(3) Journeyman

Today I want to share with a post on eliminating resistance through prevention, and freeing up the women around you to be excited by you.

I want to start out by saying... I’m the LAST person who should be writing this article on how to prevent resistance and actually excite women about saying “yes” (to everything you want them to say “yes” to) -- but the same thing that makes me the last person who should be writing it, also makes me exactly the right man for the job.

What do I mean by this?

As you may know from my previous articles (especially the one on weight loss for men), I wasn’t always exactly the most attractive guy around. I was overweight, unattractive, and the worst of it: I sucked with women.

Strangely, as I grew out of this, and started to refine my fundamentals, becoming progressively more “attractive” meant I started to have even more issues with women... not less.

I became less seductive, and had trouble getting my way. Women were flighty with me, and often trying to burst my bubble. Challenges from girls were around every corner, as if I were being given a pop quiz.. every 5 minutes. Auto-rejection was an ever-present threat, and I had my hands full trying to figure out why girls would drop off the face of the earth when they had just a day prior gave me many compliments. They were slow to move, and had trigger fingers when it came to throwing up walls of resistance to my advances.

These girls were clearly attracted to me; I knew this as the attention I was getting was nowhere near what I had prior to losing weight. Not even close.

But what’s going on here? It sounds like auto-rejection, but it isn’t really... It wasn’t so much that they were ejecting from my presence... but rather challenging it full force as if they had to. Like:

Me: Why are we having platitudes?

Her: We aren’t exchanging platitudes. Was that your word of the day? A little awkwardly used.

Erk... great job, Eric.

In this case, it wasn’t normal testing; and it wasn’t normal auto-rejection. It wasn’t either of those things.

What was it?

It was resistance, and as it turned out, I had been the one causing it. Often you’ve no doubt heard the phrase, “follow the path of least resistance.” Well, I was no stranger to the flip side of this concept... that is to say, taking things down completely the WRONG (resistance-paved) roads.

Today, I’m going to share with you my journey from unattractive, to attractive-but-failing, and then finally: suave... and I’m going to show you how to dispel resistance, not by dealing with it, but by cutting off the root of the problems that cause it to arise in the first place, so that you can excite women instead, and get them saying “yes” to you with relish and abandon.

Of course, you’ve got to be able to identify the symptoms before you can figure out what’s resistance and what isn’t - so that’s where we’ll begin today: with identifying the signs of a woman in resistance to you.

In Sunday's article on how to be smooth, Walls made the following comment:

“I truly appreciate all the work you do breaking this down, Chase. It would be so easy to just own this info you learned from years of trial and error and just monopolize it. I was thinking about smoothness in conflict due to this life-changing post and it got me thinking: when do you let comments/threats/faux paus/annoyances roll down your back, and when do you actually put opposers in their place? And what is the best way to ignore when people make fauxpas, such as the ones in your article "Faux Pas of the Social Neveaux." (maybe more faux pas listed too?)”

He's talking about two things here, but the two are in many ways one and the same:

1. When someone is standing in opposition to you, accusing you, or insulting you

2. When someone is making social mistakes around you and creating awkward or disadvantageous situations for you

That is, in other words, when someone is making things challenging for you. And he is asking the question "How do you answer a challenge?"

It's a good question, because it has an answer that can go a variety of ways. Do you remain unreactive to it - and potentially let the challenge eat your chances alive? Or do you challenge your challenger back, and potentially lose your cool - and the girl you were most interested in?

This is a question without a readily apparent simple answer... and sometimes those are the questions we like most on this site. How do you answer a challenge, anyway?

Note from Chase: this is our second article from Eric, who wrote last week's fantastic piece "Making Your Seductions EFFICIENT;" his article  this time around is on weight loss. I've shed some pounds myself, mainly by tracking every last calorie I ate and cutting caloric intakes and portion sizes, but Eric's got far more info on this subject than I've ever come across in one place, and he's pared himself down from a pretty substantial body weight, too. Second article straight Eric's mustered up some roundly impressive stuff. Without further ado, here he is.

As I’m laying here writing this article I’m really feeling one main thing: elation. I really love my life right now. The french use a phrase to describe this ethereal feeling; they call it joie de vivre (zhwä duh veev-ruh), and there’s really only a few things that make me feel this way:

• Women,
• Self-growth,
• Diet, and
• Exercise.

I didn’t used to be this way... in fact I used to be quite overweight. And I don’t mean just a little extra here or there, I genuinely was fat. My body mass index (BMI) was close to obese (28.5) and I hadn’t exercised in 2-3 years.

I just sat on my butt every day and played video games, eating potato chips and drinking sprite all day long.

What little social life I had was gone, or took place over the Internet. My life went to shit, and while I wasn’t necessarily depressed... I certainly wasn’t happy.

So one day, I decided to change.

Today’s article is all about weight loss for men, and how you can shave all the extra pounds you’re carrying around off (not just a few of them), whether it’s a lot (like me before) or even just a little too much around your waistline.

Because today, I want to tell you how I went from almost-obese to mean, lean, and trim instead, and why today I get women telling me how great my body is.

