How to be a Hard Target, Pt. II: Relationships | Girls Chase

How to be a Hard Target, Pt. II: Relationships

hard target relationships
A hard relationship target: the guy who isn’t a pushover in his relationships. Rebounders, damsels in distress, and gold diggers beware.

Last week, I kicked off the ‘hard target’ series with a look at the commonest swindlers you’ll meet when dating. I talked about how to recognize them, what their motives are, and how to counter them. You can read Part I of the hard target series here: How to be a Hard Target, Pt. I: Dating.

If you’re just tuning in, a ‘hard target’ is someone who’s not an easy mark for a schemer, predator, two-timer, or manipulator. When a two-timer crosses paths with a hard target, she’ll have a hard time getting anywhere with him. She’ll realize she probably can’t pull one over on him, and either stop trying, or move on to find an easier target.

Being able to recognize those who would use you in ways that don’t benefit you is vital. These individuals will run slipshod on your life if you let them. They often weasel their ways in with charm and ersatz affection, or by causing you to doubt your own intuitions.

In today’s installment of the hard target series, we’ll talk relationships. Namely, how to recognize girls inclined to use you in ways you won’t like. And, how to avoid being used.

As always, my advice if you realize you’re with a girl who’s bad news is “drop her”... However, I realize that’s easier said than done. Once your life is entwined with hers, it can be hard to let go. So, read on, and hopefully we can prevent you getting too deep with a bad news girl before it’s too late... Or give you a few firefighting tactics to limit your exposure to her if it already is.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

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Comments

SZ's picture

With being the secret lover..... that's how I am mostly with my women, but not all want to do this.

With being a secret lover, do you just go straight ahead and have dates at your house or hers, instead of going out?

Wouldn't a girl feel some type of way if you went out for a first date, then after that you don't take her out for a while?

For the first date at the house, what's the best way to handle it? Should I just go ahead and kiss on her next after like 5 mins or should it be more strategic and have dinner with her, maybe a pizza?

I'd prefer 1st dates right at the house to make it easier.

How often can you do this with women? Would a lot of women be down for this?

I have done this a lot. And most girls get mad at me for just fuckin them and that's it, they want to go out.

How long can I keep just having sex before I take them out?

Could you explain more about being a secret lover?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

The secret lover is what you are once you've slept with a girl. It says nothing about how you first sleep with her.

You and her could even be enmeshed in the same social circle and around the same people, and just never let anyone know you're seeing each other, even.

Regardless, you'll just date normally, but once you've slept together you simply won't be meeting up with her friends or going on public dates. Thus, the secrecy ;)

First dates at your house:

How often you can do it depends on the scenario you meet women in, how sexually exciting you are as a man to them, and what the women you meet are looking for at that point in their lives. e.g., it's going to be a lot easier with university freshmen who view you as a sexy guy than it is with early 30s girls who are in hardchore husband-hunting mode and who see you as Grade A husband material.

As for how long you can be the secret lover, see this article:

Chase

Sam2's picture

Chase,

I enjoyed both parts of this topic. Really well-written.

I am not entirely sure, though, what is in practice the difference between a hard target and a stubborn ox way of doing things.

Could you maybe give an example? How would the hard target behave and how the stubborn ox?

I am sure I am a hard target with women, but I think I have been a stubborn ox as well.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sam-

Sure. The biggest difference is the hard target knows what he's vulnerable to and is able to be flexible while fending off attacks. The stubborn ox is less sure of what he's vulnerable to and what he isn't, so to protect himself he just guards against everything.

That keeps him safer, at the cost of flexibility.

So, for instance. Both the stubborn ox and the hard target may be aware it's usually a bad idea to take a girl you want to sleep with to a party. Far better in most occasions just to take her somewhere more intimate, than bring her home. Parties do nothing good for you you can't do elsewhere, while mixing in a lot more risk.

However, say a situation pops up where it may actually be to the guy's advantage to take a girl to the party date. Let's say this girl's been dodging him like crazy and it's just not going anywhere. She finds out he's going to a party, and she asks if she can tag along and bring three of her girlfriends.

The stubborn ox is more likely to stick to his guns and say "No!" No party dates for him. No matter what. I'm not letting her take advantage of me.

