A reader recently brought up a situation in which a girl he'd recently started dating and sleeping with pulled a 180 and announced she'd rather they just be platonic friends.
Commenting on my article on dealing with LJBFs ("let's just be friends"), he says:
However, I'm having a difficult time identifying which type of LJBF rejection I received in the current situation I'm in. I recently had sex three times with a coworker. We've known each other for two years but only recently started hanging out because she switched projects and no longer worked closely with me.
I will try to describe the series of events as clearly as possible.
We've hung out 4 times over the span of three weeks. Three times were exclusively at my place (2 of the 3 times we had sex) and the final time we went on a hike. Since we've been hanging out, the girl has been giving me a few signs hinting that she wanted a relationship with me although I never brought it up. First, she told two of her old coworkers that we hooked up. Second, she told me she hadn't had sex all year until we finally hooked up—leading me to believe she's a serial dater. Third, she invited me over to her apartment for breakfast with her sister, her sister's best friend, and the best friend's husband. Since we've only been seeing each other in a sexual capacity for three weeks, I told her I was busy Saturday and could not make the breakfast; however, I suggested that we go on a hike together Sunday which she accepted.
The hike was a lot of fun, she has a cool personality and we were able to talk freely with each other. At one point, we sat at this little cove we discovered and made out. Everything seemed fine. However, on the car ride home, when I suggested that we pick a new show to binge watch together this week, the girl said she thinks it's best that we be platonic friends. I was taken by surprise a little and was driving so I didn't really react to this as well as I would have liked. But the conversation seemed off to me in the first place. I figured we were just having fun and keeping things super casual, so there was no need to have this type of conversation. Her response made me believe it was about the sex we had.
If I had to describe the sex, I would have to say it was mediocre at best. Mostly due to us getting to know each other. I also think this is compounded by the fact that she knew about the great sex I used to have with an ex-girlfriend of mine and probably had very high expectations. In the car she tried to assure me that this was not the case, that she enjoyed the sex but just didn't feel a spark between us—but at the same time I wasn't hanging out with her to date her so why would there be a spark.
Ultimately, this most recent interaction has me confused and left wondering if there is something I can learn from the situation. Any help would be appreciated!
At first this seems a bit puzzling, right?
Because we know that usually, once a girl's slept with you two to four times, she's 'converted'; that is, she now views you and her as being in a sexual relationship.
You aren't dealing with all these doubts and objections any longer.
Read more: How to Convert One-Time Sex into Regular Sex
Yet sometimes, even past the point of conversion, you'll continue to have to deal with women who are on the verge of ending this connection they have with you.
So... what gives?
Why do girls want to stop seeing you after they've already gotten together with you?