(3) Journeyman

Many people believe that it doesn’t matter much what you say to a girl when you chat her up… that 93% of all communication is nonverbal anyway, and that the words are just filler. Thus, any sexual frame you employ should be more focused on your body language and less so on your words… they just aren’t as important, goes the thinking.

This is a misunderstanding of Mehrabian’s study, which showed that somebody’s body language and tone of voice account for 93% of our LIKING for that person… it does not, however, mean that the spoken word only convey 7% of the meaning of any communication.

“Liking” is also largely irrelevant when it comes to seduction – girls will often sleep with and even get into relationship with guys that they don’t particularly like… attraction beats liking, hand over fist, every time.

And if it was true that words only conveyed 7% of what’s being communicated, it should be perfectly possible to watch a movie in a foreign language and still understand 93% of what is being said…

Try that some time. :)

If it was true, it should also be possible to tell a girl to bugger off… and get a 93% similar response as when telling her that she’s pretty.

There is, however, a more subtle reason why words matter… and that reason is frames, and the implications of what is being said.

So what are frames and frame control now?

Well, let’s look at some examples.

A couple of years ago, there was a huge debate going on in the Dating Advice Community… should you follow a structure when you go out to meet a girl, or should you just improvise to develop your “natural” abilities to seduce her? In a way, this is like a debate between science and art… between the left brain and the right.

And, this debate has actually been settled decades ago, in a different context… watch this clip from time index 1:00.

“It’s a combination of both. Here is the natural instinct, and here is control. You are to combine the two in harmony. If you have one to the extreme, you will be very unscientific. If you have another to the extreme, you become all of a sudden a mechanical man… no longer a human being. So it is a successful combination of both… so therefore it’s not pure naturalness or unnaturalness, the idea is unnatural naturalness, or natural unnaturalness.” – Bruce Lee.

So, let’s have a look at both sides of the coin when it comes to seduction and even to learning new skills in general, and let’s find the best way to marry the two concepts of learned structure and intrinsic ability.

A friend of mine has been going through some growing pains recently as he's grappled and come to grips with the fact that he makes promises all the time... and often doesn't deliver on them. I've longed been used to having people make a promise that doesn't get delivered on around me, and I've long since learned to not put much faith in people who do so.

When I was first studying relationships in my teenage years, I noticed one theme occurring over and over, wherever women were hurt in a failed relationship: they were accusing men of breaking their promises. It was so incredibly common that I started to see this as a major pattern that a number of relationships hewed to:

1. Man makes woman a promise, either to allay her concerns or in the height of passion
2. Woman plans her life on the basis of that promise
3. Man later breaks the promise
4. Woman's life is turned upside down

Now... women aren't necessarily totally innocent victims here either, and I'll explain why below. But as a man, you need to understand the impact and effect you have on a woman when you make a promise to her - and how a promise binds both you and her.

…and when I say “street-to-bed” in a day pick up, I’m not talking about the red light district either!

When I first started approaching women, that was THE big motivator for me – okay, at the time it wasn’t even about taking them straight back to my bedroom just yet; in fact, if we’d have sex on the third date that would have been fine for me back then.

But, all the beautiful girls I’d see downtown every day had me *wishing* I knew what to say and do to meet them, and to start some form of relationship with them.

Today, first sex on the third date has become a very rare occurrence, and I’ve since learned that given the right circumstances and the right guy, almost all women will have sex on the first date, no problem… so all you need to do is CREATE the right circumstances, and BECOME the right guy.

We’ve talked about this topic on the blog before, and about what it takes to be that sexy man that women want and to create these circumstances to pick up a girl fast - feel free to review these two articles real quick and then come back here.

Back with me?

Great… then let’s talk about how to make that happen RIGHT after you approach a girl in the street during day pick up.

There's no denying it - women love a strong man. Forget the whole "sensitive man" fad that swept through the West... women might say they want a sensitive man, but the sensitive man isn't the one who actually stirs their heartstrings... or their loins, for that matter.

But how do you be a "strong man?" Do you have to be a bodybuilder, or be skeptically squinting your eyes at everyone and everything all the time?

In fact, that's hardly the case. To be a strong man is something entirely different from muscles or a stubbly face (although, those two can certainly help). It's about a lot more than that, as it were.

In this section from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams, I detail for you some of the most important elements in coming across with the women (and the men) you meet as a strong man. And they aren't what you might think they are... read ahead.

Here's a post that's sure to raise some ire.

Ricardus and I were discussing men's tendency to want to sleep with sexually open women, but to date or settle down with or marry sexually conservative women - and how difficult it is actually figuring out how many partners women have actually had because of this. You see, women are acutely aware of this male bias against sexually experienced women when it comes to getting into serious relationships - and they do everything in their power to avoid getting pinned as such a woman.

"Everything in their power" here including, sometimes (okay, oftentimes), stretching the truth, leaving things out about their forgotten pasts, and, well, lying.

Of course, women don't think of it as lying. It's more like, "Well, I slept with that guy on vacation, so he doesn't count," or, "That guy was totally gross, I should never have hooked up with him... as far as I'm concerned, that didn't really happened."

It's a form of selective memory used by a woman to preserve her idea about herself as fitting perfectly into society's recommended mold: that of the "good girl" who doesn't give it up too often to men. Women who do part with their bodies too easily, society tells women, aren't valued as highly, so it's a big no-no.

But, well, women are people, and people like and want sex, and sometimes it... just happens. Of course, a woman doesn't want other people to know it just happened... at least, not as much as it actually has just happened... because that impacts her perceived social and reproductive value.

So, she stretches the truth, leaves things out, and, where necessary, tells a lie or two.

Any women reading this site may not especially like this article, but if you're a man who's seriously considering a relationship with a girl, and you want to know what you're actually getting instead of what you're being told you're getting... how do you tell who's whom?

“Nothing much to do... I’m at home and I think I’m so addicted to your passionate sex... I still can’t get over last night… I love it.”

If you’re not regularly receiving text messages like that, even from seasoned party girls - and you could use a primer on how to be a good lover - read on.

The next text she sent me was:

“Hmm… what is your secret magic?”

I didn’t tell her… but I’m going to tell you.

And if you don't know how to make girls crawl the walls, you really need to learn how to. It does a lot for your confidence… and it does a lot for your ability to hang onto a girl you really like.

Really, there's no reason that you shouldn't be able to give a girl an orgasm multiple times when you're sleeping with her.

And once you're able to do this, then you can approach women knowing that you will give them the best sex of their lives... And that's powerful.