The hard target who is not a stubborn ox will tend to say well, there is some risk she just wants to use me here. However, any risk is outweighed by the benefits: I get to be a cool guy by bringing three girls to the party. I get the chance to try to hook up with one of her girlfriends. And maybe she even actually wants me herself, and just is bringing her friends along because she's a little unsure yet. She may yet decide she wants me after all, especially after she sees her friends start flirting with me.

So the long and short of it is, the difference you see between these two is when the normal rules suddenly do not apply. The hard target who isn't a stubborn ox is adaptable; the stubborn guy cannot adapt, he has to stick to his rules, and so passes up potential opportunities out of fear of being gypped.

Chase

ltat's picture

There is a chance you're dealing with a sex addict, usually of the cluster b variety and she uses your sex drive against you. E.g. talks a lot about her ex (or exes) and arouses your competitive instincts. If sex feels draining (usually the whole thing with her will be a huge drain) it;s best to keep your ego out of it, cut and run.

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for laying out the map for the girls! I like that style, it helps me get my mind easier around things.
Great categories...

Side thought: I originally wanted to type "Good categorizing" but somehow that felt off in this situation, so I wrote great categories...can't tell what though. Is that what you meant by my "patronizing tone" last year?

Anyway, the article reminded me of my thought the other day,
are girls who are
A) Virgin
B) A few sexual partners
C) A couple dozen
D) A pornstar

Easier to get?
I found myself thinking, well if a pornstar, they obviously know what the deal is, sex and love aren't the same, so flings should be happening all the time, especially the retired ones ;) as opposed to virgins who never had the love of a man. Then comes the middle ones on the scale...
Haven't found anything to confirm my thoughts.

Re: A weird situation the other day
A little story that I wonder if you would have done anything different.
We were standing at a bus stop. Then a guy in front told me there's one behind us.
So I tapped the girl next to me, and then she followed as we ran together to the one.
I was just doing this to see what happens and it was hilarious!
I was thinking oh! that compliance, should be good prospect!

That's until we got there, and the bus came.
Her: Oh I'm waiting for another bus, you can go ahead
Me: Fcuk! *inner thoughts*

What else could I have done right?
Keep losing leads like these, frustrating yet hilarious!

How often do people get a chance to have these close one experiences?
*probably alot* but I still value them

Then there was the time I go out with friends for casual hangout (not pick up time).
And it always seems that whenever I'm obligated to my friends, a girl will then perk up and show their interest to me.
Whenever I'm alone, no AI anywhere like a freaking desert.
And most of the time, I'll skip the girl, and continue my interaction with my friend...though a little died inside, a spark of what-if curiosity devouring my insides...

Enough spam, would love your thoughts bro!

Happy New Year!
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Looks like those instincts are coming along.

Yes, "good categorizing" would be slightly patronizing. The implication is that you already knew what the article author knew, and he just arranged it in a somewhat neater way.

Very subtle though. Good sign that you picked up on it.

Sexually liberated girls... Well, think of it like this. Let's say you have two girls, age 23, one who's had sex with 2 men, and one who's had sex with 20 men. To get to 20 men, it's probably safe to assume the more experienced girl goes out a lot more, behaves a lot more flirtatiously, and interacts with, seduces, and attracts men much more aggressively.

Let's say over their lifetimes so far, the girl who's been with 2 men has had semi- to very active flirtations with 150 men, ranging everywhere from men who've approached her and chatted her up for a minute to men who've pursued her and taken her on dates. And the girl who's had sex with 20 men has had semi- to very active flirtations with 4,000 men, ranging everywhere from men who've lain a pickup line on her at one of the many bars or parties she's gone to to full-on courtships and hookups.

The odds a flirtation leads to sex with the 2-partner girl is a little more than 1 out of 100. The odds a flirtation leads to sex with the 20-partner girl is about 1 out of 200. The higher partner girl is actually slightly less likely to pair up with you than the lower partner girl, all things considered, if you get into a flirtation with her.

Of course, the thing to keep in mind is you're a lot less likely to meet the lower partner girl. She's less outgoing, gives fewer approach invitations, and probably goes outside a lot less. She also goes to social / hookup venues a whole lot less.

