(1) Beginner

You want women in your life but you can’t get off the couch. Are you lazy? Or are you just not doing what’s needed to MOTIVATE yourself to pick up girls?

We get guys periodically asking for help solving motivation issues around approaching and picking up women. Not the least of these being Sub-Zero, our long-time commenter who has long struggled with drive issues. Here’s a recent comment by him on the subject:

Actually getting some drive back, but still don’t have the drive to deal with everything that comes with the ups and downs of dating. I’m horny all the time and when I’m sleeping with women I’m always pleasing them, so I know that’s not the issue. I just don’t have the drive to keep going if things aren’t working out and quit. It makes me wonder how other guys can have no kind of success and can keep doing it. How do I get the drive to keep practicing and getting better instead of quitting?

All right then. Let’s talk about motivation.

I’ll see if I can come at it from a different angle than our many other articles on the subject.

First off, a couple of points:

1. This article is not a “you should be doing this” moral lecture. If you aren’t driven to approach or pick up girls, and you don’t want to be, that is fine. This guide is a tool, not  an order.

2. This article is also not a mandatory thing you have to follow even if you want to pick up. If you want to pick up girls, but just occasionally, and are happy with how it’s going, stick with it.

This article is for men who want MORE motivation to go out and approach more women but are struggling to find that motivation.

In other words, this is the article for men motivated to find the motivation to go out and pick up girls. Copy that?

If a girl’s not investing as much, you may be tempted to feign disinterest. But all too often this technique is see-through. Here’s what to do instead.

It’s a pretty common strategy for guys who are learning to do better with girls to try to feign disinterest in them.

After all, you figure out pretty quick that there’s a whole power balance that occurs during the courtship dance. Show too much interest, your attainability goes too high, she feels like she’s “got you already”, then her interest in you drops to zero.

So it’d make sense to try to reduce how much interest you’re showing by feigning actual disinterest – you’d think.

But as you’re about to see, feigning disinterest much of the time is not going to work out the way you hope it will.

Instead, all too often, it backfires.

When you’re an incel, it’s like being stuck in a deep, dark hole. If you’re ready to climb out of that hole, here is how to stop being an incel – seriously.

There’s not a lot of help for drowning men.

When men struggle, the world leaves them behind.

It’s different for women. We protect and coddle women. Women are precious. They birth the next generation and raise them.

But men are replaceable. One guy ain’t getting the job done? Switch him out and put another one in his place.

Meantime, the men who don’t make the cut slip down through the cracks. They slide down into blackness and despair, perhaps never to rise again.

That’s where I came from, a long ways back. I was a man trapped in benighted helplessness, chained to my own misery, alone, forgotten by the world. For a decade, I drifted by myself in a black sea of anguish, each day a walking nightmare of pointlessly going through purpose-devoid motions in my out-in-public isolation.

Today, of course, I walk a different path. I have been with innumerable women, many of them beautiful, many of them amazing. I’ve bedded models, had relationships with gorgeous architects, economists, and the daughter of a South American politician, and am used to being chased after by women for whatever I want with them. I have awesome friends and more cool social contacts than I know what to do with. I also happen to run the largest men’s dating advice website in history, GirlsChase.com, which over the past 17 years has been honored with 64 million visitors, and served a humbling 14,000 customers. We’ve had thousands of men tell us how meaningful our advice has been and what an impact it’s made on them – more than a few insisting that we’ll never know how much it’s helped them.

This guide on how to stop being an incel is for those men out there who are, like I was all those years ago, trapped in a celibacy they’d tear their eyeballs out to be out of. It is a guide I suspect only I can write – because after having spent so much time on either side of the coin, I know well both how despairing it is to be the man deep in the hole, and how maddeningly futile it can be to be the one trying to reach down and pull him out of it.

Before we begin, to put off the guys who are suspicious – yes, Girls Chase is a commercial site; no, I do not sell anything in this article. As a matter of fact, if you are an incel, I am going to suggest you do NOT do most of what is on this website (cold approach pickup), and that you do not buy any of our products or anyone else’s. At least not yet. Perhaps in a year or two. I’ll tell you why when we get to that.

First though, let me tell you a bit about me.

Alek Rolstad walks you through the mindsets of a seducer as he prepares for a night out on the town – plus what goes through his mind early on in his night.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today’s post has a different focus. While it may seem like a report, it is not. I will present a hypothetical scenario to illustrate my thought process in the field. Instead of analyzing the interactions, I want to discuss the various mental states I experience that guide my decision-making during an outing. My goal is to create an introspective reflection that reveals what occurs when facing different situations and challenges.

I have historically tried to incorporate this aspect in my field reports. However, most reports focus on events, such as the conversations, techniques I use, reasons behind their effectiveness, the girl’s responses, and my reactions to those responses. As a result, there is little room to explore what goes on inside my head.

I initially wanted this to focus on a specific outing. However, upon reflection, I realized that the outing I chose was similar to many others I’ve experienced, and my thought process is the same. Using a hypothetical scenario based on actual events gives me more flexibility. This approach allows me to create more hoops and settings, and I can better describe how I react to them. I am not confining myself to the narrative of what actually happened.

Before I begin, note that I am making these scenarios more negative than usual. This lets you see my mindset and strategic decision-making skills in handling challenging situations. They may seem more difficult than your typical outing. So, do not let this demotivate you. Most outings will be more favorable. The key is that despite unfavorable situations, you can still use your skills to turn the tide.

Average Frustrated Chump: an ordinary guy, thwarted with women, falling for silly woman tricks. Here’s how to tell if you’re AFC – and what to do if so.

As I’ve been on social media (here’s our X account), I have come face to face with just how many frustrated, average men there are out there struggling with a lack of dating success.

That’s nothing new, of course. It’s always been this way. But Girls Chase has long served as kind of a bastion due to our large audience of savvy dudes vs. comparatively few very frustrated guys. After wading back onto social media though I’ve been smacked with guys who wouldn’t usually visit Girls Chase – or, if they found us, wouldn’t long stay to participate or read.

In recent years we’ve referred to various strains of frustrated men as ‘red pill’ (not all red pill men are frustrated, but many are), ‘black pill’, ‘incel’, ‘looksmaxx’; many different names.

Yet there’s another name that just as aptly captures all these various average, frustrated men under a single appellation: the Average Frustrated Chump (AFC).

Below I’ll help you realize if you are one – and if so, what to do!