(3) Journeyman

Have you read Gene Simmon’s auto-biography “Sex, Money, Kiss”?

If not… I highly recommend it. Gene Simmons has slept with over 3000 women… and whether that is your goal or not, you can probably learn a thing or two from somebody who has that much experience with dating.

One of the most striking comments in his book is that he only became a musician for one reason: He realized that rock stars get a lot of female attention… and he wanted that too.

I’d say if that was his goal, he did pretty well!

According to Simmons, any musician who claims he didn’t get into music for the girls is either lying or gay!

Now, as the late Sigmund Freud would say…

“Duh!”

According to Freud, many of our behaviors are motivated by our drive to replicate… whether we’re consciously aware of it or not.

Or in the words of Dex from the movie “The Tao of Steve”:

“Look, men try and chase success for one reason - to impress women. That's the only reason why they write books, they build companies, they compete in sports and all that. And the problem is in life, if you could figure out how you could get laid without achieving anything, you could lose your motivation altogether.”

Tell me if you've heard this one.

There's a decade-old approach toward women and dating called cocky and funny. It's frequently prescribed as a cure-all for men struggling to do better with women; throw a little cocky and funny at a girl, and she'll turn to putty in your hands. And if she doesn't melt on the first application, just rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

If you're not familiar with cocky funny, it looks something like this:

Guy: Wow, are those sunglasses or are you expecting a flash bomb to go off?

Girl: [laughs] They're not that big.

Guy: I'm pretty sure I could use those to keep my car cooled off on a hot summer's day.

or

Guy: [inspecting shopping cart] From the looks of it, you're not exactly following the Jenny Craig diet.

Girl: [laughs] I like to indulge myself.

Guy: It looks more like you like indulging your entire family.

Girl: [laughs] Well, I have to be well stocked, just in case!

Guy: In case a charming knave like myself comes a-calling, right?

Girl: That's right.

Guy: Well, how timely you chose today as the day to start getting ready for me, then.

As it turns out, cocky and funny is an effective technique - when it's used appropriately. Misapplied, however, it can, in fact, end up being disastrous.

What I want to talk with you about today is finding the right balance for using cocky-funny type humor in your own interactions with women... and how you can use it to your advantage - rather than to your detriment.

Sometimes, it seems like an impossible to world to live in when you're trying to follow the mantra of “don’t hurt a girl.” The people on TV tell you you’re no good if you sleep with a woman only to realize she isn’t the girl of your dreams. But if the woman realizes that herself - that you aren’t Mr. Right - and walks off, that’s A-OK for her to do. And if a man sleeps with a lot of women nowadays, he’s a dangerous playboy. But if a woman does the same thing with men, she’s a tiger - a vixen - a veritable icon of the modern age. What gives?

“I don’t want to use women, and I definitely don’t want to hurt them.”

“I don’t want to get involved with many different women because that would be wrong.”

“I don’t want to lead women on or give them false hopes.”

If these thoughts (or something similar) have ever crossed your mind – this article is for you.

The question of the century (or at least 2012): is it WRONG to sleep with many girls?

When I was three years old, I reached into a bag of potato chips up on the counter in the apartment my family lived in then and drew one of the chips out. Just then, my father walked into the room and caught me munching. "Who said you could have that chip?" he asked in his booming voice. I stood there stunned, looking at him like a deer in the headlights, a half eaten chip motionless in my frozen hand.

"Mommy," I said in response, eyes wide and voice trembling.

"Really?" my father said, disbelieving. "She said that from the shower?" He was right, my mother wasn't anywhere nearby -- she was in the bathroom getting washed. I could hear her singing from the kitchen. "Let's ask her."

I sat fearfully as my father walked into the bathroom and I heard him ask my mother if she said I could have a potato chip. I couldn't hear her response, but I guessed what it would be. My father walked back into the dining room. "She said she didn't," he said. I just stared at him. "You can't have these without asking first," he said, taking the bag away and putting it out of reach. I'd been caught red-handed (or salty-fingered). Fortunately, I escaped without a spanking, after I pleaded that it was "just one chip."

Ever since then, I've had a lifelong fascination with learning how to spot a liar, and how to not get found out oneself when on occasion pressed into lying. I hate lying, and avoid it whenever and wherever possible -- I wasn't very good at it when young, and came to the conclusion that lies always surface in the end, so it's better to just be honest -- but I'm all for being self-reliant, and very occasionally sometimes you've just got to know how to do it.

