Seduction

One of our female readers commented the other day on the article "I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em," about not waiting around for women who aren't interested / are pushing things off indefinitely, saying:

“Matt's letter suggested that you cut a woman off if she won't sleep with you on the first date... that cuts out a lot of good women, including me! If all guys thought like this, I'd never get a boyfriend (or laid) again!
(also, it should be noted, many men claim they 'won't date' a girl who will have sex on the first date, so you can't blame us for taking it slow)”

The topic is one that's been brought up a number of times by male and female commenters here, and done so in a variety of ways. Because the general advice for men on Girls Chase is contrary to conventional advice (i.e., take women to bed as lovers fast, not slow), it tends to provoke excitement in some, but confusion, questioning, or ire in others.

So - when should you have sex?

We've discussed the process of women's attraction expiring for men who fail to move things forward fast enough, but are there other reasons a man ought to take things fast with women he likes, and not slow, as the advice from the mainstream instructs?

And what about for women - is it better for women to make men wait, and if so, how long?

Today, I'm exploring both sides - so buckle up.

In "Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)," I mention a number of different places you can escalate to intimacy with women without being in bed at your home or her home, and a few of the details on doing so. However, guys have continued to ask about how exactly to pull this off... which I understand. If you've never taken a girl anywhere other than your bedchambers, taking her on a bench or a back alley somewhere can feel rather daunting.

You may also even wonder that one thing many a man who's never done something yet with a woman will wonder: "Is she even going to go for this?"

Well, if that sounds like you, then fret no more, for this article is all about answering how to handle those outré sex logistics problems: how do you "get her to agree" to "weird" logistics for sex, how do you set the mood, and how do you actually, you know, physically do it?

In the post on how to pick up girls in bars and clubs, Kb asks, regarding bringing women home or going to their homes:

“Cabbing works pretty well here, but it is not sustainable in my life right now. The night rates are astronomical and as a struggling college student who tries to go out and pull almost every night, I'd soon be living in the streets if I was cabbing every other night back.

So what I really need is a way to go back to HER place. I tried your "got any food at your place?" a few times and while it works with more socially attuned girls, most of the people my age(19) really aren't at that level and just see that as you trying to get free food.

I was wondering if you had any ways to suggest to her that you're going back to her place that while still subtle, will let a not so socially savvy girl know exactly what you are saying without coming out and saying it directly.”

That's a great point from him on one of the downsides of the "got any food" question, and a good question. How do you go to her place?

And how do you do it... smoothly?

This article's here to answer that.

Recently we've been getting a lot of comments from guys asking how to pick up girls at bars and nightclubs. I've even had a few commenters on here asking if any of the material on Girls Chase works in nighttime venues.

Well, that's funny to me, because almost everything I discuss on here was developed, tried, and tested first in bars and clubs.

In fact, to this day, these remain my preferred venue type for picking up. You won't find girlfriend-quality girls hanging out much in these places... and you'll even find some downright crazy girls at times.

But if you want to pull off quick pickups and bring girls home within hours or minutes of meeting them... if you want to put yourself in a venue where much of the screening is already done, and a healthy chunk of the women there are looking for something right now... and if you want to really train and hone and test and refine your skills and abilities with women in a fast-paced, ultra-competitive, extreme-as-extreme-gets environment, bars and clubs are it.

Now if all that appeals to you, well... where do you begin?

With a question on strategies to use on a second date, the Tool (one of our valued readers and forum participants) over on the post requesting ideas for new forum join bonus says:

“Hey Chase, Personally I know myself and alot of other people would appreciate an ebook, or post on how/when to ask for a second date, taking into account certain things that happen on the first. What I mean is, I have no problems getting second dates with girls who I only kiss once on the first date, its the ones who I either have sex with after taking them home or nearly go all the way with that become cold and unresponsive. I myself usually follow the 3 days rule for getting a second date after the first. My process with women i escalate things quickly with is a follow up text the next day asking about how their day was ect or asking how a test went and then i leave it at that, then i wait another two days and go for a second date. the problem is lately these women have been unresponsive to me or do not agree to go on a second and stop contacting me. I believe its because they think I used them for a one night stand when in fact I do truly want more. So what I was wondering is exactly what are the steps you are supposed to take after escalating so fast with a women to secure that second date or future meets?”

So, there's the question of:

1. How do you get a second date with a girl you aren't intimate with yet?
   

... and Tool says he's fine on that count, but I want to cover that one today regardless.

Regarding Tool's comment, he's really asking two questions here:

2. How do you get a second date with a girl you've slept with on the first?

3. How do you get a second date with a girl you almost slept with on the first... then didn't?

All three of these - the girl you haven't been intimate with; the girl you have been intimate with; and the girl you've almost been intimate with but it didn't happen - offer very different and unique cases for setting up a second date.

In today's article, I want to cover two things, then:

• How to get a second date, depending on what happened on the first, and
• How to run that second date.
  

So let's get to it.

In the comments section of "Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work," Maxz had a comment about how to get first date sex:

“Totally right on Chase.

All the girls I have lost are girls I moved slow with, and did not give them what they wanted meaning sex. After I discovered this site, I learnt my lesson in the move fast department. Every girl I meet these days I'm trying to move fast with. From getting them out on a date and so on.

But a question I had for you Chase is I'm still having trouble in the sexual escalation part. How do you get intimate with a girl on date number one and not prolonging dates to two or three before you bed a girl?”

In case you're new here and unfamiliar with the mantra of this site, it's "move fast, skip steps where you can, and take women to bed as soon as possible if you want to stand the greatest chance of keeping them around." The rationale, of course, is that it's easier to keep dating a girl you're already lovers with... than one you aren't.

But what about getting to intimacy on the first date? Can you really get first date sex with girls with any degree of consistency?

Or is it just a myth?

About 3 weeks ago on the post announcing the site's new forum, a reader named "D" asked about escalating things with women, being seductive, and cool – essentially, how to be smooth.

Here's the gist of D's comment:

“Brother, I can initiate with no problems and create that instant attraction. But I seem to hit a wall at some point shortly after. I tend to have difficulty escalating to physicality. Granted I'm not very experienced in my endeavors but have been reading, studying, and trying to better myself; both in my body language and self image.

I need to know how to ignite the spark that I create and squirt a little gas on it.

I can create an opener from nothing and sometimes get 1 or 2 dates. Then something goes south. I try to be funny and witty, which works with openers, but I need to flip the switch to escalation and being SMOOTH to seal the deal! I feel like I have read almost everything out there so please my brother, let me know if you have any advice. I appreciate all that you've done and anything you can do to help me. Thank you!”

And just a week ago, another commenter, xChaser, this time on the post about anxiety in men, asked about something very similar, saying:

“Hi Chase,

I again want to let you know you blog is impacting lot of guys lives. I have improved a lot from implementing what's discussed here. I have one request on a topic that pretty much helps the new guys not end up wasting lot of time.

Basically what I noticed is as we gain in knowledge, we get more succesful at dealing with girls, but after moving quite forward in the interaction sometimes [after] a small mistake the girl drops you like a ball, never to recover.

Could you cover a topic around this major critical point where you up the ante and at least during initial days avoid those traps rather getting dropped flat after spending so much time on the girl.

I guess you got my point.

Thanks in advance,
xChaser”

Both commenters are asking about something I call "transition points" – those moments in an interaction with a woman where it's time for you to take things to the next level... if you can only figure out how.

Most guys can't, and drop the ball, as xChaser put it.

But what if you didn't drop the ball?

What if you could handle transition points like a pro every time?

What I'm asking is... what if you knew how to be smooth?

Because that's what I'm going to teach you to be today.