Seduction

Note from Chase: Eric’s one of our senior forum members, and a past contributor to Girls Chase – and I’m thrilled to announce that he’s recently rejoined us as a regular contributor. Eric’s writings are meaty and dense (he is our resident master strategist, and you probably won’t want to peruse through one of his posts when you’re in the mood for some light reading), but if you want something that’s going to make you look at the deeper layers of seduction and come away with a stronger sense of how things work at their most fundamental levels, Eric is without a doubt your man. Without further ado, here he is.

When I am asked, “What’s the best and quickest way to get laid?”, my answer is – short of suggesting one hire a prostitute – a single word:

Process.

And then I repeat it,

Process, process... Process.

It’s not game, it’s not charisma, it’s not dominance. It’s not even looks, and it’s not logistics. It’s not money and it’s not power. It’s process.

When you look at yourself, and when others look at themselves, and ask “Why is this not working?”, “What are my weaknesses and why am I not getting laid?”, the answers given are usually along the lines of:

• I wasn’t flirty or sexual enough
• I wasn’t dominant or leading strongly
• I’m not as attractive as others. If only I was more handsome; had a sexier body
• I’m not moving through interactions quickly enough and escalating
• I can’t get good logistics and get a girl alone
• I can’t get women to commit and not flake on me
• I can’t get women chasing

The list goes on. Now, I’m not saying these are WRONG. These are good things to think about in terms of getting better at women; the fundamentals.

However, these are also red herrings to the most basic question, and most typical purpose of men for learning seduction: “How do I get laid?”, or for the more monogamous, “How do I get a girlfriend?”

In this post I will share my thoughts on meeting women in nightclubs. Nightclubs have often been the spot many would at first consider natural to meeting women, especially those who are students of the art of seduction.

Yet many new players tend to avoid going to clubs to meet women because of the fact that there are other possible options that seems easier and more efficient than picking up girls in bars and clubs.

I agree with those saying that nightclubs are too messy and chaotic, because often they are, yet there are other positive aspects to meeting women in nightclubs. Some of the positive sides are, for example, that you can meet a huge spectrum of different women in a short amount of time. Also, meeting women in clubs allows you to easily have sex with them on the initial meeting – in fact, you can end up having really exciting and crazy nights.

However, meeting women in nightclubs is hard, but with the right mindsets it all becomes somewhat easier. Yes, of course it requires lots of practice to become good at meeting women in clubs, but usually the biggest cause of failures is not lack of skill, but the wrong mindsets.

In this post I will cover some mindsets that I still use and that have helped my friends and me a lot. So I hope you enjoy this post.

A hot topic on the discussion boards as of late has been the concept of escalation windows: how to spot them, and what you should do when one of these colossal portals to hanky-panky town is unlocked before your eager eyes. Escalation windows can be hard to spot, and when detected, you must act quickly and with conviction.

If you’re not quite sure exactly what we mean by the term “escalation window”, you should probably go ahead and give this 2011 article by Chase a quick read to get your feet wet.

Basically, escalation is an out-and-out requirement if you want to sleep with women. Why’s that, you ask?

To paraphrase a nice little tidbit that a very wise mentor once best owed upon me: “No Escalation, No Lovin’…”

So with that in mind, if you don’t escalate things… well, you know what will happen. Or, more precisely, what won’t happen.

First, I would like to apologize for being inactive and not being able to answer the questions in the comment sections of my posts. I have been very busy lately. But keep in mind that I am reading your comments; they help me get inspired for future posts. This post for instance has been inspired by comments from posters. I would like to make posts based on the comments I get, so that I can give you even better reading material. Hope you enjoy this one.

I wrote an article recently about having fast sex where I mentioned that going for fast sex is beneficial because it communicates that you are a lover, and that being a lover is a good thing when it comes to seduction, as it makes laying beautiful women easier.

In the comment section, however, some men mentioned that, according to their experience, beautiful women they meet tend to display a desire for providers more than a desire for lovers, and that they are not willing to have sex fast.

Here are the comments:

“Alek,

I am at the point where I am trying to go for really pretty women. However, I am running into some difficulty. My issue is that I am meeting women of quality who don't want first meeting sex. I am getting a feeling that quality women (the real pretty ones) can have sex whenever and with whomever they want at any given time. So a lover who just provides them with sex is really nothing to them since they can get sex from anyone. So, what I am saying is since quality women have a lot of options to choose from they are more prone to being "gamed" (meaning taking them out on dates and playing the game). In your experience do you think this is true? Do you think quality women need to be "gamed"? Or is my entire thinking flawed, do I need rewiring?

Thanks!”