So how do you tell someone lying? There are a bunch of ways, and learning as many of them as you can is something that will benefit you enormously in all of your social interactions and relationships and friendships and parternships to come.

I tend to focus primarily on pick up and seduction on the blog here, and only infrequently touch on relationship topics, particularly the long term relationship. I write to what I think most folks are interested in, and I generally find it more fun these days to talk about meeting new women anyway. This might belie the fact though that I got started on all this back in 2005 with a focus primarily on building wonderful and amazing long term relationships.

A reader writes in:

“Hey Chase,

I've read and applied all of your techniques for a good few months along with what i've already known / practiced and it's worked me wonders. Now though, after my last fling, there's this new girl I'm after. She's different though, more popular at my college than most others, the academic, social, sporty type.... Yea, a more difficult target.

Anyways, when you're dealing with a girl that you want a long term relationship with, do you still do the same things you do with shorter term ones?

I want to move fast but I don't think she's the type to follow that quickly, I might be wrong, but I'm just actually really scared I'll screw this up because for the first time in a long time, I care about the results. One important question though. When and how often should I meet her if she already feels comfortable around me. Should i still keep things brief? Play hard?

I think this area is something that can add more dynamic. Girls that you want to chase and be with you longer

cheers”

The main question I see here is this one: "... when you're dealing with a girl that you want a long term relationship with, do you still do the same things you do with shorter ones?"

And the quick answer to that question is: yes, yes you most certainly do.

Reckless of me, you say? I must not know long term relationships, you retort? Or perhaps it's that I only ever date loose, easy women, and that these other girls -- these ones you, the reader (not the fellow who wrote in above; "you" as in "everyone reading this right now"), are interested in -- they're different from those loose, easy women who give in to my rapid seductions. They don't fall for such things; they're better than that.

Well, you know me; I'm here to bust your bubble, free your mind, and get you operating on a higher level. So if you were thinking that moving slowly and carefully was the key to getting a long term relationship with the girl of your dreams, you were sure of it, it was an unbreachable fortress of certainty, even, this post is going to tear down that castle in your head and build back up a gleaming new one that casts aside idealism and actually solidly works.

A week and a half ago I was out at a nightclub with a pair of friends. One of my friends was from here in town; the other was visiting from the other side of the world. As is usually my priority when out with friends, I wanted to do anything I could to make sure both of them had as good a time as possible, and for me that meant doing what I could to try and get both of them pulling women.

Both guys are cool, likeable guys, and both do all right with women in their own rights already, so my contribution to their efforts was more in the edge cases -- making things happen when they might otherwise not. As it was, I coordinated aiding one of my friends in pulling his girl home fast, in the cold, even as she left her coat and phone behind and complained about needing to go talk to her friends, and set my other friend up as best I could to pull a girl I'd introduced him to who clearly wanted him to take her home very much while I managed the pull of my other friend visiting from out of town.

There were a number of moments during the pull when my one pal's girl was ready to peel off, and only by unflinchingly leading things forward was I able to maintain control of the situation and ensure she came with us.

How do you succeed at pulling women home in situations where most men fail?

Simple: you progressively move things forward.

The way you do that is the subject of this post, and executing correctly is going to be key to you getting regular, routine success picking up cute new girls.

Tell me if you've ever been here before: you're talking to your girlfriend, or a girl you've started dating, or even (if she's really got gall) a girl you just met... and she starts nagging you, persistently, repeatedly, and annoyingly about something. She just won't let up.

I wrote this today to answer the question of how to deal with a nagging woman.

We've talked on here about angry women, and we've gone in-depth on women and drama, but this is something different. Nagging doesn't come from anger, and it isn't an attempt to stir up drama. Nagging is its own animal altogether.

Women nag all the time -- whether you're the spouse they've been together with for twenty years, or they've just met you that night. Usually men simply get frustrated at this, sigh deeply, and throw their hands up. I'm a strong believer that throwing your hands up is never the path to success though -- and this post is designed to help make sure you never have to (at least not when it comes to nagging!).

So if you're ready to stop nagging and get yourself on a smooth, even keel with the women you meet and the women in your life, read ahead.