Beginner daters, socializers, and seducers start here
Skilled seducer Kaida discusses his progress from awkward high school student to college Casanova with 20+ lays – plus what he still has yet to master.
When you chat up a girl, does she realize you’re hitting on her? If not… how obvious must you be for her to “get the picture” that you like her?Hey guys and welcome.
I have recently finished my series on the indirect approach, discussing the many mechanisms at play, covering displaying interest and disinterest, and how to do it. So, today, I’ll turn to a theoretical question many men ask:
Why go indirect and “hide” your true interest in her when she already knows why you are hitting on her?
I will tackle this question below.
Women don’t usually make eye contact beyond 6ft/2m. When they do, it’s often a sign they’re ‘on the hunt’, in search of men – and YOU have caught their eye.I’ve noticed for a long time now that when girls start looking at me from far away, they almost always start playing with their hair and preening themselves once they have my attention.
Much of the time they will move closer to me on their own. As they draw nearer, I will use my eyes that draw technique to make sure they stop near where I am (within easy opening range).
When I approach girls like this, they are generally very receptive.
So, I have long taken this one (girls staring at you from a distance) as “very often an approach invitation.”
As it turns out, there is a specific distance you can look for to make this more watertight!
Today’s henpecked men suppress their own sexual attractiveness, studies find. Why men are doing this & how to stop doing it we discuss in this essay.The other day I came across an eye-opening paper from 2007. Here’s the abstract:
A common trap men fall into is asking women too many questions. How do you stop asking girls too many questions? By asking no questions AT ALL! Try it!I responded to a few reports on our Field Reports Board recently (over on the forum) in which newer guys fell into the trap of asking women they’d just approached too many questions.
Here’s an excerpt from one report – I’m just going to post what the forum member said and skip the girl’s replies just to give you a sense of the question frequency here:
[opens]
"Hi, so what's your name?"
"How are you doing today?"
"Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"
"Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"
"But they look like corndogs."
"Okay okay. Well, girls are usually interested in hotdogs."
"So what kind of boba are you going to get?"
"Oh, I've been to that place. I really liked the watermelon."
"Are you guys boba addicts?"
"I'm part of the, uh, boba anonymous addiction recovery group."
"Maybe. Maybe I'm just replacing one vice with another."
"Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"
"Oh, that's pretty prestigious."
"Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."
"Yeah, did you just graduate?"
"Oh awesome, what did you study?"
"Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers? <Teasing her>"
That is 9 questions out of 18 separate remarks. 50% questions.
Here’s an excerpt from a second report:
But we get to talking and again my problem is my conversational skills be dry as fuck I can't think of anything to say beyond what do you do and where are you from. Anyway she tells me she goes to church and turns out she goes to the same church I used to go to, I ask her for her number and she says she doesn't give that out so I left.
…
But I couldn't think of anything to say my conversation skills are super dry. How do I be better at conversation and get her attraction to continue building? I could just feel these girl's attraction to me slowly waning the more we talked cuz I didn't know how to keep the spark going.
Here again we have an incident where the guy was struggling to get much more going on than asking some basic questions while struggling through conversation.
I just want to be clear: I’m not ragging on our forum members! I did the same thing as them when a newbie. You could’ve called me “Mr. Questions” at times.
It’s tough when you get into a chat with a girl who isn’t giving you much back. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the ‘infinite questions loop’. She’ll answer your questions but she contributes nothing! What do you do except ask MORE questions!
Well, I’m going to give you a strategy for what to do:
You are going to ask ZERO questions!
If dating’s too expensive for you – well, you’re doing it wrong! You can have great dates that cost nothing… and some are even classier than pricey dinners.“Dating’s too hard on my bank account!”
“I had to give up dating right now; I don’t have the funds.”
“I spend way too much on women.”
Every time I see comments like these I wonder, “What the heck is this guy doing to make dating so expensive?” I’d have to bang 30 girls a week to be spending as much as some guys spend going on one or two posh dates.
Not only is spending money on women hard on your bank account, a lot of the time it is counterproductive. Is your goal to get this girl into bed? Then you should not pay for dates!
If you must pay (and sometimes you’ll have to spend a little money), then you should cut the amount you are spending down as low as possible.
In this article, I’ll share nine (9) ways you can keep your dates dirt cheap or even free. If you want something with a girl other than to be her ATM, this is the guide for you.
(note: a lot of guys seem to have ego tied to being the provider. That is fine. If that is you, this isn’t the article for you. This is for guys who want to sleep with the girls they take out on dates and optionally turn those girls into FWBs or girlfriends. When that is the case, you want to minimize the role of money and maximize the focus on YOU and THE GIRL)
Can ChatGPT tell who is attracted to whom? Not really – but neither can people reading date transcripts. You must be able to OBSERVE BEHAVIOR to tell!Here’s a paper published this year from the University of New Brunswick’s psychology department that shows that, once again, most of attraction is not coded into words but behavior. From the paper:
What makes people 'click' on a first date and become mutually attracted to one another? While understanding and predicting the dynamics of romantic interactions used to be exclusive to human judgment, we show that Large Language Models (LLMs) can detect romantic attraction during brief getting-to-know-you interactions. Examining data from 964 speed dates, we show that ChatGPT (and Claude 3) can predict both objective and subjective indicators of speed dating success (r=0.12-0.23). ChatGPT's predictions of actual matching (i.e., the exchange of contact information) were not only on par with those of human judges who had access to the same information but incremental to speed daters' own predictions. While some of the variance in ChatGPT's predictions can be explained by common content dimensions (such as the valence of the conversations) the fact that there remains a substantial proportion of unexplained variance suggests that ChatGPT also picks up on conversational dynamics. In addition, ChatGPT's judgments showed substantial overlap with those made by the human observers (mean r=0.29), highlighting similarities in their representation of romantic attraction that is, partially, independent of accuracy.
