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(3) Journeyman

Journeyman have been at it a while and have begun to develop major good habits and success streaks as practitioners of the social arts

Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations

Ricardus Domino's picture

By: Ricardus Domino

don't hurt a girlSometimes, it seems like an impossible to world to live in when you're trying to follow the mantra of “don’t hurt a girl.” The people on TV tell you you’re no good if you sleep with a woman only to realize she isn’t the girl of your dreams. But if the woman realizes that herself - that you aren’t Mr. Right - and walks off, that’s A-OK for her to do. And if a man sleeps with a lot of women nowadays, he’s a dangerous playboy. But if a woman does the same thing with men, she’s a tiger - a vixen - a veritable icon of the modern age. What gives?

“I don’t want to use women, and I definitely don’t want to hurt them.”

“I don’t want to get involved with many different women because that would be wrong.”

“I don’t want to lead women on or give them false hopes.”

If these thoughts (or something similar) have ever crossed your mind – this article is for you.

The question of the century (or at least 2012): is it WRONG to sleep with many girls?

Tactics Tuesdays: Tell Someone Lying from Someone Who's Not

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

tell someone lyingWhen I was three years old, I reached into a bag of potato chips up on the counter in the apartment my family lived in then and drew one of the chips out. Just then, my father walked into the room and caught me munching. "Who said you could have that chip?" he asked in his booming voice. I stood there stunned, looking at him like a deer in the headlights, a half eaten chip motionless in my frozen hand.

"Mommy," I said in response, eyes wide and voice trembling.

"Really?" my father said, disbelieving. "She said that from the shower?" He was right, my mother wasn't anywhere nearby -- she was in the bathroom getting washed. I could hear her singing from the kitchen. "Let's ask her."

I sat fearfully as my father walked into the bathroom and I heard him ask my mother if she said I could have a potato chip. I couldn't hear her response, but I guessed what it would be. My father walked back into the dining room. "She said she didn't," he said. I just stared at him. "You can't have these without asking first," he said, taking the bag away and putting it out of reach. I'd been caught red-handed (or salty-fingered). Fortunately, I escaped without a spanking, after I pleaded that it was "just one chip."

Ever since then, I've had a lifelong fascination with learning how to spot a liar, and how to not get found out oneself when on occasion pressed into lying. I hate lying, and avoid it whenever and wherever possible -- I wasn't very good at it when young, and came to the conclusion that lies always surface in the end, so it's better to just be honest -- but I'm all for being self-reliant, and very occasionally sometimes you've just got to know how to do it.

So how do you tell someone lying? There are a bunch of ways, and learning as many of them as you can is something that will benefit you enormously in all of your social interactions and relationships and friendships and parternships to come.

The Long Term Relationship: A Man's Manual on Getting Started

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

long term relationshipI tend to focus primarily on pick up and seduction on the blog here, and only infrequently touch on relationship topics, particularly the long term relationship. I write to what I think most folks are interested in, and I generally find it more fun these days to talk about meeting new women anyway. This might belie the fact though that I got started on all this back in 2005 with a focus primarily on building wonderful and amazing long term relationships.

A reader writes in:

“Hey Chase,

I've read and applied all of your techniques for a good few months along with what i've already known / practiced and it's worked me wonders. Now though, after my last fling, there's this new girl I'm after. She's different though, more popular at my college than most others, the academic, social, sporty type.... Yea, a more difficult target.

Anyways, when you're dealing with a girl that you want a long term relationship with, do you still do the same things you do with shorter term ones?

I want to move fast but I don't think she's the type to follow that quickly, I might be wrong, but I'm just actually really scared I'll screw this up because for the first time in a long time, I care about the results. One important question though. When and how often should I meet her if she already feels comfortable around me. Should i still keep things brief? Play hard?

I think this area is something that can add more dynamic. Girls that you want to chase and be with you longer

cheers”

The main question I see here is this one: "... when you're dealing with a girl that you want a long term relationship with, do you still do the same things you do with shorter ones?"

And the quick answer to that question is: yes, yes you most certainly do.

Reckless of me, you say? I must not know long term relationships, you retort? Or perhaps it's that I only ever date loose, easy women, and that these other girls -- these ones you, the reader (not the fellow who wrote in above; "you" as in "everyone reading this right now"), are interested in -- they're different from those loose, easy women who give in to my rapid seductions. They don't fall for such things; they're better than that.

Well, you know me; I'm here to bust your bubble, free your mind, and get you operating on a higher level. So if you were thinking that moving slowly and carefully was the key to getting a long term relationship with the girl of your dreams, you were sure of it, it was an unbreachable fortress of certainty, even, this post is going to tear down that castle in your head and build back up a gleaming new one that casts aside idealism and actually solidly works.

