Confidence

In this episode of Dating Mechanics, I talk with Dr. David Tian, PhD holder, founder of Aura Dating Academy, and good friend of our own Chase Amante for over 10 years.

The word ‘sensitive’ has lost it’s old meaning. It now means something weak or womanly. But what it used to be was something so much more.

I think we need to reclaim the word ‘sensitive’.

The word no longer means what it’s supposed to mean.

Somewhere along the line, it grew warped, twisted. Perverted. Now, if you call a man ‘sensitive’, it’s a backhanded compliment, at best. You’re calling him a motherly nurturer. At worst, you’re saying he overreacts, is too emotional, and too womanly.

But it hasn’t always meant this. And in fact, the concept it used to describe – a concept we no longer have a perfect word for in English anymore, if we yield ‘sensitive’ completely to too-soft men and guys who think the friend zone is the surest path to sexy times – is one every man who wants to do well socially, romantically, or sexually must ultimately strive to make use of, or perpetually struggle.

Some men argue that to learn game is to be a “slave to pussy”. Is this argument valid? Or is it a flawed argument that misses the big picture?

If you’ve been working on your game for any not too-short period of time, you’ve probably heard the Slave to Pussy™ Argument. That argument goes something like this:

“Don’t waste your time on girls, you’re just being a slave to pussy. Instead you should be hunting, fishing, working out, stacking money, and making something of yourself. Let the women come to you.”

I suppose you might also call this the Field of Dreams Argument: if you build it, they will come.

Get rich enough, jacked enough, and masculine enough first. Then, girls will begin to pop into your life all on their own.

Obviously, if you know me, or this website, you know I’m going to tell you this argument is bunk. The idea that you don’t need to learn game to do better with girls (or put in the practice to solidify that game) is one we’ll tear apart here.

But before we even dive into these arguments, I’ll point out one simple flaw of this argument. That is its setup of game (learning to do well with girls) and fundamentals (turning yourself into a man with attractive passive value) as two opposing, mutually exclusive forces – when the truth is, these two forces are complementary. That is to say, learning game does not stop you from working out or stacking money; and you should develop yourself in multiple ways (yes, learn game, but also lift, and improve your financial prospects too. And read a lot of good books). We’ll dive into this further below... But first, a comment on the men who don’t even think your fundamentals are worth improving.

What is masculinity? Who defines it – who makes the rules? Is it intrinsic, or culturally determined? And is it even “real”?

Sometime back, I came across an intriguing double bind.

I found it in the comments section of some feminist website, on an article written by a man about his enjoyment of pegging (i.e., when a man lets a woman shag him with a strap-on). Some male commenter had insulted this writer, and called him less than a man.

But then, the feminist readers of the website piled onto this commenter. And they all had the same attack line for him:

“What’s the matter, are you not man enough to take it up the butt?”

It’s a fascinating rhetorical device. Either you agree to receptive anal sex, which has profound effects on the male psyche (anecdotally, men who receive anal sex become more feminine, moodier, and bitchier), effectively making you no longer a full ‘man’... Or you don’t agree to receptive anal sex, in which case you are ‘not man enough’.

This double bind got me thinking: what is masculinity, anyway? How do we define what is or isn’t masculine? Who in our society holds the right to craft these definitions, women or men? Is masculinity decided by the society, by the man, or by something else?

The answers will intrigue you, I think.

And don’t worry – in the end, we’ll address that feminist double bind attack too, and show how a firm concept of masculinity makes attacks like these run off you like water.

Tao is the Eastern philosophy of emptying one’s cup. It has a lot to teach about seduction… Namely, about domination of seduction, vs. submission to it.

Editor’s Note: this is our first post from Michael Chief, a long-time veteran of the seduction community. Michael kicks off today with an inner game focus, about the Tao of seduction. Please let us know if you enjoy inner game oriented articles like this in the comments below the article, and if so we’ll try to do more of them. –CA

Every seducer worth his mettle knows that great Casanova quote: “I don’t conquer, I submit.”

We know that the true power of seduction is to submit to the higher power of nature within us as opposed to trying to control nature with our own will. But that somehow paradoxically gives us greater seductive abilities, or so it seems.

Seduction is full of paradoxes like this, such as the ever-famous paradox of desire: the more we want something, the more difficult it is to obtain, and the less we want something, the easier it is to obtain. In pick-up, we translate this to mean that neediness is unattractive and that women are more attracted to us when we practice non-attachment and are genuinely not needy.

While such paradoxes can often prove to be challenging to understand, let alone understandable enough for us to use them to guide our lives, there is an ancient philosophy that gives us a tool to help us in our quest to become the best seducers and lovers we can possibly be.

That ancient philosophy is called Taoism, and the tool is called Wu Wei.

A review of The Rational Male, a book focused at upending fem-centric thinking in men and teaching them to think like men again.

Rollo Tomassi’s book, The Rational Male, is an amalgamation of essays from content on his own website, The Rational Male, and other dating advice forums where he frequently contributes. I came across this book by chance on Amazon and found the content interesting enough to warrant a look.