The paper aimed to see whether an LLM like ChatGPT was capable of predicting who’d go out with whom from a speed dating event. So naturally, they focus on what ChatGPT was able to do in the abstract.
However, ChatGPT wasn’t actually that good at it – its predictions only correlated with reality 12% of the time – but that’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that other humans simply reading the transcripts of the speed date conversations had almost exactly the same low level of accuracy (13%). Meanwhile, humans able to watch videos of the speed dates were 2.5x as accurate (31%); the participants themselves were on-the-mark a full 50% of the time.
From the paperWhat that means is that if you are trying to judge a woman’s intentions toward you, you need to be basing that off her body language, not her words.
I’ll explain.
Some things raise sexual tension with women – like eye contact and silence – while others (joking, talking) release it. Plus: how to rebuild lost tension.This post by PrettyDecent originally appeared on our forum here.
Hey fellas,
Thought I’d throw a quick post to the boards before heading out for the evening ;)
When I first started this journey (meeting women), I’d talk to a lot of women, and I was getting laughs and comfort pretty quickly. But when I grabbed their phone number, they generally weren’t answering or were pretty stubborn about planning a date.
Of course, the reason for flaking and bad numbers isn’t the same for everyone – but sexual tension is a key part in making any interaction move forward.
She needs to feel some initial spark of attraction before she complies with you.
So hopefully this post shall shed some light for folks struggling here!
The keywords are tension and pressure. When you’re in a conversation with a girl, she should be feeling nervous around you. And here’s the secret: you ought to be feeling nervous, too! Why is this? Because tension is felt by both people, but one cracks during the pressure, and the other puts up a face of calm.
If you’ve ever heard of the game “chicken”, you’ll know what I mean – two people in their cars drive toward each other in a potential head-on collision to see who will bow out first. The guy can win and the girl will continue to feel (more) sexual attraction toward him, or he’ll lose and be that much closer to the friend zone.
Here are some examples.
Members of Generation Z are 15% less likely to meet their dates on dating apps. Instead, they’ve turned to friends, work, and real-life events to find love.I’ve been telling folks to quit using dating apps so darn much for a long time.
Older folks have stubbornly ignored this advice. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks! 74% of dating app users are ages 30+. When you consider the fact that the average American is married by age 30, that’s a whole lotta divorcés, lifelong bachelors, and spinsters on these apps… and not very many young & singles by comparison.
The prime demographic for dating apps is less and less interested.Partly, that is because Generation Z has been abandoning dating apps in droves.
Given that Gen-Z currently includes 18 to 27 year olds, one would assume they would be prime candidates for the swipe-and-match of dating apps. But that’s not the case. Despite the growing trend of dating apps being where people go to find partners in the U.S., Gen-Z seems to be opting out.
The New York Times reports that “the two largest dating-app companies are facing serious problems with younger users.” It lists reasons given by Gen Zers on TikTok, Reddit, and Instagram such as:
“In my opinion, dating apps are for people who are kind of desperate for something,” the Times quotes 28-year-old schoolteacher Alexa Valavicius as saying. Remember in 2015 when everybody said online dating was no longer for desperate people – it had gone mainstream? Well the ol’ ‘desperation reputation’ has begun to creep back in!
The author of the Times article, Gina Cherelus, notes she “realized that being on the apps gave the illusion that I was putting effort into my dating life, when really I was spending a couple hours a week swiping for 30 minutes and calling it a day. And my self-confidence was taking a hit.” She continues
Surprisingly, I find that my dating life is more active since giving up the apps in the fall of 2022. Knowing that I’ve eliminated them as an option to meet people has made me more inclined to engage in conversation with a stranger at a cafe, bookshop or house party.
In other words, ditching dating apps made her more social, and more open to men’s approaches.
Fortune reported on Bumble slashing 1/3 of its workforce in late 2024. The article paraphrases a research analyst as saying, “The redesign of the app has seemingly not been enough to court younger users.” Bumble lost $40 billion in market share value between 2021 and 2024.
But if Generation Z is flocking off the dating apps, where are they going now to look for love (or flings)?
If you’re having a tough time getting yourself to approach women, these are the 7 steps you need. In 30 minutes, you’ll OBLITERATE your approach anxiety.Sub-Zero, our long-struggling reader, recently requested an even simpler way to dip your toes into the ‘approach girls’ pool than our Newbie Assignment:
3. Do you have baby steps for approaching with the newbie assignment or just approaching in general? I need the most simplest, easiest way to approach because for some reason I can’t do it. I can talk when girls talk to me, but anything with me having to start the convo or me having to carry the convo and close, I just can’t do it.
I know you thought I meant in general and thought I was ok with night clubs, I’m better there, but after being out the game for so long, I just can’t open, carry the convo, or close, especially for day game.
All right, so here are the SUPER BABY STEPS for making an approach on a girl.
If your approach anxiety is crippling or you’re so rusted over your approach muscles won’t budge an inch, this is the guide you want to follow.
This is what I use personally to jump into action any time I’ve acquired some rust and need to get back to it. This also allows you to get into gear pretty quick, assuming you have some prior approaching experience.
If you don’t have prior experience approaching women, you don’t have to go through all this – just go up to the level you are comfortable with. Then try to go a little further the next time.
