Seduction

In the post on how to pick up girls in bars and clubs, Kb asks, regarding bringing women home or going to their homes:

“Cabbing works pretty well here, but it is not sustainable in my life right now. The night rates are astronomical and as a struggling college student who tries to go out and pull almost every night, I'd soon be living in the streets if I was cabbing every other night back.

So what I really need is a way to go back to HER place. I tried your "got any food at your place?" a few times and while it works with more socially attuned girls, most of the people my age(19) really aren't at that level and just see that as you trying to get free food.

I was wondering if you had any ways to suggest to her that you're going back to her place that while still subtle, will let a not so socially savvy girl know exactly what you are saying without coming out and saying it directly.”

That's a great point from him on one of the downsides of the "got any food" question, and a good question. How do you go to her place?

And how do you do it... smoothly?

This article's here to answer that.

With a question on strategies to use on a second date, the Tool (one of our valued readers and forum participants) over on the post requesting ideas for new forum join bonus says:

“Hey Chase, Personally I know myself and alot of other people would appreciate an ebook, or post on how/when to ask for a second date, taking into account certain things that happen on the first. What I mean is, I have no problems getting second dates with girls who I only kiss once on the first date, its the ones who I either have sex with after taking them home or nearly go all the way with that become cold and unresponsive. I myself usually follow the 3 days rule for getting a second date after the first. My process with women i escalate things quickly with is a follow up text the next day asking about how their day was ect or asking how a test went and then i leave it at that, then i wait another two days and go for a second date. the problem is lately these women have been unresponsive to me or do not agree to go on a second and stop contacting me. I believe its because they think I used them for a one night stand when in fact I do truly want more. So what I was wondering is exactly what are the steps you are supposed to take after escalating so fast with a women to secure that second date or future meets?”

So, there's the question of:

1. How do you get a second date with a girl you aren't intimate with yet?
   

... and Tool says he's fine on that count, but I want to cover that one today regardless.

Regarding Tool's comment, he's really asking two questions here:

2. How do you get a second date with a girl you've slept with on the first?

3. How do you get a second date with a girl you almost slept with on the first... then didn't?

All three of these - the girl you haven't been intimate with; the girl you have been intimate with; and the girl you've almost been intimate with but it didn't happen - offer very different and unique cases for setting up a second date.

In today's article, I want to cover two things, then:

• How to get a second date, depending on what happened on the first, and
• How to run that second date.
  

So let's get to it.

In the comments section of "Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work," Maxz had a comment about how to get first date sex:

“Totally right on Chase.

All the girls I have lost are girls I moved slow with, and did not give them what they wanted meaning sex. After I discovered this site, I learnt my lesson in the move fast department. Every girl I meet these days I'm trying to move fast with. From getting them out on a date and so on.

But a question I had for you Chase is I'm still having trouble in the sexual escalation part. How do you get intimate with a girl on date number one and not prolonging dates to two or three before you bed a girl?”

In case you're new here and unfamiliar with the mantra of this site, it's "move fast, skip steps where you can, and take women to bed as soon as possible if you want to stand the greatest chance of keeping them around." The rationale, of course, is that it's easier to keep dating a girl you're already lovers with... than one you aren't.

But what about getting to intimacy on the first date? Can you really get first date sex with girls with any degree of consistency?

Or is it just a myth?

When I was in college, a bunch of my floor mates wanted to know how to break the ice, and as a result started bandying around a new line to use with women. It went like this:

Guy: Hey, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Girl: No... how much?

Guy: Enough to break the ice! Hi, I'm Hal.

It's cute, but fortunately for you, there are many more ways you can use to break the ice with women that are a lot less cheesy than this.

Ice-breaking is a "line" than it is a technique, done properly. And there's more to ice-breaking than simply starting a new conversation.

In the article "How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED," on the function of playfulness, I noted:

“Socially talented men employ playfulness for exactly TWO reasons:

1. Breaking the ice, and
2. Reducing tension
   

... that's it. Playfulness only serves those two functions. They're two sides of the same coin, really - the "ice" that you break is really just the tension that comes before initiating a conversation where no one really knows what to say yet to do that.”

And what I'm going to talk about in this article is exactly that - reducing tension, and breaking the ice. Although there are some differences between the two, there's a lot of overlap as well... so we'll cover both in this post.

Early in my seduction career, I studied everything I could from the guys I considered the "top guys" who'd come before me. But I especially focused on the guys who really good were but who didn't know how to market themselves... essentially, the hidden gems of seduction.