And another one:

“I also tend to find out that Women of Quality (not your average cute college girl or a drunk club girl) simply will NOT sleep with you until dates 3-5, no matter what you do. I am fairly successful with women and have no problem seducing them on the first date, if we are both on the same wavelengths. Some of the Women of Quality (especially late 20s-early 30s, as opposed to early 20s) just don't have sex early on and they would cut down any and all attempts to do so.”

These are very interesting points. Let me now give my answers. In this post I will cover my opinion on the issue. I believe these topics needs clarification and I hope this will clarify a few things for many of you.

Is it that girls are illogical, or is it that by worrying if a girl will follow our logic we forget to inspire them instead?

When it comes to girls, an experienced man knows that thinking outside the box is key to understanding the choices women make, and he embraces this fact because it not only affords her freedoms, but it affords him some too. Great relationships are built upon an understanding of why women need to be inspired daily rather than won over once and expected to then do as you do. Learn to inspire them and get rid of that confusion today.

If you are like most men, you have probably found yourself in this scenario: a girl has shown interest in you, and has indicated she will go out with you, etc., but then when it comes time she is nowhere to be seen or heard from. You call her later: “Where were you?” and she replies with something that makes no sense too you, given your prior arrangement: “Oh, you didn’t call so I assumed it was off.”

What?

To better understand why women do these kinds of things, you have to take on the attitude that accepts the behavior before passing judgement on it. Girls do things like this because, like you, they fear all kinds of rejection and making mistakes, but unlike you, they must consider the social consequences of how each situation “felt” and how it will reflect on them if they act on it. Girls do not reciprocate feelings and actions based on logic because the feeling of each action must be judged independently according to its context at that moment in time.

If you are like most guys you probably have thought at one point or another that attraction is like a switch, and once it switches on it is on forever. But what might surprise you is that the reality is totally counter to your expectations.

The startling truth is that a woman’s need for you to keep her attracted is actually very similar to a thirst, and she needs it refilled every time you interact with her (not just once). If you are clever you will realise that the best long term plan – just like a thirst – will require a well to be dug and water to be pumped and delivered on a consistent basis.

Don’t let this image scare you however, I just mean to imply that attraction has to become a consistent thing that you uphold with actions every day rather than an objective you meet once and are done with.

Conventional wisdom states that once you “ask her out”, “marry her”, or get an “in for sex” that it is game set and match, but this is just simply false, and girls will ALWAYS change their minds unless you are consistently attractive. If you have a mindset that runs off the belief that you only need her approval ONCE, throw it out the window and change your view immediately.

In essence, women are much like any other thing worth getting right in life, they take passion and a great work ethic to do right, and once you adopt that “work ethic” you can consistently rebuild and maintain attraction all day long. So if you want to never have to guess again at IF she likes you, you have to set your mind to changing your expectations and go from a “set and forget” guy, to a guy that applies himself consistently.

In the article on using astrology with girls, 340Breeze had a solid comment with an interesting part that I’ll quote in part here (because it’s pretty long):

“Ultimately my question is: when interacting with a woman on a FIRST ‘date’ what is the BEST step by step process where the interaction with a woman ends essentially with the following proposal being issued to the woman: “I’m willing to give you A, but ONLY if you give me B?” where A = (what women value: dominance, sex and orgasms, scintillating conversation, active listening, etc) and B = (all the sex I can stand)? This proposal should be made on EVERY date, but the problem I face is, I don’t always know how to do it in a socially savvy and SMOOTH way on EVERY woman I take out. Because of this lack of finesse, I get nervous (mainly with the less sexually confident women) and hesitate, not because I’m afraid of her saying no, but because I’m afraid of my lack of finesse. This is illogical because who cares if some girl gets offended by my request, but my subconscious mind is fearful because it wants me to be as SMOOTH and subtle as possible. But at the end of the day, if she’s not giving up the vj and FAST then what’s the point in speaking to her?? I want to communicate to women that if they don’t give me sex FAST then I’m uninterested. I could just come out and say it explicitly, but maybe there’s a better way?”

There’s a core worldview here that I think is pretty important to address, because it’s one that I see a lot of guys having, particularly when they’re newer, but even plenty of intermediate and a few advanced guys, too.

That world view is the “sex as trade” world view, where the man offers the woman things she values, and in return the woman provides the man with sex.

And to be fair, this isn’t an “incorrect” way of looking at things – it’s as valid as the next perspective. There are men who use this perspective in effective, elegant, and consistent ways. However, there is another perspective, and it is one that, in my opinion, makes intimacy with women a much easier and less daunting thing to pursue and get.

This perspective is not thinking of sex as something you receive from a woman in exchange for things you give her, but rather, something that you give her... in exchange for her meeting your requirements.