Pulling Women Home: The Secret to Watertight Pick Ups

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

pulling womenA week and a half ago I was out at a nightclub with a pair of friends. One of my friends was from here in town; the other was visiting from the other side of the world. As is usually my priority when out with friends, I wanted to do anything I could to make sure both of them had as good a time as possible, and for me that meant doing what I could to try and get both of them pulling women.

Both guys are cool, likeable guys, and both do all right with women in their own rights already, so my contribution to their efforts was more in the edge cases -- making things happen when they might otherwise not. As it was, I coordinated aiding one of my friends in pulling his girl home fast, in the cold, even as she left her coat and phone behind and complained about needing to go talk to her friends, and set my other friend up as best I could to pull a girl I'd introduced him to who clearly wanted him to take her home very much while I managed the pull of my other friend visiting from out of town.

There were a number of moments during the pull when my one pal's girl was ready to peel off, and only by unflinchingly leading things forward was I able to maintain control of the situation and ensure she came with us.

How do you succeed at pulling women home in situations where most men fail?

Simple: you progressively move things forward.

The way you do that is the subject of this post, and executing correctly is going to be key to you getting regular, routine success picking up cute new girls.

Tactics Tuesdays: Handling a Nagging Woman

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

nagging womanTell me if you've ever been here before: you're talking to your girlfriend, or a girl you've started dating, or even (if she's really got gall) a girl you just met... and she starts nagging you, persistently, repeatedly, and annoyingly about something. She just won't let up.

I wrote this today to answer the question of how to deal with a nagging woman.

We've talked on here about angry women, and we've gone in-depth on women and drama, but this is something different. Nagging doesn't come from anger, and it isn't an attempt to stir up drama. Nagging is its own animal altogether.

Women nag all the time -- whether you're the spouse they've been together with for twenty years, or they've just met you that night. Usually men simply get frustrated at this, sigh deeply, and throw their hands up. I'm a strong believer that throwing your hands up is never the path to success though -- and this post is designed to help make sure you never have to (at least not when it comes to nagging!).

So if you're ready to stop nagging and get yourself on a smooth, even keel with the women you meet and the women in your life, read ahead.

Get Rock-Solid Frame Control with the Women You Like, Guaranteed

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

frame controlFrame control is an incredibly necessary thing for you to master, both internally and externally, for finding success with women. Guys that have it get their way with girls. Guy who don't get steamrolled by girls. You see it go both ways every day.

If it feels like an intangible topic, it isn't. Rather than going into specific definitions (we'll get into that in a bit), let me give you some examples of what we're talking about. A guy's got control of the frame when he:

  • Gets a girl who's hemming and hawing to stop doing that and come with him
     
  • Takes a girl who's trying to act coy and aloof and excites and intrigues her enough to make her chase him
     
  • Nimbly deflects jealous friends trying to derail or interfere with his progress with their cute friend
     
  • Shrugs off women's attempts to throw him off-balance, by being overtly sexual or overly rude, and remains calm, in control, and attractive

On the other hand, a guy's relinquished control of the frame when he:

  • Buckles to a woman's insistent demands
     
  • Revokes his request for a woman to comply with his desires before she's done so
     
  • Allows others to interrupt or derail him
     
  • Gets flustered and off-balanced by a woman's tests

The average woman tends to be much more talented at frame control than the average man. And here's why that's not good for the average man:

Frame control is how you lead decisively, remain calm and attractive, and above all, get what you want.

If you aren't able to control the frame, you aren't able to get what you want with women, and women don't want men who can't get what they want. It's a cruel world, but without frame control, women will push and push a man -- right up until they push him out of contention for them.

How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

how to get a girl in bedI haven't touched much on last minute resistance on this site, and it's about the time I got a proper post up on it. Before we jump in, I want to share a note from a reader who wrote in asking about how to get a girl in bed to illustrate what I'll be talking about and provide us an example case to work from:

“Hi Chase, Firstly I'd like to say that I love your blog and that many things have started to make sense (especially about moving fast). After taking your advice I decided to try it out and act as though the only night I had a chance of sleeping with a girl was that night.

It started with me being introduced to a girl through a friend at a party, we flirted a bit and I intentionally moved her around. When we got to town everyone got separated and we were together, after moving her around more I persuaded her to take me back to hers for a "sandwich".

