after doing something dumb like that?
Thanks
R.C.W
Chase, I have a question. Are
Chase, I have a question. Are you a management consultant? I ask this because your writing style seems extremely data driven and logical.
You prioritize and then explain each issue, without losing on the big picture.
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