We've talked a bit on here about threats and opportunities in the past already, but I wanted to take some time today and really dive into the differences between these two mentalities and how they affect your success in pickup, dating, seduction, and relationships, because they're of great importance.

On the article about anxiety in men, JFav comments:

“Hey chase! After reading thru a lot of these comments one theme I think keeps reoccurring is the guys who have improved have all embraced one thing. And I believe one of the many things you and some other guys have embraced is your "inexperience." More specifically you guys embrace mistakes not as bad things but as learning tools. I could almost see some of you doing things you KNOW were "wrong" just to CHECK if it could be right.

I've gotten that sense from a lot of your post Chase because I know you are a guy that likes to decode and really get to the core of things. So, I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on my epiphany moment that "mistakes are just learning experiences."

I'd love to see a post where you talk about the time when you were learning pick up and seduction and how you questioned things asking yourself "could this really work" or "there's NO WAY that could work" And I'd love to hear some stories about how you said "F it I'm gonna try it anyways just in case he could be right"”

At the core of J's realization here is the opportunity he'd been missing in situations with women before, when he'd been blinded by the threat present in those situations. As he notes, I went through a similar transformation in my approach to women and dating, as have every guy who's reached a point where he's broken through to the site where learning is fun and no longer scary.

How do you break through, defeat timidity and apprehension, and free yourself from the feeling of "threats?" It's partly experience and exposure... but it's also partly something else.

When you start tackling women and dating as a skill set, once you get past the initial hump of overcoming the approach anxiety you feel and getting yourself into a routine of getting out to meet new women regularly and build up experiences and test out new things, it becomes one of the more addictive things you'll do.

For most people, meeting attractive members of the opposite sex that they like is one of the most rewarding things out there, and when you start learning how to pick up a girl you realize more power and flexibility in that arena than most ever will. It's... intoxicating.

And then you hit a plateau.

You stop improving.

Things get hard... frustrating... you hit a barrier it starts to feel like you'll never get through.

Last week on the post about indirect game, Balla made a comment about one of these barriers he'd hit, and it was one I recognized myself, because it plagued me for a long time. Here's his comment:

“Hey chase, just want to say i like how you stay so apart of this website and help us guys out but can you please tell me what I'm doing wrong. I come straight out with my interest to females, I move fast, i dont stick around them very long or do any of that friend zone crap because my time is important, they give me so much attention, they flirt with me, they hug up all over me and hold hands, they buy me things and drive me around. I get treated like a star with all the compliance I get but when it comes to them coming over my pad it never happens. What's going on?”

What's happening to Balla - and what happened to me, and what happens to most guys who learn game - is all about one big, and very annoying when you're going through it, problem: women not taking you seriously.

And to get you over that hump, I've put together this article, on entirely that topic; to teach you once and for all the ways to have a girl take you seriously.

Sometime back ago, when I was still new to learning about seduction, I shared with a friend the tale of a girl I'd gone out with and the sexual dialogue I'd tried using to get her mind going the right way... and how disappointed I was it hadn't seemed to have had the desired effect.

“My man,” I remember him saying to me at the time, “I notice you keep trying to use words to get women excited and turned on. But words aren't very good at this. You need to use sexual tension.”

And I heard this, and I thought it sounded like a great idea... except I had no idea how to create sexual tension, how to use it, or where to even start with it. And my friend, for all his wisdom, was at a loss to explain it.

So, I did what any real student of anything does who is unable to find the answer by simpler means, and I embarked on a quest to discover the mechanisms of this phenomenon and to find the key to unlock its power for myself.

Recently, years later, I found myself in the opposite position, recommending to readers that they use sexual tension, this time in the “How to Kiss a Girl” article from last week, and having the very first commenter on the post, a guy named Josh, remark:

“I would like to see a post on sexual tension. How and when to create it and sustain it. I see you mention touching and proximity to create this and maybe some eye contact that last just a little to long. Those along with some playful banter maybe as well? It's amazing how much of flirting and seduction are non-verbal.”

Well Josh, the fortunate thing is, unlike my friend from that conversation past, this is one I had to put together over time and figure out the puzzle pieces for, and I can both tell you how to create it, and tell you how to use it.

Now let me show you how you can build and direct sexual tension to drive the women you meet lusty, horny, and randy, in minutes or less.

A lot of you have commented on the fact that you want to see more posts about social interactions. Well, I want you to know, we hear you. This technically should’ve come before my last post, but either way, I’m officially starting a series of posts dedicated to every aspect of social interactions – our very own social skills training series.

A little more about my background, since we haven’t discussed it to much great detail before: I’ve worked in law firms, sales, have been a part of countless organizations, have studied psychology, and have spent time all over this beautiful planet of ours.

Along the way, I’ve spent countless days, weeks, and hours meeting and interacting with women from sun up to sundown (and often later) to get closer to reaching the same level of understanding and efficacy with women that Chase and Ricardus share with you every day.

As those of you who have been around this site have seen, the three of us work toward many of the same goals, but come from very different points of view.

The feeling of just starting out and getting a lot of your basic social skills down is still vivid for me, and I know how intimidating or confusing it can be to be put in a new or overwhelming social situation and still want to pick up a girl on top of that.

So get ready for the series, and let’s start off with a proper introduction.