I have no idea what the actual numbers would be in these situations - just spinning some numbers here for the purpose of building an argument. But my point would be that higher partner count girls aren't necessarily easier to get, they just get a lot more touch points with men and thus accrue more sex partners with time (and you'll tend to meet a lot more of them yourself, which means they'll likely constitute a greater number of your sex partners than low count girls do).

The bus thing it doesn't sound like you talked to this girl at all. If you wanted to meet her, you should've opened her, chatted for a minute, and traded contact info. Then gone to the bus. You probably are not going to convince women to join you on a bus headed somewhere they're not going before you've spoken to them yet. (though if you do, please share the method you use to do it!)

As for friends, yes - that's social proof. It pays to be flexible. I've met a lot of great girls (including several girls who became long-term girlfriends of mine) when I've gone out with friends with absolutely zero intention of meeting women. Girls tend to notice you and signal you a lot more when you're with cool friends and animated / having a good time. If you notice them noticing you, and they're beautiful / worth the risk, your buddies aren't going to mind you peeling off for a couple of minutes to chat up a cutie and take her info down.

Chase

Dylandude's picture

I really appreciate the article, also kind of disgusting to imagine you were manipulated possibly by someone you made yourself vulnerable to. But, you're saying the only way to really know if you're being manipulated is by only spending the beginning of a relationship with her alone in a house having sex and infrequently to avoid satisfying a damsel? How long is that supposed to last? What if you get bored and want to do something else?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Dylan-

Well, it's about whatever's most important to you.

If the activities are primary and the girl is secondary, then I'd say don't worry about whether she's using you for the activities or not and just bring her along. Even if she is there more for how you help her life in non-romantic, non-sexual ways, the outcome (you and her together, plus you and her going to activities) is still the same anyway, right?

But if having a girl who's with you for you and not for what non-personal provisions you can provide is important, then yeah, keep it way simple at the start of the relationship. If you want get bored and want to do something else, like see a movie or hit the slopes, call up a couple of buddies and do it with them.

It's also going to be your call how long you stretch out that initial period of making the relationship purely about you and the girl, rather than you and the girl + activities. All but the most expert girls won't be able to tolerate a month of this, so if you just do it for a month you'll have weeded out all the amateur-hour and half-hearted users and abusers. Unless you're rolling in circles with a lot of shark-like girls who've perfected their crafts, and you have a lot of something that girls want to take advantage of, that should be enough for the majority of men.

Chase

Steve C.'s picture

Hey Chase,

This is definitely a great article, wish I came across it sooner! I found out a girl I've been dating recently has been cheating on me. She's been going back home to see her parents and vacationing and that's where the cheating happened. I also ran across conflicting information on how to break things off with her. I stumbled across a post on the boards where Hector Castillo was telling this guy to just disappear and never contact the girl again. However, I also read your "break-up" article and it seems to recommend talking to her about it (but that is written from the perspective of a guy wanting to break it off with a girl who hasn't cheated).

So my question for you is, if you know a girl is cheating on you with hard evidence, do you just disappear no matter how much she texts you (like, "hey babe i miss you", "we need to talk sometime :)") or do you formally have a conversation with her about it? It seems a bit juvenile and bitter for a guy to just disappear never to be heard from again but at the same time, having that conversation where you bring it all up "hey so I know you've been cheating, things won't work out anymore, good luck with the future" might appear to make one seem weak and insecure.

What do you think is the right way to break-up with girls who are cheating? A confrontation type send-off text or the disappearing act? Much appreciated!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Steve-

Going to differ on a case-by-case basis, of course.

The way I handled a cheating-like situation when I experienced it was to meet the girl, tell her look, I know what happened. I understand it, I was a complete dick and I even told you to go meet someone else. However, a line's been crossed, and we are now done. It's finished.

My motivation in that case was to a.) give the girl closure so she wouldn't always wonder what the heck happened forever, because cheating sucks but if it was a girlfriend you still care about her as a person hopefully; but also b.) to make sure I left with the moral high ground, to avoid any possibility of a scorned woman coming back to pester and haunt me and make my life miserable.

So that'd be my general recommendation: whether in-person or however you like, break it off in a calm, matter-of-fact, understanding, yet final way.

And leave with the moral high ground. No matter what you did to lead to her breach of the terms of the relationship, she still breached the terms of the relationship.

Chase

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