What I realized was that the mainstream school of thought on picking up women was almost as dogmatic as mainstream society itself; while mainstream society believed in:

• Be nice to women
• Take things slow
• Just be yourself
• Pay for dates
• No sex until the third date

The pickup community at the time I entered also had its own tenets, chiefly:

• Follow the 3-second rule of approaching
  
• Seductions must unfold over 7+ hours
• You must be impressive and show higher value
  
• You must follow a "method" - certain steps and procedures, routines, etc.
• Fast seductions were "fools mates" and only happened with "easy" women

Which to me seemed a definite step up and an improvement from what mainstream society preaches, but... it still seemed a bit too limiting and contrived.

Why do you need some complicated procedure to "show your value" to women? Why do you have to go through some whole song and dance just to get girls?

I ended up searching out unconventional teachers and older guys in the community who'd largely vanished from the main forums and hang outs, convinced I could learn the things from them that the rest of the devotees of the social and seductive arts seemed not to know.

And by and large, I did.

And one of the greatest lessons I learned from these studies was how to find out the answer to the question "what does she want?" using a forgotten technique its originator called "eliciting values."

I'm going to teach you that technique today.

Sometime back ago, when I was still new to learning about seduction, I shared with a friend the tale of a girl I'd gone out with and the sexual dialogue I'd tried using to get her mind going the right way... and how disappointed I was it hadn't seemed to have had the desired effect.

“My man,” I remember him saying to me at the time, “I notice you keep trying to use words to get women excited and turned on. But words aren't very good at this. You need to use sexual tension.”

And I heard this, and I thought it sounded like a great idea... except I had no idea how to create sexual tension, how to use it, or where to even start with it. And my friend, for all his wisdom, was at a loss to explain it.

So, I did what any real student of anything does who is unable to find the answer by simpler means, and I embarked on a quest to discover the mechanisms of this phenomenon and to find the key to unlock its power for myself.

Recently, years later, I found myself in the opposite position, recommending to readers that they use sexual tension, this time in the “How to Kiss a Girl” article from last week, and having the very first commenter on the post, a guy named Josh, remark:

“I would like to see a post on sexual tension. How and when to create it and sustain it. I see you mention touching and proximity to create this and maybe some eye contact that last just a little to long. Those along with some playful banter maybe as well? It's amazing how much of flirting and seduction are non-verbal.”

Well Josh, the fortunate thing is, unlike my friend from that conversation past, this is one I had to put together over time and figure out the puzzle pieces for, and I can both tell you how to create it, and tell you how to use it.

Now let me show you how you can build and direct sexual tension to drive the women you meet lusty, horny, and randy, in minutes or less.

We don't talk much on here about how to kiss a girl, typically because we're more focused on helping you to get girls in bed - why spend much time on the appetizer when you can skip right to the main event?

But even if you're working to turn yourself into the kind of irresistible man a woman simply can't say "no" too, it's still worth putting some time into bringing up your kissing technique. Why? Because it's one of those small edges that fold into the big picture that is you, and the impression you make on girls.

In other words, being a talented kisser makes you better able to achieve the kind of results you really want with women: namely, hot, steamy liaisons with beautiful girls you really dig.

Even if you simply run through a seduction quickly with a woman, and then plant a mind-blowing kiss on her, it still helps:

• It helps remove any last minute resistance you might run into prior to intimacy,

• It helps her switch off her logical mind and be there in the moment,

• And it helps her realize that yes, you are exactly the kind of charming, seductive, sexy man she's always dreamed of meeting.

So on those notes, I want to address the reader from Slovenia who commented the following over on the article on how to get a phone number:

“I've read around 95% of your articles and let's say trained myself to an intermediate level... or something more than a pure begginer lets say.
Tnx to you again ;)

Still I have problems when it comes to Physical Escalation... but not problems with getting laid. I have serious problems with the transition from conversation to kissing. Once the kissing is on I have very few problems with bed magic.

I have actually never read any insight that would break down how to get closer and closer, when/how to start putting my arm around or something, hug her, kiss her on her cheeks or I don't fkin know... My question would sound like this:

HOW to get to kissing part if you do everything wright?

I have serious problems with this transition. And I angry even more because I know I would have gotten laid so many times If I had only mastered this part... And I will sooner or latter.”

And he's right. That's a tough transition, from conversation to kissing and being physical together, and for a lot of guys it can be one of the most challenging things to learn. Transitions in general are pretty tough stuff, and you'll find that most of your obstacles as you improve with women and dating come when you find yourself struggling to transition from one phase of an interaction to the next.

So let me give you an article on how to kiss a girl that'll help you navigate this transition a lot more smoothly... a lot more naturally... and as a bonus, teach you exactly how to lay one on her that she'll remember for a long, long time.