This series of writings tunes men in to the dynamics of the human sexual marketplace through an exploration of human behavioral and evolutionary psychology, and demonstrates how such concepts show up culturally and politically. Tomassi’s intent is to educate the average man about his sexual potential, options, leverage, and strategies in his general relationship with women while exploring women’s sexual strategies, relationship strategies, and social conventions that we see commonplace today. Rollo summarizes this himself near the end of his book:

“My intent with all this is to illustrate how the reality in which we find things ‘normal’ is rendered by fem-centric influence. Across ethnicities, and encompassing all manner of social diversity, this influence is so insaturated into our culture, laws, media, entertainment, from our collective social consciousness to our individual psyches that we simply take it for granted as the operative framework in which we live. I realize this is a tough pill to swallow, because male imperative does in fact intersect with female imperative depending on mutual goals. However, the point is that of operative framework, the reality we function in, is primarily defined by the feminine.”

– p. 266

The now well-known men’s self improvement community, which includes the “manosphere,” consists of many trains of thought and communities devoted to understanding the masculine-feminine dynamic. Rollo’s background consists of what he terms a “rock-star” 20s that led to pursuing a university degree in behaviorism psychology at age 32. This, coupled with his intense life experience and his near decade use of forums as a testing ground for ideas on sexual dynamics and attracting women, led him to be a critical author in the manosphere and men’s rights community.

This book is based on many psychological concepts, and also ventures deep into the darker elements of the masculine-feminine dynamic and human sexuality. I caution readers toward its content and suggest reading with a curious mind. I consider Rollo’s book more appropriate for intermediates looking to advance their skill set to the next level in their relationship with women, as it is critical to develop healthy mindsets about women and sexuality in order to use that power responsibility.

Power is power, and we have a responsibility as men to use it ethically – as seen in the core philosophies of Girls Chase, we always practice from a mindset of love and adventure, never from one of hate, revenge, or negativity. However, for many men who find this community on their own, they see a world that bitterly challenges deeply rooted beliefs. From the book:

“Game was a wondrous tool set of skills, but without the insight or foresight to deal with what these tools could build, it was potentially like giving children dynamite.”

– p. 113

With that in mind, let’s explore.

Pedro Pascal’s portrayal of Oberyn Martell is unabashedly sexy. What makes his character so compelling? Fundamentals, panache, and finesse.

There are times in life when we cross paths with men – real men – men whose very presence sparks a reaction within us: “Wow, here is a man. I want to be just like him.”

This particular awe-inspiring male personality may differ from person to person, but each of us have had that experience. Whether it’s a father figure, a brother figure, a mentor, or a perfect stranger, we hope to spend enough time around that person to absorb their traits and learn what they know about masculinity, life, and women.

However, in a world where masculinity is becoming more demonized and ridiculed, these men aren’t so easy to come by, and they aren’t always in a position to teach us in a meaningful way. These days, it’s common to be without access to powerful male role models. Sometimes all we have to rely on are books and film. We watch a movie, a TV show, or read a book... and into the scene strolls a man – he may be fictional, but goddamn is he mesmerizing. So we pay attention.

We often connect more with someone on a screen or page than we do with anyone else in real life. Personally, there are a host of fictional characters who have played a more substantial role in my growth as a man than most real men I’ve met. They were ideals of the writer or creator transformed into beings worthy of emulation. And this is nothing new. Ever since the first story was told, men have emulated the traits of their heroes, real or fictional.

The inception of this series actually began with Giacomo Casanova. While reading his memoirs, I thought “This guy’s story needs to be told in a modern form.” I planned on rewriting his adventures, then deeply analyzing his lays (which number over a hundred and include royalty) so that GC readers wouldn’t have to work their way through the beautiful yet difficult translations of his 17th century Italian.

When I dropped that project, however, a very similar idea came to me – why not analyze the many men of television, cinema, literature, and history, who are outstanding examples of power and sensuality?

Thus was born “Seduction Spotlight.” The name should speak for itself.

I will show you in detail how these characters seduce women, dominate their foes, and exemplify other masculine pursuits, such as achieving one’s dreams. Through this analysis you should then be able to truly understand how they do what they do, and, in turn, do it yourself (adhering to the laws of your land and time, of course).

With this inaugural article, then, I will shine that spotlight on my personal favorite, Oberyn Martell of the TV show Game of Thrones, inspired by the Song of Fire and Ice book series written by George R.R. Martin. Oberyn Martell is played by the actor Pedro Pascal.

Since Oberyn’s character only aired for a little under forty minutes in the fourth season of Game of Thrones, I cover nearly all his scenes in order to highlight his fundamentals, game, and mindsets. I’ll cite the episodes if you want to follow along on your HBO Go, but I’ll also provide YouTube links for each scene (some YouTube vids are censored).

Here are a pair of videos that cover every scene he’s in if you want a compilation: