Emotions

As you go out to talk to girls, you will come into hot streaks… and stumble into cold ones. This article is about why that happens.

I have on multiple occasions written about momentum as it relates to seduction. It’s one of those underlying mechanisms that profoundly affects your vibe, mindset, and results with women.

Today I will focus on some pickup theory that will help you make sense of the “unlearning mechanism” that takes place in your journey. I’ll discuss why many can experience some negative momentum after a positive streak. In fact, I will explore how there is an equilibrium effect at work that balances things out.

Momentum is the overall state of mind in which you find yourself during a period of time that snowballs and affects your results moving forward. Positive momentum denotes a good state of mind, which in turn, results in a sexier vibe. You get onto a hot streak. Negative momentum, however, generates a negative state of mind, giving you an unsexy vibe. You slide into a cold streak.

Momentum can snowball in a positive or a negative direction. For instance, if you approach three girls and they all seem receptive to you, positive momentum is created and your vibe becomes sexier and more attractive. If you get rejected harshly three times in a row, the momentum works the opposite way.

The example above is a case of what I have referred to as micro momentum. It’s the momentum that affects you on a micro level – during a night out, for example.

Macro momentum, on the other hand, takes into account the bigger picture – the overall momentum over a longer period of time. For instance, some of you may have noticed how summer holidays tend to be more wild. You may rack up lays during the summer, feeling like a true god of seduction. Things may even start to seem too easy and straight forward. And you feel this way until you experience some disruption in macro momentum. Let’s say that during the winter you may, for whatever reason, have less success with women or find it very difficult to meet new women. You then develop a case of negative macro momentum.

Desire – your real desire – is a deep motivating force, and immensely attractive to the opposite sex. Tap into it and use it well, and you can do the near-impossible.

I received some very positive feedback from my article on the Interest-Preference-Desire model. If you haven’t read that, I suggest going back and taking a peek, because as a follow-up on that model, today I’m going to dive deeper into what “desire” is and how it affects our lives.

Desire is not only applicable to the process of seduction and attracting women, it plays a key role in the pursuit of our goals and how we live – specifically, the choices we make.

In the last article, I concluded that among the concepts of interest, preference, and desire, desire is the ultimate tool that actually results in committed action. There’s greater nuance when it comes to desire, because desire itself can be more fluctuating and relative. Some people never experience a constant desire for something long term, while others desire an outcome so badly that they continue to chase the desire even after it’s already been fulfilled multiple times.

What gives?

I’ll break this down in a hopefully easy-to-digest form, but do keep in mind that there is a lot of psychology and philosophy involved when it comes to desire.

Vulnerabilities can be powerful things to show the woman in your life. Yet you must show the right kind of vulnerabilities – and at the right times.

Men should be strong. They should develop a resilience to pain and suffering. This keeps your head up when facing resistance in any endeavor. It’s also very attractive to women. Women like strong men.

But women also like a man who is hard to figure out – a man who has layers.

Strength pulls her in, but what addicts a woman is vulnerability.

However, you need to show the right type of vulnerability, and at the right time. As a lover once told me, you can sometimes be the right guy at the wrong time. Choose the wrong time to be vulnerable or show the wrong type of vulnerability, and she will run for the hills, as you will have shown yourself to be a weak man rather than a strong man with flaws.

It’s good practice to chat up girls you aren’t much into. But what happens when your ego gets involved? You mustn’t let girls you don’t want affect you.

I had a bit of a breakthrough recently. It was almost childish that this was a lesson I hadn’t truly integrated into my psyche, though I’ve understood it conceptually for the longest time. Hell, it was a flaw that I had fixed in a few of my coaching clients, to their benefit, but I thought I had moved past it.

‘Tis the blinding power of pride. You think you know something because you understand it backwards and forwards, but it’s a very different thing to know something on the cellular level – to feel it.

What was this lesson?

Don’t game girls you don’t really like.

Seems simple enough, right? Duh.

But not so quick... let’s set some groundwork.

It’s been a few months, but we’re back again with a new podcast, this time with the insightful and harmonic Daka Guy, of New York City. Daka Guy is a tantra instructor – which is another way to say women pay him to teach them sex. He’s one of the most spiritually and sexually balanced individuals I know, and I have personally attended his classes and been transformed by them.

If you want to do something, but you never take action do it... what is that? It’s a case where you have the interest – but lack the desire.

A friend who has been consulting with me about the dating world visited me recently for a weekend – and brought some interesting stories to share. He graduated from college last year and moved to a new city, landing a prestigious job at a highly respected global firm with a six-figure starting pay and great benefits (right out of school!). Basically, he fulfilled the career dream he had since before college, and now he lives in a beautiful new apartment in a great part of town, with lots of space and lots of money.

Regarding this side of his life, he’s completely fulfilled – well, sort of. He likes his life on paper, but after actually speaking to him about the details, I discovered he feels immersed in soul-killing consumerism. He liked my tiny, modest apartment with its very human and soulful feel. Before leaving, he said my vibe had rubbed off on him – he felt sweeter and more relaxed.

Yet on the dating field, he hasn’t gone on a single date since moving to his new city. He has been following Girls Chase for almost two years and has since improved on his vibe and does cold approach occasionally. However, he has yet to ask out a girl in his new town. He tells me that he’s waiting to become more fit (he goes to the gym regularly and is still looking for new clothes) to present himself better. He’s also working on his fundamentals and is pursuing new hobbies and meet-ups where he might meet women. He also laments that there are no women in his area he really has a desire for. In other words, he doesn’t find them attractive, so they’re not even worth approaching or pursuing.

I will note that he did enjoy the look of women in my area – so location is a factor indeed!

He wanted to know what he could do to start dating women, and I told him that right now, there’s nothing he can really do, because no matter what I tell him, he’s not actually going to do it. How did I deduce this? I told him that in this moment in his life, he doesn’t want to date or learn to be with women badly enough; his focus is still on building his career, not learning to attract women.

In fact, his desire, as it was during college, remains in climbing his career and making lots of money – a big factor in his choice of city – while he merely has an interest in learning about women and dating. I told him nothing would happen for him until he actually held a real desire to be with a woman; for now, a sufficient desire doesn’t exist in him. I told him he’s waiting for a “perfect moment” that will never actually arrive.

What he actually needs to do to make any progress is to get the ball rolling, but his desire to grow career-wise suffocates that process.

I wanted to break down why things were the way they were for him, and thus came about the topic of this article. It’s a little abstract but very useful in deducing people’s intentions.

One of the great life lessons I am getting ever more acquainted with is that what people say they want or like, and what they actually, truly want – and what they actually do – are often very different things. This is what we’re going to talk about today: why these inconsistencies exist and how they show up.

After sex with a new girl, the real exploration begins. How easy is this girl, anyway? But you’re not the only one with an agenda.

Women are like little detectives. They’re always sleuthing around, poking, prodding, testing, to find out the truth. What is the truth with this man? Who is he really? Is he actually the man he says he is? How does he actually feel about her? Has he changed? Have his feelings toward her changed?

Men, you may have noticed, are far less inquisitive. They figure they’ve got a bead on you, and from that point on they pretty much lose all interest in any further investigations. “Okay, I’ve got her figured out,” a guy says. And then it’s settled; he knows who this chick is. Men do this about women they date and sleep with, but they also do it with their male friends, with their bosses and colleagues, with their business partners, and the like. Once they have somebody figured out, he’s figured out. Any other details they might turn up are likely to be irrelevant.

Today we’re going to talk about a male-female interaction pattern that springs from this dichotomy: the “how easy is she?” post-sex dance.

This is a dance that takes place from immediately after the first time a guy and girl have sex, up to about the point where a woman converts to a regular sex partner of the guy’s. During this dance, the male tries to find out how easy to sleep with a female is, and the female tries to convince the male she’s not that easy.

It’s a fun little game, and a lot more cooperative than you might think, because the two often have similar agendas: the man wants to believe his woman is not that easy, and his woman is happy to help him conclude exactly this.