We got back to hers she made me a sandwich and after that it started getting a bit steamy in the bedroom. However when I went to take her panties off she wouldn't let me, even after trying about 5 times. She then claimed that she was too tired and we should try in the morning. When the morning came she avoided sex again and I managed to find out that she though sex was pointless if we weren't in a relationship.

To say the least I was confused and angry but also felt a sense of failure as though I wasn't good enough to be her lover. I mean why would a girl take me to hers, heavily make out with me and then refuse to have sex even if she wanted a boyfriend? I wanted to be put in the lover zone not the boyfriend zone.

A reply to this would be much appreciated but a blog post on why a girl would do this would be awesome.”

Our reader's case here is a classic case of last minute resistance, or LMR -- that thing that happens when it feels for all the world like you're just about to sleep with a girl, that it's totally inevitable, that all that either of the two of you want in all of existence is to just be together... and then she suddenly, inexplicably, unexpectedly throws a wall up and won't let you proceed. Why's that happen, and what can you do about it?

To show you how to get a girl in bed and overcome last minute resistance, first we're going to have to get you to understand why women react this way -- and then we're going to have to teach you what you can do about it.

The James Bond Approach to Picking Up a Bartender

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

pick up a bartenderIn Tokyo last Saturday, I had a very favorable interaction with a young bartender from the West who'd been living and working in town for some time. I was originally planning to write up a detailed breakdown of the interaction, since it was quite a good one, but on second thought I'll skip the details since this girl'd be pretty readily identifiable if I went into them, and due to the particular circumstances of her life that might put her in somewhat of a compromised situation. But, nevertheless, the interaction lent itself to an idea to write more on the topic of picking up bartenders in general.

I've written on here before about how to date a model, and you might think that because both bartenders and models are considered highly sought after types of women, the approaches you'd take to snagging a girl in either profession might be reasonably similar.

But, as it turns out, nope, not really the case at all, that one.

Models and bartenders are two very different breeds of woman. One fancies herself elegant, feminine, and demure, and likes to go shopping and prides herself on her posture; the other usually prefers to see herself as rough-and-tumble and tomboyish, and prides herself more on her ability to drink men twice her size under the table without batting an eyelash than on how "ladylike" she might be.

Models live in a girly-girly world. For bartenders, on the other hand, it's a man's world through and through, and they're just doing their best to carve out their own space in it.

What that means is, you're going to need to take a different tack with a bartender than you would a fashion model. And that's where this post comes in -- laying out for you that tack so you can get it into play with that cute bartender you've had your eye on.

Past Relationships: Where to Go (and Where Not to) on a Date

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

past relationshipsOnce upon a time, there was one subject that absolutely terrified me when women brought it up in conversation: their past relationships.

I mean, if anything felt like a death sentence for forward progress with a woman, it was her digging up her troubled past and spilling it all over my lap. Time and again, I found that my interactions with women ended soon after they began divulging their storied relationship history -- "Great, another gal looking for a shoulder to cry on," I'd think. "I'm doomed."

It took me a little while to crack that nut, but I did. When women start telling me about their past relationships now, it's almost a slam dunk that we become lovers.

How'd I make such a dramatic shift, from past relationships being a conversation killer to them becoming seduction rocket fuel? Well, it came about from me deciphering a few important concepts -- and that utterly shifted the way I approached women discussing their past relationships.

Employing the Cold Read to Unlock Women's Secrets

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

cold readI had a date Friday night with a young television anchor for one of the big TV stations in China and Hong Kong. Things started out innocently enough -- she put me in the hot seat early on, treating me almost like how I imagine she must treat her interviewees, asking me lots of questions and making it feel like an interview -- but I soon wrested control of the flow of conversation, and pretty soon things were going swimmingly. I used something known as the cold read to do it.

Before you knew it we were well into a deep dive, her telling me all about her past relationships and what she thinks the purpose of life is and what she really wants (children, namely). And it all happened, despite a little while of me being there in the hot seat, more or less effortlessly.

Even not so long ago, I struggled with transitioning into "real" conversation when I was facing women who were professional "talkers" -- reporters, saleswomen, any kind of gal who spoke effusively for a living. The problem was, women like that tend to snap into these routines of making their pitch or going into interview mode, and it can be hard to snap them out of it.

What I ended up returning to to solve this dilemma was something I've developed slowly -- almost unconsciously -- over the past half decade: cold reading.

It's largely because of cold reading that I had this girl who was so used to steering the conversation instead drinking in every moment with me, and by extension it's largely because of cold reading that I had this girl telling me how she'd drank too much (after a mere two drinks, spread across 2 1/2 hours) and all but announcing that I should invite her home to make some bad decisions.